


Only You

by ZerocoolD



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Fluff, Brotherly Love, Child Abuse, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Don't Like Don't Read, Extreme Brother complex, Fighting, Idk Illumi is a unique one, Illumi is a psycho but a sucker when it comes to Killua, Illumi keeps messing it up, Jealousy, Killing, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, Sibling Incest, Trauma, Uh grooming...? Maybe, Underage Kissing, Underage Sex, Violence, Will follow the anime storyline eventually, Yaoi, You know its Illumi after all..., Young Killua, but not really..., young illumi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 37
Words: 85,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29666265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZerocoolD/pseuds/ZerocoolD
Summary: Illumi comes back from a mission and meets his brother for the 1st time. He is also told that Killua is now the new heir to the Zoldyck's family. How will that cause the 15 year old teen to feel? Not only that he has to help the kid train. When does he develop his brother complex along the way? Age difference is the same as in the anime, includes their past & then will follow the anime. YAOI. INCEST.
Relationships: Illumi Zoldyck/Killua Zoldyck
Kudos: 20





	1. Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, there just aren't enough Illumi x Killua (serious) fics. :( So i decided to post this one I created a long while back, here. So welcome, As I unravel my first Hunter x Hunter fanfic. 
> 
> Warning: It will most definitely gradually become a YAOI (Boy x Boy hot stuff ;), & INCEST so if you don't know what that looks like, say goodbye to this fic now.
> 
> Disclaimer: I honestly do not own any of the characters from HunterXHunter nor the anime nor anything. Only this sorry fanfic.

Young Illumi was making his way back to the Zoldyck's isolated mansion as he heaved a sigh. ' _I'm finally free from the restraints of that mission. It dragged out longer than I would have normally anticipated… I hope father won't mind the prolonged delay. On another note, at least I was able to accomplish the task and assassinate our target…perhaps even a few others in the way. Let me see, that would be 7…8…hm, looks like that makes all of them._ ' He counted on his fingers before shrugging it off. _'Oh well.'_

Fifteen-year-old Illumi was returning home from a three-year long mission which he would admit had been one of the most challenging ones thus far. ' _I wonder how everyone's doing back at home.'_ He had already reported the results of his mission and homecoming to his father, Silva via the Zoldyck's special communicating device. As he neared the estate the butlers opened up the gates and gracefully welcomed the teen back. The first to greet him at the foot of the mansion was his younger ten-year-old brother, Milluki before his mother, Kikyo arrived with a child in her arms.

"Oh look! Illu's back! Welcome home sweetheart! Killua say hi to your new onii-chan, say onii-chan~" She delightfully exclaimed as always. Illumi stared at the pair bewildered by the unique looking child and an unexpected brother to boot. However, upon second glance he immediately traced the silver white hair and dark blue eyes of his father's, which was a first since his other sibling nor himself resembled anything of their father. "Illumi! Meet your new little brother—isn't he adorable!" The teen only stared back at her expressionless.

"Indeed." He felt obligated to say as much. It wasn't like he was denying that the kid wasn't cute—that fact was pretty obvious to anyone. At first glance he also almost felt mesmerized if anything. At that their mother automatically handed Illumi the three-year-old child from his arms. Killua's big bright eyes gazed into the dark pools of the other. He may not have been smiling at the moment but his eyes were full of hope and innocence, the exact opposite to his. Even his white hair and delicate smile. They were all obverse to the elder's. Illumi also betted on the personality differences that would most likely surface in the future. Now the question was…was that a good thing?

"And that's not all, you have another little brother awaiting you too! He's at the hospital currently for a checkup. That kid is Kalluto."

 _'You're kidding._ '

"Onii…" The kid practiced as Illumi caught his small hand that was reaching for his strands of hair. He pressed the palm of the hand with a gentle squeeze between his figures, intrigued by the smallness of it. ' _How unusually tiny_.' Similarly, he moved his hand up and squeezed the younger's wrist area almost as if he was trying to determine what was beyond the skin. Killua only giggled while he found it rather tickling. So far he found no reason to dislike the elder brother he just met and in fact was beginning to feel curious about the other's abnormal subtleness.

"Geez, you guys are spoiling him already!" Milluki wailed. Killua glanced at him before sticking his small pink tongue out. That's when their grandfather, Zeno made his way to the front porch.

"Congratulations Illumi-kun, looks like you were able to handle the mission after all. A job well done." He said with his arms behind his back.

"Thank you." Illumi quietly replied.

"I just came from your father; he wishes to see you in his room."

"Hai." The teen indifferently passed Killua back to his mother before moving into the house. Killua stared back at him expecting a goodbye but could only follow his sight as he disappeared when he didn't receive one. Even as a naïve brat he began to ponder why his brother always held a monotone (what he would call sad) expression.

Illumi knocked the door to their father's room and after permission to enter, he stepped inside.

"It's nice to see you back. I assume you've already met your brother?" Silva smiled at him and offered him a seat. The teen preferred to simply stand since he wasn't planning to stay for long in the first place.

"I have."

"Wonderful. Then I'd also like you to know that I am renouncing him as the heir to the Zoldyck family." His words spouted poison to Illumi as the teen stood there in shock. Until now, he had been the most adequate and capable candidate for the business—no he already was. Illumi didn't speak back or oppose. _'If father made the decision it was worth testing, but even so…Killua was merely a child, what gave father the confidence to declare that?'_

"Is that so…" The teen averted his eyes to the ground, the previous thoughts and questions still roaming in his head.

"That's right and as his elder and most reliable brother, I need you to help me train him for the path that lies ahead of him. Which is also one of the reasons I sought to test the strength of your abilities and sent you on that specialized mission." Silva explained. "You've done very well, I'm proud of your full grown capabilities as an assassin despite your young age. So, what do you say?"

"…I understand." Illumi felt no objection in helping nor did he feel too much excitement either. To him, he was meagerly following his father's fulfillments with nothing better to do.

"Great." The silverette smiled determined, before excusing the teen after some time.

* * *

While Illumi was returning to the living room he let his absent mind wander. ' _Out of all the possibilities that were awaiting him, he certainly wasn't anticipating this one. The_ younger _brother he just met today in his life as their new heir… how did he feel about that? Did he feel his pride/dignity diminish due to the fact that he lost to a kid? Albeit it was clear as day that Killua was nowhere near his match—he had even mastered Nen a while back. Not that he gave much thought about being the heir in the first place…that position was more so forced on to him. If anything he should aim for a level beyond the Zoldyck's family considering his powers.'_

While he approached the living room, he stopped and noticed Killua playing alone on the floor. _'If father has claimed him as the heir than it becomes all of our responsibility to treasure and protect him…what a joke.'_

"What do you think you're doing?" Illumi caught his attention. The child immediately displayed a bright smile and ran towards the other.

"Onii-chan!" He stopped right before him. The teen knelt down so that they were face to face and stared at him before slowly bringing his hand to the smaller's neck…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a bad start if I haven't said so myself, no wait Illumi you can't kill the main character


	2. Training

"What do you think you're doing here by yourself?" Fifteen year old Illumi questioned as he kneeled down to his little brother. The child came running his away almost immediately.

"Onii-chan!" Killua jovially exclaimed as he stood a foot away from the other. Illumi stared at the smiling kid, almost blinded by his bright features when they came in par to his monochrome ones. Subconsciously he slowly extended his hand and encircled his fingers over the younger's small neck. Killua didn't sense any sign of danger or grim aura from the elder and thus only stood there, staring back at Illumi. Silence lingered in the air as Illumi's endless eyes devoured the child despite his black hair hovering over them.

What did he intend to do? Illumi asked himself. When there was no answer to the question, the teen removed his hand bringing it back to his side. ' _It couldn't be helped. Killua was now family and he would never endanger a family member. If anything, that was the only thing he could hold on to in this lifestyle. Despite his cold heart, he had his priorities too. He was just going to have to accept Killua and as his older brother, become his teacher. Eventually as time played out, he'd be free from this responsibility…'_

The teen stood up and began to turn away but a pair of hands held him back.

"Hehe onii-chan likes to touch!" Killua giggled as if he was making fun of the other while clutching the bigger hand. Illumi only stared at him a bit dumbfounded at the arbitrary conviction.

"I don't think so." He casually refuted before releasing his cold hand from the other and leaving

"Onii-chan?" The silverette tilted his head in question as he watched him leave. While he was at it, he summoned a butler to look after Killua in their absence. Illumi didn't stop walking until he reached the vast empty backyard. He stopped for a moment and looked down at the hand that was held by the younger. ' _His hands were warm…_ ' it had been a while since he made direct contact with living human flesh. Did it always feel so comforting?

Shrugging the thought off, he decided to enjoy the peacefulness of Kukuroo Mountain while he was back.

* * *

Illumi explored and wandered aimlessly before finally returning home around dusk. He entered the living room and everyone was busy in their own little thing. He found the scene totally normal until he felt a certain presence missing.

"Where's Killua?" Illumi was curious enough to ask.

"He's getting ready for all the difficult training that awaits him! That's my boy for you!" Kikyo squealed.

"Where?" The raven haired teen repeated when he wasn't satisfied with the answer.

"In the stockroom. He has to transfer all the weights from one corner of the room to the other in exactly seven minutes." Milluki replied without lifting his gaze from his textbook. This was the chance to see how really capable the kid was for starters. Illumi resolved, still maintaining an emotionless expression but very willing to go check up on the kid. Which he did. He silently made his way to the chambers of the storeroom and watched from the outside as the child breathlessly carried one heavy weight at time. Even for a three year old, five pounds was quite a task. Illumi was impressed Killua was able to do it in the first place and by the looks of it, it appeared as though he would make it in time too. Illumi had always been the only one to successfully carry out all the training that was given to him from childhood. Milluki would succeed as well but not always under given circumstances.

When he noticed the time almost running out, Killua greedily grabbed two weights at the same time and through trembling hands and knees carried them all the way to the other side. The child was fearful of his dad's wrath upon failing the job and thus held back his tears as he slammed the last two bars of metal down and fell backwards in relief. He panted a few times before turning over on his side and clutching his swollen hands, letting out a small sob.

After witnessing the completion, Illumi turned on his heels and retreated to the hallways that contained his room. _He, himself had gone through worse training and had accomplished much more for as long as he could remember but…did it really feel so painful?_ Illumi could swear he was almost feeling pity for the child. As he neared closer to his room, Zeno crossed paths with him from the adverse side of the hall, passing him a mysterious smile as they converged.

The needle master simply stared at him inquisitively. ' _Well, I always thought he was a bit of a creep_.' Illumi closed his eyes and entered his room.

* * *

There was a knock on Illumi's door while he was shooting needles in to the heads of his old stuffed animals. "Illumi-sama, dinner is served." One of the butlers notified.

"Hai." Illu responded not too enthusiastically and followed after a couple of minutes. All the family members including their grandfather were already seated at their eight chair dining table, where Kikyo and Silva were on the end chairs, Zeno and Killua on one side and Milluki on the opposing side. Even so there were two extra chairs for future reservations such as Kalluto, who had yet to come home from the hospital.

Upon noticing the teen, Milluki pulled back a chair besides him and motioned for the elder. "Illumi-nii."

"Thanks." The elder pulled back the chair and sat besides his younger brother. He also noted that he was directly across from his other younger brother, Killua who was looking rather exhausted but tried his best to keep up. Killua noticed him too and their eyes met.

"On—" The silverette's eyes lit up as he was about to greet his new brother but was interrupted by his father.

"So Killua, I heard you were able to complete the task I assigned you today." Silva spoke right before he jabbed a fork of food in his mouth.

"Uh, hai." Killua toned down a bit even though their father wasn't the slightest angry.

"Well done my son. Keep up the good work." That acknowledgement restored a fraction of alacrity back into his soul.

' _So he's wary of father…to be expected.'_ Illumi mentally noted.

"So Illu-chan! Why don't you tell us how your mission went! We missed you so much even if you hardly talk~" Kikyo willingly requested. While the teen faced her, little Killua also turned his gaze to his eldest brother, equally interested.

"It was nothing special, I was able to locate the target's destination quite easily but unnecessary interferences ended up dragging it longer than expected. Therefore I didn't have much of an option but to kill them all while I was at it." The teen debriefed a three year mission in two sentences.

"Splendid as always Ni-sama." Milluki respected.

"See how cool your onii-chan is Kil, Kil should grow up to be just like Illu." Their mom hooted. On the other hand, Illumi didn't think much about the praises and only resumed eating. After some time Silva spoke again.

"Illumi, I have the next task for Killua's training and this time I want you proctoring him." The head of the Zoldyck's family informed. Killua's face automatically turned pale at the endless agonizing training sessions.

"I understand." Illu agreed.

* * *

 **That night in the basement** :

"Okay, let's start by taking off your shoes." Illumi pointed and waited as his younger brother obliged. The floor was very cold and Killua noticed that instantly. Their basement was more like a basement below a basement. "Good. Now all you have to do is dodge that." He pointed behind him. Killua followed his finger and for a second perceived nothing but a wall. Then out of nowhere a dart came shooting out of it, aiming straight at him. The child abruptly jumped away.

' _Close call.'_ Killua exhaled.

"Too easy, I wouldn't start celebrating yet though." Illumi stepped aside when a swarm of darts began shooting out at intervals such that the speed gradually began increasing. The kid gulped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know not much is happening in these chapters but that's the price for starting from the beginning of time lol. Since Illumi is quite expressionless, I need these chapters as stepping stones in order to build their relationship. Don't worry we're not too far away from that


	3. Only You

The pace was quicker now and darts sprung from all across the wall. Killua jumped back and forth and landed with a glide as the final shooting arrow missed him, hitting somewhere on the other side of the room.

“Done! And not a single injury this time!” Now, four-year-old Killua straightened his small back and exclaimed as he wiped a sweat drop.

“Indeed.” Illumi who had been standing there the whole time, pretended to be impressed while clapping his hands evenly a few times. “You passed. You've improved spectacularly since last year.” While standing like a statue and watching was nothing special to him, somewhere in his chest he fell proud of the younger. Was this how a teacher felt upon their pupil’s graduation? Albeit, this was only the beginning, graduation was a long way to go.

Absent mindedly the elder walked towards the silverette, stepping into the arena ahead of the shooting wall. Due to this, the wall immediately sensed another threat in its territory and shot one last hidden dart towards the teen. Illumi might have underestimated the dart count and wasn't entirely expecting for another to fly his way but nonetheless hopped backwards, a hand up in defense. _That was no big deal._

“Ah!” Killua's gape led him to notice the side of his hand oozing bright red blood. Illumi only stared at it impassively. “Aniki!” Sometime around, as the year passed by since his arrival, Killua had began calling him that instead of the childish ‘onii-chan’ that his mom registered him with. Well, not that he minded anyway. Before he could contemplate what to do next regarding the fierce cut on his hand, he noticed the younger take the hand instead. With that, Killua trapped the graze in to his own small mouth, sucking on the wound. The silverette had succeeded in capturing the teen exactly where he wanted him as the other stood there bewildered by that action.

 _Did his chest sink just now?_ Illumi asked himself, unable to take his baffled eyes from the younger. He felt no pain but the negligible force tugging on his hand was exciting him by the second, causing his skin to illicit all kinds of subtle tingles. That was the first time he could ever recall someone so willingly doing that for him. After all, if it wasn't emphasized enough before, it wasn't exactly everyday he was at a touching distance with someone else. Yet while he gazed at the wavy haired child’s face buried onto the pale skin, he couldn't help but keep thinking how _adorable_ the thing was. Almost as if he was a type of rare item that one would want to showcase behind a glass wall forever.

Killua finally removed his lips from the hand after trying so hard to stop the bleeding. He glanced back at the teen, responsibly wondering if that helped at all.

“That was quite uncalled for Kiru. But nevertheless I appreciate the trouble.” Illumi stated with his expressionless face as he brought the same hand up to his own lips and willingly licked the saliva of the other. Even so, his tone of voice could easily be read as grateful. Illumi deliberately made use of that nickname for the other as his way of opening up to his brother a bit.

“Does it hurt?” Kiru asked when the elder peeked at him again, automatically noticing a splotch of blood under the thin lips.

“Not anymore.” Illu reassured still staring at the stain of his blood on the kid’s face. He pondered for a long moment why exactly his hand was itching to reach out to it and wipe it clean. That's when the younger’s face sucking on his own blood respectively retreated back to his mind, seeking him to do the same. Seeing no reason stopping him, he extended his hand and rubbed the blood off the silverette's lower jaw bone. However that only smudged the fluid further so he kneeled down on the floor and brought his face to the younger’s, closing his eyes and licking the area clean.

Killua, however found the gesture surprisingly amusing, similar to a kitten showing affection. He involuntarily placed his hands in the other’s dark hair and giggled as the cool tongue slid down his chin.

Just as the teen feared, the soft pure skin felt too good. ‘ _More_.’ His brain demanded. ‘ _it feels…indisposably good…_ ’ For some reason he was feeling much undefined pleasure from the small contact. A ‘clank’ noise dying somewhere in the basement broke his focus and brought him back to reality, breeching the touch between them now. With his eyes reopened, it took him a second to reflect on his earlier actions and feelings before formulating a response. Not that a reply was necessary, but anything would do to get this new burden of feelings off his chest and assess the situation he was in.

“ **Only you** …” Illumi muttered. Killua only looked at him inquisitively. “You're the only one who makes me want to be this gentle,” the elder narrowed his eyes a bit at his own declaration while gazing at Killua and caressing his white head. The child grinned as usual while Illumi stood up and turned to leave, wondering if he was actually smiling a bit too. ‘ _Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to dedicate a portion of my life in training him.’_

* * *

Killua was simply enjoying a nice meal in the living room with his favorite TV show on, scooping a mouthful of cereals in his mouth. His episode was getting to the best part too, the hero was about to get killed by the villain—any minute now…until he become the one choking instead. Something wild and diabolical in the silverette’s stomach stirred painfully as it nearly pushed all the food back up his esophagus, causing him gawk miserably. Without hesitation the child threw aside his bowl and held his stomach, curling over on the sofa. His face began losing its color instantly and water ran down his nose.

Illumi was walking down the hall, making his way to the living room peacefully until Killua's loud coughing fit snatched his attention. He unknowingly sped up and when he approached the living room, their mother and a few butlers holding a tray of water were gathered around the kid. “What's wrong?” The teen caught up to them instantly and observed the sweating child in Kikyo’s arms.

“Ah, nothing! It was just a little poison.” She waved her hand.

‘ _Poison? Of course_.’ Illumi loosened his shoulders realizing that. ‘ _Why was he shocked? Building an immunity to poisons was an implicit part of training too._ ’

“There, there Kil, Gotoh has already gone to get some antidote so just breath now, okay?” Kikyo rocked Kiru back and forth. That didn't help in the slightest, as words weren't reaching the child at all. Illumi’s chest tightened and couldn't possibly bear watching his little brother suffer while the butler was just too slow. The teen reached out and cupped the younger’s chin with a hand while inserting his long finger of his other hand down his throat to evoke a gag. That action caused the silverette to puke out the contents of his stomach and left him panting hard.

“He should be fine now, but bring the medicine and tons of water to his room.” Illumi ordered as he took the responsibility of stealing the kid from his mother’s arms, hoisting him up and taking him to his room. The butlers nodded and got to it. The elder noticed Kiru grip his shirt tightly as his eyes were closed and was carried to the bathroom first. “Here Kiru, rinse your mouth before anything.” The teen held him over the sink and lowered him to assist in the rinsing process.

"Good boy." Illumi praised as he set the boy down now, reaching for a towel and wiping his face. “How do you feel?”

“Stomach hurts…” Killua finally found his voice again.

“You need rest now.” The sixteen year-old took the other’s hand and led him to the bedroom. When they approached Kiru’s bedroom, the butlers were already awaiting them with food and medicine. Illu opened the door, waited for the silverette to climb on to the bed and then gave him the medicine and water. He motioned for the butlers to leave as he tucked the younger under the covers. “It'll take action in a couple of minutes okay. So rest.” Kiru nodded, hoping to believe that bit of truth.

The teen brushed some hair off the kid's forehead as the younger exhaled a breath he didn't even realize he was holding and leaned towards the touch. His elder brother may not have been the most expressive but the child found simple comfort even with the other’s achromatic face.

"Ani—why was I poisoned?” The kid inquired at last.

“Let's see…just think of it this way, Kiru,” the cute nickname had now permanently embedded itself to the elder’s tongue. “It's another training to build you endurance and immunity.”

“Immunity…” Concern from the lack of knowledge on the word was growing on Kiru’s face now.

“In other words, becoming stronger. Now that's enough for today little brother. Just listen to me and you'll be fine. Okay?” Illumi promised standing over him.

“Hai…” The silverette allowed his eyes to droop. The other watched as he finally shut his eyes and snuggled into the bed. At the moment he was resisting the urge to reach out to the younger, ruffle his hair or tickle his chin. These urges themselves were quite peculiar even to himself so he frowned and massaged his finger on his own forehead in circles before quietly deciding to leave. He stole a glance over his shoulder to the sleeping fella one last time before shutting the door gently behind him.

**The Next Day:**

It was 9 AM. Illumi glimpsed at the digital clock in his room from his desk. For a teen he didn't sleep much and was long accustomed to that already. Thus, today just happened to be one of those days he was sorting his needles by their distinct color. As soon as he was done, he contemplated whether Kiru would be awake or not. With nothing better to do and with the desire to see his cute brother, he pushed the chair back and waltzed to the younger’s room. Illumi creaked the door open and peered in. Relief and a slight layer of disappointment washed over him when he saw the other still asleep. He stepped inside and closed the distance between them, however before he could initiate anything else he noted the child toss and turn. ‘ _A nightmare?_ ’ He mentally questioned while noticing the other’s forehead soaked with sweat. The teen raised his hand and rested it atop of the small forehead, immediately stunned at the peak difference in temperatures.

‘ _Hm…I'm not quite sure that high of a temperature is normal…_ ’ Of course it wasn't. He didn't waste time and called the doctor at once, afterwards informing his mother and father. The doctor examined the child and successfully claimed it to be a high fever but nothing deadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so enjoying Kiru’s training sessions, it's pretty fun to brainstorm aggressive yet dangerous exercises for the kid, also keeping in mind all the qualities he possesses in the anime. The next resistance session is going to be cool too.
> 
> Also Image of the scene above (Illumi licking his chin) can be found here: https://www.deviantart.com/zerocooldemon/art/Illumi-x-Killua-621610107?ga_changes=1&ga_submit_new=10%3A1614130973&ga_type=edit


	4. Neglected ?

The doctor cleared Killua to be out of danger but the fever would still persist for a while.

“Oh my poor Kiru!” Kikyo cried over the younger’s bed.

“The doctor gave the medicines mom, he should be fine now.” Illumi assured while the butlers brought damp towels, food and water. The silverette cracked his eyes open to stare at the people before him.

“Ani…ani…” Kiru struggled to talk beyond that.

“It's alright Kiru, I'm right here. You’re fine.” The elder convinced him with his usual straight face while he unconditionally took hold of the child’s small hand reaching out to him. Unbeknownst to the younger, the tiny hand was setting fire on Illumi’s skin, which he couldn't tell if it was the fever or something else. That's when Gotoh entered the room as well.

“Illumi-sama, you have a client seeking your services.” He informed. The teen’s face dropped negligibly while he straightened up ready to let go of the child’s hand. ‘ _What inconvenient timing. Hm, maybe I should ask father if I can postpone this one for a brief while. Yes that should work.’_ Illumi decided then turned back to Killua. Leaving was the last thing his intuition was telling him to do right now.

“Kiru, I'll be right back so be sure to take your medicine and recover okay?” The elder patted his head one last time before leaving. He made it to his father’s chambers and knocked on the door. Upon permission he entered.

“Something you wanted to discuss, son?” Silva questioned as he turned around to face Illumi.

“Ah, yes. The truth is I’d like to forfeit this job just this once.”

Silva literally stared into the other’s unwavering dark eyes for the first time in amazement. “This is…certainly a first. Is there a reason you would deny a B-rank job? Or should I say any mission at all?” He pried since the teen had never before found a reason to neglect his work.

“Not…really.”

“…this doesn't have anything to do with Killua’s illness, does it?” Silva raised a brow.

‘ _He's sharp._ ’ “More or less maybe.” Illumi confessed. Silva sighed at that.

“Isn't that a bit of an inconvenience?” Silva blurted. ‘ _This job is inconvenient.’_ Illumi rolled his eyes to the left. “ To have conflicting emotions that hold you back. In case you have forgotten, we are all home including the butlers to take care of Killua so you have no reason to stay back.” His dad reminded.

Illumi let the words sink in. _‘He had a point_.’ He really did forget that he wasn’t the only one close to Killua. The whole household was. It's just that for the past couple of days it really only felt as if the world was centered between Killua and himself. _What was this? All of a sudden he was feeling rather …dejected..._ “You're right. On second thought I'll go after all.” The teen half bowed and went his way.

 _"_ Good luck." Silva smiled.

**** **Hours Later** ****

Killua was beginning to feel better already as he sat up on his bed, still under the covers though. His temperature wasn't as spiked as before but he still had to wear the foreheads strips. Butler Gotoh removed the current strip and replaced it with a new one, brushing the younger’s hair to the side while he was at it. “Gotoh,”

“Yes master Killua.”

“…did aniki come back?”

“I'm afraid not Master Killua.” At that response, Killua quietly tucked himself back in, silently telling himself to wait for the other since he still held hope. Surprisingly he didn't hold a grudge for Illumi not showing up. He was sick and confined after all, the other would probably prefer him in his normal state too.

It wasn't until a whole day and a half later until Illumi returned.

“Welcome back honey.” Their mom greeted as usual.

“Hi mom.” Illumi casually said as he stepped over to the kitchen and grabbed a can of soda. He flicked the top lid/lock of the can with a single finger and opened the drink with a ‘pheesh’ sound. However, before he could take a sip from the can, a small shadow came running into the living room on its own accord. Upon noticing the teen however, Killua immediately gaped in shock before that expression became one of rejoice as he ran towards the elder instead.

“Illu-nii!” Even Illumi himself wasn't expecting the kid to be so delighted at his arrival, seeing that he hadn't kept his word two days ago. Nonetheless a spark of joy lit Illumi’s chest as the younger tackled his leg.

"Yo." The teen rested a hand on his fluffy white head. “If you can run around like that, I'm assuming the fever’s completely gone?”

"Yup!" Kiru grinned. "Where were you this whole time aniki?”

“…at a job.” Illumi found himself cautiously choosing his words, skeptical the kid might hold a grudge.

“Another mission? Tell me about it!”

“You know I'm not very good at that.” Illumi cocked his head to one side. “But I'll still try.” He promised, sticking out his index finger after seeing the cute pout on his little brother's face. The silverette smiled again and led them out of the house by his hand to his sandbox. When they reached outside, Illumi crouched onto the grassy ground with the help of his knees while the younger sat solidly on the floor. “I want you to imagine these as people.” He striked a few of his needles in to the ground. “First I…” And with that he briefed his mission with maps and needles, simultaneously explaining the different colors and symbols to Killua, who was eagerly listening the entire time.

After his short tale, the raven haired volunteered to get some snacks. Kiru automatically concurred as he waited patiently for his brother to return. During the time he heard a strange yet soft sound. The child curiously crawled towards the source behind the bushes and discovered a new little creature. The thing had four legs, purred and was large enough for Killua to cuddle. Furthermore, it had a catchy orange striped pattern on its back.

When the needle master retreated with a tray of snacks, he halted in his steps noticing Kiru playing with a kitten. “Where did you get that?” He asked expecting the least.

“I just found it. I think she's lost.” Kiru giggled as it nuzzled the crook of his neck. Illumi put the tray down and sat on his knees ahead of the two, observing them in silence. He looked so happy playing with the kitten that the elder surely felt like a third wheel.

‘ _Now then, it's only a cat.’_ Illumi told himself emotionlessly. ‘ _If he's enjoying it so much then I guess keeping the thing for a while shouldn't be that harmful.’_ So he thought.

**The next day:**

“Where’s Kiru?” Illumi asked Milluki one late afternoon.

“I believe he’s playing outside with his kitten.” Milluki answered without looking up from his notes.

"Is that so." The sixteen year old teen flatly stated. He looked around the room and recognized his two year old sibling, Kalluto on the floor with a few toys. That child’s expression was always cold and empty—reminded him of himself most of the times yet at the same time there was a big difference. Nevertheless, he blended with the family perfectly or expectedly, shall one say. Dark hair like the rest of them, quiet, and dull eyes inspite holding color. Kiru on the other hand was completely distinct. Bright eyes, blinding hair, and a burnished countenance. Maybe that's what made him all the more attractive to Illumi.

**The second day:**

“Kiru?” Illumi called out as he sought the younger. Killua was found too busy feeding the cat at the time.

**The third day:**

"Are you sure that's safe?” The elder asked as he watched Kiru buried in the sand of his sandbox with only a head sticking out that was conquered by the kitten resting on top of it. Kiru only laughed. By this point, Illu was honestly beginning to feel like a jealous neglected wife. So his face may not have changed but his dark eyes were almost expanding under his cornea as if they were spreading the darkness in his heart. ‘ _I'm really beginning to loathe that creature now._ ’ Illumi concluded after a long while. _He shouldn't have time to play with the pet in the first place if he were to become the number one assassin. Looks like this leaves me no choice but to do what I should have done days ago.’_

* * *

It was barely dawn and the kitten was out doors on top of a low tree, moaning in its sleep until a figure popped up below it. The animal peered its eyes open and stared defenselessly at the raven haired teen. The teen gazed back at it. Then, the boy finally smiled, stretching his lips from both corners and narrowing his eyes in the slightest.

“You look very similar to my stuffed animals, don't you?” He uttered slowly, revealing a lollipop needle oozing danger from in between his two fingers. The cat, that appeared paralyzed on the spot, had nowhere to run as it took the needle to the head. “What a waste of my needles.” Illumi sighed as he watched the creature fall to the ground. He stepped over, knelt down and plucked the needle out before recruiting back to the house as if nothing had happened.

* * *

That same day, hours later during breakfast Killua came running out to the cat’s tree to find it there. He rushed to the tree with his eyes towards the sky, scanning any branch that the cat could yet be sleeping on. Although when he did reach the tree, he happened to trip over something. The four year old landed on his knees right before swerving around to recognize the object that caused his fall. As his eyes met a particular orange striped cat’s closed eyes and limp body all of his soul jumped out of him.

“Kitty…?” Kiru shook the cat, convinced at first that stepping over may have injured it but then he noticed how cold the thing was. And if he hadn't noticed already, a fort of ants were crawling over it too where a few of them began climbing up the child’s hands too. The silverette swatted them off and fell backwards on his butt, staring at his long lost friend in terror. It wasn't long before tears invaded his eyes and he couldn't help sniffing once—not crying though. Even so, it took him a while to get rid of the ants and carry the cat inside.

“What the hell is that?” Milluki grimaced at the dead kitten in the younger’s hands as he walked past the open back door that also led them back into the house.

 ** _"_** Move! She needs a doctor!” Kiru ordered as he stepped inside. Milluki sighed.

“You can't bring back what’s already dead, Killua.” That's when realization hit him that she might indeed be dead and it was all starting to make sense too. The younger clenched his small teeth, eyes blurring again but this time the tears actually began streaming down.

"Uu...” After that Killua really didn't hold back and cried loudly to his heart’s content, still standing there and holding the kitten.

“H-hey!” Milluki was at a sudden loss of what to do. This situation almost made it seem like he was the bully here. “Don't just start crying all of a sudden!”

Seconds later another person entered their circle of space. “What's all the commotion here?” A flat even voice asked as it stood beside them.

"Illu-nii..." Milluki turned to the silhouette but didn't know how to debrief the situation exactly. Illumi noticed the cat in Kiru’s hands almost immediately before turning his gaze to the sobbing child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, what's Illumi gonna say now? Lol, I love Illumi so much. XD but poor Kiru *averts eyes*


	5. Endurance

Illumi noticed the dead cat in Killua’s arms almost immediately before turning his gaze to the sobbing child. The teen tilted his head slightly. He was more than aware that the child would feel depressed upon the cat’s death but he didn't realize Kiru would be crying his guts out. Staring at the kid, Illumi promised himself next time he’d complete the job whole-heartedly and not leave a single trail because it wasn't worth making his younger brother cry like this.

The raven haired teen took the cat from Kiru’s hands and simply passed it to Milluki who took it very unwillingly displaying a sour face. Meanwhile Illu took the chance to pull the kid closer and stroke his wild hair. “Don't cry Kiru. It's just an animal, it was meant to die one day.” He spoke effortlessly. “Which is why you can't waste your tears on a pet—they never last too long in the first place.”

Killua wrapped his tiny arms around one of the thigh and nuzzled into the other’s clothes. “Illu-nii…” However, before the kid could begin sobbing again, Illumi hoisted him up and rubbed his back once. The silverette immediately returned the gesture and encircled his arms around the other’s neck this time.

 _'That's right. All you need to do is rely on me.’_ The teen thought satisfyingly. “It's alright Kiru. You still have me, don't you?” Killua only buried himself in the elder’s shoulders as response to that; a tad bit grateful of his brother’s comfort/presence.

* * *

“How was that Illu-nii? I didn't even flinch.” Five year old Killua stated as he patted his stomach with pride.

"Wow, that does appear to be the case. What poison was it this time?” Illumi asked sitting on the couch beside him.

“Hm…” The child poked his chin trying to identify the type from the category of names he was meant to memorize. “…iris!”

“Very good Kiru. You nailed it.” The teen confessed supposedly impressed with his eyebrows perked up.

"Hehe!" The child grinned widely, coaxed by the compliment as he jumped on to the other’s lap. Illumi was taken back at the gesture for a brief second but accepted it regardlessly and began to stroke the younger’s back slowly as he was seated sideways on his lap. “Ne, do you have to go to work today?”

“I do.” The teen’s response sounded colder than he anticipated it too. The kid didn't bother hiding his pout and leaned into his elder brother.

“Do you really have to?” Kiru pressed deliberately. Illumi saw through the kid’s apprehension and his need to be so adorable that the teen was beginning to consider ditching once. Then again, easier said than done. It's not as if his missions generally took too long—he could kill any target with a single flick of the fingers but just ruining this moment felt like a waste too…

"I'm sorry Kiru.” Illumi denied him again. Kiru was getting annoyed at the other’s unmovable state. _Was he the only one who wanted them to stay like this?_ ’ The kid thought.

“But I'm the heir right and you're my teacher. Doesn't that make me your number one priority?” Kiru backed a few centimeters and glared into Illumi’s dark empty eyes. Illumi blinked once.

“Of course my cutest brother is important to me more than anything, however I'm not your only teacher. Dad is too and he plans to take over you today so there’s no reason for me to stay.” The raven haired involuntarily kissed the younger's small forehead than held his face to peck on his right cheek as well. As usual the soft baby skin felt too good that he began nibbling on it.

“Hey~” Kiru only laughed at the sudden absurd action but at the same time did not resent it. While Illumi was having fun for a change, he caught a glimpse of a small figure leaning against the door of the living room that lead to the hallway over the younger’s shoulder. Kalluto stood there staring at the two with a hard-to-read expression although his eyes indicated that he wanted to join the brothers’ circle as well. Illumi now freed himself from Kiru who was oblivious to the company and stared back at Kallu. This was the perfect time for Illumi to assess the difference in his feelings regards to his brothers. As he stared back, he realized he didn't feel the same desire to cuddle/hold Kalluto as much he did when he was attracted to Killua.

“What's the matter Kalluto?” Their mom appeared from the hallway and patted Kalluto on the head. Upon hearing her voice Killua also turned around and noticed the two at the door. “Aw look, Illu-chan is doting on Kiru again. Come Kalluto, mommy will give you a piggy back ride.” With that she lifted little three-year-old Kalluto up and away. Kalluto, being the quiet obedient child remained silent and accepted the gesture as he drifted away.

* * *

The next test was pain. So far Killua had been able to master speed, immunity and strength. The only major thing that remained now was endurance.

"Okay Kiru, I’ll be honest that this will hurt quite a bit. But don't worry we won't move on until you're ready.” Illumi said one day as they were locked inside a soundproof insulating room, prepared to take the final test.

"Mn?” Killua couldn't decide if he should be afraid or confident, while he sat there peacefully staring at the peculiar looking rectangular block Illumi brought. It resembled one of those power source batteries with a pointer and two switches on it. Illumi extended two wires— red and black—that were connected to it where both wires were roughly cut on their free ends, revealing the copper interior that stuck out unevenly.

“Now Kiru, take out your hand.” Illumi instructed after he turned the switch on. Not sure where this was headed Killua did as he was told and watched the elder slowly bring the wires to his hand, striking them there. At that instant when the tiny ends of the copper wires made contact with the silverette’s skin, his nerves flipped and his hand burned. In less than a split second he yanked his hand back to himself.

"That..." Killua stared at him horrified.

“Don't fret Kiru, it's only a bit of voltage.” Illumi assured.

‘ _Only_??’ The younger still didn't like the sound of that. “No…”

Illumi sighed. “That's not good, and here I thought Kiru could do anything.” Then he pointed to the steel door. “Do you see that door Kiru? Well it's locked and we won't be able to exit unless you withstand the highest level of volt on this meter. Do you understand?”

“But it hurts…”

“That's exactly the point—it's to make you stronger. Don't hate me for it Kiru.” Illumi tried to comfort. “Then how’s this: After you're finished with the task, I'll personally treat your injuries?” As much as the offer was tempting, that still didn't mean getting electrocuted was fun. “Come on Kiru, give me your hand. What can you be afraid of when I'm right here?” Illumi added a soft undertone to his voice to attract the silverette. The younger gulped inwardly as he slowly gave his hand again, shutting his eyes in the process.

Illumi repeated the same procedure and Killua screamed as loud as he could, but the voice never came out and ended with a whimper. The child resisted once more but Illumi decided to hold the hand in place. “Don't fight it. This will be over once the pain assimilates.”

‘ _You mean when I'm dead!’_ Killua felt like crying. Even so the elder’s point was valid. The kid realized sooner or later that the pain was beginning to diffuse in that small area of his palm, turning his senses numb instead. With that Killua stopped fidgeting as well.

“Very good Kiru. Now I’ll move up a notch.” Illumi notified as he turned the pointer to level 2 and adjusted the wires on the kid’s arm now.

“Arghh! Wai—anii—!” Tears unwillingly took over Killua’s eyes from the shocking static jolt.

“There there, aren’t you lucky that I’m the one who is carrying this out?” Illumi attempted to distract him with his words. The way Kiru kept distorting and jerking wasn’t all that fun for him either but it was because he had that slight affection that he wanted Killua to grow up to be invincible and not easily targeted. That way he wouldn’t find the need to be worried for him since there were plenty of bounties on the Zoldycks family’s heads already. Illumi reached out and wiped the tears off with his thumb. “See, only you’re getting the special treatment.” Killua couldn’t comprehend whether he was rejoiced by that or agonized due to his current state.

**An Hour Later…**

By now Kiru was extremely exhausted from crying and the excruciating yet short lived pain. Moreover, his entire left arm was paralyzed and the numbness ran all across his body. Almost as if every volt of electricity that struck his small body sucked out more and more of his life with every time.

“Well done Kiru—only two more phases left. I’m very proud of you.” Illumi encouraged until the very end, albeit it wasn’t much help due to his monotone voice and expressionless face. One could clearly overlook the hint of achievement and rejuvenation in his voice but the only things that did help convey the message were the movements of his eyebrows—yet they were pretty limited too. 

“No more aniki…I don’t want to.” The silverette groaned while he was laying on the floor on his right side.

“But Kiru…we only have two more left. If we stop now, you’ll have to do it all over again.” Illumi responded in the best way he could. The younger’s eyes instantly widened at that fact. ‘ _The hell was wrong with this family?’_ The silverette thought cornered in a fleet of never ending darkness that was also slowly beginning to suffocate him. He squinted his eyes, hiding the tears again and hiccupped. “Oh dear, not again.” Illumi exhaled. “Here, come here and let big brother comfort you.” Illumi offered hoping it would restore confidence in the younger so that he could get this game over with too. He placed the wires down and spread his arms for the other. However, Killua didn’t budge at all and instead compressed his shoulders with his head low.

When the other didn’t follow, Illumi took the courtesy to reach for the silverette’s shoulders to pull him into an embrace. Much to his surprise, Killua pushed those hands away when they dragged him closer—grazing the elder’s chin with his nail in the process. Illumi just sat there for a moment, not fazed by the cut on his chin. The only thoughts that kept repeating in his head were ‘ _He just rejected me…he doesn’t want me_ …’ “Not good Kiru.” Illumi shook his head, his bitterness maintained under a threshold but the thoughts were still depressing him. Killua, though a spoiled child was somehow soon beginning to regret his actions especially after sensing a dark aura radiate from the teen and his sullen eyes. “This won’t work unless you cooperate with me.”

After that declaration, the teen stood up and stepped towards the younger. His expression was unreadable and Kiru immediately sat up equally backing away. However, Illumi didn’t spare a second and caught the child yanking the kid’s shirt off and over his head to lock his arms behind him with it. Trapped, Killua ended up laying back on the cold floor on his stomach this time with his arms caught up in the shirt against his back. “No! Sorry! Aniki!” He screamed when Illumi stretched over to grab the wires while he was hovered over the younger from behind.

“Do forgive me Kiru.” Illumi flatly stated, anger relinquishing by the moment. “I would never do anything to harm my precious brother…but this is something you simply must pass. You can’t run away from me no matter how many times you may reject me.” He sadly stated what was the truth from his perceptive. In the process, he gently brushed the back of Killua’s hair. “Now shall we continue?”

“No—” The younger rebelled but not astonishingly was cut off by a huge volt on his bare shoulder that caused him to arch backwards and pant heavily. He was almost sure his heartbeat would cease to pulse. Even throughout the pain, he did notice a hand caress his hair continuously. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Things are getting a little intense…or is darker the word?


	6. Redemption

Illumi sat motionless on the living room couch with a magazine in his hands but his dark eyes were staring in space than at the magazine. For some reason his mind was blank and he couldn’t find anything to appease himself with. Ever since he was back from his mission two years ago, any time spent at home usually revolved around Kiru. However—well how should he put it—doing that was quite difficult at the moment. After their last training session, approaching the younger had become unfruitful and hence Illumi could only sit and wait for an opportunity to strike him.

Speaking of opportunity, he noticed one of the butlers carry a tray across the living room and into the hall that lead to the second-floor bedrooms. “And who might that be for?” Illumi asked catching his attention.

“Ah, Illumi-sama, this is for Killua-sama.” The teen’s eye-brows perked up. ‘ _Perfect_.’

“Allow me to take it for him.” The raven haired insisted as he tossed he magazine and stood up.

“B-but…” He ended up passing the tray anyhow. Illumi approached his younger brother’s door and stood outside for a second before knocking. When Illumi didn’t receive a response, he entered the room and closed the door behind him. Since the kid was for the most part paralyzed, it would take a day or more before his upper muscles to begin feeling again. He noticed the kid laying on the bed with his back facing the door and bedsheets covering him. ‘ _Is he asleep_?’ The elder pondered as he set the tray on the table and arced over to peek. The younger had his eyes closed and was holding his breath. The question was whether he was truly asleep or faking. Illumi wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter since the silverette was acting elusive ever since the training ended.

**Flashback** :

“See Kiru, we’re finally done.” Illumi announced, trying to keep a cheerful tone. “Just keep your eyes open for me.” He said soothingly with a hand plastered on the white head. Tears flowed out of Kiru like streams of rivers, from eyes that were nothing but a dark hollow shade of blue indicating how little he cared anymore. More than his body, his soul felt like the one gradually losing its senses while he lay there silently. Illumi was happy that the kid began to cooperate but was certainly a tad bit concerned. As they finished up, Illumi dumped the wires and striped the shirt that was tying the kid off, turning him over. “Kiru.”

The other showed no movement. “Of course, how can I be so insensate—you can’t move. It’s okay, it’ll all be over soon. Now let’s take you to your room.” He gently hooked an arm under his knees and one on his back, hoisting him up. Killua only closed his eyes and waited for the moment he could lie down on a bed and pretend all of this was a nightmare.

* * *

Kiru woke up after nine hours and he couldn’t feel his muscles at all, let alone move them. The notion was suffocating. Eventually he noticed another presence in the room. On the other side of the room, parallel to him was his elder brother, sitting backwards on a chair and shooting his needles into the wall with an apathetic face resting on the top rail. The silverette was laying on his back and the only thing he could move freely was his head. “Illu-nii…” The kid softly called out until the events of today’s training hit his mind. ‘ _He didn’t stop! I told him to stop but he didn’t_!’ The kid couldn’t help but hold a grudge even if it _was_ part of their training. ‘ _But didn’t that show his brother prioritized the assassin’s training over him?’_

“Kiru! You’re awake.” The teen’s voice expressed all the excitement needed from his face for it. When the elder stepped over to him, Kiru automatically—painfully—turned to his other side, avoiding the other. He couldn’t move his arms or anything but was able to flip himself an angle using his body mass. “Kiru?”

“…I don’t want to talk to you right now.” There was a long silencing pause that followed after that.

“…But Kiru… don’t tell me you’re mad at me for bolting you? I would never do such a thing if it wasn’t for—”

“I don’t care!” The younger shouted, not willing to hear any excuses. “You care more about the job than me!”

Illumi was ready to refute him but wasn’t given the chance when the door suddenly slammed open by their mom. “Kiru! Darling, I hope you’re doing well.” Illumi mentally cursed the interruption but stood silently instead. “I need you to come downstairs with me and pick a tutor you like. While training is key for an assassin, it’s very important to stay academically fit.” She hooted. The kid huffed a breath and slid off the bed, submissively following her. Illumi just stood there watching them leave. For the first time, he felt as if he was reaching for something that was so far from his grasp. He was lost on what to do next since according to his calculation, the younger should have forgiven him and come crawling back into his arms. 

‘ _Not good, Kiru…_ ’ As much as he wanted to stick a needle into the younger’s skull and tie him to himself, another part of his conscience wanted to wait and trust the kid. After all, he was only 5—the difference in their ages were too big. At that note, he let out a breath and retained himself. He’d just have to try talking to the kid once more.

**End of Flashback.**

_‘So, is he really asleep?_ ’ The elder teen didn’t want to bother the other’s slumber so climbed up on to the bed as well to wait. He leaped over the other’s small body to lay against the small space between the silverette and the wall, facing him sideways. ‘ _Guess I’ll just wait then.’_ On the other hand, Kiru did feel the bed sink and immediately inferred it could only be Illumi since no other person would execute such actions. Now it was becoming harder for him to maintain his cover.

After holding his breath for five minutes, the younger peeked one of his eyes open and nearly jumped when he saw the elder quietly staring at him. ‘ _What the hell?!’_

“Kiru, looks like you’re awake.” Illumi smiled, closing his eyes.

“Why are you here?” The kid rolled over so he was laying on his back.

The raven haired let the inquiry slide. “How is your body feeling?” He mouthed as he lifted his head and rested it on his elbow so that he could face his brother properly. Kiru didn’t utter a word and stared at some other side of the room. “Well, it has been three days since then so I’m sure they’ll slowly start feeling lively again.” Silence. “Kiru?” No answer. The cheery-optimistic mood stripped away from the elder’s tone by now. He let out an even breath and lay off his elbow, sitting up and climbing over the kid, merely hoovering over him. Kiru on the other hand didn’t bother looking up at him.

“Don’t tell me you’re still mad at me Kiru? You know I’d never do that to you if I had to?” Illumi tilted his head. “Won’t you forgive aniki?” He tried one last time. The kid stole a glance his way in consideration right before putting up an angry front and attempting to push the other away by the shoulder, sliding to the edge of the bed to climb off. However, his movements didn’t go as planned and slipped off the sheets instead, falling off the cliff of the bed—face forward. “Kiru!” The teen instantly caught his chubby arms and yanked him back to land on his chest. Killua was in his arms. A tender urge washed over him and the comfort he felt from the other’s warmth rendered the teen to embrace the younger closer, digging his face into the other’s fluffy head.

“Let's not be irrational now.” The elder added his words of advice as usual. Killua found it hard to hold his grudge any longer, especially with his tiny pride being crushed like this.

“Mmh…” The silverette surrendered, leaning into the other’s chest and clutching the sides of his sweater tightly. When Illumi felt his younger brother finally respond to him, he blinked in astonishment once before fastening his hold on the kid even harder, realizing with a pang how much he had missed this.

A long five seconds later:

“Aniki…”

“Hn?”

“You're…crushing me…” Illu immediately recognized his own overpowering strength at that confession and straightened himself, backing away.

“Oops, sorry about that Kiru.” The teen released the kid at last. There was another awkward pause that didn't allow them to say anything. “So, have we reconciled?”

“Mn…only if you promise not to do that again.” Killua averted his eyes to the ground as he spoke.

‘ _That? Ah, he must mean the electric shock…or does he mean not stopping when told?’_ While the elder wasn’t sure which ‘that’ he meant, he didn’t care anyhow—as long as he had Kiru back. “Got it.” Illumi unconditionally obliged. “Now, would you like something to eat?”

“Yeah!” The kid’s face lit up at that.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Illumi approached their huge backyard to find Silva, a female butler and a small child, a toddler playing in front of them. The child must have been 4 years old, had huge cobalt blue eyes and blackish brown hair with strands swinging in quite a few directions.

“Father?” He said as he stood beside him.

“Illumi, you’re here.”

“Yes, and this is?” 

“A very dark creature.” Silva replied, furrowing his thick eyebrows. Illumi didn’t appear to follow. The child looked like an ordinary vulnerable girl—or was it a boy— from every angle he saw. “This is Alluka, I brought it with me from the Dark Continent—though that may have been a mistake.”

“I’m afraid I’m not following.” The teen enunciated.

“Yasuha, watch over Alluka and don’t let her out of your sight.” Silva commanded before turning to his son. “You’ll soon find out.” He left the questing teen to his own imaginations. Silva departed from the garden but Illumi decided to loiter around longer, watching the kid like a hawk. _‘There had to be a reason why their father was so wary of the child._ ’ However, the more he stood there watching the small brunette tumble on the ground floor, the more he was convinced that it was a normal jovial kid. Jovial, indeed, just like his Kiru. Speaking of which, the two did have a lot in common such as the bright sparkling blue eyes, that pale complexion, and more so the enthusiastic personality. _‘I’m sure, if Kiru was to meet Alluka, they would indefinably get along._ ’ The thought immediately provoked a frown on the other’s face. ‘ _Well, Alluka was family now…or was she?’_

“Yasuha, give me a flower!” Alluka demanded.

“Hai bochamma.*” The servant gladly answered.

“Yasuha, make a necklace!”

“Of course.”

‘ _This is boring to watch_ ,’ Illumi concluded as he witnessed the child make a third demand. As far as he was concerned, nothing was wrong hence, he refused to waste any more time standing there. He thought as he turned on his heels. He wasn’t two steps away from his former position that he heard their female butler scream. Curiously, the teen rotated his head back to the two and doubted his eyes the first time around. Alluka, the same child with the dainty countenance had a bleached face with hollow pitch black eyes and a spooky smiling mouth. _‘What on earth…_ ’

“What is your wish?” The creature that took over Alluka spoke in a child-like voice that resonated with echoes from the shadows though.

“Wish?” Illumi repeated. ‘ _It would grant any wish? How is that possible_?’ “Then destroy that tree over there.” The teen tested, pointing at a tree in the forest ahead of them.

“Aye.” The thing nodded.

Then, right before their eyes, one of the trees that led to their personal woods burst into pieces. ‘ _Was_ _this what their father meant_?’ Illumi was beginning to understand the benefits plus consequences of having such a thing. ‘ _However, if they were able to crack the code of how this ‘thing’ in Alluka was summoned—it could be to their huge advantage.’_

The moment the wish was granted, the child went back to normal and began requesting things again. “Take it back to the house.” The teen ordered, leaving before them.

* * *

With the days to come, the Zoldyck’s family realized that not all of Alluka’s requests were kind, simple and easy ones. Furthermore, if she wasn’t granted what she wanted she would annihilate the person defying her on the spot including another random one. This was becoming a nuisance and a threat no doubt. Silva didn’t need to be told that, while Milluki and Illumi were opening up to that fact as well. At this point, the Zoldycks began seeing Alluka more as that ‘thing’ she was, rather than a family member.

‘ _First things first, I need to keep this thing away from Kiru somehow.’_ Illumi predetermined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Bochamma/Bochan: young master.
> 
> Oh, look who else is in the story now, haha. It’s inevitable, since we will be following the anime in the future (some parts of it), it’s important I create the order now & tell the whole story instead of using their flashbacks. Btw, Yasuha is one of the female butlers—the one that also granted the wish to be a billionaire. 
> 
> On another note, I know Alluka’s story is really complicated and I don’t understand if she was born from their mother or brought from some place, hence adopted. I know some of you will disagree with me, but for the sake of the story (since I just need her in here no matter how she came about) let’s just say she was adopted in to the family but they regret that decision. And let’s say she’s a girl since Kiru says so even if Illumi and the others at times call her a boy in the anime


	7. Alluka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler: A few scenes from episodes: in 2011 series.

“There you are Illu-chan, are you off to your next mission?” Kikyo asked.

“Yes.”

“Ah, great timing then! Would you like to take a bento with you? The chef made tons of extras.” She grinned.

“No, that’s alright.” His next mission would take a few days, the minimum. As if a bento would be of any help. He drew his hands from his pockets and brought out a sheet of paper. “By the way, is Kiru still in his study room?”

“You bet! Mama is so proud of him.”

“I’ll go say farewell then before I leave.” Illumi excused himself from the kitchen and walked to the end of the hall to the library room. He knocked on the door for the sake of common courtesy but never waited to receive a response. Opening the door, he spotted his younger brother seated in front of a wide desk with a few books and notebooks, scribbling away. The kid appeared a bit frustrated at the problem before him but gracefully looked up towards the door, willing to be distracted.

“Aniki,” Kiru waved his pencil, calling him in his direction.

“Have a minute?”

“Tons!” The silverette practically begged the elder to take all his study time. “Are you leaving for a job?” He asked upon noticing the other wearing a single short sleeved black T-shirt and simple jeans underneath, with a belt loaded with pins and minuscule weapons. Illumi had stopped cutting his hair too so his front bangs were coming way past his eyes while the rest rested on his nape. Kiru silently admired how cool his aniki was sometimes, plus he was such an adept assassin. He was the perfect role model that made the younger impatient to grow up and be just like him. 

“That’s right, so I wanted to give you this before I left.” Illumi spread the sheet of paper from his pocket on top of the desk. “It’s a list of all the exercises you must complete before my return. This should certainly keep you busy while I’m gone.” He explained. He deliberately made such a long and vigorous list than usual so that Kiru didn’t have any excess time to wander around and run into the new family member. That was the main reason after the training itself. 

“Mehh…” Kiru dropped his chin on the surface of the desk, expecting something better and warmer. “Does that mean you’ll be gone for long this time?”

“It’s possible.” There was a pause as the raven-haired teen stared at the white head on the desk. “No matter what, just stay on task—okay Kiru?” He emphasized, ruffling the other’s wavy hair. His missions sure had some interesting timings. Alluka was still permitted to wander freely (as long as a butler was with her) and he still didn't get the chance to devise a plan to change that—yet. “Work hard.”

“…yeah.” Killua responded. Training was no longer fun, it never was. When was the last time he saw Illumi train? He didn’t have to because Illumi was perfect. “Bring me something then!” The kid demanded, in attempts to raise his own spirits.

“Hm?”

“Bring me something from your mission.” The younger clarified.

“…Okay.” Illumi was taken back for a brief second but acceded anyhow with his eyes still on the kid. _‘Expressionless as always_.’ Killua thought with his eyes half closed. Lastly, before he officially left, he arched down and kissed the silverette’s forehead. “See you, Kiru.” With that he exited the room and a minute later, the younger assassin went back into his books. Staring at the books, not able to focus anymore he was struck by a wonderful idea: _‘I know! I’m going to finish all these tasks way before aniki comes back and surprise him!_ ’ Now that sounded like a plan.

**Four days later:**

_‘I’m done!’_ The young silverette rejoiced. However, since Illumi still hadn’t returned, he decided to use the rest of the time—with nothing better to do—playing in the sandbox.

As he gathered his dinosaur and truck toys to the sandbox, he noticed another unfamiliar child in its presence, accompanied by one of their female butlers. ‘ _Huh_?’ Curiously, the kid circled around the sandbox, to see the child’s face. The four-year-old turned her chubby face as well, surprised at first but immediately expressed a huge grin of acceptance. Upon seeing that welcoming countenance, Kiru dropped his guard involuntarily. “who are you?”

“Who?” Alluka only echoed the word cheerfully.

“This is master Alluka.” The butler answered. ‘ _Another sibling?_ ’ The boy looked at Alluka again. He was sure Kalluto was the last and youngest. ‘ _A brother…or a sister_?’

“Not Kalluto?” The silverette posed.

“Haha no Master Killua, this is Master Alluka. She’s a year older than Master Kalluto.” The butler explained.

“Aah,” Killua nodded his head before dumping his toys in the sandbox. Well who cares, at least this one appeared normal and actually showed expressions for a change. “Ja, Alluka, do wanna play with me?” Alluka gazed at him with wide blue eyes as if she was processing the words.

“’Kay!” She exclaimed.

“Alright! Then you have to follow me okay? First—” Killua began but was interrupted by the younger.

“Kirrua, give me that truck.” Alluka demanded with her hands out in front.

“What? No, Alluka, not yet.” Killua refused after being rudely cut off.

“No…” The toddler quietly repeated and averted her head.

“Now listen, our first mission is to—”

“Kirrua! Give me a shovel.” She insisted again.

“No! I said not yet.” The boy frowned by now.

“Uh-oh, wait Master Killua, you shouldn’t—!” The butler recalled Alluka’s insane ability to kill upon three consecutive refusals. 

“Kirrua shake my hand.” The butler gawked at the child in fear, imagining the possible events that could happen, one which might even lead to Killua possibly dying. If that were to really happen, her life would be over.

Kiru let out an inevitable sigh. “Urgh, fine. Here. Happy now?” The younger ended up surrendering since it didn’t seem like the girl would stop demanding things. Alluka smiled in appreciation.

“Kirrua, pat my head!” She was beginning to like his attention and therefore went back to persisting two more orders to make it three again.

“ _Fine_.” The silverette patted her head. “Done yet?”

“Kirrua, lift me up!” She raised her hands up high.

“Eh? That’s a little impossible…but I’ll try.” He said and hardly managed to wrap his arms around the other, hoisting the kid up a few inches. “There!” He flopped his sister back on the ground. “Now can we—” The words got stuck in his throat as he saw the girl’s bright face turn into a bleached mask.

“What is your wish?” The thing asked.

 _‘What is this? It’s not her anymore…or is it? Maybe a special power?’_ She was their sibling after all. 

“Oh no, Master Killua you have to make a wish.” The butler informed.

“A wish? I wish you’d really stop interrupting me.” The five-year-old deadpanned with his small hands on his hips.

“’Kay.” _Something_ complied.

“About time.” Killua smiled and resumed his instructions. As soon as he was done, Alluka turned back to normal. The butler sighed in relief upon that and continued to babysit them. The silverette enjoyed the time she wasn’t being so stubborn and played for most of the afternoon until both were beginning to feel hunger strike them. During the time they were playing, Alluka’s dark self did appear once more but the assassin was able to shun it away by a simple command. While it did shock the butler, Killua had no knowledge as to why since he wasn’t yet aware of Alluka’s real powers—other than the fact that she was good at granting wishes. However that was soon to change.

* * *

After that, Killua and Alluka would meet up first thing in the morning and play for most of the entire day with the supervision of a butler. Killua was grateful his father was busy as well thus wasn’t able to give him any more training than Illumi had already provided him with. Illumi hadn’t returned either, which made Kiru wonder whether the elder knew Alluka or not. If so, then how come he never mentioned her?

“Master Killua!” Mitsuba, another female butler with braided sandy blond hair came rushing over to the child who was studying. “Please forgive my intrusion but Master Alluka turned into that again.” She worried as they rushed to the upper ground of their garden.

“Yeah it’s okay, I can handle this.” Killua reassured as he halted in front of Alluka. “Alluka, lift me up high!”

“Kay.” She obliged and turned off gravity for him, hoisting him up into the air.

“See, she’s back.” The silverette claimed with a smile.

“Kay! Kirrua, play with me!” Alluka called out.

“Ah, Alluka…I have to finish my homework first—why don’t you start playing and I’ll join you?” Kiru suggested optimistically.

“Kay!” Luckily Alluka gave in and turned back to Mitsuba. Killua quickly rushed back to his room to submit his assignment to his private tutor and dashed back out. While he was at it, he noticed his mom exiting his father’s headquarters.

“Oh, Killu? Are you finished with your work already? Wow my boy is so fast!” Kikyo coaxed.

“Mn.” Killua nodded, not particularly in the mood for small talk.

“Were you on your way to play with Alluka?” She asked. “I was heading there myself.” She said and led the way to the part of the garden that housed the sandbox, jungle gym and the like.

“Kikyo-sama.” Mitsuba bowed in respect once.

“Kirrua!” Alluka rejoiced the moment she recognized her brother. Killua waved.

“Listen Mitsuba. I want you to deny any and all requests from Alluka.” Kikyo declared as to test the extent of Alluka’s abilities.

“H-hai.” She bowed again and watched the woman leave.

* * *

“Mitsuba…carry me!” In the midst of their playtime, Alluka decided to crawl around some more while Killua played solo.

“I can’t do that Master.” Mitsuba sincerely denied.

“Then, Mitsuba, shake my hand.”

“Oh…um, I can’t do that, I’m sorry.” She shook her hand again.

“Then I want a piggy back ride!”

“I can’t please…” Mitsuba was very troubled until she didn’t realize when her head flattened to a pancake and exploded in thin air. Killua inwardly gulped when he witnessed that. So the rumors he heard were true after all.

**Another day passed by:**

‘ _Mission Accomplished._ ’ Illumi texted his client and then checked his bank account to confirm that the appropriate amount had been deposited. ‘ _That was a piece of cake. Now I get to see Kiru again. By now he should have surely completed all his training protocols_.’ He thought with anticipation slowly rising. ‘ _And as promised I also got him a little something.’_ The teen surveyed the plastic bag in his hands. He certainly couldn't wait to show it to the younger and the reactions it would evoke. Day after day, he found himself gratifying this feeling very much.

Illumi walked past the main gates that barricaded the Zoldyk property and was instantly greeted by a line of butlers. Ignoring their call, he kept walking until he reached the front door to their mansion, turning the knob.

“Welcome Illu! We were waiting for you!” As usual, Kikyo welcomed with a loud and clear jovial voice.

“Welcome back niisama.” Milluki greeted afterwards.

“I'm back.” He uttered while his eyes automatically roamed the square corners of the room in search for a particular silverette.

“Are you hungry dear?”

“No.” Illumi responded in monotone before preceding into the hall and up the stairs. He stopped dead ahead of the silverette’s bedroom door and slowly slid it open. “Kiru, I've returned.” He called out to a load of empty space. ‘ _Hm…playing hide and seek, are we?_ ’ The raven haired stepped into the room and stood there for a heartbeat of a second. He may have felt a tad bit disappointed at first but at the same time there was excitement and passion building in his chest. Nothing could be sweeter than obtaining whatever one desired after some time was spent in desperation and sought. The sensation was thrilling.

After affirming Kiru wasn't in his study room or training in the basement, the elder decided to take a walk outdoors to their vast backyard. As he probed forward, a small figure appeared to be coming down the stairs that led to the sandbox. Illumi noticed the younger immediately and automatically waited for the child to match his stare as well. Bright blue eyes snapped in the direction of those dark black holes of the teen and flashed with astonishment.

“Illu-nii ?!” Killua choked and froze in his tracks. The teen was already secretly adoring the other’s gestures and spread his arms out to an acute angle.

“I'm back, Kiru.” He nonchalantly stated with out a single change in expression, only huge black orbs fully fixated on the younger and a tone hinting on something. Killua grinned at the reality and flung from the tenth step into his brother’s arms. That brief moment of free falling was always so much fun and the best part was never doubting his brother wouldn't catch him. The silverette landed safely around his shoulders and realized that the elder was still in his job clothes.

“Welcome back!” Killua giggled when Illumi squeezed him tighter. “Did you have fun?”

The teen loosened him enough to bring him face to face. “Not as much as I'm having now.” Killua only blinked in response while a smile plastered on his face. It was true that most of the words Illu said would just pass as uncomprehending to the younger but he found them harmless.

“Oh yea, are you surprised?” The silverette inquired. Illumi returned a bewildered look, not exactly following the question. “I finished all my exercises in only four days.” The child proudly announced with his chin high.

“Oh…is that so?” More than amazement, the raven haired’s voice sounded partially tense.

“So did you bring me back anything?” The younger began scanning the other in search for any conspicuous items.

“Before that...Kiru, I gave you a farewell kiss—doesn't that mean you ought to give me a welcome back kiss?” Illumi pointed out, almost as if he was jealous that Kiru asked for the gift first. Killua didn't think much of it and recalled how his brother pecked his forehead, so he did the same. Albeit, since he found the forehead too much of a stretch, the kid ended up pressing his small lips on the other’s cool cheek instead.

“There, now show me.” The silverette urged.

“Hai.” Illumi set the younger down and turned to his empty hands. “…oops. I must have left it in your room.” He retorted, not feeling guilty at all.

“Hah?? Why would it be in my room—oh I see. You want me to look for it!”

“Uh,” Illumi didn't have the heart to crush his sudden high spirits since the bag was smack in the center of the room but decided it was better to hold on to the latter thought. They walked back to the house and entered the doors.

“By the way, aniki? Why didn't you tell me about Alluka?” Kiru blurted. Illumi paled at that name and creaked his wide eyes towards the younger who stood besides him unscathed.


	8. Locked Away

“By the way, aniki? Why didn't you tell me about Alluka?” Kiru blurted. Illumi paled at that name and creaked his wide eyes towards the younger who stood beside him unscathed.

“What?” Illumi’s black holes for eyes glowered down at the silverette.

“Alluka, our sibling.” Killua clarified.

‘ _He met her._ ’ The conspicuous phrase poisoned the elder’s mind. The two children were so similar, that the teen had no doubt if they were to meet, they'd indefinably create a bond. “…ah, must have escaped my mind, Kiru.” Illumi was able to find his smile again and innocently closed his eyes into upward arcs. The younger shrugged.

“It's okay.” He smiled back, completely fooled by the other. He had false hope that his brother would never lie to him. Soon enough, they reached the bedroom and Kiru swung the door open revealing a plastic bag on the floor. His shoulders slumped at the object. “Aniki must be really bad at hiding things.” He spoke his mind.

“Looks like I am.” Illumi faintly agreed. Without another minute spared, Killua began unfolding the bag and pulled out a six strapped mahogany backpack with three bleached blue straps on each side. The younger was amazed at its unique style and immediately tried wearing it on, only to get tied up with the straps on the incorrect side.

“This is a really funny backpack.” He pouted.

“Here let me help you.” Illumi offered, pulling the straps in the right order such that two held the bag on the kid’s tiny shoulders and the others secured two places on his arms. However, there was a slight problem…the straps hung too loosely on his arms. “It looks adorable Kiru, but…”

“It's big.” Killua concluded with disappointment.

“I'm sorry Kiru, the back part looked like the right size at the time…” The teen placed a finger on his chin and tilted his head in reminiscence.

“Mh, it’s okay! I can wear it when I'm older then!” He suggested, trying to cheer up the teen in his own childish way. Illumi silently digged the effort.

“Eh, Kiru is so thoughtful. Does that mean you like it?”

“Yeah!” Killua nodded.

"I'm glad.” The elder briefly closed his eyes in gratification before observantly peering them open again. “So, Kiru, when did you meet Alluka?”

"Huh? Oh, three days ago, after I finished my training.” The raven haired mentally clicked his tongue.

“Have you noticed anything about her?”

“Yeah, she has some cool powers that let you grant any wish—as long as you obey three of her demands.” Killua explained.

"Kiru, you believe what aniki says, don't you?” Illumi asked first. The child looked at him with a raised brow upon the abrupt—not to mention random—question but answered nonetheless with a nod. At that, Illumi continued. “Then trust me when I say Alluka is dangerous.” That caught Killua’s attention. He never thought about it _that_ way. “If you don't oblige to her requests, she won't hesitate to end you on the spot. Therefore, Kiru must stay away from her. We all need Kiru to live, you’re family.”

“I…” Killua wanted to refute.

“On the other hand, that thing is nothing but a dark soul; she's not family Kiru.” Illumi subtly emphasized every word that slowly escaped his mouth, as if he was drilling each word into the other’s brain. “Do you understand, Kiru? We’ve already lost four of our butlers because of that. You don't wish to be next, right?”

“No…” The younger averted his eyes troubled, not willing to believe the way his brother was defining his little sister. At the same time, it wasn’t as though he denied Alluka killing their butlers but there was more to that. ‘ _Should he express that Alluka’s demon was capable of abiding to him only.’_ Killua was ascertain that his elder brother would disagree so decided to keep that bit of detail to himself.

"I knew Kiru would understand.” Illumi’s tone sounded happier as he rested his palm on the other’s head affectionately. “In that case, you best stay away from Alluka—we wouldn't want her causing trouble now.” He claimed. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Well, since my work here is done— I need to have a word with father. Let’s meet in the basement to train later.” He smiled. After earning a nod from the younger, the teen left. The room was silent again but for some reason, it felt less tense than when Illumi was speaking to him—or so the kid noted. It was odd, but Illumi just had that effect on everyone sometimes especially when he was serious/making a point. It was still beyond Killua how such an expressionless person, without depicting any facial gestures could emit such a scary aura at times.

He turned his attention back to his brand-new backpack. And then, there was this overly doting brotherly side to him as well. ‘ _Ah, whatever_.’ Killua shook the uneasiness and scooped up his backpack, shoving it safely into his closet. That would absolutely come in handy in a couple of years, he was sure of it.

**Father’s Headquarters:**

“Father, it's me.” Illumi informed ahead of the door.

“Illumi, of course, come right in.” Silva answered. The teen let himself in and found their father standing beside his pet. “A mission well done.”

“That goes without saying.”

“So, what brings you here?” Silvia inquired.

“It's about Alluka.” His father glimpsed at him with sudden interest, curious as to what the younger had to offer. Illumi was almost like his right-hand assistant, and a very able one at that too so any advice from the younger was credulous. “If we won't be using it, then I suggest tossing it aside until we find a way to utilize its powers.”

“Oh? And how do you suggest doing that?”

“Solitary confinement under surveillance. That way, at least she won't be wasting unnecessary lives and away from annulling Kiru.” Illumi’s words were unwavering, so much so that Silvia had to give it some thought. In all honesty, the idea had indeed struck him before and now it seemed like the only most reasonable and safe thing to execute. Since Alluka was part of the family, they couldn't simply annihilate her.

"It's inevitable, I suppose.” Father concurred, prepared to make the arrangements. The teen’s emotionless heart stretched into a sneer, if that was even possible. He had anticipated his father would give in. After all, he was stabbing all the right spots, so what reason was there to not oblige?

“Ja, then I'll be taking my leave.” Illumi casually called out before turning about face. Everything was going as planned, now he promised to meet up with his cute little brother. Oh but first, perhaps it was a good idea to change into something more comfortable and home-coming. He stopped by his room that was untouched, as expected, and changed into a dull purple zipped sweat shirt. As soon as he was done, he made his way to the basement. Killua sat by the door frame of one of the rooms in the hardly-lit first underground basement. His expression was somewhat bored and unwilling while he stared off to space.

"Did you wait too long?” Illumi startled the kid, who immediately looked up.

“Oh aniki, no.” The silverette stood up and watched Illumi unlock the door with a code.

“Don't worry, we’ll have fun today. I’m going to teach you a really cool technique.” The teen pointed out. Killua gave him an incredulous look, willing to bet on that. Since every training was _fun_ to Illumi but not so much to him.

“You say that every time.” Killua added.

“Well, this time I mean it. This technique will really show you how to kill—though it might take you a few years to master efficiently.”

‘ _A few years??’_

* * *

“Okay, now pay close attention.” Illumi instructed after the warm up. “We’ll do one hand at a time. Bring your dominant hand up close like this.” He demonstrated along the way. “The idea is to manipulate your bones in such a way…” Killua scrupulously watched as Illumi distorted his fingers in such a way that they became dead straight and clamped together like one sharp dagger. “…to pierce through anything. See?” He held out his pointy hand. The younger was indeed amazed. He mimicked exactly what the other had done and even wriggled his fingers a bit here and there but was nowhere close to producing that.

"It takes more than that Kiru.” Illumi inevidently teased him.

"Does aniki also kill like this?”

“No, not anymore. It's a clean and useful tactic but I hardly need it anymore since I have my nen.”

“Nen?” Killua echoed.

“My needles.” Illumi simplified for the sake of the five-year-old. “Shall we continue?” The silverette nodded with alacrity. This technique wasn't so bad after all.

Just like that, the two spent nearly seven hours straight attempting to perfect that skill. Illumi saw the steady progress the younger was making but Killua himself didn't feel like he had budged an inch from square one.

In the meantime, the other Zoldyks shifted Alluka into a colorful children’s room, decorated with dozens of stuffed animals, pink and blue furniture and other creative child-like necessities. Milluki arranged for the surveillance cameras to be connected to his main desk top screens while they securely locked the door to the room. It was decided that only occasionally a butler would be permitted to go in for food and play.

"Illu-nii…”

“Yes?”

"...I'm hungry…” the younger whined.

“You’re right, let's stop here today and head up for dinner.”

 _'Thank God_.’ Killua internally sobbed in relief. ‘ _Doesn't he feel hunger or anything? He's too out of the ordinary…_ ’

* * *

“Mom, where’s Alluka?” Killua asked one morning.

“Honey, Alluka is in her room, but no one is permitted to enter those chambers.”

“Why not?”

“Well, she's dangerous. She can lose it any moment so it's important that we keep her away.” She told.

“I see…” As a child with no power or sense of the situation, Killua peacefully accepted and went back to playing on his own—if he ever had the time for that anymore. His days were getting busier and busier with more intelligence mapping by studying and skill-mastering by training. Soon enough, it would feel like Alluka was just a thing in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, we’re ending a bit short today but only because I want the next chapter to be a fresh start. Kiru will be 6 years old starting next chapter (which makes Illu 18 yo). Yup, brace yourselves for the fun haha, i.e. Heaven’s Arena, his first mission –yada yada. Too bad we cant focus tooo much on that stuff since our main spotlight is only to Killumi and anything flanking that.


	9. Heaven's Arena

“Sweet! Look aniki! I’m riding this like a pro!” Six-year-old Killua exclaimed as he skidded inside the house, riding his brand-new skate board.

“You are a pro, Kiru.” Eighteen-year-old Illumi ensured, soundly sitting on the couch surveying his faulty pins. The younger braked right in front of the teen, hoisting up his skateboard.

“Anyone want cake—oh dear! Kil are you riding your skateboard indoors again?” Kikyo called out as soon as she saw a trail of dirt on the carpets and floor.

“Oops.” Killua admitted.

“Like that matters to you, you’ll just have the butlers clean it up so he could do it all over again.” Milluki remarked bitterly. The silverette’s cute pink tongue answered to him. “Quit spoiling him already!”

“Now, now Milluki, you’re too loud.” Illumi stated.

“You too nii-sama!”

“Hai.” The raven haired absent-mindedly agreed. Milluki sighed. ‘ _It’s no use_.’

“Why did you get this skateboard anyway?” Killua disturbed Illumi instead.

“You wanted something that one time I went for a job so I assumed you were expecting a souvenir again this time.” The teen elaborated, eyes continually fixed on his needles.

“I see, thanks! I like it a lot!” The younger rejoiced. He noticed that the elder was still busy with his weapons. “Aniki?”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?” The silverette was in the perfect mood to keep talking, while the other unconditionally answered back despite the desire to work in peace.

“I’m strengthening my needles, Kiru. You wouldn’t understand yet.”

“In other words, he wants you to go play outside so he can work in some peace and quiet.” Milluki translated on the way out with Kalluto. Killua only glared at him.

* * *

“I have to go to this place myself? That’s not fun.” Killua complained as Illumi zipped up the kid’s blue jacket.

“Don’t worry, Kiru will have lots of fun even if I’m not there.” The teen claimed, not convincing any one.

“But why can’t you come? Who’s going to cheer me on?” The silverette emphasized the importance of that.

“As much as I want to support my cute little brother, it’s inevitable that dad has set me with a mission that day.” Illumi explained, evoking a scowl on the younger’s face.

‘ _Always on the wrong time…I wonder if he does it on purpose…_ ’ Kiru thought towards his dad. “How long do I have to be there?”

“That depends solely on you.” The raven haired told. The younger raised a brow of puzzlement. “As long as you can you can make it to the last floor of Heaven’s Arena, time is in your hands.”

“Hmph…”

“I’ll tell you what—if I’m able to finish my mission sooner, I’ll come after you, how’s that?” Illumi attempted to promise as he tapped a hand on the younger’s shoulder.

“It’s a deal! But you better be quick, ‘cause I might just finish before you even make it there.” Kiru tested.

“If you do, I’ll be very proud.” The elder confessed expressionlessly. Killua grinned back at him.

“Master Killua, are you ready?” Gotoh interrupted their conversation and bowed once. “The car to take you to Heaven’s Arena has been prepared.” The silverette inwardly gulped at that, not sure whether he was feeling nervous, excited, or cautious. 

“Nervous?” Illumi questioned.

“N-no, not really…” Kiru averted his eyes, guilty as charged.

“He’ll be there in a moment. You may leave.”

“Hai Illumi-sama.” Gotoh bowed once again and left. The eighteen-year-old took the moment to kneel before the kid, such that they were face to face and secured both his hands on his shoulders.

“Remember the rules Kiru? You’re an assassin of the Zoldyk family, you need to exceed this mission. Finish your opponent thoroughly, there’s no need to make friends with them—”

“I know I know already aniki. Don’t trust anyone, don’t drop your guard and don’t fight anyone stronger than you. Right?” Killua cut him off, proving he knew those rules by heart now. Illumi stared at him for brief second before scoffing.

“Looks like you really are all set. Ah, they grow up so fast.”

“He he.” The silverette grinned. Naturally, they pulled each other into a small quiet hug before breaking away. “Well, see you then! Don’t forget what you said.” He reminded, turning his back towards the other and running to the door. Illumi watched as his small back seemed to be shrinking in his vision. What was this constricting feeling in his heart? Almost as if he didn’t want the younger to leave. Heaven’s Arena wasn’t such a difficult place, neither for him nor should it be too challenging for Kiru… but without a doubt there would be highly experienced fighters there. Killua was still at a disadvantage. Would he lose the younger before he even became a professional assassin—as he and their father always envisioned him to be? No, he wouldn’t allow that.

It’s now or never.

Illumi focused his dark eyes on Killua’s back, slowly reaching for a pin under his sleeve. “Kiru.” He summoned. The silverette, though in the midst of his own excitement, still heard the name and halted, rotating his body in Illumi’s direction again. However, the younger barely completed his rotation until something struck right at the tip of his forehead sharply. An object that his receptors registered to be so thin and able to penetrate the layers of his skin. The younger stood straight and froze on the spot.

“Kiru, listen to me. My word is absolute for you.” Illumi commanded in his even voice, stepping toward the younger. “Never charge into a fight where victory isn’t guaranteed. Never fight an opponent you have no chance of winning against. Never disobey me. Understood?” He uttered the words gravely. There was no room for regret, he was going to control Kiru sooner or later if he truly cared for him and wanted the same in return…so why not sooner?

“Hai…” Killua blatantly answered, face as if it was completely hypnotized.

“Good.” Illumi smiled satisfied, the effect of the pin gently wearing off. The silverette blinked himself back to reality.

“Eh? What was that? I just felt something hit me here?” He rubbed the roots of the hair on his forehead but felt the presence of nothing. The needle master held back a chuckle upon his younger brother’s adorable reaction.

“You must be too nervous Kiru. It’ll be fine now.” The teen’s solid eyes looked down on him as he brought his pale lips to kiss the spot the needle went in.

“Yeah maybe that’s it.” Killua appreciated the gesture and marched ahead again. “Later!”

“Have fun.” Illumi murmured, crossing his arms. He should begin preparing for the departure of his own mission too. At least it will help the time to go by. He thought, walking to his chambers and stirred his closet for a suitable outfit. As he changed into his suit, he noticed how long his hair had grown. They were way below his shoulders now so he decided to comb the strands off his forehead all the way back with his fingers. _Much better_. He noted in the mirror.

**At Heaven’s Arena** :

“Welcome to the 97th floor! Your rooms will be located at the left of this corridor.” The girl guiding the fighters in the elevator annunciated. The two fighters marched out as the elevator doors opened, leaving Killua as the last to exit. “Are you sure you'll be alright kid? Are you here with your parents?” The lady asked.

“Hmph. For your information, this is nothing. I've been through harder stuff.” The kid boasted as he stepped out as well. On the other hand, he was pretty excited about his reserved room. The last one had a stiff bed, he was hoping this one would be softer to bounce on. The silverette dashed to his assigned room, immediately unlocking it and landing on the bed. So far it had been half a year since he came to this battle arena. He met some interesting people, ample strong but still no match for him. It felt refreshing to leave the mansion for a change, too bad it had to be this way but at least he was interacting with other people.

“Probably should sleep since I have a match early tomorrow…huh?” His eyes caught a TV and stack of DVD’s. That was new. A sneer crossed his face, watching one or two wouldn't hurt…right?

* * *

The younger didn’t realize how long he stayed up until the universal alarm signaling the beginning of matches went off. He was certain he only had a few hours of sleep. ‘ _What was I thinking?! What if I fail so early in the game! Aniki is going to be disappointed! No way, I have to keep going until he makes it here!_ ’ Killua slapped his face and shook his head, determined. ‘ _Speaking of which, I wonder if his mission is over?_ ’ The silverette thought walking to the battle stadium.

**Let’s find out: Illumi’s Side**

Illumi stood a top of the balcony of a building, watching his first target exit a car, flanked by two guards. ‘ _What a naïve target_.’ The teen contemplated in boredom. ‘ _Oh well, it made the job a lot easier for him_.’ He only had to flick a single wrist and the poisonous needles dug straight into the neck of the stranger even when shot from meters away. _‘One down, three to go._ _Since the second has been contacting the first, I’ll have one of his men lead me there_.’ Illumi devised as he took out another needle, prepared to manipulate the two men fretting below him. The third would surely take a while. He would have to disguise himself and infiltrate the posed location to get close to that target.

**A Year Later:**

“Welcome to floor 160!” A new female employee exclaimed in the elevator, same spot, same way. Young Killua sighed. _How many times would he have to hear that same phrase after a match? And what was taking Illumi so long? Surely his mission couldn’t have been that long? He’s never spent more than a few weeks on a case—that is ever since Killua got to know him_. The silverette che’d. ‘ _Maybe he’s on his way…_ ’ Truthfully, it was all interesting in the beginning but slowly that fun was starting to vanquish. Motivation was slipping from him as well. 

* * *

“This one certainly took you a while. Was it difficult?” Milluki asked Illumi, hours after his return.

“No, just troublesome as always.” The teen answered, flexing his neck muscles. Furthermore, he knew it would take Kiru a while so he ended up taking it a lot easier and spilling time. “Kiru hasn’t finish yet, I presume.”

“No, we haven’t heard from him yet. Last I checked he was on the 100th floor.”

“I see.” At that, Illumi’s mind automatically began to calculate the remaining time it could possibly take the younger or whether he should rest and go after him like promised first thing in the morning tomorrow. He would find pleasure in surprising the younger but another side of his conscience told him to stay put. Him cheering in the audience wouldn’t change the outcome of anything. On the contrary, it would only divert Kiru and make him dependent on the other’s attention. Illumi shook his head. There was more at stake than their personal feelings here. Feelings would get the kid nowhere—not at least while he was a child. If he was older, he would be able to control them more efficiently. Illumi sighed for once. It couldn’t be helped. He’d have to wait until the silverette was mature to impose any of his own feelings on him. ‘ _Wait, what feelings?_ ’ 

**Another half year later** :

“Next up we have young eight-year-old Killua against the mighty D.F.E.Z.! Will the fighters please approach the battling arena!” The commentator shouted through the microphone. Killua exhaled a huge breath of air. This was getting extremely boring by now. He was currently in his last fight on the 199th floor—almost eighty percent up the building of Heaven’s Arena.

“Okay, let’s end this quick so I can go home. This place is making me sick.” The silverette whined, instantly pissing the big guy off.

“Oh yeah? Looks like I’ll have to show you a good time then.” His opponent cracked his knuckles.

“Go ahead and try.” The younger shrugged. As expected the elder charged forward first in the spur of the moment. The assassin scoffed and ducked his first punch, fitting himself in the wide space between the other’s arm and body. He quickly flipped himself such that his legs were pointing into the elder’s stomach and kicked him away, 180 degrees ahead of them. ‘ _That wasn’t so hard—although he was pretty big—that actually took some strength… Now, let’s see if I can use_ that _technique.’_ Stalling on defense, Killua waited for an opportunity again to structure his nails into pointy claws and hand into a sharp dagger to accommodate an instant kill. He hadn’t entirely perfected the technique but over the course of two years, he had desperately been trying to master it, using it on almost every other opponent.

 _‘But this time he was going to do it right and take out the other’s heart cleanly_.’ Kiru planned as he aimed at the bigger man’s chest. One minute he was the in front of the man, the next he was behind him without anyone making a single sound. The third and last minute passed by until the body collapsed on the floor and it was all over. The audience roared as usual and the kid was beginning to feel ahead of himself, tossing the heart away. But Illumi still wasn’t here to see his splendid growth.

Later that day he received an invitation to the 200th floor. The younger stared at the letter for a long time before casting it aside. ‘ _No thanks. I don’t want it_.’ With that, he looked at the phone-like device in his bag which he had used to contact his family a few times. He dialed them up again, Milluki being the first to answer.

“Killua?”

“Hey, send Gotoh to pick me up. I’m done.” The silverette demanded, shoving his stuff in his sports bag.

“What? You completed all the floors??”

“I said I’m done and that’s it.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll send someone to pick you up.” Milluki rolled his eyes on the other end of the line.

“Hey! Are you listening, I said–” He wasn’t able to finish that sentence before his elder brother hung up on him. Killua huffed, but it didn’t bother him anymore since he would be going back home anyhow. To think two years had already passed? The kid may not have had the time to notice but he had indeed changed slightly. He was doubtlessly taller than his former self—even if it was by a couple of inches— and had also lost a lot of his chubbiness.

* * *

“We’re here Master Killua. It’s nice to have you back.” The butler opened the car door for him and led him to the foot of the mansion. ‘ _It sure did feel like a long while since he was back at home. Even though he had spent his entire life in this isolated mountain, he startlingly didn’t miss it as much as he thought he would…’_ Before he could open the door to the manor, the piece of wood swung open by itself.

“I heard Kil is back—is that true!? Oh my God, Kil is all grown up now!” Kikyo squealed, exaggerating as always. Killua’s shoulders slumped. ‘ _Here comes a great big hug, per usual_.’ He helplessly waited for it until he was crushed by his mother’s arms. Soon over her shoulder, he witnessed his father step out of the house via the open door.

“You’re crushing him.” Silva claimed.

“Whoops, silly me.” Kikyo placed him back on the ground. “But that’s okay since my Kil is so strong.”

“So, how was it Killua?” His father inquired.

Killua’s expression didn’t shift much and flatly answered. “It was nothing too difficult. I got tired of it eventually.” Not sure whether he should mention about dropping out.

“I see, as expected of my son. Good work and welcome back.” He smiled. The younger felt a slight sense of accomplishment, for the first time not fearing his father the way he always did.

“Er, thanks.” He timidly responded before looking up again after his father left. “Mom, did aniki still not return?”

“Huh? Oh Illu-chan is in his room—he has no idea you’re here, perhaps you should surprise him?” Kikyo sneered. 

_‘What? In his room…_ ’ Killua thought unbelievably. As if on cue, he trotted inside the house immediately. ‘ _He was going to surprise him alright—surprise him big time!’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, Killua went from 6 years old to 8 years old in just one chapter haha XD. Was that too fast? Well it can’t be helped since he literally spent 2 of his years in Heaven’s Arena—what a way to spend your childhood, but hey it worked out for us lol. I didn’t go too in depth with his time there for obvious reasons really. Anyhow he’s back! And he’s not too happy, how will Illumi face him this time…I wonder.


	10. A New Look

Killua raced to his brother's room, ready to hear an explanation as to why the other bailed out on coming to see him. That couldn’t have been too difficult given his intel and ability. So why?! The silverette banged the door open. The room appeared dimmer in light compared to his even in the mid of day. Furthermore, there were very few items in the room including the basic furniture. However, it was slightly larger than his room and there was another small door locked on of the walls. The dull maroon curtains were drawn which explained why there was hardly any light except the one radiating from the lamp. After a full inevitable examination of his brother's bedroom for the first time, Killua finally spotted the teen sitting at his desk, face turned to him in utter surprise. For a brief second, the kid thought he had encountered someone else, given the way Illumi's hair was thrown back off his forehead and his change in clothes but he recognized those eyes anywhere.

"Kiru? When did you get back? Why wasn't I informed about this?" Illumi immediately stood up from his chair and stepped towards the younger, prepared to pull him into an embrace. Although, before the teen could, the silverette trotted back, clearly avoiding to be hugged. Illumi stopped at that close distance and stared at him in question.

"When did you finish your mission?" Killua demanded.

"...I believe it was a year ago?" Illumi stood straight again and innocently gave it a thought.

" _What_? Then dad probably gave you some other work to do, right?"

"No, I'm afraid that never happened, why?" Illumi refuted.

"Then why didn’t you come to my matches!?" The kid's eyebrows knotted on his forehead, hurt and angry at the same time. Illumi didn’t have an instant response for that.

"You've grown a lot, haven't you."

“Answer my question aniki!" 

"I can't have a hug first?"

"No." Killua honestly stated. Illumi sighed. What can he say? He practically saw this coming.

"I didn’t come because I didn’t want to." Illumi crossed his arms and answered. The younger stared at him attentively. "I didn’t want to distract Kiru from his training. As the heir to the Zoldyk family, you don’t expect to be dependent forever, right?" KIllua faltered at that accusation. The elder had a point.

"No...but it wouldn’t have hurt to just stayed for _one_ match." _'And see my improvement_.' The silverette finished in his head.

"Now is the time to break these habits. Plus, I won’t always be there to watch you Kiru." Illumi softly reasoned. Killua had his head low, eyes pointed to the ground and slowly surrendering to the other's argument. Great, now he felt like such a brat. Since his brother was a lot older than him, whatever he explained seemed to make more sense eventually. "So, am I off the hook?"

"Just this one time." The kid averted his eyes, embarrassed to admit.

"Kiru is so cute."

"Be quiet!" The younger ended up exclaiming, a faint blush washing over his cheeks. It was weird for him too: despite all the times his brother had used that word, it's effect had a somewhat different feeling this time. Or maybe because it sounded like a taunt.

"Eh? Where did you learn such naughty words?"

"S-sorry, I didn’t mean to...I was just..."

"It doesn’t matter now." Illumi barely said and wrapped the kid into a tight embrace. "Welcome back." Yes, this gesture elicited such a calming sensation, he didn’t realize how empty he felt this past year without it. The past year without Killua felt as if he had gone back to his former days when the kid wasn’t around. Nothing but darkness and hollowness outlining his heart, filled with complete boredom and a heavy sense of duty. While those things still existed and perhaps always would, but ever since the younger came around, a new window opened up that would cast some light and affection into that desolated place from time to time.

"I'm home." Kiru appreciated the warm feeling he was receiving. "By the way, your hair's a lot longer now." Killua commented.

"So are yours." Illumi petted the overgrown white fluff of hair on the small head, with strands going down as far as his neck and below his ears. The raven haired inched back and knelt on one knee as his hands shifted from the younger's head to cheeks. Just like that, in the heat of the moment, Illumi slowly brought his face a hairline away from the younger's, planting lips tenderly on one another. Killua's eyes indeed widened at the new gesture but thought nothing much of it as he gazed at the closed lashes of his brother's eyes. The moment of faze left as fast as it came for him, since his elder brother was known to enjoy being 'touchy' (to him). Therefore, he let it slide as another one of those odd ways the other showed his affection.

"Aniki?" Killua only questioned casually when Illumi broke the contact, moving his hands to his shoulders. Illumi simply smiled back.

"As I thought, Kiru is such a good child." The teen stood up again and aimed towards the door. "Then shall we get you a hair-cut?" He looked back at the kid, before holding it open.

"Yeah! And some better clothes!" He cheered, picking up the pace and leaving the room with his brother who locked it from behind. "Do you wanna hear about all the floors I defeated? I actually won so much cash money!" Killua didn’t stop talking for as long as they walked. He was grateful that Illumi was such a great listener.

* * *

“Have a great day, I shall be taking my leave then.” The barber tipped his hat and exited mansion’s dressing room, gathering his stuff on the way out. Killua threw the plain white sheet off him and ruffled his hair once. He immediately looked in the mirror. Yes, he liked this style. Even though his spikes whipped all over the place, they still seemed more tamed and neater than when he first arrived. His hair was much shorter now, a perfect length right above his neck, and covering his forehead. He rolled off his shirt and reached for the wet towel the barber left by the mirror. With it he massaged his whole head and neck for any excess hair to fall off. Subsequently, he wore his usual dark navy blue turtle neck before turning to the clothes on the other side of the room.

‘ _Okay, now to find something different to wear on top._ ’ The silverette began rummaging through the hanged clothes in the wardrobe until he was able to decide on a half-sleeved V-neck pale lavender T-shirt and grayish shorts. Somehow, he fancied the simple contrast of light and dull colors. The navy did a great job accentuating his pale skin as always and matched his big eyes, while the light T-shirt gave another relatable shade to his hair. No comment on the shorts, he just thought it was time for a change? Moreover, they highlighted his age more.

The younger came out of the room to find Illumi patiently waiting outside the door. “What do you think?” Killua presented himself. The elder eye’s lifted themselves from the floor, starting from the other’s sneakers, to his knees, shorts, shirt and finally all the way up to his spiky hair.

“Flawless.” The raven haired confessed emotionlessly with a thumbs up.

“Hehe.” Kiru grinned with pride. “What about you? Aren't you going to get a haircut?”

“No, I'm planning to keep them this way, actually.”

“Eh? But that's so much work, isn't it?” Killua persuaded.

“It's nothing Kiru.”

“Fine~” The silverette submitted. “If that's what you want. So, now what?”

“I assumed you were going to go back to playing in the sandbox with your toys.” Illumi answered for him.

“Ugh, what, don't be ridiculous—don't you think I'm a little old for that now?” Killua deadpanned. Don't get him wrong, the sandbox was loads of fun but this current him wasn't exactly up to the idea of swimming in the sand and playing with dinosaurs. Illumi held back a laugh with a snort. “You laughed just now—didn't you?!” The younger mercilessly pointed.

“Of course not, Kiru.” Illumi had the nerve to respond as expressionlessly as before, convincing that never happened. “I'm actually glad you're growing up.”

“Yeah, right.” The kid would bet on that. A moment of silence passed between them. ‘ _Weird. I don’t have anything to say_.’ Killua realized. In fact, that wasn’t the only thing he realized. He also noticed that, suddenly there was nothing _fun_ to do at home. He wanted to spend some time with his aniki—since he lacked friends or anyone from his age group that could keep him company. Oddly enough, Illumi was the one from his siblings he could pass his time with and actually enjoy it.

What the silverette wasn’t aware of was the fact that the elder was quietly watching his changing expressions like a hawk. Apparently, the teen wasn’t a huge talker himself, so he found simple pleasure just watching the other. Of course if he could, he would lock the younger in his lap forever—just like that, but that was easier said than done. Even so, discontent of simply standing there, he raised his large pale hand to anchor it on to Kiru’s white head that was full in view. Albeit, before the hand could make it there a voice interrupted them.

“Illumi-sama, Killua-sama, your father wishes to see the both you in his chamber.” A butler notified. Both of their heads whipped towards the butler ultimately coming back to one another.

* * *

Illumi knocked on the door. “Enter boys.” Silva permitted. The teen pushed the door open and allowed Killua to enter before him, closing the door behind him. “I’m glad both of you came together.” He glanced at the two standing side by side each other. Killua appeared to stand stiffly while Illumi was more than used to this and stood respectfully straight. “Illumi, what would be your opinion on Killua accepting his first mission?” Killua’s eyes snapped at that. ‘ _His first actual mission? Mentioning him in a third person too—what was up with that?_ ’

Illumi took his time thinking and keeping the younger in suspense before answering to that. “I think he’s perfectly ready.” Killua’s shoulders slumped. ‘ _Of course he was going to say that_.’ In all honestly, the silverette did not fear the mission itself. No one in the civilian world came anywhere close to his skills and ability…however, the only aspect of all this that was apprehending to think about was that if he accepted this case—there would be no turning back. He knew that as time went by, he’d have to let go of all these fleeting joyful—not to mention ‘normal’ feelings. He would really turn into a desolated asocial being. He hadn’t been to the outside world yet (besides a sorry excuse of a battling arena) but after becoming a pro assassin, the only reason to go there would be to kill and nothing else. The thought was saddening truthfully. Is that what made Illumi expressionless? On second thought, it would be no surprise to find that he was born that way.

“Well Killua?” Their father turned the spotlight to him.

“Eh? Uh…yeah…” Kiru answered in a daze.

“Please send me the details. I’ll take care of the rest.” Illumi diverted their attention. And asked to be excused.

“I expected no less. Work hard you two.” Silva insinuated them to leave. As soon as they exited the room, Illumi dropped a hand on the kid’s shoulder.

“It’s fine Kiru.”

“I’m not worried about _that_.” Killua lied.

“Is that so?”

* * *

A few days passed after that little chat with their father and since the details of the case hadn’t been disclosed yet, Killua went back to spending time his way. Momentarily, he was standing on top of the highest hill in their territory, determined to accentuate his skateboarding skills. On the count of three, he hopped on and rode all the way down, balancing his weight a couple of times back and forth and grinning away. The sensation was absolutely thrilling—almost as if he was flying. He was doing so well until a small creature seemed to fix itself on the slanted grassy path ahead of him. ‘ _Uh oh,_ ’ It’d be painful to take an abrupt sharp turn now and then go tumbling down the hill after. Except he didn’t have to. In another second a zooming dart stunned the squirrel in the path, the intense pressure thrusting it out of the path. While that caught the younger’s attention briefly, he inevitably resumed his journey until he arrived at the end of the hill.

Setting his skateboard down, he looked back at the dead squirrel…was that a needle? As if on cue, footsteps were heard behind him. “I should’ve guessed.” Killua stated, as he found Illumi taking a stance against a tree. “Did you kill it?”

“No, I simply removed it.” The elder nonchalantly responded with his eyes closed.

“What?” 

“It’s fine Kiru, I won’t let anything get in your way or cause you harm, trust me.” Illumi arrogantly promised, not a single word wavering on his tongue. Killua could only stare at him speechless. Normally one should be touched by those words, right? But why did they seem so terrifying and dreading when they came from his mouth. The kid couldn’t pinpoint what exactly but there was also a peculiar aura surrounding the other…it was subtle but there and strong enough to make his small body freeze. The silverette wasn’t doubting the promise itself…more like the intentions behind it that shook his heart. Geez, sometimes his brother was too unintentionally scary.

Kiru’s mouth was open to rebuke, but he couldn’t grasp his voice or argue against the teen this once. “Un.” He hoisted his skateboard into his arms again and began to walk past the other.

“Oh, where are you going? Aren’t you going to do that again?” Illumi innocently asked.

“N-no, I don’t feel like it anymore.”

“…Then, in that case, perhaps you’d like to hear about your job?” The moment the words left the elder, Killua stopped dead in his tracks, turning his head to face his brother. “I have the time and place, interested?”

The silverette inwardly gulped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...why is everyone looking at me like... oh! the kiss! wait hold on, don't kill me lol. No Illumi is not a pedophile and he does not have a lolita complex—unless you add the word ‘brother’ in there, ahem—I mean, I don’t know how that happened…but well…wouldn’t you agree that the mood kinda dictated it…? No? (I’m busted)


	11. First Mission

The sky was dark and stormy. The only indication of pouring rain from the storm was the sound of water continually gushing on its surroundings and the occasional lightning that lit fractions of the sky. The time was past 10 P.M. Eight year Killua stood on the roof of a skyscraper waiting patiently for his target to exit the front doors. It was cold—but that didn’t bother him. As much as this was going to be a piece of cake, he really wanted to get it done with already. He’d close his eyes, and kill—that’s it. He took a slow breath in, raising his chin and allowing the rain drops to bump on his nose and slide down.

“Hey over here!” A child’s voice broke his moment of mental peace, thus automatically glancing in their direction. Down below, in the streets, were three tiny figures—perhaps his age—that were playing ball and sounded like they were having one hell of a time too. The silverette compressed his shoulders inward, urging himself to not get distracted and look away. ‘ _That did look like fun…so that’s what it feels like to ‘play’ with others your age…’_ His mind instinctively wandered as he hid his face under his dark hoody.

“What are you thinking about?” A familiar voice shook his attention, causing him to whip his head backwards.

“Aniki…” Killua let out, not anticipating the other to actually follow him all the way there. “How long have you been there?”

“You know me, I’ve been here the whole time.” Illumi gestured his hands as he shrugged. He motioned his dark pools for eyes directly at the younger. “I’m always watching you.” His tone couldn’t have sounded any more confident and endearing. “Especially when this is my cute little brother’s most important first mission.” 

‘ _There he goes again, calling me cute and being overprotective… really_.’ The kid tried not to express those thoughts on his face. “I can manage my own. You can leave, you know.” Feeling a bit bashful nonetheless, he averted himself to avoid getting exposed.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” The raven haired sighed, feeling a bit dejected at that. “As your big brother, it’s my duty to help you succeed into the perfect assassin.” Killua rolled his eyes once. ‘ _I knew it, that’s all he cares about._ The perfect assassin _.’_ “Oh, the car’s here to pick him up.” Illumi wasn’t lying and the younger determined that by gazing below him. Two black cars braked beside the curb of the building, doors automatically opening up.

“Remember, expose your bloodlust only at the moment you kill. Until then, imagine yourself as a non-existent object.” Illumi instructed per usual.

“Ah.” The silverette nodded obediently. There was a heartbeat of a pause.

“Are you scared?” Illumi asked.

“…not really.” The kid blatantly stated, not certain whether he was or wasn’t.

“Just what I’d expect.” 

Moments later two men walked out with the target. Upon recognizing his victim, Killua’s eyes darkened as he propelled a foot forward in mid-air, ready to free fall. As he fell, he tentatively lost contact with his soul and inner cognition—simply convincing himself that he was now a machine that had been activated. With that said, his arms unconditionally strayed from his pockets and turned into daggers. Hitting the ground with a loud thud—startling his company—he raised himself in a jiffy and killed in one attack. Blood spilled as the body landed on the ground and one his security guards aimed a gun at the kid. Killua dodged the bullets no sweat, dashed in a zigzag before kicking the weapon out of his hands and ending him for good too. It was he thought, his mind was blank and his body was moving on its own like it was conditioned to respond that certain way whenever it found a trigger. 

Illumi proudly watched from the very building the younger jumped from. His adorable brother was growing up to be as adept as he always wanted him to be. In the meantime, Killua quietly walked away from the scene, senses slowly returning as he crossed into an alleyway with sirens of police cars and ambulances screaming in the background. He apathetically stepped out of the short dark alley on to the other side of the streets until a soccer ball rolled down his path.

“Hey, can you get that ball for us!” One of the same kids from before shouted. Killua stared at them for a brief second before glancing back at the ball. Other than Canary, he didn’t have much experience with kids close to his age. Them, talking to him…even if it was demanding a request, was a flattering feeling. In other words, he had no reason to object and maybe... he could even talk to them? The kid arced down to grab the ball, however a pair of hands beat him to it. The silverette looked up to find his brother holding the ball instead. 

“Just so you know,” The long-haired teen reminded. “You don’t need any friends.” He emphasized, almost as if he read the younger’s mind. “How many times have I told you Kiru, any friend you make will eventually betray you.” Kiru glared at him in distress. ‘ _He knew that! He didn’t need friends—his aniki repeatedly said that, but…_ ’

“And even if they won’t betray you, you will most likely betray them—no you might even _kill_ them. Am I wrong, Kiru?” The younger gasped at that bold accusation, ultimately looking down deep in thought. Illumi unwillingly saw through the silverette’s conflicted expressions and breathed a soft sigh. ‘ _Looks like he was going to have to use the more impacting way to clarify his point. Well, not that it was too difficult for him to execute._ ’ The needle-master decided. “Just like this, Kiru, you don’t need anyone else.” ‘ _But me_.’

Illumi positioned the ball at an angle to his chest before releasing it and kicking it with his foot towards the children. In the spur of the moment he was only steps away from the three kids, invisible bloodlust oozing out of his body. Killua swerved in his direction, afraid of what he could possibly be anticipating to come alive based on the other’s actions.

“Wait…S-stop!” The younger nearly ran after him to prevent the whole squirrel incident from happening all over again but as expected of his capable and over-achieving brother, he was too late. Crimson blood splattered on the stony walls and cemented floor, which was later accompanied by high pitched screams. “Stop!! Aniki!” Kiru cried at the top of his lungs, no other voices nor sounds even close to hitting his ears anymore.

“Kiru, you shouldn’t scream so loud, otherwise you’ll hurt your throat.” Illumi nonchalantly claimed as he stepped back to the younger’s side and patted his back once. Killua still in shock, had no idea how to react. _Did that really happen just now? They were_ assassins _…_ the definition of the word was beginning to take its rightful place for the first time in his life. He finally realized how powerful the word really was and how much he had taken it for granted.

Fists formed on the pavement after he collapsed to the ground and a tear uncontrollably escaped his eyes, before another and another. ‘ _Why was he crying? He wasn’t particularly feeling sad or anything. It felt more like the tears were for those who couldn’t cry them. The kids that were so happy just two seconds ago—innocent corpses now. Perhaps, he was better off away from others—only bad luck would follow them…It was a bit irrelevant to remember but… just like that kitten, or that squirrel, even Alluka, and now these kids.’_

“Kiru, are you crying?” Illumi asked in amazement.

“Shut up! Why did you do that?! They weren’t part of the mission!” At last, Killua was able to find his voice again.

“I was making sure you understood—you seemed to be holding mixed feelings about—”

“I don’t want to hear it! Dammit—it’s not fair—hic—!” The silverette ended up sobbing loudly, crouching to the ground and as the rain poured down harder and louder, he promised himself this was the last time he would cry like this. From now on, he had to be responsible for his actions and _definitely_ be strong enough to protect those that needed it _even_ _if_ he was an assassin. ‘ _But who exactly would want protection from an assassin?’_

Lightning zapped in the sky once more and Illumi silently watch the other cry his eyes out. He couldn’t even begin to fathom why though. ‘ _Was he so sad for the brats? Maybe hungry or tired?_ ’ Illumi was getting slightly irritated at the way he was crying. Seeing the other like this was never good for his heart. _‘Ah, I unconsciously did it again.’_ He then realized. ‘ _I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t leave any obvious signs of my killing in front of him. And now he’s crying again just like that time.’_

The elder knelt on one knee and rubbed circles on his younger brother’s back. “Okay, Kiru, that’s enough. You’re going to make yourself sick. I won’t be so vulgar in front of you again.” He attempted but the younger continued to sob, body shaking back and forth. “Sleep, Kiru. Just go to sleep. You’re exhausted.” Illumi secretly ordered. The words passed through the silverette’s ears but he was far from obeying them. At least that’s what he thought, but unknowingly his eyes immediately felt droopy and his body was starting to drain itself right after the teen uttered those words. In another minute, his vision completely blacked out as he fell forward. The raven haired caught the poor kid and lifted him in his arms, noticing how drenched his clothes now were.

 _‘He ended up brawling so much. Hm, what do I do…I don’t want_ _to take him back like this, especially after his first case._ ’ Illumi pondered until he resolved to book a hotel room for the night instead. He carried the younger to a nearby expensive hotel, checked in a room and laid him on the bed. After calling their father and informing him of the success of the mission and of course their whereabouts, he turned back to Kiru. Both of their clothes were soaked–no doubt fresh set of clothes were a must. Locking all windows, the balcony door, drawing the curtains and sealing the door, he left Killua temporarily to fetch them some new suits from home. He was gone and back before one could count to thirty. First, he removed the sleeping younger’s hoodie and shorts and dressed him into the fresh pair that he brought back, tucking him in the covers as well. Next, he hit the showers and washed up before wearing his new yet identical suit. After drying his long straight hair with a towel, he decided to get cozy too, and climbed into the bed gently beside the kid—pulling him closer and watching him tirelessly breathe in and out.

‘ _If only it could be the two of them like this, forever.’_

* * *

The next morning, Illumi awoke earlier as usual (or did he not sleep?) and held his head up with an elbow. With nothing better to do, he played around with the silverette’s hair. Killua was still out like a light, so the elder poked his pale skin, sliding his fingers along his forehead, eyebrows, cheeks, jaw bone, chin and lastly his neck. The teen had never seen anything so adorable and captivating at the same time. And that wasn’t the first time he thought that. They would always be together because they were family, weren’t they? Little did he know that there were limits to even ‘family.’

When the teen pinched his nose, Killua inevitably cringed his expression once and nuzzled closer. Illumi welcomed the gesture and instantly wrapping an arm around the younger. “Kiru~”

The silverette was in the process of gradually waking up as he took in his brother’s cool scent, but then abruptly recalled the events of the night before and in an instant snapped his eyes open. Jerking himself away from the elder, he looked at him incredulously. “You…why are you in my room?" Killua asked horrendously.

"Your room?" Illumi didn’t flinch, and kept his face up in the same fashion.

 _'Wait, how did they get back home? And was his bed always this spacious?_ ' The kid glanced around the wide room and registered that this wasn't his room at all. "…Where is this?"

"You were so worn out—not to mention—drenched last night, that I didn't have a choice but to reserve us a hotel room.” The elder replied. _'But now that I think about it, perhaps that was a bit risky to reside in any other hotel. Oh well, not like matters since I can just eliminate all the novices here_.’ He shrugged the thought away as soon as it came. 

_'That's right he…_ ' A of cloud of remorse suddenly fell over the younger as he vividly remembered last night. His hands balled into fists again, gripping the sheets relentlessly underneath him. ‘ _Why did he have to feel this way again?_ ’ "Why …" The raven haired stared at him puzzled. "Why did you do it?! That was totally unnecessary! Why?! Why are you like this!" The silverette began shouting right off the bat. He never imagined that in the years to come he would have such a discrepancy with the other’s personality. Just how did they get along so well in the past again?


	12. Whatever You Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tak. tak. tk-tk. tk. tak. —And that is the sound of rain that doesn’t let you sleep, especially when it’s pouring first thing in the morning. -_-   
> (sorry guys I'm random)

"Why …" The raven haired stared at him puzzled. "Why did you do it?! That was totally unnecessary! Why?! Why are you like this!" The silverette began shouting right off the bat. Illumi only tilted his head, expressionlessly. His face evidently showed that he wasn't following any of this. Something along the lines of 'why are we talking about this trivial matter first thing in the morning?'

"Good morning to you too Kiru. Did you sleep well?" The elder responded nicely instead. Killua stared at him unbelievably, eyes as wide as his sockets.

“What...?" The younger tentatively let out, lips twitching into a smile for some unknown reason. "How can you be so…calm…"

“Ah, I wouldn't think too much about it Kiru, you just had your first mission yesterday. I’m sure you’re extra alert—that's why you're acting like this. I promise it'll be over soon." He sat up as well and softly kissed the silverette’s head.

 _'No, no, there's nothing wrong with me, I know it! …or is there? Am I really just too innervated from yesterday…since I don't know when we came back to the hotel, was the rest just a dream? Is that why he's acting so normal…?_ ' That theory was highly probable. In fact, even if it was false, the younger was still willing to accept it.

"Now shall I order some breakfast? Kiru must be hungry." The raven haired asked endearingly.

 _'Of course, aniki may kill squirrels and the like without a blink of an eye, but there's no way he'd aimlessly kill uninvolved humans—_ especially _children for the joy of it… right…?’_ Killua’s mind wouldn’t stop pondering on the matter. "No, I'm not." He muttered in a very low yet audible voice.

"Eh? No need to be shy Kiru, you didn't eat since yesterday."

"I said I don't want to eat!" The younger shouted hoping to prove just how serious he was. He wasn’t in the mood to be played by Illumi and he very much wanted to get his thoughts cleared. _When did he fall asleep? How much of yesterday was a dream despite it feeling so real?_ At least one thing was certain that the mission indeed took place. His brother had already pronounced that.

On the other hand, Illumi sat quietly from the sudden outburst. Thoughtfully, he parted his lips to say something until a loud growl took those words away. The teen blinked once and stared at Killua who was now a shade of pink.

 _‘My pride won't ever be the same again._ ’ The silverette had the undying urge to poke a hole in his body and take out his stomach with the new technique he had learned. Apparently, Illumi couldn’t hold back a chuckle—more like a soft ‘pfft,’ further embarrassing the kid who simply averted his eyes with a frown.

"Don't worry I’ll call a load of breakfast—all of your favorites." The elder climbed off the bed and turned to the phone hanging on the wall. Kiru continued to watch him from behind. _'I'm confused, he's his usual self, like there was no way that happened…_ ' His mind was really swirling in crazy circles now.

He had to ask. "A…aniki…"

“Yes?" Illumi’s tone was as even and tender as always, just the way it was towards the younger. In fact, it almost made Killua feel bad for accusing the other. When he thought about it, his brother had always helped him, even in ways he didn't wanted him to sometimes—always looking for his general good like a parent of some sort. Furthermore, he was accusing the other without any evidence either.

"Last night…did that really happen?"

"What did? Your mission? Assassinations are no big deal for us, but to forget it so soon…"

"No, I'm not talking about the mission! I mean—the…kids…in the alley…" The kid uttered the words slowly afraid all of that might be true.

"...What kids?” Illumi asked innocently before realization hit him. “Oh—" 

"Ah, I knew it…so…it, was only a dumb nightmare…" Kiru forced himself to laugh. Nevertheless, he was beginning to feel the relief wash over him.

Illumi fell in a puzzle since the moment Kiru woke up. The younger’s mood was particularly harder to follow then usual but he just smiled and remained silent. That was the answer to coping with everything. The raven haired resolved it was best to leave it at that, after all it was much easier for Kiru to assume whatever he wanted and as long as it wasn’t harming, it was fine. Illumi stepped over and ruffled his little brother’s head.

"Aren't you glad it was only a nightmare then?" He spoke. The younger nodded, fighting the subtle feeling of discrepancy. ‘ _That feeling of dread felt so real though. But then again, all dreams were, weren’t they?’_ "While the food is on its way, maybe you should take a bath first? I didn't have time to give you one last night."

As anticipated, Killua agreed, also remembering the rain pouring on them last night. He went to the bathroom, noticing his clothes were different from last night too for the first time. ‘ _Did Illumi get these for him and then change him into them?_ _Geez he was acting paranoid about his bro this entire time for nothing—just because of some stupid dream.’_ Looks like Illumi was right once again; the mission must have unknowingly stressed him out more than he could give it credit for. The silverette hit the showers and when he came out of the bathroom, Illumi already had food and glassware set on the small coffee table in their room. The round table was close to the large balcony window and flanked by two low sofa seats. The smell of cinnamon toast, butter and chocolate atoned the air all the way to his nose, accentuating his hunger even more as he walked out with the towel on his shoulders. However, before he reached the table, a pair of hands caught his towel, spreading it over his head and tousling his hair.

"Hey—" The younger ungrudgingly let out but eventually stood there quietly and let the other mess up his hair. The sensation was never displeasuring and he enjoyed it all the time in the past. Once they were done, they sat across from one another and began to eat in silence. Killua only focused on devouring the food to appease his famish, glimpsing at the window once in a while as he chugged down some hot chocolate. The sky was relatively brighter than yesterday but due to the rain, everything was still wet and light fog lingered in the atmosphere. Oh well, like they could do anything about it.

"Should we head back, Kiru?"

"…" ‘ _Weren't they in [X] city? It wasn't every day they came here…and after a mission well done, was it wrong to chill out a bit? Once they went back to the house, he’d just be cooped up in that mountain all over again. Unless Illumi had an upcoming mission…_ ' The younger mused before answering. "Do you have a mission?"

"Hm? No, I don't. Why?"

"Then can't we go somewhere?" Honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if Illumi dropped the topic, since he didn't know any places for fun in the first place. But then again this was Kiru making a request to Illumi…

"Okay." Of course, he'd accept. Killua smiled at the overpowering thought. "Do you have any place in mind?"

"Um, no not really…maybe we can search?"

"That won't be necessary because I know just the spot. " lllumi pointed out. The silverette was more or less curious now.

* * *

“We’ve arrived.” Illumi announced standing outside their destination with the kid. Killua’s stomach was fluttering from the unknown excitement he was anticipating. He couldn’t wait to see what kind of place— suddenly his face dropped. The silverette looked up to what appeared to be a massive dome shaped building made of bleached blocks. It looked more like an abandoned prison than tourist spot.

“Aniki…”

“Hm?”

“What exactly is this? This place is no fun—anyone can see that!” Killua pointed towards the dome.

“Really, now?” Illumi retorted before shaking his head. “Silly Kiru, how many times have I told you to never accept things at face value?” He led the way in. “It’s thanks to this appearance that it only attracts the special visitors.” The elder further explained as they crossed a very long hallway flanked by glass doors. The glass doors slid open, and revealed a world of their own that resided with in the dome infrastructure. There was literally a full-fledged shooting range in it! The kid stared in absolute fascination at that. 

“Whoa! It’s the real thing!” Kiru gawked.

“Wanna give it a try?”

“You bet!”

“Hello sir, do you have any experience?” One of the officers approached them.

“Not me, him.” Illumi pointed to the kid below him indicating that all questions should be directed towards Killua since he would be the participant.

“Excuse me?? I’m sorry but we can’t allow that—he’s a minor—”

“He’s a lot steadier with his hands than you probably are. Just bring him the equipment.” The elder demanded.

“I’m sorry but that’s impossible. He’s a—”

Illumi helplessly sighed. “And I was hoping I didn’t have to.” He simply annunciated as he took out a pin and flicked his fingers in the man’s direction, stabbing his forehead. “Now, won’t you bring him a shotgun and some protection?” 

“Arg…Y-yes.” The pin adjusted into his skull and submitted the man’s mental will to the other. The man crookedly walked away and brought all the necessary apparatus for the show. Killua just stood there and watched his elder brother so _smoothly_ handle everything. _‘And that’s how you get what you want, huh?’_

Soon they assembled into a vacant aisle with the longitudinal range facing ahead of them. Illumi did him a favor and stapled the human silhouette, returning to his side once the chief fixed the younger’s eye and ear wear.

“Do you want gloves?” the raven haired asked as he stood right behind the kid, kneeling down so his hands were at the same level as Killua’s.

“Nah, I think it’s okay.” It was just a weapon after all. He’d already been exposed to these—yesterday as well—so the object itself wasn’t frightening. However, due to the uncanny techniques he was able to execute with his hands, he never had the need to utilize guns or such. Thus, this was still pretty exhilarating.

“Hold it like this with both hands.” The elder mapped his hands on top of Kiru’s, guiding them in the proper position. “Eyes on your target… and then shoot.” Killua kept his eyes straight as instructed, he never dared to defy his brother when he was ‘teaching.’ Upon the appropriate signal, the younger crunched his tiny finger without a second wasted, experiencing a one-of-a-kind surge of energy thrusting him backwards. Albeit that was nothing compared to the forward force the bullet generated as it ripped the air apart.

“Not bad, Kiru.” Illumi caught his attention and made him realize he was holding his breath as he watched the tiny metal hit the white cardboard. The silverette looked down range once more, to analyze the exact location his bullet hit. It was apparently only a few centimeters off target. 

“Eh, how did I miss?” Kiru tilted his head, affirmative that his aim was on point. “Can I try again?”

“Sure—” Illumi responded but was ultimately interrupted by the beeping of his phone. He reached for it and read the text on screen.

‘A client requested you.’ Was all it said from their father.

“A job?” Killua guessed without bothering to read or ask what the text was about.

“Very perceptive.” That was a yes. “Looks like we’ll have to do this some other time Kiru.” The silverette rolled his eyes. He knew based on experience how unlikely _that_ was. Scrumptiously setting the gun down on the table behind them, the kid removed his protective gear.

“Let’s go.” The younger claimed.

* * *

“But wasn’t that fun? Though you won’t be needing such armament in the future.” Illumi asked once again as they neared their desolate mountain.

“Mn, yeah, it was cool.” Killua shrugged, not so enthusiastic about returning home just to be caged again for who knows how long and without any fun company either. “So, who is it this time?” He asked regarding the new job Illumi had received.

“A mafia member.” The elder briefed his target.

“—Isn’t that tough?” _‘To infiltrate a mafia group…_ ’ The words escaped before the younger could stop them. From time to time, he was amazed at what his aniki was and wasn’t capable of. Truthfully, he lost count of that list long ago.

“Is it?” The teen naively echoed. Killua scowled at that. ‘ _This guy…he can still act like it’s nothing. Oh, whatever, he’s the last person I should be worrying about anyway.’_ The pro-assassin concluded, closing his eyes. “But you’re right, this might be troublesome.”

“Duh.”

“And even take a while.”

“You’re the one who accepted it.” Killua deadpanned. “Besides, you can take as long as you want, it’s not like I’m going to miss you or anything.” He partially lied. The kid himself didn’t understand why he was particularly acting bratty/spoiled.

“…” Illumi didn’t have an immediate comeback to those supposedly harsh words. “Kiru.” The silverette waited for the elder to continue, eyes averted to another side as they stepped closer and closer to the main gates. “Kiru...” The raven haired uttered again.

“ _What_?” Irritated, Killua whipped himself in Illumi’s direction but was caught off guard by a pair of lips on him. The elder bent all the way down to sandwich the kid’s head in his palms and kissed him. The younger lost the control to close his eyes even once during that time, not sure how to react or even the reason behind doing such a thing at a random time like this.

“But I’m going to miss _you_.” Illumi reassured as he parted away a few inches, eyelids downturned to a fraction.

“…I don’t get you at all…” Kiru murmured as he averted his face, hiding a faint blush while the elder stood straight again. “Why do you do that…?” He had the nerve to finally ask.

“Maybe I’ll tell you if you give me one when I come back.” Illumi stated, stopping in his tracks. The younger followed suit. “This is as far as I’ll go.”

“Huh? Wait, you’re not coming in?” His younger brother confirmed standing before the enormous gates.

“There’s no point going home—I’ll be heading straight to my mission instead.”

‘ _He really doesn’t waste any time. Why the rush?_ ’ Killua felt like saying. “Okay…”

“See you then, Kiru. Train hard.” Illumi saluted and disappeared in thin air.

“Later…” the younger answered to a bunch leaves swirling in the air left behind the other. It was him by himself again…and by the nature of the job, the kid had a strong hunch that it would certainly take a while.

However, that wasn’t entirely bad. This way, Killua had time to think, get his introspections straight—about a lot of things including his mission, what it truly meant to be an assassin, the outside world that he knew so little about compared to his family and most importantly, Illumi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiru is nearing his rebellious phase lol! Wait for it. XD   
> Another time lapse is on it’s way too, Illumi’s mission will indeed take time. How long? You’ll find out next chapter.   
> And isn't Illumi getting bolder...  
> See you all next time, we have a mission of our own: Homework. In the meantime, please like~


	13. Surprises

“Welcome back Killua.” Silva smiled at his son.

“I’m back. I wanted to let you know that the mission was a success.” Ten-year old Killua stood before his father, back from his twentieth mission.

“Well done, my son. Do you feel any stronger?”

“…yeah sure.” Killua honestly couldn’t tell the difference. After dismissal, he came out to the silent hallways. These days Milluki was entirely engrossed in his computers, Kalluto was a chronic wordless mystery where as he had no idea what the younger did now and then, except for one thing: he was always with their mother. In honesty, which wasn’t so bad since she was the loudest one in the house. And lastly, Illumi was still away on his job. It had been almost two years since they parted and what had the kid been doing this entire time?

Observing. A ton of observing and thinking. It never bothered him in the past but slowly he was noting every little thing about his family, their occupation, lifestyle, location etc.— ever since he returned from that first mission. The silverette walked down the dim corridors, passing a bunch of old ancestral paintings. 

_‘One, they were assassins—_ assassins.’

“Hello Master Killua.” A female butler bowed and smiled, stopping in her tracks while carrying a towel and tray. Killua glimpsed at her as a sign of acknowledgement but kept walking down his path.

_‘Two, they felt no sympathy towards lives of others, no one in particular. Maids and butlers were discarded or used as tests without a second glance.’_

“Has anyone seen Kalluto? Kalluto dear, where are you? Do you want to play with mommy?” His mother’s loud voice could be heard from the living room.

_‘Three, despite their merciless job, mother never failed to smile and act cheery…but those smiles…they must be holding absolute craziness and blood lust that no one can see.’_

_‘Four, Kalluto was highly similar to Illumi, and he had a strong hunch that kid was worse. Illumi probably lost his emotions along the way, but Kalluto, it would appear that he was almost born that way—an emotionless soul.’_

The younger halted after that thought, eyes facing the carpeted floor beneath him.

 _‘Speaking of Illumi… he had not contacted them even once_.’ Killua involuntarily glanced at the door to his right. How convenient. He had stopped directly in front of Illumi’s shut bedroom door. The silverette continued to stare at the dark wooden door without a word. This door hadn’t been opened a single time since the other left—surprisingly, not for cleaning either. Everyone would pass by this room like it was a blank spot in the hall. A s a matter of fact, no one in the family ever talked about him or mentioned his name either, like the elder never existed or something.

Killua wasn’t sure if their family was over confident in Illumi’s skills or whether it was their way of accepting the fate of the other, but the whole ordeal was unsettling. _‘Man, why did he never notice there was something off with his family?_ ’ They appeared to be normal but these very trivial things began standing out one by one. However, what really bothered him was the fact that he was the only one disturbed by all this.

The kid kept standing before the door, ultimately resting his forehead on it in deep thought. He didn’t hate Illumi, and oddly enough even though Illumi was similar to the other family members, the raven-haired had always been that hand Killua could hold on to. Moreover, besides him, there was no one he spent so much time with in general. Yet, Illumi wasn’t so normal either. The younger noticed there was something unique about him too…he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly but he would get this chill once in a while with the elder.

Exhausted from such endless contemplations, Killua curious encircled his fingers over the knob, to see if the room was open. ‘ _Of course, it’s won’t be.’_ The silverette deadpanned. In truth, he only wanted to gather some more intel on the elder, other than what he was already aware of from the source of his eyes. But then again, appearances can be misleading, right? It amazed him, how little he knew of his aniki. The silverette applied a gentle push to the door and to his shock, it actually opened! Killua’s eyes bulged out when the door propelled back and allowed light into Illumi’s dark chamber. The curtains were drawn per usual rendering the room to be pitch black, thus the first the younger did after entering was switching the lights on. Carefully, the kid walked in, convinced he was executing an illegal act as he probed the drawers.

‘ _Locked_.’ Killua slumped but figured as much. He noticed nothing but a few distinguishable pins stabbed into the wall—must have been thrown there when he was bored. What really caught his eyes was the small steel door at the end of the room obscured with a massive old lock that collected dust. From the looks of it, the lock was unbudgeable and hadn’t been opened in centuries. To think he came in here wanting to know more but hadn’t found much at all. Even so, the younger had a strong feeling that small door would answer a lot.

“Did you miss me that much?” A quick voice startled him without warning. The kid whipped his head towards the direction of the sound. He found Illumi standing, leaning against the door frame very casually. Killua couldn’t believe his eyes for the second time that day. Was he beginning to yearn for the other that badly?

“Aniki...?”

“I was wondering why you didn’t come to meet me, until I decided on going back to my room instead.” Illumi told.

“What are you doing here?” Killua couldn’t fathom why he asked such a stupid question.

Illumi raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t I be asking that? Why are you in my room _Kiru_?”

“Ah, that, um…I just accidently bumped into the door and it opened…” Killua averted his eyes while replying, a bit taken aback.

“Really? Oh well, as long as you didn’t touch anything.” The elder shrugged, walking towards him. "Won’t I get a welcome back?”

“…welcome back.”

“…Aren’t you going to do it the way I asked you too—for when I return?"

The raven’s words suddenly brought about a flash back in Kiru’s mind. He hesitated at first but stepped a little closer to him and reached up, while Illumi willingly bent down too, so Killua could kiss him. "Welcome back…" The kid pecked his lips as told.

However, Illumi just stared at him not entirely satisfied. Therefore, he ended up holding his face with both hands and pressed against those small lips harder, ultimately pushing him against the foot of the bed. Killua felt his back sliding down the bed board and eyes widen when he recognized the elder's tongue suddenly poke inside his mouth as his head rubbed on the bed piece. Illumi had full control by now and effortlessly roamed his tongue in the younger’s mouth, mingling their tongues together passionately. Soon, Killua pulled away for a breath of fresh air, heart thumping and stomach fluterring from the foreign feeling.

“Eh—w—what are you--you actually stuck your tongue in!” Kiru reprimanded.

“Ah, sorry Kiru…did you hate it?” Illumi realized he may have rushed the kid too soon.

“Huh? Not really hate…no…it was weird, but you can’t just—"

“I’m glad.” The elder eye’s formed upward arcs in relief as he kissed him one last time before wrapping his arms around the younger tightly. The silverette was speechless for the most part but wasn’t repulsed by it. On the contrary, it felt nice being hugged by his elder brother after such a long time.

* * *

“Aniki …you’re really heavy—get off… " Killua urged while he was being crushed under the weight of his brother hugging him as he was forced on the bed.

“Hm…” Illumi considered how that was possible and thus decided to roll over with the kid still locked in his arms. In their next position Kiru was plastered on top of his stomach with his face towards the raven. The younger sighed, his brother could be pretty creative when he wanted to. Killua surrendered and rested his chin on the brother’s chest.

"So how was the mafia?" 

“Okay.” The elder flatly replied. 

“What?!” The kid couldn’t fight back the urge to lift himself up an angle. “It took you nearly two years—how could it just be okay??"

“But it was.”

 _‘Urg, I envy his subtle arrogance and over competence sometimes._ ’ The younger scowled as he dropped his face back on top of the other. 

“How are your missions? I heard from father that they were all a success.”

“Okay too, I guess.” Strangely, the kid didn’t have more to say on that subject. Perhaps he just wanted to relax and savor the tranquility he was feeling without a word. Laying here like this almost convinced him he had no worries in the world—nothing to pursue, no challenges and no forced _murders_ to carry out _._

However, no peace lasted forever and that was made apparent when a knock sounded on the door.

“Master Illumi,” A servant called as he entered and notified the teen of an imperative meeting. Killua mentally clicked his tongue and exited the room with his brother but didn’t follow him all the way. Illumi was such an important presence after his dad and grandfather that as soon as the other would return, he would have plenty of local endeavors waiting for him.

**At Dinner:**

Killua took his usual seat across from the raven-haired and ate his dinner, at the same time waiting for an opportunity to talk to the elder. When he found the moment to open to his mouth to speak, their dad ended up intervening instead.

“Illumi, now that you’re back, I need your assistance on something.” Killua rolled his eyes—what did he tell you? His brother finally came back and the kid was expecting some company from him but he was already expected to help their dad in who knows what. There was no doubt he was his assistant.

The silverette waited patiently for their conversation to end until he forgot what he was going to talk about with the other in the first place. Plus, Illumi wouldn’t have time for him anyhow. As soon as dinner was over, Illumi and Silva headed straight upstairs. Milluki reported back to his computer lab, leaving only his mother, Kalluto and himself on the table.

“Oh, that’s right Kil! I forgot to mention—you have another job! Isn’t that just exciting!” Kikyo hooted. Killua instantly frowned at that. ‘ _What the hell was wrong with her? He had already taken care of twenty of those kinds of_ jobs _—how was this supposed to be anything close to exciting?’_ The kid was gradually getting pissed too.

“No thanks.” Killua straight out refused for a change, surprising his mother. The younger was looking forward to showing off his new skills to Illumi since the other was finally home but if he accepted a mission on top of Illumi’s countless duties at home, there would be no time for anything!

“What was that dear?”

“I said I'm not going.” Killua clarified once more before hopping off the chair and walking out.

* * *

It wasn’t before long that their mom confronted Illumi about the matter.

“Kiru refused?” Illumi echoed in disbelief as well.

“Yes, I don’t know why he would say such a thing. I’m worried Illu-chan, is my baby not doing well?” Kikyo fretted for no reason.

“It’s alright mom, I’ll speak with him—leave it to me.” Illumi reassured.

“Oh Illu, I knew I could count on you!”

Illumi checked the younger’s room but found no sign of him, automatically assuming him to be in one other place. The raven haired went outside into the garden and spotted him immediately with his skateboard. 

“Yo.” Illumi waved his hand once.

“I know why you’re here okay.” Killua stated with a sulk.

“Is it true you rejected a case?”

“Yeah…so...”

“Might I ask why?” Illumi crossed his arms. 

Killua averted his eyes at first, reluctant to reply while he kicked his skateboard back and forth. “I’ve been accepting every mission since you left so don’t I deserve a moment to chill? I mean, I don’t see the rush—I’m going to be doing this for the rest of my life anyway, won’t I?”

Illumi simply observed his words and actions while he answered. “But Kiru, experience is the key to an assassin.” 

Killua exhaled heavily—he didn't want to hear it. _Haven't they had enough of dictating his entire life until now? Why didn't he realize it sooner?_

“Why don't you accept this upcoming mission and perhaps I can ask dad to give you a slight break until the next?” The elder tried to negotiate.

“No, I don't feel like it this time. I'll take the next mission but I want to stay home for this one.” The younger set the skateboard down and turned fully to Illumi. “Can't I at least have it my way this once?” Those words automatically troubled Illumi, evoking a subtle frown on his expressionless face. He had a hard time answering to that and kept staring with a solid expression. The raven-haired was beginning to see the birth of what could possibly be Kiru’s rebellious phase and that didn't sound too pleasant. Because out of all of them, Killua was the most persistent and one to exercise free will.


	14. Interlocked

Apparently Killua refused to go to his incoming job. While Illumi simply stood a few feet in front of him, observing him wordlessly like a statue would. The silverette stole a glance at the long silence that followed after Illumi's part and felt a subtle chill run down his spine when he saw those black holes stare the crap out of him without blinking.

"W—what…?" Kiru automatically faltered, digging his head lower into his shoulders. "What are you staring at me like that for?"

"…I wasn't staring. I was thinking." Illumi finally blinked and lost the dark aura floating around him. ' _Yeah_ _right_.' The kid refuted in his head. "But I think I finally understand." This caught the other's attention and rendered him to stand straight again, full cognition towards the elder.

"What?" Killua repeated.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" Illumi stated as if he had just solved the world's toughest puzzle.

"Huh?! Of what?!" The younger could drop down to the ground any moment now. Apparently, Illumi was nowhere close to getting the right answer.

"Of executing the mission, of course. That must be it. Did your previous jobs leave you traumatic?"

"Did not! For your information, I'm totally fine and _not_ _afraid_ of anything." Killua crossed his arms. "I just wanna break." A brief pause engulfed them once again.

"Are you sure?" The elder tested, seeing the younger was fired up now. "As the heir, such minor tasks shouldn't be so intimidating."

"I'm not intimidated—er, fine! Watch me, I'll accept the job right now and prove you wrong." Killua affirmed with a stomp of his foot.

"Then you'll go?"

"Didn't I just say so? Maybe that way you'll see how much I've improved my skills too."

"That's wonderful. I'm glad you agreed, I'll let mom and dad know then." Illumi smiled in accomplishment. At that exact moment something immensely heavy fell into the pit of Killua's stomach where it crashed with a loud noise only he could conceive.

' _What the hell did he just do?_ ' the silverette attempted to back track his own claims. ' _Illumi just out-smarted him—so easily too! Ugh, it's his fault too for falling for it in the first place!'_ The younger dreaded in his thoughts. The kid so badly wanted to bang his head with a tree or something. ' _Okay, that's it next time I won't fall for that.'_

"Have it your way this time but I'm staying back next time, okay!" Kiru declared seriously and hopped back on to his skateboard leaving the area.

"My way? Wasn't he the one that agreed?" Illumi thought out loud, concluding with an amused smile.

* * *

"Would you like me to repeat that Killua-sama?" His tutor asked while he stood over the desk with the textbooks open before them.

"Huh? Ah yeah, maybe one more time." Killua innocently grinned, mind not focused on the lesson one bit. As soon as his teacher turned to the portable black board to review the notes, the silverette resumed his plot of escape. Very quietly, he slithered down the chair under the desk, making sure not a single drag was heard and crawled towards the door—both in quick and soundless motion. He let out a condescending 'heh' when he exited the door without his teacher knowing and continued down the hall.

The assassin had only managed to walk five steps away from the room that his tutor exclaimed "Eh, Killua-sama?!" most likely upon noticing the vacant chair.

' _Mayday_.' Killua picked up speed, rotating his head back towards the room in case his teacher stepped out. ' _Umf_!' The kid happened to bump into someone and fell backward during his process of fleeing.

"Kiru?" The voice asked with uncalled surprise. The younger flinched at the audible sound of his name. ' _No don't call my name out loud! That'll blow my cover_!' The kid fretted, recognizing who it was immediately and pouncing on the that person, shoving him back into a corner of the hall. The doors to the study room could be heard being opened as his young male tutor stepped out.

"Killua-sama? Oh dear, not again—I must find him before Silvia or Kikyo-sama find out." The man scratched his head in distress.

Meanwhile Killua sat over the shoulders of his _hostage_ — Illumi—giggling mischievously at the other's dilemma, at the same time covering Illumi's mouth with a hand. The raven haired gave a flat look before removing the hand over his mouth.

"Such immaturity." His aniki blurted.

"So what—it's called having fun. Now come on, we have to get out of here." The silverette pointed in the other direction towards the stairs to the second floor.

"Hm...now you've made me your partner in crime as well." Illumi pronounced, suddenly at a predicament himself as to whether he should turn the kid over or comply. "Bad Kiru."

"You'll live. On second, thought let's go outside instead." Killua instructed ignoring any other matter. Illumi didn't know why he chose the latter of his earlier thoughts and obliged, waltzing in the pointed direction while carrying the kid on his shoulders. All was well until they ran into their grandfather.

"Illumi, what are you doing?" Zeno asked, sensing something fishy almost immediately.

' _Busted_.' Killua frowned. This wasn't the first time he ran into his grandfather while sneaking away. However, this time Illumi was with him so he could pull it off. "Nothing we're just…" the kid exercised his mind for an instant probable excuse.

"Eluding Kiru's studies." The raven haired naively answered without further thought. The silverette gawked in disbelief. _'He just outed them like there were no consequences what's so ever! Unbelievable!_ '

Next thing Killua knew: he was being held in the air by the back of his shirt by his grandfather and carried all the way back to the study room. Illumi followed behind them innocuously. "Really Illumi you know better than to dote on him too much."

"I'll be careful next time." The elder teen accepted expressionless. ' _Funny, he ought to know what's better for Kiru, but this time he gave in so effortlessly. Why did he do that?_ '

"Hmph, you ruined it old man." Killua grumbled.

"Alright Killua, back you go to educate yourself _properly._ " His grandfather waved.

* * *

Killua jerked awake from an atrocious nightmare. "Hah…ha…haa." He panted as he sat up and pulled the covers back for air. ' _Geez this was the …5th this month?'_ He mentally noted, beginning to lose track of how many times he restlessly woke up. "…water…" The kid climbed out of his bed when he noticed a desert growing in his throat to the point it hurt to swallow. Carefully, he exited his room, lightly stepping over the carpet in the corridor as he made his way down stairs. Their mansion itself looked like some haunted fright zone during the night: very high ceilings, millions of dull portraits flanking the halls and all swamped by dark colored paint on the walls. The silverette didn't waste time and chugged down a whole glass of water before reaching for a bottle from the fridge to carry back upstairs. Glancing around once more out of sheer curiosity, he journeyed back to the stairs.

Two doors away from Killua's room but the first door closest to the stairs was Illumi's room, who lay on his bed in shallow sleep. As the steps of the younger so lightly drummed his ears, he slowly tweaked his eyes open an angle.

Thamp. Thamp. Thamp. The footsteps were softly maneuvered with hardly any sound at all. The person was doing a magnificent job concealing their presence, so the raven thought. He shut his eyes again, this time in focus, taking him a whole minute to assess the amount of pressure and rhythm of the steps to identify who they belonged to. _'Kiru_?' Illumi found that unusual. Kiru wasn't known for waking up often at night, or at least roaming the house at that time either.

Killua eluded the last step on the staircase and was prepared to pass his aniki's room. (By the way, all the siblings' rooms were on the same floor). Since Illumi was already awake by now, he stood up and decided to indulge himself—his intrusiveness? Opening the door to an angle without a noise, he poked his head out and whispered out "Kiru?"

The silverette wasn't expecting that at all and startled. He slowly turned his head around to see dark eyes popping out from an ajar door. The kid immediately paled at that and expanded his jaw to shriek on impulse. Before he could, however, Illumi locked an arm over his neck and mouth and yanked him in the room, closing the door behind them.

"Shhh, you'll wake everyone up if you scream _now_." Illumi warned putting a finger over his lips. "Be a little more discrete."

"And whose fault is that! You sneaked up on me—anyone would be freaked out!" KIllua hissed back.

"Really? I don't see how that's possible though…" The elder trailed off, trying to comprehend how one could be startled by a silent harmless call. The younger sighed—he forgot the elder was out of the norm.

"Why are you even awake anyways?" Killua demanded, harboring a small grudge for being alarmed.

"You woke me up."

"Eh? But I didn't even make a single sound!"

"You'll be surprised how much commotion even a single foot step can make during the night." Illumi pointed out.

' _I'm going to get more nightmares after this_.' Killua's eyes dropped halfway. "Anyway, I'm going back to my room, it's already late and mom's going to start racketing early in the morning." So it wasn't like he would be able to get much sleep in the mornings.

' _Wow, no respect there_.' Illumi noted. "It's unusual for you to wake up at night though, isn't it?"

"I was thirsty, no bigge." The kid only told half the story he found reasonable.

"Okay." The elder acknowledged it nonetheless.

"… ok, then I'm going back…" The younger didn't want to admit it but suddenly, he was feeling reluctant to go back to his room.

"Good night. Don't let the monsters bite." The elder teen smiled, giving his younger brother's hair a quick ruffle. That display of affection from his otherwise usual expressionless face was so heartfelt that it caught the kid off guard.

 _'Aw man, now he really didn't want to sleep alone in his own room_.' What? Can't assassins be under threat once in a while? Especially if they were only ten years old? "Bedbugs."

"Hn?"

"Silly, it's bedbugs. Don't let the bedbugs bite." Killua corrected, amusement underlying his tone.

"Oh, is it?"

"Hey Illu-nii…" The kid started again and noticed that Illumi was all ears. "Can I…um…sleep here tonight?" He didn't understand why he was hesitating so much. Killua already knew he could be himself around the elder—even if that was hard to believe but again, these two went way back.

"Of course." Illumi replied. Killua wasn't surprised to hear that but relieved? Yes. He was also grateful that Illumi didn't question much about it. The kid placed the water bottle on the drawers and climbed into bed against the wall, the elder following suit.

"Night." The younger called out, feeling ample safe as sleep took over him.

"Good night Kiru."

* * *

In the morning, Killua woke up first and stirred in bed under his elder brother's arm. Noticing the small weight on top of him, he tousled to his right side and recognized Illumi laying on his side as well, still asleep. With his mind still clouded from sleep, he gazed at the completely stone still figure _. 'Wait, was he even breathing?_ ' Inquisitiveness got the better of him as he scooted closer to the elder and planted his ear on the bigger chest. Illumi's body temperature was dangerously low and it would take a stethoscope to actually hear his heart beat but with much concentration, the younger was able to resolve the other was alive.

Regretfully, the kid became so attached, that he didn't notice when a pair of arms trapped him in an iron grip, evoking a yelp from him. "Wha—"

"Heh, what are you scheming Kiru?" A mocking tone of voice came out from the elder. "Or let me guess, were you trying to find a weak spot?"

Killua slumped. ' _That would have been a good idea actually_.' "No, I wasn't doing anything in particular...I…just thought I saw a bug or something…" Seemingly, lying had become a new habit now. The raven pushed the matter aside due to its insignificance and instead his half open eyes caught notice of the younger's cute little perked up nose as he spoke.

"What a tiny adorable nose." Illumi commented, pressing his long finger on the tip of Kiru's nose.

"Hey cut that out! It's not _that_ small."

"You can't prove that."

"Really you—I'll prove it right now. " The kid boldly stated, at the same time hopping on top of the elder. Illumi was now lying on his back, harmlessly allowing the kid to do whatever. He watched the younger straddle his stomach while he smacked their noses right on top of one another to measure the length, their foreheads grinding together.

Killua's eyes were practically all towards his nose in a distorting angle while the other peacefully watched the other's cobalt eyes and brows entirely focused.

"Well?" The elder snorted.

"Hm…so it's a little small—but that's because you're so much bigger. Check back in five years and you can guarantee it'll be the same size." The kid surrendered, straightening his back and locking his fingers on his nape in an aloof manner.

"Looks like we'll just have to wait for that. Five years it is." Illumi vowed, already looking forward to it as he raised a hand in between them. Killua was unfollowing and with the way the hand patiently floated in the air, he released one of his small hands from behind his neck and placed it flat on top like a mirror. The elder knitted his fingers with his brothers letting cool mix with warmth, night with day, black with white and brought it close to his lips, bestowing a neat kiss on the knuckles. The silverette didn't mind or was more than used to his gestures by now. He only knew that he found them very cute even if it was from Illumi. The kid inwardly chuckled at his thoughts. His motions were always speechless and small—maybe except for that long kiss when the elder stuck his tongue in—to the point it made him lose his breath. ' _Ah. He had to ask him about that! He got completely carried away last time_.' But…for some reason he didn't feel like now was the time to bring that up…like it'd ruin the atmosphere. ' _Atmosphere_?' He turned his gaze back to the long haired teen who was still lying on his back as silky black hair radiated underneath him.

"Hey aniki, aren't you going to get up?" Killua inquired.

"I can't.

"Why not?"

"Well you're sitting on me." The silverette noticed that too and blushed for a second.

"Sorry—my bad…" He said sliding off.

"It's okay, you're not heavy at all." The raven haired decided to sit up as well.

"Let's get some breakfast—I'm starving!" Killua jumped off the bed, still in his pajamas and ran towards the door.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth and wash your face." Illumi called out.

"Tell that to my stomach!"

"Kids…?" The raven didn't know how to interpret that.


	15. Angry or Jealous?

Killua ran back to his room to change out of his pajamas, tossing his clothes all over the bed and floor and reaching for his shorts and shirt instead. He let the water run wild in the basin for a short while and allowed a pool to collect, so that he could quickly dip his entire face in it. Flexing his head out with a ‘pwuah!’ and crawling down the stool, the silverette pulled a towel from the hanger to rummage his face thoroughly.

 _‘Oops, he forgot to brush._ ’ The child noticed, but was reluctant to get his face wet again as he eyed the sink. ‘ _One day won’t hurt_.’ He deadpanned, fixing the lavender towel back. The kid skipped out of his room until he crossed Illumi’s chambers and came face to face with the stairs. Coincidently, he met his elder brother there, dressed in his casual clothes as well.

“Hey,” Illumi acknowledged the other’s presence. “That was quick.”

“Likewise.”

“…Did you brush your teeth?” Killua froze at the elder’s question.

‘ _This guy…’_ “Er, yeah sure.” The younger averted his eyes in an obvious manner.

“Hm…” Illumi stared as the kid who took the first step down. “Hold it.” He called out, gripping the silverette’s chin and lifting it up.

“W—what?” Kiru stuttered keeping his jaws clenched. The raven haired peeled his lower lip down with a thumb and probed his own head forward in order to sniff the kid’s breath.

“Are you lying Kiru?” Illumi tested one last time, already aware of the answer. Apparently, Killua was conscious of the fact that his elder brother knew as well.

The younger slumped his shoulders. “Okay…I didn’t.” He confessed, guilty as charged.

The elder smiled back. “Well then, someone should go and get that done before we’re any later to breakfast.”

“Ugh! I got it!” Killua dashed back to the bathroom in a fit. 

“There you two are! Breakfast has started—take your seats!” Kikyo wailed from the corner chair of the dining table while the rest of the family had already started eating. “Didn’t the butler wake you up?"

“I don’t know.” Killua simply sang while he eyed the pancakes and whipped cream, taking his seat at the same time.

“Morning.” Illumi properly greeted and pulled out the chair across from him. 

“Good morning Illumi, Killua." It may have been Killua’s paranoia but he got the feeling that Silva emphasized his name more than the other’s.

“G' morning.” The silverette sheepishly responded. 

“Huh, Milluki! How many times have I said: no mechanical devices on the table. This is supposed to be family time—you have enough time to be locked up in your lab in your _own_ time. Milluki clearly sighed.

“I'm almost at the point of perfecting this software so it would be capable of scripting specialized and or private messages. In other words, just let me finish…" The black-haired teen was loyally engulfed in his device as he ate with one hand and tapped buttons with the other.

“Young man that thing won’t get you anywhere.” Their grandfather announced.

“Gee, thanks gramps.” Milluki rolled his eyes, putting it away eventually.

“You’ve been busy.” Illumi couldn’t help but comment towards his first younger brother.

“Precision does require trial and error after all.” Milluki answered back. All in all, if there was one person whose voice was hardly heard 'at all,' it was Kalluto’s.

“Kil, I heard from Illumi that you’ve accept the case assigned to you again.” Their mom stated. Killua wanted to barf at the sole mention of that. Surely, it was ruinng the taste of his delicious pancakes, and his face spoke: ‘why bring that up now?’

“I also heard there was some kind of animosity with it, is that true?” Silva joined that hot topic. 

The younger gulped, not comfortable with their dad knowing that bit of detail. “No, I accepted the job.” He assured, rotating his eyes somewhere else on the table. 

“As it should be, don’t you agree?” The head of the Zoldyk’s clarified. “After all, one can never attain too much experience especially at your young age where you should be dedicating yourself to exceeding the limit.” Killua wanted to sigh at the lecture but held it back. At this rate, there was no way he’d be rewarded with a deliverance from these jobs any time soon— even if Illumi was to talk to their father.

The silverette, who was exhausted at being in the spotlight, glanced towards Illumi who seemed to be in his own world. Illumi picked up the glance almost immediately and casually looked back at him. The kid huffed before turning back to his food. ‘ _He has it so lucky.’_ Killua thought with a negligible grudge.

* * *

Killua was skateboarding towards the front portion of the yard that led to the front gates, where he noticed no one was standing guard. ‘ _Hm, interesting_.’ The kid decided to ride past the gates, not intending to go too far anyhow. Surprisingly, he spotted a huge, barrel chested man staggering towards him. _‘Eh? What was he doing in their area—how did he get past the huge multiple gates_.’ He wondered still skating forward. Assuming it was a normal individual that lost his way, he approached the wavering man until the man raised his arms to attack. Without warning, the kid threw his weight to the side to make a sharp turn but lost footing and landed hard on his butt in the process.

“Ow…who the hell…?” The silverette looked up at his uninvited—hostile—guest for a better chance to recognize. He didn’t appear to be anyone the kid was familiar with or had encountered in any of his jobs either. However, Killua realized this wasn’t the time for introspections as he hopped up and dodged another powerful ground-breaking attack from the man, who ultimately revealed a hammer the size of himself. ‘ _This wasn’t any ordinary strength. A perpetrator?? Heh, who cares. I’m gonna stop him myself.’_ That way he could prove just how capable he was to Illumi and the others. Killua ran to his skateboard the next time the hammer created another crater in the ground and bounced on to it, swinging it forward in the air to strike him with it.

“…Kill you…Zoldyk…” Were the only words the big man muttered in his brisk voice.

“We’ll see about that!” The younger closed his fingers, turning his nails into claws as he edged forward to rehearse his special move. Albeit to his amazement, the elder actually saw his move coming in enough speed to be able to trap his wrist. Killua stared with astonishment at the man’s stubble face eyeing him with only one intent: to kill. The silevertte’s attention was diverted when he felt an excruciating pain in that wrist which was being crushed mercilessly. “Bastard—let go!” The kid punched his hands but it was no surprise that they were twice if not three times the size of his and wouldn’t feel a darn thing. The man didn’t stop there. He released the kid’s wrist just to compensate it with his skull, that he slammed on to the ground, holding his victim in place. “Dammit…you…” 

The man arched his hammer upward to smash the kid but froze upon the hit of something barely visible, causing him to discharge the hammer from his hands. Kiru shut his eyes foreseeing the hammer to fall on to him but it fell in the opposite angle, vibrating the ground as it landed. ‘ _What…?_ ’ The kid immediately pushed the man’s hand away and sat up.

“ _Kiru_!” Illumi’s voice snatched his attention as the raven haired leaped right before him. _‘Why did it have to be him to see me like this?_ ’ “Are you alright?” The elder asked, placing a supporting hand on his back.

“I’m fine.” Kiru gritted.

“Are you certain?”

“I said I’m fine—ow!” The ten year old was about to stand up, pushing his weight against his twisted wrist but regretted it instantly.

“Your wrist?” Illumi noticed the source of the pain since the kid automatically held on to it. “Let me see.” The elder gently examined the small wrist. “It’s fractured.”

“That bastard…”

“He did this?” Illumi turned to the unconscious man on the ground.

“…Yeah…”

“…” His brother was silent for a second, expression not opening to his thoughts at all. “…I should have granted him a much slower, more agonizing death…” 

_‘Is that what he’s worried about?_ ’ Killua knitted a brow. “Ah! Aniki, do you recognize him?”

“I don’t, but I can find out.” Illumi confidently stated, waving for the butlers to come closer. “Take Kiru back and treat his arm. Report this to father as well. In the meantime, I’ll clean this up here.”

“Yes Illumi-sama.” The butlers obliged and carried Killua back. 

* * *

“How’s your wrist?” His aniki asked a few days later as he was assembling his pins.

“It’s getting there.” Killua shrugged. “Another mission too?”

“Hm? No. This? I'm just organizing them beforehand.” Illumi clarified, shoving the last of his pins in his pocket. “Are you ready for your job?”

"Yeah, I'm going to get it over with.” Killua blurted.

“I don't know how to respond to that.” The raven haired simply ruffled his hair.

“…you'll stick around?”

“I believe so.”

“You better. I'll be back before you know it.” The younger pointed out, with an undertone of ‘don’t you dare leave.’

“Roger that.”

* * *

“I'm back!” Killua announced as he slammed the front doors open. He whipped his head from side to side and didn't notice any family in the living room. It was the afternoon time, everyone was occupied with their own training or mastery of some sort. Passing the butlers, the kid marched upstairs to his room. No one. He tip-toed in front of his elder brother’s door and pressed his ear on to the door for any kind of sounds coming from within. Nothing. Disappointed and pissed that the elder cheated him out again, Killua returned to the living room in time for his mother and Kalluto to enter the scene.

“Welcome back Kil!” Kikyo exclaimed.

“Did aniki accept another case?” The silverette inquired.

“Hm…I’m not sure Kil, he was here a while ago…ah, I think he had to run some errands for your father.” Kikyo scratched her chin.

“ _Tsk_.” Killua sucked his teeth super loudly. Why was he surprised? He already knew the elder cared more for the ‘family’ than him. It was obvious every time. ‘ _Dammit, he was gonna remember this for sure_.’ 

* * *

The younger sat outside on the grassy higher grounds of their garden and listlessly licked his ice cream popsicle stick. He held a blank countenance until he felt the presence of someone else lurking behind the trees. Surveying from the corner of his eye, he timed himself and aimed his ice cream bar at his stalker like a speeding dart. Anticipatingly, the other caught the popsicle, right side up from the wooden stick with not a single drop spilled. The taller teen chose that moment to step out from the shadows and revealed himself too.

“Hmp, what are you a stalker?” Killua grunted, rotating his face forward again with a tad bit of disappointment that the thing didn’t hit him. But hey, what did he expect—this was Illumi after all.

“Maybe.” Illumi casually responded, bringing the ice cream stick back to the younger.

“That’s creepy even for you, you know.” The silverette attempted to insult the other in his childish way.

“Is it really now?”

“Whatever, I don’t care.”

“You sound displeased.” Illumi pushed.

“Duh! I’m mad at you—can’t you tell??” The kid finally swerved his face towards the other. The elder held out the popsicle and innocently tried to return it instead. “I don’t want it anymore.”

“Are you sure? It’s your favorite.” Illumi took the pleasure to lick it instead, mimicking how the younger had been doing so for the past few minutes.

“Stop changing the subject.” Kiru frowned.

“I’m not.”

 _‘Grrr.’_ The elder’s nonchalant carefree expressionless responses were beginning to agitate the kid even more than he realized. “You’re always like this.”

“Like what?”

“You never keep your promise. You always do what dad tells you like some sort of puppet—always putting the _Zoldyk’s_ name above everything else.” Killua complained and the raven haired observantly listened, negligibly amused by the sight—though his emotionless face would say otherwise. While the kid was ranting Illumi knelt down and stick the popsicle straight in the other’s mouth. The younger, who didn’t welcome the gesture one bit, choked the ice bar out and waved an arm over his mouth. “What’s the big deal?! Why’d you—” However, before the silverette could scold the elder any further, Illumi hooked a thumb at the corner of his mouth and substituted his tongue inside instead. By the way the raven tongued the other’s insides, his main purpose was probably just to get an elated taste of the frozen ice cream he was eating.

“Still tastes like sugar-coated ice.” The needle master resolved, not much satiated.

“You—!”

“Are you jealous?” Illumi scoffed, coming back to the main statement he initially wanted to make.

“Huh?”

“I’m asking if you’re jealous, Kiru.” His brother repeated, still bearing a playful tone in his voice.

A sudden tint of red conquered Killua’s cheeks when the moment of realization hit him. “H—I’m not! Why would I be jealous for someone like you!” He pushed the other away and sprinted back to the house, muttering a chain of curses under his breath while he was at it. Illumi noticed the ice bar on the ground, slowly dissipating before he lifted the empty stick.

“Ah, what a waste.” He wasn’t sure what or _who_ he was referring to as he followed his claim with a smile, staring back the younger’s direction with entertainment.


	16. Rebellion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes, Welcome the Hunter Exam Arc from this chapter onward. You guys will love this chapter.   
> And let’s just confirm their ages again: Killua- 12. Illumi- 24.

“I’m not in the mood.” Twelve year Killua sat leisurely on the couch with a game and answered to his mother.

“But Kil, you’ll have so much fun—you’ll meet a ton of high ranked people and they all want to meet you too!” Kikyo convinced.

“No thanks.” The younger refuted without budging.

“Kil this isn’t an option, you _must_ accompany your father to the gathering, whether you like it or not.”

“Che! So annoying.” The silverette slid off the couch and decided to go to his room for some peace and quiet instead.

“Killua you get back here this instant we aren’t done talking.” His mother demanded.

“I said I’m not going geez! Leave me alone already!”

“Killua!”

“Mom, why are you screaming?” Soon Illumi entered the living space from one of the hallways, curious to the commotion he was perceiving. Killua rolled his eyes away upon noticing the elder.

“Illu-chan, please talk to Kil, he refuses to go the reunion of the most competent assassins out there.” Kikyo elaborated with a troubled frown.

 _‘Oh that.’_ The elder recalled going there once as a child too—back when he was the heir to the Zoldyk’s family. Illumi turned his eyes to his younger brother. “Kiru, you know—”

“Forget it.” The kid held out a hand. “Nothing you say is gonna change my mind. I’m not interested and that’s final. Hmp, by the way, it’s not like I signed up for this job in the first place.”

Those ignorant ungrateful words seemed to open Illumi’s eyes for various reasons as he continued to stare at the kid expressionlessly. “Kil—” Their mother began again but was cut off by Illumi taking long strides across the room and grasping the kid by his upper arm.

“Excuse us.” The raven haired only said as he dragged Kiru upstairs.

“Hey—ow, that hurts—let go!” Killua groaned pushing the hand off with his free arm but to no success. Illumi kicked open his own room’s door and tossed the other’s small body on top of his rotating chair. Killua glared at his actions while he sat up on the chair and felt his throbbing arm. The elder swung the chair back in his direction and fixed both his hands on the arm rests, forcing the younger to look up at him as he leaned in. 

“Why do you always choose to make it so difficult?” Illumi started out by asking. “Where’s the good in resisting your fate?” 

“Plenty. At least it makes me feel better.”

“…Not the answer I was looking for.” The raven haired inwardly sighed as he tightly cupped the other’s cheeks with a single hand under his chin and lifted his face further up. “What were you trying to say back there? Are you denying all our training and everything we’ve harbored until this point?” His tone was quite serious now.

Killua averted his eyes at first, before answering. “I wasn’t denying anything—I’m just saying I’m not the one that chose to be the heir so why should I even bother going?” 

“I don’t like the way you’re speaking Kiru.” Illumi declared without hesitation.

“Me neither—now m-move, you can’t keep me locked here doing what you guys want forever.” The kid denounced a statement of his own as he attempted to push the elder away. This was exactly what Illumi was apprehensive of. Killua always bared a rebellious bold streak—which weren’t bad qualities as the head but they could also be utilized in the opposing direction—which was happening right now. The elder was hoping they wouldn’t surface until the kid was much older and mature, such that he would be under the raven’s influence even more. 

_‘No, Kiru wasn’t going to defy him. If locking him up was the ultimatum, then so be it.’_ Illumi lost to his thoughts and in the spur of the moment, glued his lips against the other’s. His tongue didn’t hold back much long and instantly probed the soft spots of the younger’s mouth, not giving him the slightest chance to speak. Apparently, Killua didn’t have the equal strength to shove him away but he wasn’t in the mood for this one bit either. In the end, he could only think of implementing one thing: biting the other’s lip. Illumi backed away fazed by the younger’s reaction as he fingered his lower lip. Meanwhile, Killua used the opportunity to catch his breath as he stared at the other alarmingly.

The raven haired teen’s eyes shadowed down, arm returning back to his side as he stood straight in front of the younger. “Ah, I really didn’t want to abide by this way…” The elder inevitably let out. Seeing there was no other way to it, he painfully gripped the younger’s arm again and practically yanked him from the high chair, all the way back down to the basements—ignoring every single one of the kid’s protests.

“You need to be punished.” The elder demanded as they were approaching their destination. Killua dragged his feet but Illumi would just harshly lift him up again and slammed him back down on his feet every time he did so. The kid wasn’t liking this new side of him. All of a sudden it felt like the endearing abnormal brother he knew was beyond any reach and continuously seeping away. Now, whose fault was that?

They made it to the end of the basement with a single door at the dead end wall. Illumi opened the metallic gate and threw the younger inside a completely white empty room with no windows, no accessories, machines, marks—nothing. The walls appeared to have an invisible second layer to them made of sound proof material that rendered the room to be efficiently sound proof as well.

“W-what?”

“You need a time out.”

“Hey!” However, before he could stand up in time the door shut close and camouflaged with the walls until it entirely disappeared. “Che! Fine! You think something like this is going to impact me!” The younger exclaimed to the bleached wall, not admitting defeat and humiliation yet.

**Thirteen hours later**

_Growl_. Okay perhaps he was beginning to feel a tiny bit hungry now. ‘ _How long had it been?’_ Surely, it felt like days already if not more with nothing to do or anything to gawk at. Killua pondered as he sat in this dead silent of a room, with no corners, nothing of anything really. In fact, the constant bright white everywhere he looked was almost making him blind. It felt as if he was trapped in a limbo of ‘blankness.’ This was evident by the fact that the floor was continuous with the walls hardly defining any boundaries for corners, so it truly appeared to be like floating inside a cloud.

**Eight more hours later**

_‘Now, was it just him or did the room feel like it was closing in on him by the hour?_ ’ No, it wasn’t the room, since he couldn’t even identify clear cut perimeters of the room—it was the space. The space felt so much smaller now. ‘ _How long had it actually been since he was trapped here? He was suffocating!’_ The kid only realized when his breathing became labored. ‘ _No, this was nothing, he could do it._ _He could…he’ll prove his aniki wrong._ ’

**Four in a half more hours later**

_‘Dammit where’s the door?? It was here— he was sure of it, but there was no handle or hallmarks._ ’ The kid surrendered on to the floor, panting heavily. _‘Crap, not good. I have to find a way out._ ’ He struggled up one last time and threw a swift punch at one of the walls with all his might, foreseeably to no avail, causing him to drop down again. “Let me out…” Killua mumbled. He knew it would do no good but for what it was worth, it made him feel better in the spiritual sense. “Aniki…let me out…”

* * *

Meanwhile Illumi stood solidly outside the door the entire time, with his arms crossed and dark eyes lost in space. ‘ _Hm…_ ’ He checked his watch. It had been a little more than twenty-six hours by now. According to Kiru’s training, endurance, and age, he should be giving up soon. _‘I guess I’ll just wait another half hour.’_ He decided.

At the appointed time, Illumi opened the gate and found Killua faced down on the floor. Illumi didn’t utter a word and quietly straddled him up, taking him back to the younger’s own room this time. Killua creaked his eyes open half way through when he sensed the change in air pressure and short decibels of sounds coming from all sides of the house. ‘ _Ah it felt so gratifying to know that he wasn’t deaf.’_ Similarly, his eyes were just as impatient to experience the colors again too so he let his eyelids open up some more. The first thing he registered was his brother’s shirt causing him to shiver once and wanting to jump out of his arms, but the kid kept still and waited to be put down instead.

Illumi sat the younger on top of the bed, watching him bring his knees up and sit timidly, on his guard.

“There, are you steadfast now?” His elder brother asked with his usual tone of voice.

“…y-yeah…” The last thing he wanted was to piss his brother off again, even if the other’s tone was hardly mad at all.

“Then I take it you’ll behave yourself from now on and be more accountable for your actions?” Killua automatically nodded, wishing this would be over already. Seeing that, the raven haired smiled nicely.

“I knew Kiru was a good boy.” He placed a large hand on the younger’s skull and tenderly kissed the fluff of his head. With that, he kindly left. Until the very moment the door closed, Killua didn’t understand why but he felt an enormous wave of relief wash over him. It was magical to feel like that. The silverette sat there in the same position as he relaxed his legs an angle and silently stared at the ground until a rapid thought crossed his mind.

 _‘He had to get out of here.’_ And that was his ultimate resolution.

**Five days later**

Though that was easier said than done. Currently, Illumi was away on a case so the odds were stacked in his favor. However, his dad and grandfather would pose as a hindrance in his way. If there was only someway he could distract them…

“Oh honey, that’s urgent, is everything alright?”

“Yes everything is fine, an elder simply requires both our presence. We should be back soon.” Silva replied. Incidentally, Killua overheard his parents talking and immediately sneaked behind the door to eavesdrop. He couldn’t believe his ears. They were _literally leaving_ this instant—the kid must have been destined to depart after all. Now, he had to act fast. The younger darted to his room. _‘Skateboard…where did I put it again…’_ He flipped a few things over and eventually discovered his most favorite and only best friend: his skateboard. Subsequently, he pulled out his shoes, fixing them on and stuffed some leftover candy from his drawer into his pocket, along with a bank card and a few rubber bands. ‘ _That was all he needed, right?’_

The twelve year old zoomed past the stairs and made it to the front door. “Eh Kil where are you going? It’s almost lunchtime?” Kikyo called out from the kitchen.

“Just outside, I’m not that hungry.”

“Are you sure?”

“I already said I’m not! I’m leaving.” He exited, riding past the yard all the way to the outer gates. Unbeknownst to him, Kalluto was silently sitting on the couch watching him with a curious and sharp eye—was he on to him?

 _‘This is it._ ’ Killua contemplated as he stared at the front gates where Canary stood guard.

“Um Killua-sama where are you going? I’m afraid I can’t allow you to pass these gates, unless someone is going to escort you to a mission.” The curly haired girl informed.

“Hah? Who says? Are you forgetting _I’m_ the master here? Now let me through.” Canary shot him a troubled look.

“I’m really sorry but Illumi-sama and Kikyo-sama said you’re not allowed too…”

“Damn them!” He cursed, but at the same time he didn’t want to resort to attacking her. Nonetheless, he couldn’t risk stalling here any longer. The assassin charged forward, intending to temporarily knock her out. Albeit to his demise, his mother intervened.

“Kil! What do you think you’re doing?! Why are you here?” She shrieked with Kalluto pacing right behind her. They weren’t the only ones, it seemed like Milluki was also forced to chase after them for reasons beyond him. _‘Just great, the whole squad was here.’_ Killua deeply frowned.

“What does it look like? I’m out of here.” The kid found no reason to hide his plans now.

“Honey, what on earth do you mean by that?! Why are you so adamant on going through with this—so Kalluto’s speculations were correct after all—what a sharp child he is.” 

_‘What? That brat? He hardly ever spoke to the kid—what did he possibly have against him??’_ The silverette glared at the ravenette who innocently stared back. ‘ _Well who cares? I’m off anyway._ ’ Killua turned away, approaching the door but was jerked back by an arm.

“Kil! Stop this immediately or else you’ll be punished.”

“Tsk—back off already!” Before he could count to three, he snapped. An overwhelming rage took over him that led him to swing his free arm in defense cutting through his mother’s face. Kikyo screamed as she instantly backed away and tried to mask the blood. Milluki on the other hand couldn’t believe his eyes as he watched that crimson liquid ooze out from a cut right under her ‘eyes’ all the way to the bridge of her nose.

“You brat!” His elder brother stormed forward instinctively with equal fury and attempted to punch him but the kid effortlessly stabbed him too, rendering him to fall to the ground and clutch his side. Without any further due, Killua jumped on top of his skateboard and sped through the gate, at last out for good.

 _‘There was no time to look back. He was out…and that’s all that mattered.’_ The silverette was determined to look forward on the path his took instead of regretting what he had done—not that he carried much regret in the first place. Though…he may have felt slight grief that the place he had called home his entire life was what drove him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like we’re off to a kick-ass start… There it is people, the moment in the anime we never got to see lol.


	17. The Hunter Exam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers from episodes 6, 17, 22 (1999) and episodes 3-4, 12, 15 (2011)

He did it. He was out. ‘ _Crap what did he do, there was no going back now... but there was no doubt that they’d try to find him—they weren’t going to let him go that easily, especially Illumi_.’ The teen mentally paused. ‘ _Hm, that thought wasn’t so bad actually. Having the other on a desperate search for him —served him right._ ’ He did always pay more attention to the family, this way he would be fixated on the kid alone. However, the raven haired would probably be _super_ angry if he _did_ catch him… Killua wondered what kind of ‘punishment’ would await him this time.

The first night was spent on a high tree branch, his butt was slightly sore by the time he woke up but it was tolerable. The kid surveyed his surroundings once and hopped down with his skateboard. It was early morning, perhaps around 4 or 5 A.M. when the sun was spreading its colors across the sky in its arrival. The silverette decided to continue his journey and rode until he finally spotted a town.

‘ _Seemed like a normal place.’_ He roamed his eyes back and forth, noticing many stalls, stores and houses. ‘ _Geez, nothing’s opened though—I’m kinda hungry_.’ Killua frowned, settling for a candy bar from his pocket instead as a quick pre-breakfast.

* * *

After a couple of hours, and a mean breakfast, the kid walked around his new territory for a better sense of where he was. That’s when he overheard a few men speak about a challenge that piqued his interest.

“Yeah I heard it’s startin’ really soon.” One men notified. “We oughta at least give it a try.”

“I don’t know man, the hunter exam is no joke. Millions of people from around the world attempt to take it but only a handful actually earn the license—I don’t think it’s worth the risk.” The second man crossed his arms and grunted.

“But think about all the luxuries and privileges you get once you hold that license—nothing can stop us then!” The third man drooled.

Killua raised his chin, listening with curious eyes, unbeknownst to them. Without warning he forced his way into their conversation. “Hey, this exam you were talking about—where can I take it?” He asked innocently, earning unbelievable stares in return.

**Back at home:**

“Kiru did that?” Illumi had a difficult time believing the stories he was being told of Killua stabbing and running away. After the small time out he gave him, he was certain the kid came to understand the position he was in, albeit it seemed otherwise now.

His mother continued to cry as her face was wrapped in bandages. “Yes, he did—can you believe it? My boy has grown up so much— sob— he’s taking after his father so much.” The elder teen only knitted his eyebrows. According to him, this wasn’t exactly the time to be happy. His mind was still frozen processing the fact that Kiru, _his_ Kiru ran away from them, from _him_. Suddenly the raven-haired teen’s heart felt like it was being squeezed by in vivo chains and he wasn’t appreciating it. “Oh, but Illu-chan, I’m still worried, he’s still only a child…”

“Say no more. I’ll look for him and shadow him to see what his agenda is.”

“Aw you’re the best! Oh, by the way, didn’t you say you wanted to apply for the hunter license?” Kikyo reminded. That was true, but Illumi could think of better things to do at the moment.

“…I’ll do that too.” He replied instead, partially considering it.

“Good luck! I know you’ll do fine!”

**Back to Kiru:**

Killua waited patiently at a side in the tunnel where the first phase of the exam was determined to begin. In his hand he held a can of juice, kindly given by a petite man. _‘Hm… what did Illumi say about taking from strangers…? Oh well, it’s not like he’s here anyway_.’ The silverette shrugged and began drinking from it. It tasted funny. Killua inwardly chuckled. _‘Laxatives? You’re kidding me. Oh I get it, he’s doing this on purpose—geez and here I actually believed the people were so kind_.’ He was beginning to have fun now. ‘ _Sly bastard was trying to win like this. Well, two can play at this game.’_ As soon as he finished the can, he spotted the man after some time and casually asked for another. Now that face was hilarious. ‘ _Looks like the training wasn’t so pointless after all.’_ The kid mused, walking away.

Very soon, a man with a mustache revealed himself behind a metallic wall and announced the beginning of the exam. “…so follow me.” He concluded. Illumi who stood behind a dark shadow at the very rear of the tunnel took a breath as he heard this. ‘ _Looks like it was time to put on his disguise again.’_ He planned as he took out a few conformation pins and gracefully inserted them into his face and hair, distorting his countenance and straining all his hair upward in to a mohawk. ‘ _From here out he was Gittarackur_.’ To him, this was all so boring already. He couldn't wait to get it over with. 

While Killua effortlessly skated for hours on his skateboard, he caught sight of a young boy with a fishing pole ahead of him. ‘ _Eh_?’ The kid couldn’t help but continue to stare in disbelief. That was the first time he’d seen a kid around his age taking part in the hunter exam. _‘Was he really here for the hunter exam too? Does that mean, he must be incredibly strong? Or incredibly stupid?_ ’ The silverette mused. Nonetheless, he was eager to finally meet someone that he could relate too. He pushed his foot harder and decided to ride past him.

“Hey you! That’s cheating! Why don’t you show some respect for the exam!” the assassin didn’t realize the claim was directed to him until he looked back to find a tall spiky haired man yelling at him.

“Oh yeah, how so?” Killua nonchalantly questioned.

“Well duh, you’re on that skateboard when this is _supposed_ to be an endurance test!” The tall teen, Leorio declared.

“Not really.” A third voice interjected, coming straight from the black-haired kid himself. “If you notice, he only said to follow him, not _how_.” Gon turned back to Killua. “Hey, what’s your name?”

“Just whose friend are you, Gon?!” Leorio reprimanded.

 _‘Friends…’_ The word ringed in Killua’s mind. He slowed his speed so that he was running equally with Gon, who noticed his continuous stare and smiled back. “What’s up?” The other kid asked.

“How old are you?” Killua demanded.

“Twelve.”

 _‘Yup the same age as me.’_ “You…asked what my name was.”

“Yeah but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it. I’m Gon.” Gon introduced. Killua looked forward once before ditching the skateboard all together.

“It’s Killua.” The silverette softly answered, running by foot with him.

“Huh? You’re not going to use that anymore?” Gon asked. Killua glanced at Leorio instead.

“Hey mister, how old are you?” The kid was so intrigued by these new friends he had just met (not that he considered them friends yet), almost like a child being given a brand new toy and wanted to know everything about it.

 _‘Haha he’s seems a little disconnected_.’ Gon sheepishly smiled to himself when the silverette deflected his question in the most casual way.

“Mister!? I’m not that old you know!” 

* * *

After the running phase was finally over, the crew had a chance to chill outside the tunnel on a cliff while the fog slowly accumulated in the atmosphere.

As they sat outside, Killua turned to the last of their team mate who he hadn’t conversed with thus far.

“What?” The blond teen, Kurapika inquired, not very comfortable with the examining gaze he was receiving.

“Are you really a boy?” Killua blurted. Kurapika instantly grimaced.

“You…I assure you, I am.”

“Maybe someone ought to check.” Leorio joked and earned an automatic smack on the head by the blond himself. “Ow! I was only kidding!”

_‘Is this what being with normal people feels like?’_

“Hey Killua, check this out!” Gon stole his attention by showing off his fishing pole. “Hehe.”

 _‘And is this what having a friend would feel like?_ ’ The kid stood up and stepped away stretching his arms.

“Huh, where are you going?”

“Nowhere, I just want to stretch my feet a bit.” Killua flatly stated. Crossing cliques of contestants, he noticed one particular man sitting on his feet and playing with his cards. There was something about him that stood out. No, rather than stood out, there was a sense of familiarity that encompassed him. At that moment, the magician looked up and met eyes with him. They stared into each other’s eyes in silence for less than a minute but the growing weight in the atmosphere made it feel longer. _‘He's dangerous, I can sense it, he’s just like me— I best stay away from that guy._ ’ Killua pronounced and turned on his heels back to his new gang.

Oblivious to the kid, Hisoka the magician smirked at his back. Gittarackur waltz back to Hisoka and noticed the sneer on his face, questioningly.

“That kid might be on to me.” Hisoka claimed in amusement. Gittarackur maintained his shaky demeanor without saying anything and followed the other’s stare instead. The mohawk haired man’s expression didn’t change much, but internally he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the kid Hisoka was speaking of. ‘ _Kiru?_ ’ He froze. _‘Why was Kiru taking the hunter exam?_ ’ Illumi ended up trailing his eyes to the group he was hanging out with and inherently glared at them. _‘Looks like he's also made some friends huh?_ ’ There was malice behind that thought.

“What's up? Interested?” Hisoka mouthed, as if seeing through him. The needle man shook his head before glancing one last time at his younger brother. ‘ _He wasn’t going to let him out of his sights after this.’_

“So, what did you say your name was again?” Hisoka gave his new friend his undivided attention. The joker had to admit that there was something mysteriously appealing about this needle guy. Yet, he couldn’t sense any blood lust or powerful energy from him that would deem him as strong. Gittarackur responded with a few metallic clatters produced by his jaw but that was enough for Hisoka to read him. “And, what’s up with all those needles?” Illumi simply shrugged at that. 

**Third Phase:**

Illumi, the second to complete the phase entered the round waiting area, to discover Hisoka to be already seated against the wall.

“I had a feeling you would have already finished.” Gittarackur told, with no surprise. The redhead only smiled back in confidence.

“Since we have ample time, care to join me for a card game?” The magician offered. Illumi wordlessly obliged and crossed his legs in front of him.

**72 hours later**

‘ _Kiru was still not out yet? Surely, it couldn't have been that hard. But then again, that does save me trouble to drag him back home—’_ That thought was truncated when a cluster of screams and commotion busted into the waiting area, revealing the last group of five, including Gon, Killua, Kurapika, Leorio and Tonpa. ‘ _Or not.’_

**Fourth Phase**

“I already have six points so I don’t need this one.” Gittarackur told as he threw an extra badge towards Hisoka.

“Oh, nice. Whose is this?” The joker caught it and looked at the random number on the round badge.

“Just someone that tried to snipe me and pissed me off. Well, my job here is done.” The needle man uttered wearily. He reached for his pins and pulled them out one by one.

“Ah, I enjoy watching that so much.” Hisoka rested his face on his palm in entertainment.

“That makes one of us,” Illumi sighed, not enjoying it one bit himself. Soon enough his large black eyes opened back into their original shape and silky black hair fell far below his shoulders, contrasting nicely with his dark green suit. “That feels much better.”

 _‘Beautiful…_ ’ The redhead smile stretched. Who would have thought there was such a delicate flower underneath that morbid disguise? His eyes continued to follow the raven haired as he quickly dug a hole for himself under the ground.

“I’m going to sleep here until the time’s over. Good luck.” Illumi notified and snuggled in, sealing the top opening with the dirt. He had no issues with the dark or claustrophobic places since he had long adopted those during his childhood.

‘ _Too bad, I was hoping we could have some fun—oh well._ ’ “Good night.” Hisoka continued to sit on the log in isolation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that all the scenes in between the phases which take place in the anime still occur here even if I haven’t annunciated them—I just get to pick and choose the ones I want to manipulate a bit. As you can guess the exam might end sooner than expected but that’s fine since we’re concerned with only Killumi ;)


	18. Face to Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers: Episode: 30 (1999). Episode 20 (2011).

“Look what they gave us. Wanna watch it?” Killua sneered towards the DVDs in his hands as he shared the room with Gon.

“Huh? Eh?! These are adult movies! We can’t watch those!” Gon shrieked the moment he discovered what they were, a huge blush masking his face.

“Pfft. You’re so honest.” The silverette blurted.

“But we really can’t, those kind of movies have …you know, kissing and stuff…”

“Huh? You mean you haven’t kissed any one before?” The assassin asked curiously.

“What? Of course I haven’t! You sound like you have?” The brunette asked troubled.

“Sure, plenty of times…” Killua spoke like it was the most normal thing to do. “Don’t you have a sibling that you do it with?”

“…Uh no…but I don’t really think you normally do it with a sibling…” Gon scratched his cheek trying to explain. Killua only continued to stare at him, rethinking about all the times he’d kissed with Illumi. _‘If it wasn’t normal, then why did his brother do it so many times?’_

**Fifth/Final Phase:**

Killua watched his teammates fight one after the other and frankly all the waiting made him impatient to go out there and show off his skills too. The most interesting match, if he had to pick one, would be Gon’s. He was an average fighter, nowhere skilled like Killua was but there was something about that provisional fighting that excited him. He also didn’t realize how and when he felt such fury when Hanzo nearly killed Gon. He had finally met someone close enough to be called a friend and there was no one way he’d let anyone take that away. However, it turned out that the ninja ended up sparing Gon’s life after all and the response he gave the silvertte after mouthing that question was priceless.

 _“Gon had no such rage showing in his eyes, even after I had just broken his arm.”_ Hanzo’s words repeated in his head. ‘ _Can one really be like that?’_

The fifth match began between Killua and Pokkle as both made their way to the arena. The silverette sighed. There was no way he was going to spar with someone so weak.

“Forget it.” Killua mumbled.

“Huh?” Pokkle didn’t quite catch that.

“I don’t want to.” The kid began to turn around.

“What? But that would mean you’re forfeiting! Leading to an automatic victory for me!” His opponent clarified.

“Yeah fine~. I’m just not interested in fighting you.” The younger confidently walked away with a wave. Hopefully his next opponent would actually be considered powerful. According to the chart, it was obvious that he wouldn’t come face to face with Hisoka—as long as that was the case, the kid had nothing to worry about. Or at least that’s what he thought. Little did he know who his next opponent would apparently be.

Illumi watched the silverette walk away from his match. _‘It’s not always good to be too confident now, Kiru.’_ He mentally commented. Meanwhile the match between Leorio and Bodoro happened to be postponed while Bodoro was given the chance to recover. Therefore, Killua was called again to the center to face against Gittarackur.

“Begin!” The referee called out, taking two steps back.

‘ _What a weird one._ ’ Killua put on a serious face as he calculated the right steps he needed to take in his mind. Concealing his bloodlust, he gradually came closer to the tall standing figure. Illumi watched him with a smile, finding his movements surprisingly cute. Before the younger could openly attack, Illumi decided to shift things around a bit since there was no way he’d fight his adorable little brother.

“Kiru.” Gittarackur let out, grabbing the other’s attention. “It’s been a while.” He continued while he reached for his pins and began pulling them out. Hisoka watched with interest, not expecting the assassin to blow his cover so soon. Killua gawked at the elder as his face distorted and hair lengthened, falling on to his back. Upon recognizing the taller’s true identity, the kid’s eyes bulged out even further and cold sweat formed on his forehead. Something inside of him also started squeezing his organs, making it all the more difficult to breathe.

“Ha…An-aniki…” The silverette mouthed as if trying to wake himself up from a nightmare _. ‘Why was he here? How did he find him so quick? What was he going to do?’_ The questions screamed in his mind. 

Illumi watched him with nonchalant eyes. “Yo.”

“Killua’s big brother?” Leorio echoed.

“You mean he actually used those needles to change his face?” Kurapika pondered with amazement.

“I heard you stabbed Milluki and mom.” The raven haired simply proposed.

“…I suppose I did…” Kiru forced himself to smile, and tried to mimic the other’s casualness.

“Mom was in tears you know.”

“Hah? Of course she would be in tears after being treated like that by her own son…” Leorio felt the need to intervene.

“Tears of joy.” Illumi clarified. “She was so happy that her son was all grown up, but still worried about your safety. But what a coincidence, I didn’t know Kiru wanted to be a hunter.”

“I-it’s not like I wanted to be a hunter, I just felt like taking it—and what about aniki? Why…are you here?” Killua gazed back into his elder brother’s eyes, attempting to conceal his apprehension.

“I need a hunter license for my next job.” The elder replied. “Are you in any state to question me?” He tilted his head to a side. Killua dropped his gaze with no come back. “Let me give you some advice, since it looks like you’ll be needing it.” The teen’s agitation from before dawning over him now. “You’re not cut out to be a hunter, you’re only purpose is being an assassin. You don’t need anything else, so come back to being the assassin dad and I raised you to be.”

Killua couldn’t believe his ears while the other discouraged him but at the same time couldn’t refute either. A part of him was magically being hypnotized by the other’s words. Maybe he _was_ only capable of seeking pleasure from killing people. No! What was he thinking? So, he’d been doing it for all his life but that didn’t mean he had to continue that path. As a matter of fact, he was really enjoying his time with Gon and the others. He felt as if he could stretch his arms to their full extent without any weight holding him down or a feeling of suffocation. 

The silverette swallowed the nausea in his throat. “You’re…wrong.” His words were barely audible to himself.

“Am I?”

“I …do have something I want…”

“You don’t.” Illumi flatly refused for him. That attitude snapped the kid at once.

“I do! I do have something I desire!”

“In that case, tell me then.” Killua lowered his head in a dilemma. _How would he explain what he wanted to Illumi?_ “What’s wrong? There isn’t really anything is there?” Frankly, the elder found this squabble utterly pointless, but as always, he indulged the younger since he was only a kid after all.

“I …want to have a friend. I want to…be friends with Gon. I don’t want to kill people anymore.”

The raven haired teen’s expression tightened. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep playing with the kid. This was all beginning to annoy him. “Impossible.” He breathed. “You can’t make friends.” The silverette raised his head to look at him in question and faze. “You don’t need friends. You’ll only kill them anyway—because you’re an assassin. That’s how I _trained_ you.” Kiru knitted his eyebrows with concern. “You’re confused Kiru. You don’t know how to classify Gon because he’s too dazzling for your eyes. You don’t really want to be friends with him.” The elder instilled his own impressions on the younger.

“No…”

“You’ll only kill him. Forget it. One day you won’t be able to hold back your assassin urges.” Illumi annunciated. He had to remove this Gon from his little brother’s mind and existence at all costs. Killua clenched his jaw, as his body shook and eyes blurred. ‘ _Why couldn’t he deny all those things his brother was saying about him? Why?!’_ He was in such shock and fear that he couldn’t even move a muscle.

Leorio got tired of being a spectator and stomped forward, only to be stopped by one of the security. He clicked his tongue and resorted to shouting instead. “Killua! Don’t give a crap about what he says! Who cares if he’s your brother?” Illumi plastered a hand on his hip and quietly listened thinking absolutely nothing of it. The spiky haired man was worthless and insignificant anyways. “Just beat the crap out of him—don’t you know? You’re already friends with Gon!”

Killua flinched at that. ‘ _No, don’t tell Illumi that_.’ His mind automatically responded as he horrifyingly rotated his head to his brother again.

“Really?” Illumi directed towards Leorio, feigning intrigue in his tone.

“You bet, you idiot!”

“Is that so…that’s not good, I can’t have him considering Kiru a friend already.” The raven haired brought his finger to his chin in thought. “Okay, I’ll just have to kill Gon then.” He resolved shocking everyone present. Killua felt his heart stop. ‘ _No, he couldn’t let that happen—he wasn’t going to let Illumi kill any more helpless people because of him.’_ The kid was already living with enough remorse as it was.

Illumi brought forth his needles, snuggling them between his fingers as the menacing aura around him further blackened. In fact, it had become so strong that Killua was forced to descend his gaze again. The elder was grateful he was so expressionless or else his bitterness would be more than evident on his face by now. “You don’t need any friends. They’ll only slow you down.” Illumi decided to make one last comment before he turned on his heels. “Where is he?”

“P-please wait! The match is still—” the raven haired effortlessly shot three needles into the security’s forehead, shutting him at once.

“ _Where_?” His eyes glowered as they repeated them. He wasn’t in the mood for gags and he had already been delayed quite long enough.

The man’s face was trapped in a painful predicament as it contorted in the weirdest ways. “The waiting room…” He indicated with a hoarse voice.

“Thank you.” The teen indifferently said and resumed to the door, where to his surprise he was met with three of the contestants. The ravenette inwardly sighed. “This won’t work, if I kill all of you then I won’t be able to get the hunter license, meaning Kiru will pass automatically.” That’s when Illumi realized something and his inner anger dissipated. “Oh wait, the same will happen if I kill Gon, darn.” He bumped his head with a finger, acting like his usual self again. “Oh I know, I’ll get the hunter license first and _then_ kill Gon.” He deadpanned once more, that dark nature surrounding him again.

Killua who had been silent during this whole time, twitched in helplessness again. ‘ _Looks like he was serious about this._ ’ In order to ascertain his place to Killua and the entirety of the matter, the elder turned to the chairman. “If I pass the exam, I can kill everyone here and still keep my license, correct?”

“Yes, that is correct.” Netero answered.

“Do you hear that Kiru?” Illumi glanced at the younger from the corner of his eye. “Looks like you’ll have to beat me if you really want to save your _friend_.” _‘Which isn’t going to happen.’_ He fully turned back to the kid and took long strides towards him. “Well? Will you fight your brother, for your friend? But you already know the answer, don’t you?” Kiru was suddenly on his guard when he noticed the elder was only an arm’s length away from him. “Never go against a superior enemy, I drilled that into you.” Illumi halted and gradually lifted his arm to make contact.

The silverette instantly staggered a step back, ready to flee if need be. “Don’t move.” The ravenette commanded right away. “If you move, I’ll take that as a sign to initiate the fight. Same goes for if our bodies make contact.” The kid lost his breath, heck, he wasn’t even thinking about breathing currently. Sweat beads continued to roll down his face, skin goosebumped and his whole body tensed as it watched the pale hand closing in on him. He could no longer hear the voices from the room, or even feel their presence. It was like he was being sucked into a black hole and time only dragged on and on.

“…I surrender.” The silverette mouthed at once with trembling jaws. After it was all over, the younger crumbled, utterly ashamed at himself for being so feeble. The elder surveyed him real quick to see whether he was serious or not and then smiled with satiation.

“Awesome.” Illumi clapped his hands together. “We don’t have to fight then.” He jovially patted the other’s shoulder, all of sudden in an attempt to cheer the kid up since it was evident how impacted by all this he was. The ravenette told himself he never had ill intentions, he was only doing what was right, for both of them _. ‘Of course he would never harm his Kiru on purpose._ “I was only joking, Kiru. I wasn’t actually going to kill Gon—that was only a test.” The elder hoped lying would restore things between them. He clasped a large hand on the younger’s head and brought it close to himself such that their faces were only a couple of inches apart. “Trust me, you don’t need friends or the hunter license, when you do I’ll let you know. In the meantime, just listen to dad and I and do your job as always. Okay?” He spoke in his doting tone again. 

That was the last they heard Killua talk. As if under some morbid spell, he reduced himself to a shell and as soon as the fight between Leorio and Bodoro began, he interjected without thinking killing Bodoro. Thus, leading to his disqualification. Everything as Illumi suspected would turn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite chapters


	19. Release

“Apologize to Killua!” A voice intruded Illumi’s ears as he sat in the court room. The raven haired didn’t bother turning his head and inferred who the owner was from the kid’s stature and voice resonance.

“For what?”

“You don’t know what you did wrong??” Gon asked.

“Nope.” Illumi nonchalantly answered.

“Tsk. Then you’re not qualified to be his brother.”

‘ _Annoying.’_ “I didn’t know I had to qualify to be his brother.” The elder frowned. The last thing he needed to be told was that he didn’t have the right to be Kiru’s brother. No one would understand the extent to which he loved the kid.

Gon was also growing impatient as he gripped the other’s wrist and dragged him off his seat. “In that case you don’t need qualifications to be a friend either! Only Killua can choose.”

“…Then it appears Killua chose me.” The needle master defined, feeling a weight of pride at those words. The brunette’s frown automatically deepened as he gave the other’s arm a brutal squeeze. Illumi noticed his bones and veins being crushed under the iron grasp but he watched with subtle amazement.

“Take me to him.” Gon demanded.

“Why?”

“I’m going to make you apologize to him and then bring him back?”

“You make it sound like I’ve kidnapped my own little brother.” _‘That didn’t sound so bad._ ’

“What you did is no different than kidnapping!”

Illumi was just about done with this nonsense. He raised his hand towards the younger, who snapped and hopped back immediately. That’s when the chairman interrupted them to announce the hunters and Killua’s case.

* * *

“Where is Killua?” Gon pestered again, while Illumi was standing outside the rooms, staring at his hunter license. The elder inserted the card inside his pocket before turning to the kid.

“And what will you do if I tell you?” The raven haired was impressed that he wasn’t irritated by now.

“I’m going to bring him back obviously!”

Illumi mentally laughed at that. ‘ _Utterly impossible.’_ “Kukuroo Mountain. That’s where our estate is.”

“Thank you.” Gon nodded with a serious face and walked away with Leoreo and Kurapika.

“Was that okay?” Hisoka suddenly appeared in the area, leaning by the pillar. “To give your whereabouts like that?”

“Sure. It’s no secret, All the locals know where we live. And this way, they’ll realize how different our worlds are.” Illumi explained his intentions. He barely finished and the redhead glimpsed at his swollen arm. “Oh, this, it’s broken.” He casually stated with no sense of pain. The other scoffed.

**Kukuroo Mountain:**

“Hey wake up! Take that!” Milluki lashed at the silverette with a whip multiple times as punishment for stabbing him. Killua tweaked an eye open.

“Huh…? Where? Oh, aniki.” That attitude pissed Milluki off further as he whipped him across the face.

“You’re not sorry at all!” The elder condemned before he received a call from mother. “Eh? Okay. Look at that Kil, your friends are here. Maybe I should kill them instead?” Killua immediately oozed bloodlust at that statement.

“Milluki. If you dare, I’ll kill you.” 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Their grandfather Zeno declared, entering the chambers.

“But grand—”

“Killua, go to your father. He wishes to see you.”

“Whatever.” Killua broke loose from his shackles and hopped onto the ground, fetching his shirt. “Oh yeah, aniki, I really do feel bad for stabbing you and mom so that’s why I let you slap me around. But don’t get too ahead of yourself~.” The kid exited.

“That arrogant little—!” Milluki cried.

Killua made his way to his father’s chambered and as usual asked for permission before entering. On instinct, the kid put up his guard as he sat on the seat across from the elder.

“I heard you made some friends.”

“Mhm…” Killua nervously admitted. How was his father so calm? He assumed, like Illumi, his dad would be against it as well.

“Is that so? Then tell me, what kind of people are they?” Silva was actually interested to know more, to Killua’s surprise. The younger slowly began, describing Gon and the others. “Killua, come here. We can have a friendlier chat this way.” His father insisted, patting the space behind him. The kid wasn’t complaining, infact he was gradually opening up to his dad as he spoke about their journeys. If only they could have been like this from the start.

* * *

“Then, promise me that you’ll never betray your friends.” Silva bit his thumb and stuck it out. The silverette was touched. He had never felt so connected with his dad before and he was hoping it would remain that way. The kid still had a difficult time believing that his dad was so understanding. Killua did the same and rubbed his small thumb with the others. “You’re free to go, my son.” He patted the kid’s head. Killua nodded gratefully and climbed down from the sofa.

As soon as he left Silva smirked _. ‘He was his son, trained to be a competent assassin, he would most definitely come back._ ’

* * *

Killua waited for what seemed like hours for the butlers to notify him of his friend’s arrival. In the meantime, he had finished every pack of candy that he was given for time pass. Worn out from waiting, he wore his favorite bag and stepped down the halls, opening the door to the last room. “Gon?!” The silverette noticed the spiky hair popping out from the back of the couch in the midst of their commotion.

“Killua!” Gon jumped from his seat and exclaimed.

“Also Ku…rapika?” Killua pointed to the blond who was also turned to face him.

“So I’m just an after thought?” Kurapika deadpanned.

“And …Liorio?”

“ _Leorio_.” The taller teen corrected.

“Ha! You look terrible though.” Killua taunted back at Gon.

“Heh, so do you!” The brunette chuckled.

* * *

“How could you! Why did you let him leave when he finally came back?! Huh? What were you thinking??” Kikyo wailed, completely devastated.

“Shut up.” Silva simply stated, not willing to be disturbed while still scheming in his mind. At the same time, Illumi returned home and heard the news too, entering his father’s room. “Ah, Illumi, perfect timing.”

“Father. Did you allow Kiru to leave?” For a change, it was evident on his face how flustered he was. Firstly, the elder teen was astonished that Kiru’s little friends were able to enter the estate without effort and persuade them to take Kiru. Secondly, he was troubled by the fact that their father deliberated him so easily. Both scenarios in which he wasn’t anticipating the outcomes to be this.

“That’s right.” Silva confidently answered.

Illumi cringed his eyebrows. “May I ask why? If anything, he should be accomplishing more jobs, not fooling around.”

“I am aware of that. But I think this is a good opportunity for him to rediscover himself. Let him take some time off and do to his heart’s content. Once he realizes that life isn’t for him, he is sure to come back. Back where he is meant to be.” His father explained.

 _‘I can see where he is coming from but…’_ Illumi was reluctant to just ‘let the kid go.’ He balled his fists. _‘Apparently he underestimated that Gon…he should have killed him when he had the chance to—now he was already corrupting his little brother. If only he could scout Kiru_ now _and lock him up. That way no one would come close to him, yes, all of the other’s attention would towards him alone—’_

“Don’t even think about it,” Silva truncated his son’s thought with a subtle glare. His violet eyes pierced through him as if reading his thoughts directly. Illumi only glimpsed back with a baffling gaze. “I want you to stay away from him. Let him roam the free world for now.”

“…I understand.” Illumi hardly managed to maneuver before exiting the room and marching to his own. 

“But dear—” His mother’s continuous rants could be heard from the downstairs.

‘ _This is ridiculous._ ’ The concept of intentionally being restricted to see the other was already eating him up from the inside out. ‘ _Why did you leave, Kiru?_ ’ A pool of dark black began encircling around the elder as he shut his room door and stood ahead of it _. ‘Well, nothing he was experiencing now would change anything. He would just have to wait. That was no big deal. He was excellent at waiting and self-tolerance._ ’

* * *

Months passed in a heartbeat and Killua was busy with his new friends at York New City...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter!


	20. Challenging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers from episodes:   
>  2011: 31, 138, 139, 141, 142 , 143.   
>  1999: 41  
> ( I changed things here and there for this fic of course but not much).

“Killua where are you going? We’re not finished yet—it’s disrespectful to Master to—” Zushi, a new kid they met recently spoke out.

“Yeah yeah, save it. I'll just be gone and back before you know it.” Killua fixed both hands on his nape and walked away. ‘ _Hisoka’s next opponent was Kastro, it wouldn't hurt to pay a quick visit to check him out, ne.’_ He thought as he stepped to the elevator.

He lost track of time, but it had certainly been a while since the hunter exam. While he, himself hadn’t acquired the license yet, Gon and him both resolved to get stronger together. Ultimately, which lead them to where they were now: Heaven’s Arena.

‘ _Never thought I’d have to come back to this place._ ’ The silverette scuffed. This place was just part of that fraction of early memories he didn't ever want to revisit. It also reminded him how he got fed up of this place and of waiting for his elder brother to show up that in the end he finally eloped.

Ding. That was the bell of the elevator, doors opening up automatically. Killua stepped out and glanced both ways. He found an employee guarding the hall that led to his destination along with a sign obscuring the way. ‘ _Too easy~_ ’ The younger searched through his pocket and pulled out a seed. With the right amount of force he aimed it across the guard and straight into the wall, diverting the other’s attention. In less then half a second he was on the other side of the corridor, already having turned the corner to an ajar door.

‘ _Bingo_.’ He took a breath and concealed his aura completely, walking up to the room door. Peeking into the room he found his interest sitting peacefully on the couch. ‘ _Doesn't look too above average.—_ ‘

“Was there something you need?” An unfamiliar voice called out from behind. Killua snapped and swerved his head immediately to the man from the room itself, Kastro.

‘ _What the ?! When did he—no how did he ??_ ’ “Uh, I was just wondering if I could get an autograph…” The silverette convinced, acting cool all of a sudden.

“From me?” Kastro smiled. “You honor me, Killua-kun.” Killua wasn't expecting to hear that. “I keep tabs on all my rivals from the 200s class.”

“I see , so you do know everything then.” The kid masked his surprise.

“So are you here to find a new opponent?”

“Nah, just a closer look.” The silverette smiled.

“And, what do you think?”

“Good. You're pretty damn good.”

“I'm glad you think so.” Kastro gratified. “You're zestu is quite impressive too. However, next time, perhaps you should conceal it before you reach the floor.”

“You knew I was on this floor?” Killua had a feeling this wouldn't be the last time he was surprised for the day.

“That's right.”

‘ _Damn this guy is really something._ ’ “Then, how did you do that just now?”

“Unfortunately I can't tell you now—after all we might have to fight someday.”

“You don't have to worry about that—I don't plan to fight.”

“Oh really? That isn't what your aura says.” Kastro joked. Killua froze, reevaluating himself. “Joking.”

“Anyhow, I'll wait for you in battle Olympia.” The elder concluded, walking back to his room and closing the door before opening it again. “I'm sure you know how to get there.” He teased again.

Killua’s face flustered, also realizing how focused he had been on the other the whole time. “I already told you I'm not fighting!”

* * *

Killua sat with one knee up and chin resting on his palm along the windowsill gazing at the deep navy sky of the night. ‘ _Was he not satisfied?_ ’ The absent part of his soul asked him. It was true, even though he was finally free from the chains of his family and wraths of his assassin duties, he still wasn't as spirited as he expected himself to be. ‘ _Was he merely bored then?_ ’ he sat in silence for another two minutes before a wave of black swished in his mind/memory.

‘ _Hm, I wonder…what Illumi could possibly be up to—since it's a shock he still hadn't scouted me yet. A mission, maybe?_ ’ Killua was inherently curious now. This _was_ Illumi we were talking about.

* * *

On the flip side, Illumi had resumed his duties. He rummaged through the pockets of one of his dead targets in search for a chip his client demanded. As soon as he found it, he shoved it into his pocket and noticed the full moon witnessing his actions. He lifted his chin to catch a glimpse of the glowing white light in the sky.

‘ _So white,_ ’ He resolved. ‘ _Just like Kiru’s hair._ ’

* * *

‘ _I wonder…’_ Killua mused, looking up at the same moon.

* * *

‘ _I want to know…_ ’ Illumi thought, his wide black eyes reflecting the light and cold breeze swaying his long hair.

* * *

‘ _…does he miss me, the way I am right now…_?’ Both silently wondered.

“What are you thinking about?” Gon curiously asked, interrupting the silverette’s introversion.

“Eh? Oh…nothing.”

“If you say so.” Gon grinned, coming down from his hand stand position.

"Think you can handle your match tomorrow—you _are_ dealing with Hisoka here.”

"Mmh..." the brunette pursed his lips. "I think I’m ready, I have been training for a long time and thanks to Wing-San and Zushi, my nen’s improved too.”

“Well, good luck then.” Killua flatly said.

“Thanks!” Gon’s smiled ear to ear, as his chest also spread with comforting warmth.

**…Fastfoward to …**

Killua sat outside the hospital room, head low and palms grinding against each other. Right before him was a glass window that displayed the inside of the room. Gon’s room. After his ignorant fight with Pitou, he was hospitalized on permanent life support ‘ _Dammit_!’ The silverette cursed disbelieving how this could have happened for the short while he had parted with the other. The twelve year old stood up and leaned against the window frame of the chamber. ‘ _I have to save him—no I'm going to save him._ ’ Oddly, he was feeling a strong sense of déjà vu. An ancient memory of his cat was running through him without mercy, fueling his guilt even more to the point he also became _duty-bound_ to get his friend walking again.

“Killua, we’re going to go find a team of specialists for Gon. Do you want to join us?” A man asked.

“No, I won't.” Killua answered without looking up.

“Right, I suppose someone should stay and talk to him.”

“No, I'm going to save him.” ‘ _I know someone who can._ ’ The other gave him a baffled look but didn't question it. After that, the kid wasted no time and returned back home to Kukuroo Mountain. It didn’t take his determination long to open five out of the seven gates in one go. After he eluded the entrance and strode past the forest trees, he was becoming increasingly aware of his circumstances. He just barged back home in an instant forgetting this was the place he was supposed to be avoiding the most. From here out, he could only hope he didn’t run into Illumi. Even if he had discharged the needle embedded in his brain by Illumi, he was still conscious of the other’s presence and abilities.

**Insert: Episode 94 (2011)- Killua removes the needle implanted by Illumi.**

Killua directly bombarded his father’s room, who was chilling on his couch with his massive beast asleep on the side. “Let me see Alluka, I need her power.” The silverette confronted his dad face to face.

Silva, speechless to his sudden request only stared back at him. “Killua…”

“I don’t have time father!” Killua empowered. “I’m going to go either way so I’d rather you come with me.”

“It’s useless.” His father warned, secretly impressed at the other’s sudden aggressive tone. “No one can control Alluka.”

The kid snapped because he knew something they all had no idea of. “You’re wrong! Aniki’s wrong—Alluka’s a family member too and I need her help.” ‘ _What they don’t understand is that I can control her, she listens to me—that makes her no different than a family member._ ’

“That thing is from somewhere else.”

“…” The younger was losing his patience. “If Alluka is still the same, then only I can help her. And she’s the only one who can save my friend.”

It was apparent that Silva had no means to quaver the other and thus lead them to multiple heavy gates before reaching the girl’s room.

“You do remember the rules?” Silva confirmed one more time.

“I do.” Killua simply stated and entered. ‘ _Dammit, was it because Illumi was controlling me that I left my little sister in such a condition?_ ’ He stepped into a colorful chamber piled with stuffed animals and the metal doors locked from behind. “Alluka. It’s me.” He forced a smile.

The long haired girl, seated quietly with her legs ahead of her, raised her head slowly. “…Kirua!”

* * *

“Moshi moshi.” Illumi picked up his beeping talking device.

“Niisama, it’s Milluki.” Milluki answered on the other line.

“Oh~ Milluki, what’s up?”

“I …have some bad news.” His younger brother hesitated for a moment. “It’s Killua.” Illumi’s entire heed pulled towards the direction of his phone almost automatically as he waited for the other to continue. “It seems his _friend_ got in trouble and he recently just came in to take Alluka.”

“Alluka?” The name that was hardly ever uttered suddenly left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Mhm, you’re aware of Alluka’s powers—I think he needs them to revive Gon. They’re on their way to the hospital as we speak.” Illumi frowned. ‘ _No. That was dangerous. Unacceptable. Was Kiru not aware of the consequences of insisting such a huge demand. At this rate he’s going to die._ ’ “Illumi-niisama?”

“I got it.” the raven haired assured and hung up.

“Huh—got what—” Milluki was anticipating an explanation but was recklessly cut off. In the meantime, Illumi played with the intercom in his hand. ‘ _Kiru, Kiru, Kiru…what exactly are you thinking?_ ’ The elder brooded. ‘ _Either way, I have to stop him—this time I won’t be restrained by father_.’ 

* * *

“For you to suddenly call me out like this? I must say I’m truly honored.” Hisoka bantered when Illumi set down two glasses of bourbon. The raven haired took a seat right beside him and appreciated the high night city view from the window in front of their table.

“You…haven’t been watching the news lately have you?”

“Hm?” The redhead didn’t see where that awful transition came from.

“A lot’s happened around the world you know—while you were busy chasing Chrollo.” Illumi brought about. “Do you ever stop to think?”

“Hmph, that require stopping to think—perhaps you could be my manager?” Hisoka smirked at the offer.

Illumi’s expression barely budged. He wasn’t in the mood for jokes at the moment, so he decided to put it bluntly. “Gon’s on the verge of death and Killua went to see our father.”

“What did you say??”

“At this rate both of them will die.” Illumi swirled his cup to watch the ice dance in the gold liquid. “And I can’t have that happen.” He met eyes with the other again. ‘ _Not to Killua._ ’

“Illumi, explain.” Hisoka was a bit more serious about the subject now.

“…Actually, there’s another Zoldyck member. I want to get rid of it.” Following that Illumi was forced to explicate everything from the beginning: Alluka, her abilities to grant wishes and the repercussions that had resulted from that.

“If you fail to grant four of Alluka’s requests, you pay the price with your life. When the price is two lives, you and the person you love the most will die. And if it’s more than two lives, than the people you spend the most time with will die.” Illumi summarized in the end.

“…This is a problem.” Hisoka finally understood where this was directed.

“Killua will ask to restore Gon but,”

“Since the price is the person he loves the most and the one he’s spent the most time with—the restored Gon will die anyhow—” The joker attempted to finish the statement with his new level of comprehension.

“Eh?” Illumi turned to his partner with stun.

“What?” That startled the redhead too. “Am I wrong?” The needle-master turned back to his drink with not much of a counter statement. “Wait…when you said two would suffer the most—were you referring to Killua and yourself…?”

“of course.” Illumi smiled, overjoyed the other understood his point at last. ‘ _Of course it would be him. He loved Kiru more than anything.’_

Hisoka’s face looked distressed. “You know, I have my issues, but you’re just as fucked.” [XDD] ‘ _He’s worse than me._ ’ Albeit he did hold a slight grudge against Killua in the spur of the moment. “Okay, I’m in.”

* * *

Killua was able to get Gotoh and Canary to assist him during this personal mission, along with Tsubone and Amane hired from his dad’s side. They were currently riding a limo to catch the blimp which would take them straight to the hospital. If all went all, they would make it in no time and once they were in air they should be unstoppable. His phone began ringing but he ignored it over his own contemplations.

“Hello?” Gotoh attended the phone instead. “…Illumi-sama?” An instant tension grew thick in the air upon that name. Killua gulped whatever abruptly got stuck in his throat. ‘ _Of course, things would never go smoothly. He’s simply lucky, Illumi didn’t run into them before all this time.’_ “Yes, at once. Please wait a moment, I’ll give it to him.” With that Gotoh motioned the phone to the younger who was reluctant at first.

 _‘How would Illumi react—what would he say? Even if he tried to stop him… it would be futile now…’_ The younger gripped the phone in his hand for what seemed like a long three minutes before finally bringing it up to his ear.

“Is this Killua?” Illumi’s all too familiar voice invaded the silverette’s ears.

“…Yeah.” The raven haired forgot how cute the younger’s voice was on the phone. 

“You removed the needle, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” Killua only answered what he needed to. “I feel a lot better.”

“I see, then I won’t have to hold back when I kill.”

“Kill? Me?” Killua was on his guard, preparing himself for the worst but concealed those emotions from his voice. Illumi laughed on the other side, finding his naivety too flattering.

“How many times have I told you Kiru,” The elder was dying to use that nickname again. “ _Family_ is off limits.” Kiru knew exactly what he implied by that –they all considered Alluka as an outsider. This set another fire in the silverette.

“Fine. I’ll beat you at your own game.” The kid wasn’t thinking straight anymore when he challenged the other.


	21. Confrontations

**'** _I was betting he wouldn’t chose that option but meh, looks like I have to punish little Kiru for not following directions again.’_ “Alright. You asked for this Kiru.” The moment he closed the phone, two cars crashed ahead of them, also putting a truck in risk of exploding. Canary was compelled to drive up the hill, away from the cars and flew back down until another truck of loaded girders appeared before them. The black limo stumbled vertically in front, causing the truck to pierce all the girders at various points into their car.

‘ _Is he serious!?_ ’ Killua gripped on to Alluka tightly, inches away of being mashed. They all fell off the cliff of the road and down into the forest, setting a fire at the end of trail.

* * *

“Wa, that was excessive, don’t you think?” Hisoka and Illumi stood at the peak of an alternative hill top and observed the scene with little compassion. “I thought you would ask him first.” The red head continued, kneeling on his knees.

“I already got the answer.” Illumi emotionlessly stated. “There’s something that bothers me. I feel like Killua is hiding some rules from us, thus negotiating with him is pointless. Eitherway, I’m going to dispose of Alluka for good this time. All I need you to do is eliminate the butlers and take Alluka from Killua.”

“Okay~” Hisoka compliantly agreed. “By the way,” He rotated his head to Illumi. “Am I allowed to kill Killua?” He dared to ask, sticking his thumb between two fingers indicating what would be a second taboo to the raven haired. Not even seconds after those words processed in the other’s mind did his brain burn a fuse, relying independently on his emotions alone now. And those helix of emotions made his skin crawl with fury, hair radiate with static aura and eyes darken, all pouring out ultimate blood lust. Illumi’s blood lust was so powerful and deadly that all the crows from the trees behind them scattered away into the sky.

“I…will kill you…right here…right now.” The raven haired doomed, voice with a new dark pitch of its own.

Hisoka merely smiled back, fascinated by the sight and slightly turned on too. “Just kidding.” It also confirmed in his mind the other’s feelings for his brother. “You’re oozing bloodlust, is that okay?”

Killua, who was on the ground also sensed his brother’s dangerous vibe and gasped in that direction. ‘ _Illumi’s bloodlust! That meant he was close by!_ ’

As soon as Illumi recovered, he noticed that he had been spot by the younger. “Oh damn. I’ve been revealed. Was that on purpose?” He grudgingly turned to Hisoka.

“Nope.” 

‘ _Why is the young master putting himself through so much trouble, and just for a friend.’_ Illumi couldn't accede.

**Flashback** :

“Kirua! Pick me up!” Young Alluka demanded.

“Okay!” Killua obliged and hoisted her up to his best ability.

“Kirua! Get me that feather!” Alluka pointed at a black and white bird feather that sat atop a tree branch.

“Eh…how am I supposed to get that…Okay hold on then.” The kid smiled and started climbing the tree. It took him a while to hop back down but he was satisfied when he placed the feather on to his little sister’s hand. “Are we done?”

“Kirua, jump off that cliff.”

“What? No way.” Killua was getting a bit tired of this now.

“No…then Kirua, give me your eyes.”

“And how exactly do I do _that_?” The kid placed his hands on his hips, not sure why Alluka was being so selfish.

“No again…” The girl’s expression saddened until she made one final request. “Kirua give me your hand~” She spoke with a fraction of desperation now.

“Hah~ fine. Here.” He smacked his small palm on to her’s and closed his fingers around it. “Happy now.”

“Mh!” She exclaimed right before her face paled and eyes became empty shells. Killua froze on the spot at first, horrifyingly watching what possessed his younger sibling. “What is your wish?”

“Eh? Wish…?” ‘ _What kind of a joke is this?_ ’ “Okay... well, my wish is that you start listening to me and fulfill _my_ requests now!” He blurted innocently.

“’Kay.”

“What?” Killua didn’t anticipate his wish coming true that fast. However, later did he learn that it did, and somehow for life—thus forming a new ‘rule’ where Something would only fulfill _his_ commands. This was before he even fathomed about Alluka’s power.

 **End of Flashback**. 

* * *

Hisoka and Illumi stomped out of the car but a moment too late as they watched the blimp drift away. Illumi clenched his jaw. ‘ _So, it looks like he underestimated his little brother—couldn’t blame him. It had been a while since they last met._ ’

“Why don’t we just wait for them at the hospital?” Hisoka suggested.

“No. The closer we get to the hospital, the likely we’ll fail.” The other disagreed. “I have no more allies—seems like a waste, but I’ll have to use my needles.” The redhead eagerly observed his partner remove some bobbed pins from his suit and envelope them with a poisoning aura. “If I stab these into someone they’ll work hard for me until death.” Illumi elucidated, walking into the streets and slinging them randomly at any one and everyone he saw in broad daylight—with no one to stop him.

* * *

“Hm, there’s still time before the airship lands, I guess I’ll help Hisoka out a bit.” Illumi studied the map after he and Hisoka tracked down all the ‘fake’ airships Killua had created.

Killua’s airship smoothly landed away from the outskirts of the city where they were picked up by one of their butler’s cars. ‘ _Good, they were only sixty kilometers away from the hospital—nothing could stop them now_.’ So, the silverette thought, slamming the door of the back seat. “Take us to the hospital.” He ordered their driver.

“At once.” The chauffeur obeyed without turning around. Their ride hardly managed to cover three meters before a few haggardly walking, zombie-like people obstructed their path causing the car to break sharply.

Killua lost his face. _‘Hah?! Illumi’s needle men?! But how!_ ’ “Hishita hit the gas! They’re beyond help anyway!” He couldn’t afford to get trapped now and certainly not be Illumi.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that Killua- sama, unless Illumi- sama orders me to.” Hishita, the driver kinked his neck to the kids with two huge needles probed into his forehead.

“W-What??!” The silverette couldn’t believe his eyes. The path he had created was suddenly shattering before him. ‘ _Crap_!’ A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead when he realized more of Illumi’s needlemen flanked them from both sides and finally Illumi himself. ‘ _Imposible_!’ Killua’s eyes widened out of their orbits. ‘ _How can he be here?!_ ’ He asked lord knows who as the elder’s silhouette emerged from the dark shadows. ‘ _Illumi…’_

Sitting in the vehicle proved no help, so the kid grabbed Alluka’s hand and led her outside. “Hi-yo, did I surprise you, Kiru?” Killua only frowned his brows further without responding at all. “Well, whatever. In any event, hand Alluka to me.”

The kid draped an arm over the girl, cognizing of possible scenarios to escape. “How did you know we were here?”

“…if I tell you, will you give me Alluka?” The elder hopefully tested.

“Forget it, I won't ask then.” To his luck, Taubone dropped by the right time and explained how they were able to get caught by Illumi. Furthermore, now that the old butler was back, Alluka began demanding things from her. All the while as she did so, Illumi’s blood boiled for the first time. That thing was dangerous, if she was requesting demands now, then this would no doubt give Killua a wish.

Which it did. “Now, Killua-sama, make your wish.” Tsubone told.

"Are you going to do it?" Illumi exhaled a breath to bring back his composure. “Are you going to sacrifice those two to kill me? Then sacrifice a bunch more to revive Gon?” The younger remained alert at his every word since he could be played into any time. “If you say yes, I'll die happy. Although it's against the rules to kill family members but that thing that'll kill—isn't exactly family.” The ravenette stretched his lips into a devious smile.

That set Killua off. He was absolutely mortified now. Not only was he highly misunderstood but now he had been insulted for such lack of trust from the other. _Did he really think he'd kill Illumi? Did his brother consider him to be so low??_ Tears inevitably accumulated at the corner of his eyes as he clenched his jaw in humiliation and somewhat anger.

‘ _If this is what it'll boil down to—then that's not so bad either. If I die, I will forever live in his heart.’_ That resolution made his heart pound also but not very much like he would want to. “Go ahead then Kiru. What are you waiting for?”

Those same tears now streamed down the silverette's face as he made his ultimate decision. “Something. Heal Tsubone’s hand.” The elder’s smile dropped into total shock at that request. “Something never makes a cruel demand after healing someone. Something is kinder than anyone else.” He elucidated as the girl healed the butler’s hand before falling asleep in Killua’s arms. He faced Illumi’s with a serious and mercilessly peiecing gaze. “If you ever refer to her as a thing again, I won't condsider you my brother anymore.” ‘ _Dammit, he wanted Illumi to be different than everyone else but what was he thinking— he was a zoldyk after all._ ’

For the most part Illumi was still mentally struck but suddenly regained his cool too at that. “Got it, Kiru.” He instantly heeded to that threat with a salute. “If you can save Gon without any risk, go for it. But do know that if there's something you're hiding from me about Alluka, I won't let it slide.” He pointed out quickly and turned around.

‘ _Baka~ as if I'd tell you. You'd probably stick a needle in my head again._ ’ The younger mentally answered to that.

When they arrived at the hospital Alluka was able to heal Gon back to his healthiest state in an instant. That was one lesser worry Killua had to stress about. Gon still received a number from the silverette, but in the end the kid was content he saved his friend and his remorse.

* * *

“You…want to search for your dad?” Killua restated the question for clarity.

“Mhm, I think we’ve been through a lot and now might be the time to slow down a bit. That's why I want to take this time to look for the famous Gin. Don't you think?” Gon told.

“Yeah…I guess you're right.” The silverette understood when exactly what the other meant. Do they just part ways now? Well they have been running around all over the place since the last couple of months that taking a break wouldn't hurt. Maybe in this time he could reassess himself and what path he _really_ wanted to take. “Okay then.” The kid hopped up and extended his hand to the brunette. “Lets meet again sometime.”

Gon smiled. “You bet! I get the feeling it's going to be really soon though hehe.” He clasped his hand on to the other’s and agreed.

* * *

Just like that, Killua found himself staring at the front door of his manor again. However this time he didn't feel so repulsed by the situation. It wasn't as if he had any other place to go. This time he didn't go straight to his father’s chambers but stalled at the main hall, absorbing the place more discretely. He needn't worry about Alluka anymore since Tsubone promised to take care of that.

**Flashback** :

“So…you guys have any mission after this?” The silverette probed Tsubone and Amane.

“What are you trying to get at Killua-chan?” The grandma butler asked.

“Nothing really, I was just thinking there's no one to take care of Alluka and yet she had gotten pretty used to you guys…”

“Clever aren't we.” Tsubone grinned. “What do you think Amane?” The girl simply shrugged as to no preference. “Alright it looks like the decision is unanimous."

“Really?! Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it.” Killua gratified.

"Come on Master Alluka.”

“Okay!” The girl squealed, before hugging and kissing Killua goodbye. “Bye niichan, I'll see you at home.”

 **End of Flashback**.

The kid roamed through the empty dark corridors wondering if he’d earn a warm welcome anytime soon from _any_ soul. ‘ _Like they'll treat a runaway with respect and warmth. But then again he was the heir so nothing he did would ever make them disown him or even come close to despise him._ ’ That condescending thought made the younger smirk for a second. He was enjoying the contemplation so much that he didn't even notice another tall figure appear from the alternate side of the hall.

He impulsively glanced up and met shocked eyes, soon mirroring the same expression as the other person’s who also froze on the spot and stared back. ‘ _Illumi…’_ The kid averted his eyes in the spur of the moment after he caught his surprise. ‘ _This is awkward somehow…’_ The atmosphere also seemed to be tenser than usual as he muttered a loose: “Er, yo…?” with a short wave. Illumi’s countenance shifted to a serious unfazed expression as if he had seen nothing and began walking in Kiru’s direction. Killua wasn't sure what to expect and stood his ground, patiently waiting for Illumi’s next gesture. However, for the first time ever, he witnessed his elder brother simply swoosh past him with his usual sullen expression as if the kid never existed there. Killua’s eyes whipped behind him before he was even aware of it and watched the other continue walking speechlessly. ‘ _Illumi never treated him like that before. Or was it because he partially crossed the line that time…?’_ These inquiries ambushed his mind instantly. ‘ _But Illumi was also to blame for pushing him to that limit—he wasn't entirely innocent! Dammit, this sucks—it actually hurt. Great, now he was mad too.’_ Kiru decided it was too late to call the other back and let it slide. Furthermore, what would he say at this point anyhow?

* * *

_“_ I'm glad to know you're back and not for the sake of unraveling another dilemma.” His father teased.

“Ahah, yeah, I'm... back.” Killua stood before Silva in a discreditable manner.

 _"_ And does this mean you're ready to resume your duties seriously?”

‘ _Not this please._ ’ The younger’s ears were preparing themselves for shut down mode if that's what it would turn out to be. Silence was the answer to that question or else his soul would be sold.

“Have you met Illumi yet? I believe he has plans for your next job.”

“I did.” Killua blurted rather quickly. “But he refuses to talk to me.” Silva processed the words and automatically raised a huge brow.

 _"_ Illumi. Avoiding to speak with _you_?” There was apparent astonishment overlying his voice.

“Yup.” The kid charged.

“Hm, interesting indeed. Never would I have predicted to hear that from you.” His father grazed his chin. “Alright, perhaps I could speak to him for you.” He scoffed inwardly.

The younger silverette nodded. ‘ _You could try_.’

* * *

Later that afternoon after meeting with his mom and dad, for old time’s sake he affixed himself atop one of the trees he always spent time on as a kid. The day was close to its end, sky fading dimmer and darker without any sign of the sun. ‘ _You know, I'm about to turn thirteen soon and these are how my days are going—sweet.’_ What was he expecting anyways? This was exactly what being ‘at home’ felt like. ‘ _No wonder he didn't come back_.’ In the past, as long as Illumi was here he would look forward to many things. Now that he thought about it, he was convinced Illumi was the only one who understood him and thus got along so well with him. But all this time he was disillusioned and now it seemed to be deteriorating—or was it? So, they had a little squabble, big deal right? Siblings have that all the time, no?

 _'Urg! He was back home to chill not to go insane over this! I'm going to get some ice cream.’_ He hopped down and headed back to the posterior door of the manor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another of my really favorite scenes: Illumi’s bloodlust & that confrontation.


	22. Step Back

Killua hopped down from the tree trunk and headed straight for the back door of their mansion that led to the dining room. He glazed past the table to open up the separate two door freezer for a cup sized box of ice cream. However, as soon as his hand touched the chocolate box, another set of fingers grazed it as well at the same time. The silverette glanced up involuntarily and found the other doing the same while looking down.

 _'Illumi_!' He could tell from the elder’s face that he was speechless too, until the raven haired pulled the box out and shut the door. 

“Oops didn't see you there.” Illumi simply stated, fetching a spoon from the drawers.

“Ah...huh? Hey wait I got it first.” Kiru realized his ice cream had been stolen.

“Did you…?”

“Of course I did.”

The elder rolled his eyes in thought before taking it away. Killua didn't understand why he was being so adamant about it either. He could always just pick up another box from the fridge or have the butlers buy him more but… he thought he finally caught Illumi in a single safe spot for a change.

“Fine, then let's share!” The preteen blurted aggressively. “Er, I ...wanted to talk to you any ways.” He attempted to justify himself. Illumi wasn't expecting that and so agreed, pulling out a second clean spoon. However, when they sat on the table, it ended up being rather silent. They were seated in their usual spots across from each other, all alone in the stillness.

“Didn't you wanted to discuss something?”

‘ _You…_ ’ The younger noticed. ‘ _Normally doesn't he always use_ Kiru _?_ ’ Killua swallowed, turning back to the question instead. “I think you're the one who has something to say.”

“…You're mistaken.” The elder took another bite from the ice cream. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Trust me. After all, I wouldn't want to do _anything_ that would make you ‘ _not consider me your brother any more.’”_ The raven haired spatted the words like knives into the kid.

‘ _Ugh, I knew it. Did I go overboard that time? Of course that wouldn't really happen but he was just so vehement that time, the words slipped out like they normally would when siblings clash.’_ The silverette frowned looking away.

“You're special.” Illumi caught his attention again. “Because you're the heir of the Zoldycks, it's all of our duty to protect you. But if you act so selfishly for the sake of a non family member ...” The younger scowled at that.

‘ _There he goes again, non-family member—no forget it, I'll just be repeating what I did back at the forest.’_

“ _Selfish_? You're the one who _selfishly_ stuck a needle in my brain! How do you think that feels??” The preteen unknowingly stood up from his chair and proposed. Illumi pretended he didn't hear that and continued to eat. Of course nothing he did was ever wrong.

“Che, of course nothing you do is ever wrong— that's probably what you're thinking.” Killua echoed the words outloud which forced the other to look at him with amazement.

“So, you understand, yet you still chose to rebel.”

“Hah—that's not what I meant!” Killua couldn't believe him.

“So you're still angry?”

“No duh, but I'm not the only one am I—you're the one who’s mad too.”

“I’m not angry…” Illumi set down his silver spoon and thought for a moment. “What consititutes as being mad anyhow?” The silverette wanted to flip and nearly collapsed on the table.

“What the hell?! Are you doing this on purpose?” ‘ _But then again this is Illumi we're talking about, so it’s possible. After all, he never did stop to reflect on his actions. To him, its either if it’s the right mood to kill or content enough not to kill. No emotions further troubled.’_ “Geez, it’s when you disagree and are furious—obviously.” Illumi stopped to consider and automatically closed his fingers around his spoon bending it 180 degrees.

“…I see.”

‘ _He’s definitely pissed.’_ Killua sat back in his chair.

“So? Why are _you_ furious?” His elder brother switched gears.

“…isn’t it apparent? Who wouldn’t be? You nearly chased us to death just to get your hands on Alluka—you tried to _kill_ her for crying out loud. You controlled me the entre time and had her locked up and probably eliminated so many innocent people just to get there.”

“…It’s because you’re the one who left first.” Illumi still had a difficult time realizing he did anything _wrong_ in the first place.

“I left exactly because of these reasons—I got tired of you all treating me like a machne!” Kiru accused. The elder silently raised his hand and brought it to what seemed like Killua’s face—alarming him—but slammed it on the table instead, dropping the spoon. The elder stood up, turned and left everything as it was. The silverette let out a breath. ‘ _damn, his prescence still stirs me.’_ He sighed as he relaxed back into his chair. Silently, the preteen sat alone and played with the bent spoon since it seemed like the only interesting thing to do. ‘ _This feels awful_.’ He couldn’t tell which though, the house, or the other but he felt absolutely miserable right now. He even lost the urge to eat his sweet ice cream because of Illumi.

* * *

Illumi needed time to think. As much as he wanted to squeeze the soul out of the kid with his arms, he learned he had to stop spoiling him. All of a sudden, he wasn’t sure what he _wanted_ from the other anymore. He obviously wanted _more_ , and everything…but more of what? What was this feeling that was always bugging him. It was desire and obsession. He always said he loved the younger each he earnestly did—in fact, even after his Kiru misbehaved like that he wasn’t the slightest angry with him—frustrated maybe—but not a single hateful feeling was towards Kiru himslf. Towards the rest of the world: plenty. All that mattered was that the kid was back to him now. Yet, that still didn't satiated him.

As he walked down the halls, he ran into Zeno, and that's when an idea struck him. “Hi grandfather.”

“Hello Illumi.” The shorter man greeted.

“Can I speak to you right now?”

“Sure.”

* * *

“Isn't it early?” Zeno questioned when Illumi mentioned the high class and almost final training every Zoldyck had to go through. Their grandfather was usually the one who took them all to this mountain area to conduct the training that would balance out their skills with their mentality. It normally also took about six months to a year depending on the person’s mentality, age and experience.

“No he’s ready.” It was selfish of him indeed— _now_ it was.

They also didn't leave Killua with much of an option to deny and thus had him go along with it. On the day of his departure, Illumi didn't come to bid him farewell or good luck, but instead watched through his second floor window instead. As soon as the preteen left, he quietly drew the dark curtains close again and sat down on the bed. It was a bit too late to be upset now as he realized his world was disappearing from his clutches again.

‘ _It's fine. Time is no matter._ ’ He told himself expressionlessly. ‘ _He especially needed this time to redefine his feelings for the other.’_

* * *

“Illu-chan~ Over here,” Hisoka waved.

“Hisoka, what is this now?” The raven haired approached the joker, who was waiting for him in the dead of the night on a pair of swings.

“Come, why don't you have a seat first?” Hisoka tugged on the adjacent empty swing on the park. Illumi eyed it suspiciously.

“I don't think I'll fit on such a tiny—”

“Just sit, ne.” Illumi sighed and dumped himself on what seemed like hitting rock bottom. “Well how is it?” The redhead grinned widely at him.

“… I feel like a mole.” The long haired teen answered, causing the other to laugh. “I don't think I've ever done this even as a child.”

“All the more reason now!”

“So I assume you called me here for something other than to swing?” The raven haired returned to the real matter at hand.

“Mh … nope. I just wanted to have some fun with you on the swings for a change.” Illumi’s face darkened as soon as he heard that.

"I'm …never …going to answer …”

“Okay okay, sorry, how about this—I'll answer any questions you have instead.” The joker generously offered.

"Why would I –hm,” A thought came into his mind. “What would you define as love?”

Hisoka blinked once and stared at him in wonder. “Love? Well, to me it's something I want to grasp and squeeze in the palm of my hand then devour it with all my soul. That blissful feeling of waiting so long then finally achieving it.”

“That doesn't exactly apply to me.” Illumi sulked. “What about wanting to kiss them, or eat them up entirely because they're so adorable?”

“Yup that applies too.” The redhead nodded confidently making the other feel slightly better with where this was headed.

“Or wanting them before your eyes every minute of wakefulness?”

“I’d count that in as well.”

"Then ...what's left?” Illumi looked at his new guru with trust.

“Of course, sex.” He sneered. “But then again I guess you could consider that as _eating them_ _up_.” ‘ _Sex…_ ’ Illumi thought. “So…I presume if you're asking all these questions, you haven't done it with your precious _Kiru_ yet.” The needle master swerved his head towards him.

“So you realized.”

“Of course, though I thought all this time you just had a brotherly complex but I suppose it's escalated—not surprisingly.”

“This isn't brotherly love?” Illumi couldn't see the difference between the current affections he held and the ‘love’ he inquired about.

“Hm,” Hisoka raised a brow. _‘I didn't think I needed to explain it to him this much.’_ “If you're going to sleep with him, then that'll make you guys lovers, not brothers. But of course you'll still be brothers, so bottom line: you can be both.”

"That makes more sense." Illumi scoffed. Hisoka continued to stare at him and the other noticed this. “What?”

“Is that okay? Having an affair like that?”

“…I don't know.” Illumi ended it at that.

**Killua’s side:**

“Focus Killua, your mind’s wandering.” Zeno ordered. It had been only a week since they arrived to this empty high altitude mount.

“And how would you know that?” Killua didn't deny the fact that it was true. ‘ _He was back home for a change and Illumi didn't have any missions either. This was the perfect time for them to reconcile if anything and clear their differences. Illumi was a powerful ally, and it would pay to have him on my side. He went against the elder once and nearly paid the price for it. And besides there would be nothing left for him if Illumi broke off too._ And _and… he just wanted to. Somewhere in his gut he wanted to make up with his elder brother. It wasn't pleasant being ignored like that.’_

“Slacking off again.” Zeno smacked a fan on the preteen’s head.

"Ouch, I got it, I got it. I'll try to concentrate my energy to my core now.” The silverette sighed. ‘ _What inconvenient timing. Okay. Wait for me Illumi!_ ’ Killua thought determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm..what do you guys think about this chapter…? I suppose it can be one of those ‘step back to think’ kind of moments, which I think both of them needed. Though I hate to keep introducing breaks in their relationship but hopefully from here it'll be more consistent /relevant to develop their relationship erotically—uh loveably I mean. (Also I needed Kiru to be at least a teenager lol which he will be in the next chapter.) Look forward to it!


	23. New Perspectives

**One year later.**

“Man, not so bad to be back on the ground for a change. All that low pressure was beginning to annoy me.” Killua grinned as he blocked the sun from his face with his hand.

“How does it feel to be back?” Zeno questioned behind him as they made their way past the forest of Kukuroo Mountain.

“Let’s just say I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon.” The silverette confidently remarked. The first to greet them were of course the butlers, then his brothers and finally his mother walked out with Illumi right behind her. Both brothers’ eyes met once after what seemed like forever and an intense batch of lightning clashed between them, stopping the time around them instantly. Dark black eyes, with bright determined blue ones—not shifting at all.

“Oh my God Kil is so handsome!” Kikyo severed their alternate dimension and allowed Illumi’s eyes to travel top to bottom. The teen was evidently taller and slimmer, but still nowhere near as tall as him—perhaps up to his sternum level. His glowing silver hair was also inches longer, to the point where he couldn't let all of them fall over his face and hence, whipped them upward to join his long spikes, with only some coming down on to his forehead on one side. However, nostalgically he was still wearing a simple pair of shorts with a double sleeved T-shirt on top. And undeniably his eyes, according to Illumi’s standards were still big and beautiful as always.

"How old is my Kiru now?!" His mother squeezed him in his arms until Killua kindly ripped them off.

“Fourteen, obviously. I'm a teenager now, so stop treating me liking a kid.” The teen answered with attitude.

“Wah, so old, haha well Illumi’s twenty-six now—can you believe it? Aw, he's so mature.” She laughed proudly.

‘ _Illumi…’_ Killua glanced at him again. The raven haired didn't change much—to be expected. Albeit he did tie his long hair in a knot behind him for a change with a single hair coming forward.

"Kiru’s all grown up now, huh.” Even if it had only been a year since he was gone, it just so happened during the time of his adolescence that it appeared to mature the younger ever so much.

"Hn, you're still the same.” Killua short smiled. The elder’s even voice, that nickname, all the nostalgia was beginning to hit him. There was a brief second of awkward silence that followed their exchange.

“Ehh??! What kind of greeting or welcome is that?? You two would always hug each other—meet properly!” Kikyo shoved them towards each other. This indeed startled the two, but successfully took away their awkwardness as Illumi sniffed the other’s scent and wrapped his strong arms around him. The silverette’s stomach did a small flip when those arms pushed him into the hard chest. ‘ _What the…what is this feeling?_ ’ The younger mused, slowly gripping his brother’s clothing. What a funny feeling: eleven years ago, their positions were reversed. It was Illumi coming home after so long and Kikyo and Killua were the ones to greet him for the first time.

“Welcome back.” Illumi secretly kissed the fluff of the teen’s head.

“Well, come on in already—you must be famished!” Kikyo urged them all inside the house.

**That Evening:**

Killua was unpacking his stuff from his travel bag back into his room. Though he wasn't doing an excellent job while he was at it. Socks were all over the place, his sleeping bag was on the bed, and his drawers refused to hold any extra clothing.

“Geez, I think I need a bigger room! Was this room always so small?” The teen glanced around his room. It wasn’t as small but it didn't seem as big as it used to be either.

"Wow, this has been a sight for sore eyes.” A voice apathetically called out from the door. The boy turned and recognized Illumi standing against the door frame staring at his junk in wonder.

“I'm glad you're enjoying it, because I'm not.” Killua deadpanned. The raven haired invited himself in and picked up the sleeping bag, folding it and shoving it under the bed.

“That's that.”

‘ _Why didn't I think of that._ ’ The silverette’s face dropped. “Don't you think I could use a bigger room? My stuff is starting to ooze out too.”

“Hm,” Illumi contemplated on that request. “I think this room is actually a pretty cute size for you.” He told with a finger on his chin while he stared at the younger sitting on the floor in the midst of all the other stuff in the room. Killua’s face flushed a faint pink, not expecting that response from the other.

“ _Is not_.” The teen stood up and walked towards the window, the twilight stars reflecting in the other’s bright eyes as he stood there.

“Kiru,” Illumi softly let out, barely gathering his attention as he showed up right behind him. The silverette noticed this and turned around to watch him inch closer and closer.

“What are you…mhp.” The teen was caught off guard as the elder bent down and pressed his lips gently on to his. Killua didn't understand why he was so astonished and unconsciously turned his body fully towards the elder, who began kissing his upper lip while locking their fingers together. “Mn…uh, Ani—Hah!” The younger finally broke away. “Why are you doing this? This isn't normal.”

“How is not normal. We've done this multiple times.”

“I know…but I don't think we’re supposed to.”

"Oh? Who says?" Illumi dismissed as he kissed the hand he was holding and traced a hand down the teen’s waist to pull him closer.

“Are you okay?” Kiru interrupted. “You didn't answer my question.” He pulled himself out from the others grasp.

“I'm doing this because I want to.”

"You're insane.” Killua shook his head. “But lovers do this kind of thing.”

“Ah, it’s true though. I love Kiru. I love Kiru a lot.” The elder ushered as he played with the fingers of the younger’s hand. “So, we're allowed to do this,” It was more of a confirmation than a question.

“You—wait you said you love me..?” Illumi nodded.

"Haven't I always said that? Eh, Kiru don't tell me you never believed me?”

‘ _For some reason my brain can't think right now. We're not kids any more— he said he loves me_ that _way. Is he playing with me and thinking of the other kind_.’ "I don't mean like family.” The raven haired simply stared as if he was out of this world.

"Silly boy, that's irrelevant. Whether it is or isn't, doesn't matter because you can't change that we’re family," Illumi smiled widely.

‘ _He doesn't get it_.’ The silverette wanted to slap his own forehead.

“Don't worry, I totally get it.” Illumi pointed out. As much as he wanted to continue, his watch suddenly beeped. “Duty calls. Later Kiru—don't go anywhere.” He slid a hand on his face and pecked his cheek bone before leaving. Killua fluttered his eyelashes in surprise once.

“Hey I don't like that!” He called out a tad embarrassed at the princess-like treatment. _‘Why did I end up with an elder brother like that?’_ He sighed in a non-hateful way. The truth was, even if he said so, he couldn't picture his brother any other way—like he was perfect the way he was despite being full of flaws. _And_ to top it all off, if he himself wasn't weird enough, he realized that he actually didn't hate Illumi a single time he did that. Was it because they were used to it already...? In fact, the attention was flattering, he always did like it when Illumi put him above everything else. 

“Okay! Back to this, man.” Killua slapped his face and turned back to the mess of his room.

* * *

“A party…?” The silverette gawked.

“It's not just a party honey! It's to celebrate your return! Everyone’ll be there to meet our Killua Zoldyck. Pss, you can think of it as your little debut too—of accepting your position as next in line in this business.” Kikyo elucidated.

“Just great.” Killua didn't sound particularly excited. “Whatever, seems like no other way around it. Can I call my own friends too?” Instead he asked.

“Sure!” She answered. In the meantime, Milluki observed the teen’s behavior from the side. _‘Hm, what is this…I hate to admit it but I think the spoiled brat is finally beginning to seem more mature than before. He didn't make too much of a fuss about the party, or hasn't planned any elopes yet…did he acknowledge his position after all?_ ’

“What? You of all people staring at me like that is giving me goosebumps.” The younger casually let out, angering the other.

‘ _Forget it, a brat will always remain a brat._ ’ So, Milluki decided to leave it at that.

**The day of Announcement**

Killua fixed his tuxedo one last time, hoping the dangling bow tie wouldn't make him look like an idiot as he stood on stage. His eyes fell upon all the corners of the room, and no matter where he looked, there was a crowd of people that awaited him—all elegantly dressed and representing different wealthy backgrounds. His family literally booked the entire hotel for the night to host this event.

“May I have your attention, please.” His father spoke up, silencing the room of people. “As you all know, today I’d like to proudly introduce as well as announce the next Head of The Zoldycks. Please welcome among us, my third son: Killua Zoldyck.” He motioned the younger to walk up to the stage as the crowd heavily applauded for the teen.

Gulp. Killua didn't think anything of this minor event before but suddenly the hundreds of pairs of eyes on him were beginning to get under his skin. He forced a calm exterior and waved at his audience. ‘ _And not a single one of his friends could make it here today to witness his moment to shine today.’_ He grudgingly thought.

As soon as all the clapping was over, he came off from the center of attention, another million people halted before him in order to congratulate him no less. ‘ _Oh come on, gimme a break already!’_ The teen inevitably cried, not able to move a single step here or there.

**Ten crowdings later:**

“Congratulations indeed.” Without glimpsing up, Killua shook another cool hand. ‘ _I want to cry.’_

“Thank you…so…much…I swear.” The silverette shoved the words off his tongue. ‘ _I hope this is the last hand I have to shake for the day—hand, wait, this hand—_ ” The teen suddenly noticed the extremely low temperature of the hand he was shaking. He immediately jerked his head up and recognized his elder brother.

“Way to go, Kiru.” Illumi smiled down on him. The younger’s face felt a wave of warmth wash over it as he admired those words.

“Hn.” He also took a moment to transpire the other. Personally, the teen thought Illumi was looking his most handsome. He'd never seen the elder in a suit before. As usual, these days his hair was in a low ponytail with a single hair coming forth below his chin. Everything glimmering black over his broad shoulders and pale white skin with a white shirt and a black tie to complete it.

‘ _Now I'm wondering which one of us looks better._ ’ Kiru mused. At the same time, he noticed a few girls eyeing his elder brother and giggling behind his back. ‘ _He's so simple, yet why does he look so dazzling??’_

“Heh, are you proud?” The teen distracted himself and smirked, feeling above himself.

“Of course.” Illumi was his teacher after all. “So, how does it feel?”

“Uh, I don't know. Feels pretty annoying—right now.” Killua’s face twitched.

“Oh, this? Don't worry it'll be over soo—”

“Illumi, can we acquire your presence here?” Silva’s voice interjected their conversation.

“Of course. See you Kiru.” Illumi quickly ruffled the teen’s hair before he left, throwing him off guard with that.

“Geez.” Killua fixed the hair the elder just messed, not hating it. Without knowing why, he continued to allow his gaze to follow Illumi’s back and watched the other expressionlessly greet the guests, talk and then witnessed them leave as well. Illumi shrugged off his blazer and hooked it over his elbow, revealing a dark grey vest underneath that suited him well too.

"Illumi’s quite sexy with his coat off." A highly familiar male voice, startled Killua from behind as he swerved his head in that direction. He snapped when he found none other than Hisoka straightening his back, hands in his pockets wearing a very similar black 3-piece suit. ‘ _When was the last time he saw him?’_

“Hisoka?? What the hell are you doing here?” Killua snarled.

“Eh, how rude, little _Kiru_ just graduated and I can't watch?” The redhead played. Killua frowned at that nickname. Wow he realized he really didn't like anyone else using that besides his brother. Especially, not the joker who added a malicious taste to it.

“And why would you care exactly..."

“That's true I do have better things to do. So, you've grown up? Did you finally get a little taller too?" Hisoka taunted, plastering a finger on his chin too.

“What do you mean _finally_?? Anyhow, that's beside the point. You have no business here so get out.”

“Hm... those drinks look good, later kid. Oh, for the record, Illu-chan invited me." He sneered, tapping the younger’s shoulder and leaving. Killua watched powerlessly and fazed by his audacity. ‘ _Why the hell would Illumi invite him? So, what if they worked together a bit in the past? Have they still been in touch?_ ’ He thought as he observed Hisoka casually walk up to Illumi and slide hand behind his waist. The silverette blinked twice before processing that. Illumi simply moved away by turning his whole body towards the other, which could've also been an excuse to get the hand off him. Killua couldn't help but think: when did these two get so close?

* * *

_‘Ah, there he is._ ’ Killua walked up to Illumi, who was a distance away, coming in the opposite direction.

"Whoops—ah!” A girl happened to be crossing in the middle and bumped into the elder, spilling a tad bit of red wine onto his clean white shirt.

‘ _Ah_!’ Killua gasped, stopping in his tracks. ‘ _What an idiot_.’

“Oh, I'm so sorry~” the girl attempted to utter it innocently but her voice and smile weren't apologetic at all in Killua’s opinion.

“I don't mind.” Illumi didn't bother much and removed the girl’s hands on top of his shirt, returning them back to her before he walked away towards Kiru.

“She totally did that on purpose!” Kiru accused right off the bat in frustration. Illumi didn't comment much and kept walking. “Hey where are you going?”

“Back to my room.” Illumi answered.

“Huh…” The teen expressed a face of ‘just-like-that?’ “Oh, I get it~! You're trying to use this as to excuse yourself from the party. Forget it, you're not leaving me in this crowded fish market on my own.”

“Eh, but you're the host of the night, Kiru, you'll be fine.”

“Clever but not—No way—Come on, let's get you a new shirt. It's too soon to leave yet anyway. Dad's gonna kill us if we do or else I would've ditched this place ages ago.”

“It's not worth the trouble—”

“Don't worry, let _me_ handle this.” Killua grabbed his sleeve and led him out of the room. He recalled that there was a wardrobe store behind glass walls, somewhere in the hotel, since he had come across it while exploring. He dragged the elder to the front hall to where the guards were standing and asked about a dressing room.

"Lobby floor to your right. " One of the guards answered and the teen thanked. Following the directions given, he came across the very store he was looking for.

“Found it.” The silverette entered the place and stopped in front of the men’s dress shirts. "Now let's see...here, how’s this?" The teen pulled out a simple white shirt, laced on the front and laid it over the other’s chest to gauge the size. Illumi was tall, so he still had to stretch his arms all the way up to equate the shirt at the proper height, until he felt an awkward sensation in his gut when he noticed his gesture. Upon that, he shoved the shirt to his elder brother instead. _'What the hell—why did I feel like that—I was just determining his size...'_

“Looks like it’ll fit—keen guess.” Illumi began unbuttoning his soaked shirt. Kiru stole a glance at the other’s skin as it exposed itself and then looked away. _‘He’s so pale…’_

"Hey Kiru, won't you help me button up?" He then heard after a while. Killua swung his head in the other’s direction.

" _Huh?_ And why would I help you do that?" The teen gave him a puzzled brow. 

"Well you’re the one who chose the shirt for me."

“That doesn't answer anything.”

Illumi sighed. “I suppose I'm better off going back to my room after all, I don’t see the point in all this.”

“You—fine, fine.” Killua surrendered with a glare and turned himself fully towards Illumi. “Geez, when did you become so adamant?” He mumbled as he began buttoning the other’s shirt from bottom to top.

“Thanks, Kiru.” Illumi smirked as the he watched the teen finish the last button and arched down a bit to kiss his cheek. When Killua backed away, he slapped a hand onto that same cheek with a scowl. ‘ _This guy…looks like I’m not the only one whose changed."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we’re talking! With Illumi’s clear understanding of his feelings, he’s definitely not holding back on pursuing Kiru haha—not that he ever did in the past, but I guess that time Kiru was such a kid, he was too busy getting involved in millions of other matters. Now that he’s a bit older, I think he’ll settle for the time being (hopefully).


	24. Card game

After the whole shirt scene, Killua ended up dragging Illumi back to the main ball room and forced him to stay the entire time. There was a blissful feeling knowing he wasn’t the only one suffering at the hands of the crowd, who continuously swarmed him. When the event was finally over past midnight, the Zoldycks were able to return to their designated rooms at last. All their guests were invited to stay at the fully booked hotel as well.

“Mama’s so proud of Kil! What a grown-up child you’ve become!” Kikyo cried before splitting ways.

“Congratulations Killua, I take it that I can rely on you more from now on.” Silva was next to bestow his blessings to the teen. Killua merely forced a smile with acknowledgement, hiding the truth that he wasn’t willing to sell his soul just yet.

‘ _So, what now?_ ’ The silverette released a deep sigh of relief that the day was over. Albeit he _was_ worried he’d wouldn’t find any amusement in this boring hotel after this. ‘ _But then again, the worst was over so anything was better than that_.’

“Yo~” A cunning voice called for his attention. Killua rotated his head to find the joker walking up to him and Illumi behind him. “The host of the night, we were just thinking about you.”

“Whaddo you want?” The teen disregarded.

“It’s a little too early for bed don’t you think—well at least for the adults—so, why don’t we have a few drinks to celebrate on our own?” Hisoka’s smile widened. Killua wondered about that. Even more so, he was growing wary of why the redhead was getting along so well with them in the first place.

“And that wasn’t enough celebration for you—but why would you care? This doesn’t even mean anything to you.” The younger stated in matter of fact way. “Wait, who’s drinking again?"

“Hn? Illumi and myself of course. Unless you dare to join?”

“Hisoka,” Illumi pronounced the syllables with the most harmonic balance of calm and mellowness. Or so it seemed that way to Kiru’s ears. “Kiru is probably exhausted, he should get some rest—”

His younger brother didn’t let him finish and without any rationale he blurted out: “I’m in.” However, somewhere in the back of his head, his brain didn’t accept the idea of Hisoka getting drunk with Illumi.

“Splendid.” Hisoka grinned and led the way. The three of them found themselves sitting dead in the center of Illumi’s room. “Are you sure? You are only fourteen after all~” He taunted intentionally—despite being the one to invite him first—as he poured a glass for each.

“Shut up, like a little alcohol is going to kill _me_.”

“It’s true, Kiru’s undergone better poison control than that. And besides, I used to drink all the time when I was fourteen.” Illumi added, swirling the blood red liquid in his glass as soon as Hisoka poured it.

“You’re always an exception Illu,” Hisoka remarked.

Killua took a small sip from his square glass, and even as that tiny bit trickled down his throat, it burned. Ugh, he knew it, alcohol just wasn’t his thing. He'd prefer a fuzzy drink than this any day. “And this is supposed to be a celebration? I'm overjoyed.” The young assassin sarcastically spewed.

“Then do you want to spice things up?” On cue, the redhead revealed a deck of cards. "How about a card game?"

“Heh, can you get anymore cliché?" The teen scoffed, putting the glass down.

“It seems you’ll have to count me out of this one.” Illumi showed the same disinterest his younger brother did.

“Of course, we'll wager something.” Hisoka directed back to Killua, who curiously raised a brow upon that. "And I have the perfect resolution." His cold sneer was back on to his face, as he drifted his hand towards the raven haired—now pointing to him. "Illumi, looks like you'll be our spoils-of-war."

“… This is ridiculous.” Illumi blurted after a moment.

“What's that supposed to mean??” Apparently, someone took his words seriously. The silverette despised all the subtext as he glowered at Hisoka.

“Exactly what I just said, whoever wins gets to keep Illumi."

“Hey, he isn’t a thing."

“Are you excited now? Or do you think you'll lose?"

“Che you’re annoying. Who said you'd win—bring on joker." Killua accepted the challenge.

“Ay Kiru…okay, be careful though. It isn't easy to beat Hisoka at his own game.” The ‘prize’ added his piece of advice.

“Don't underestimate me—just sit there.” The teen instructed. Frankly, Illumi was a tad speechless at how determined his brother had become suddenly. ‘ _Was Kiru always into card games?’_ Killua crossed his legs on the floor and enthusiastically took the cards from the other. “…time out, before we start…what were the rules again?" Both elders wanted to face palm instantly.

The joker smirked obliquely. ‘ _I’ve already won this_.'

**Ten minutes later** :

“…I...lost. Dammit— I want a rematch!”

“I don’t think that was part of the contract.” Hisoka teased.

“Who cares! Reality is that you’re more experienced at this and I just started so I have the right to a rematch.”

“Kiru you’re too serious about this…” Illumi found the urge to intervene.

“Fine~ it won’t change the results anyhow.”

“We'll see about that.” Kiru defied.

**Six losses later**

“Once more. Last time—best out of seven!”

Hisoka sighed genuinely this time. “Even if you were to count it that way. The scores would be six to one. No matter how you look at it, I've won kid.” Killua clicked his tongue. The time was now approximately 2 AM.

Illumi couldn’t take being the spectator anymore and excused himself from the triangle. “I need a drink.” He stood up and walked to the other side of the room that housed a small fridge.

“You’re being unfair Killua- kun." Hisoka mouthed when Illumi was a distance away.

“Hah? How am I—?”

“You’ve never been much to care about your brother before. All this time you’ve been selfishly chasing after Gon, so why bother being possessive about him now? Hm~?"

The silverrette clenched his jaw for some reason. That's wrong. He always got along with his brother. Illumi was the only person that truly felt was his family sometimes. Sure, they had a few squabbles but for legitimate reasons. And those were all Illumi's faults for screwing things up over and over. "What the hell are you talking about? I’m not being possessive of _anything_.” The teen callously replied when he found his voice again. “I just don’t like the idea of you with him, is all."

“Oh really~? And why is that?”

Killua frowned again. "And why should I tell you?"

“Curiousity?”

“F off.” Hisoka only smirked his annoying smirk once again and dropped the cards from his hands, alarming the silverette to some degree. The teen looked up at him and noticed something. While he may have been smiling on the outside, his icy eyes were gazing down in silent exasperation.

“Illu, I’ve won.” The joker proudly announced. 

Illumi returned the gaze. "Oh, is that so?" The elder didn’t sound surprised at all. He walked back to the two with a can of something in his hand. Killua refused to look up, angry with himself. He couldn’t even win a stupid card game.

That’s when he felt a hand weigh down on his hand. "I wouldn’t think too much of it Kiru, you did well." Illumi comforted, finding the other’s actions quite adorable. Killua raised his chin to catch a glance of his elder brother, feeling suddenly taken aback. ‘ _No way_.’ The teen mused. ‘ _His hand actually felt reassuring_.’ It felt like he was ten again. Sometimes the silverette was amazed how someone as cold blooded as Illumi could make him feel like that.

Killua snapped back to his current standing and gently swatted the hand away. “I still lost in the end.”

“Since I've won the prize, shall we head back to my room?” Hisoka got bored of being left out and winked at Illumi, all in all to spite Killua—and it worked. He earned a shudder from the younger as the words left his mouth. 

“Hey—just hang on a—" The younger urgently began but was cut off by the sound of a click. The click of Illumi’s hotel room door locking. “Huh? What was that?"

“Oh! That’s right, I forgot that father mentioned something about being locked in tonight."

“What?!” The silverette gaped at once.

“You see Kiru, for our own safety, each of the rooms occupied would be locked after a certain time and automatically opened the next morning. So, for us, in another five hours from now." Killua fell back on the floor.

"Great. Just great." He added.

“Eh, how unfortunate.” The redhead whined.

‘ _On second thought …maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing…’_ The silverette mentally smiled, considering that a win for himself. ‘ _It sucked to be stuck with Hisoka in the same room for the night –but that was only for a matter of a few hours—at least he wasn't doing weird stuff to Illumi_.’ Kiru caught himself. ‘ _Weird stuff? Like what?_ ’ An image of Illumi and himself kissing abruptly flashed into his mind, evoking a faint blush. _‘—No way! They couldn’t do that!_ ’ But then again, he did conveniently recall how Hisoka snaked an arm around the other earlier. The teen got pissed just remembering that. ‘ _This bastard_.’

“Your face is heating up Kiru,” He felt the back of Illumi’s cool hand brush his cheek. “I reckon you should go to bed now.”

Killua sighed in agreement, not minding the hand at all. “Yeah, whatever. I think I will.” With that, he climbed atop the double bed like he owned it. The teen yawned as soon as his body made contact with the plush mattress. Man, he was tired. In fact, it had been tiring the whole day. He was too lazy to even move a muscle and get out of his annoying clothes before he realized he was still dressed in the fancy attire. He then kept his eyes open a small amount to peek at his elder brother. "Aren’t you going to sleep?" He slowly said, maybe some of the alcohol was beginning to get him to now?

“Sure,” Illumi expressionlessly stated, sitting on the edge of the bed as he looked down at the other and brushed his hair. Killua welcomed the soothing touches and closed his eyes, soon drifting into a peaceful sleep. "Don’t you have to change though, Kiru?" However, he received no response in return. "Asleep so fast? Hmp, some things still don’t change."

“Don’t forget about me. Shall I join you two on the bed?”

“Forget it.” Illumi glared at his cunning friend for a change. “You’ve already had the chance to spend more than enough time with him.” The redhead pouted settling for the floor after all.

Before the elder decided to lay on the bed, he took the audacity to remove the younger’s vest and any other upper garments excluding his dress shirt. Killua seemed rather restless in his tight pants too so Illumi did the favor of taking those off as well, leaving only an underwear wrapped between his pale legs.

* * *

The next morning, Killua stirred in his sleep. He thrashed his arms on the empty side of bed to find nothing but wrinkled sheets. The silverette attempted to open his eyes and blinked as two dark orbs came into magnified focus—staring at him. "Eek?!" He shrieked and jumped up, recognizing soon enough that they belonged to none other than Kalluto. ‘ _Wait what?_ ’ "How did you get in here?" _‘Weren’t they locked?_ ’

“Hmh. It's 9 AM already. Father wants to know where the rest of his sons are for the breakfast downstairs.” The twelve-year-old spoke with subtle displeasure.

_‘Nine…_ ’ Killua’s brain was still sleepy. Damn, now he wished they had never stayed up playing that stupid game. Speaking of which, where were they? The teen jerked up and glanced to his side noticing the bed empty, then turned his head the alternate direction to realize the floor was cleared too. He mentally cursed before pulling his blanket, feeling a sharp chill of air entering and landing on to his legs. _'Hey, wait a sec_!' The teen hid the concern from his face while he peeked under the sheets. ‘ _Why wasn’t he wearing anything underneath? Illumi…_ ’ He could only think of one culprit.

Speak of the devil. Illumi exited the bathroom and came into view, formally dressed into a different business-casual kind of outfit. He wore a similar button-down shirt with dark grey dress pants but a violet vest instead which complemented well with both his pale skin and dark hair.

“You…why didn’t you wake me up?? But before that—what happened to my clothes?!” Killua complained immediately.

“Hn, oh, I removed them for you.”

“ _Why_?” Killua wanted to make sure he wasn’t being a victim of something unthinkable.

“Because they seemed to have been causing you distress last night, so I loosened you up.” The raven haired simply answered. Kiru managed to roll his eyes. Kalluto on the other hand didn’t hide his cold stare towards the elder at all. When Illumi caught the stare, he could only return a puzzled wondering gaze. Their youngest brother lifted his weight off the bed and prepared to leave.

“Be there in ten.” Kalluto silently demanded and let the door shut by itself.

“Is it just me or that kid always has some concealed attitude?” Killua couldn’t help mouthing, while he fastened a few buttons on his shirt. Illumi continued to stare at the door in contemplation. The silverette raised a brow towards the elder when he didn’t receive an instant answer.

“No, Kallu is just an enigmatically reserved child. So, shouldn’t you be getting ready?" Illumi distracted the other instead.

“Yeah, now you tell me.” The younger climbed out of bed, the white dress shirt barely falling over his upper thighs with the help of gravity. Illumi pivoted his whole body to face Kiru now, taking the pleasure in staring at his amorous form. “Hm, what is it? What are you staring at?"

“I see, Kiru must be naturally seductive then.” The teen withstood a sharp breath before launching the pillow at the elder’s face and walking past him. "Where did you put my clothes again?” He inquired, pretending he never heard the last sentence. “I have to wear those for now until I get to my room."

Illumi let the pillow fall from his face and pointed to the chair at the other side of the room. The silverette pulled on his black pants and during so, asked "Where’s the joker? When did he leave—you know? Is he joining us for breakfast?” Though the last one was a dumb question when he thought about.

“Wow, so many questions. Yes, he's out. No, I don’t think he left. Yes and no, I'm not sure—for the last one." The raven haired answered in respective order. "You seem interested?" He tilted his head in curiosity.

Killua felt caught red-handed and went back to gathering his clothes. "I’m not, just askin’.” He pulled on his shoes. “Then, I’ll see you downstairs."

“See you." His elder brother said but plastered a hand on top of the teen's spiky head as he walked by.

"W-hat?"

“Don’t forget to fix this blasphemous bedhead. And remember, be down in ten minutes."

“I got it, I know already.” The teen’s voice held an edge of irritation as he swatted the hand and went his way. As he walked down the hall to his room, the thought caught up to him again. _'Was I really asking too many questions? I guess it did seem like I was being overly inquisitive…'_

Why he cared to give so much thought to Hisoka was beyond him, for now.


	25. The Bauers'

Killua stopped by his room to quickly change and was rushing to the big doors of the breakfast lounge before he knew it. He opened both doors with one swift movement and stepped in, all eyes falling on him almost immediately. ‘ _Ugh_.’ The teen frowned. That horrid feeling of being put right on the spot. ‘ _I’m not_ that _late_. _They could stop staring any minute now_.’ Which they eventually did.

“Killua, there you are. It's about time, isn't it?” His father’s voice spoke loud and clear above all the rest. The silverette walked in the direction of his dad immediately. "Would you like to say something?"

"My ba- apologies for being late. Er, hope every one’s enjoying their morning…?" Killua ‘supposedly’ announced. _'I swear I hope you guys ain’t._ ’ He cursed under his smile. Silva smiled with content while the guests resumed their attention back to their breakfast.

“Come, eat.” With that, the elder led him to their table. Killua noticed all the Zoldycks on one large round table and rightfully yet grumpily took a seat as well.

“Why do we have to eat like this?”

“Like what?” Zeno spoke up from his right side.

“With everyone else like this?” _'Breakfast in bed would've been a ton better.'_

“It’s part of our small celebration for you and as part of the hotel stay as well. Therefore, it’d be meaningless if you didn't join us for breakfast.” Silva explained, spooning his tea.

“Yeah, whatever.” The younger randomly glanced up to the empty seat in front of him. _‘Who should be sitting there?_ ’ He scanned his eyes around the table: Silva, Kikyo, Kalluto, Milluki, blank spot, and Zeno. "Where’s Aniki?"

“Your brother went to go get some more honey.” Kikyo pointed to one of the long serving tables in the hall they were in. Killua nodded. ‘ _Why did he care again?_ ’ Wherever he was he’d be back any way. Killua began cutting a straight line through his pancakes, subsequently flooding them with syrup and whipped cream after. The last item to complete his plate was the chocolate filled croissant that sat at the edge of his plate soaking in some of the maple syrup. ‘ _So good~’_ He drooled.

"You finally made it, Kiru." The silverette’s head shot up at Illumi who was sitting down in front of him.

The younger took a bite and swallowed before answering. “Whaddaya mean finally? I rushed here and still have people staring holes into me."

“Keep it down.” Milluki hissed. “If you haven't noticed those _people_ are still here.” 

"Oh yeah my bad, I didn't realize I needed your glasses all of a sudden." Killua rolled his eyes.

“You impudent brat—”

“There there, Milluki let's eat!" Kikyo waved her hand playfully.

“You're not going to call him on it??"

“You sound like a pair of immature children—grow up this instant.” One word out of father was all that was needed to silence the table. “Eat.”

* * *

“Is there a schedule for today?” Killua asked his dad, wanting to know how much he should mentally prepare himself for the torture ahead.

“Not that I can think of. The guests are free to leave after breakfast. The main celebration that needed to occur already took place yesterday.” Silva answered.

“Yes!” The younger earnestly let loose. For a brief second there, everyone around the table gave him a quiet stare. ‘ _Oops that was a little too honest._ ’ The teen shrank in his chair, not regretting it though. “That means I can leave after this too?”

Silva nodded. 

“Sweet.”

“Hey Kiru, they had cupcakes on the desert table just a while ago. Are you sure you didn’t want them? Illumi appended.

“Really?! Why didn't you say so before?” He automatically stood up from his chair and dashed across the room. In the meantime, the raven haired turned to their father. 

"Is that okay? I thought you wanted him to go on a mission after this.”

“It’s alright. As you can imagine, he'll be doing this for the rest of his time anyhow.” Illumi nodded his head in comprehension.

* * *

Killua stood with a plate of cookies and cupcakes, aiming for one last chocolate cupcake but froze when another hand grabbed it at the same time. He looked up and met with a pair of wide hollow eyes. ‘ _Kalluto?_ ’ The name sent a shiver through him. That kid was the last person he’d find in this particular food section. ‘ _No what the heck—of course not. It's a girl_.’ The teen soon resolved as he expanded his field of view, taking in the long straight violet hair, belonging to a girl who wore a simple faded pink sleeveless dress.

"...are you taking it. Or na?" The voice barely came out as she continued to stare back with those huge eyes. 

“Huh. No, you can have it. I'll just get another." Killua ditched the muffin and turned away. He wasn't here to make friends anyways. In fact, that was the last thing on his list. The girl picked it up and followed behind him. Unnaturally, he could still feel her wide-eyed stares coming from somewhere behind. _‘Now didn't this feel like deja vu? Just ignore her_.’ He told himself. The silverette kept walking to the edge of the table, passing the brownies and turning to the other side where the deserts continued. He noticed from the corner of his eye that she was still tail-gating him. 

“Haah, can I help you?” The teen swerved around at last. The shorter girl simply blinked before pointing to the table and mouthing:

“I want sweets too."

Killua closed his eyes. ‘ _Good one. That was a good excuse_.’ He decided to turn back around again. However, this time she made an effort and cocked her head to one of his sides, trying to catch a glimpse of his face. 

"So, you’re the heir to _the_ Zoldycks.”

The silverette rolled his eyes. “And so?”

“Your hair is too white.” She complained instead. “It hurts the eyes.”

“Then stop lookin’.”

“But I'm trying to assess you.” Every word she uttered was slow and easy in a lost quiet voice.

“Who _are_ you??” He asked, clearly startled by this point. 

“You’re a bit skinny too.”

“What are you trying to say girl?!”

“And have an unadmiring temper.”

“Just what do you want from me? Stop following me already!" The other Zoldycks heard his predicament as well, noticing him two feet away from their table, raising his voice at a girl.

"Kil?” Their mother called out first, grabbing the teen’s attention. It wasn’t until she eye-balled the girl next to him that her face lit up. "Oh, hi Jessie!”

“ _Huh_?” The silverette gawked.

Meanwhile the girl solemnly waved back. “Hi Mrs. Zoldyck.”

"Aren't you looking cute today!"

“I always look like this.”

“You know this stalker creep?” Kiru couldn’t hold it in.

“Now now, Kil let's not be mean, I visit her mother all the time, so does Kalluto, when he's with me. Isn't that right Kallu?”

“Hey.” Kalluto dropped in a monotone greeting to prove the point. Jessie bowed her head a tad in acknowledgment.

“But why is she following _me_?” Killua posed.

“I wouldn't know that. Why don't you ask her?”

“I just felt like it.” The ravenette tilted her head an angle. 

‘ _Great why did he have to attract all the creeps?_ ’

“Ah! This is your first time meeting the others isn't it?! Come say hi!” Kikyo squealed, waving her over.

‘ _I still don’t know how the heck they know each other_.' Killua deadpanned in his mind, expressions of his face slumping.

“This is Milluki and the eldest Illumi.” They were all about done with their meal so stood away from the table and stared back at the girl. Silva and Zeno were already gone their own way. Jessie stared into Illumi’s black holes for eyes and the said other listlessly gazed back down at her. This went on for about a minute until her eyes _actually_ lit up for a change—albeit that bit of detail was difficult to catch but KIllua had valuable experience with expressionless people like her. 

"Please be my idol." She blurted to the elder. Killua felt like collapsing on to the floor. _‘Who the heck would want him to be their idol?!_ ’ His mind screamed gazing at Illumi and Jessie. ‘ _But then again these two plus Kalluto could really pass as siblings.’_

“Okay that's enough. Now tell us who you are.” The teen demanded.

“Jessie are you here with your family? Call them then!” Unfortunately for him, Kikyo had a better demand. Jessie nodded and waved to a few people some three tables away. Soon an older girl and a couple approached them. “Hey Honey! This is perfect. Children I'd like you to meet the Bauers! My second cousin, so she's technically your aunt.”

“It's a pleasure, my name is Honey.” the woman introduced. “So, it seems you've met my youngest daughter, this is my eldest daughter Rebecca.” She pointed to the girl, who was probably just a head shorter then Illumi, tall and slim dressed in a long red V-neck fish tail dress that matched the color of her hair. She appeared cunning yet attractive with slanted dark eyes and wavy hair tied in a high pony tail accompanied by a puff on one side of her face. She smiled a business smile before she saw Illumi.

“Heyo Illumi-kun. Been a while~.” Rebecca let out super casually like they were drinking buddies or something. In fact, that tone surprised Killua, who had a hard time believing his brother had such a cool friend.

“Who are you?” Illumi blurted, destroying the silverette’s contemplations instantly.

She only laughed in response. “Haha I don't expect ya to remember, ain’t that right Auntie?”

“True! My, you have good memory. You two met once or twice when you were just little kids.” Kikyo explained. “Aw so much catching up to do!”

“No thanks.” Kiru spoke his mind for Illumi—only because he didn’t feel like getting involved with this new family.

Rebecca’s eyes shifted underneath her. “Aw, you never told me you had a baby brother—how cute.” Her tone was almost mocking to the teen for some reason, like she was looking down on him as she rested an elbow causally on Illumi’s shoulder and surveyed him. 

‘ _Who’s the baby? Man, I hate her types the most_.’ Killua frowned.

“Well anyhow, I have to go. See you lot ~” Rebecca waved and left.

“We’ll see each other around." Honey and her husband walked away as well.

“Hey, don’t forget—” The silverette was about to point towards Jessie but was shocked to find her nowhere to be found. He sighed. _‘I want to go home any time now._ ’ This whole thing was too tiring for his liking (and it was only morning).

A few moments later he felt a hand on his head, ruffling his hair lightly. The younger looked up to the owner who was none other than Illumi. “You’re making friends I see.”

“ _Not_." Kiru took off the hand and held it in place somewhere off his head. The raven haired just stared back into the cobalt eyes, which didn't give Killua much of a comeback. Before they knew it, both stood lost in time for a brief moment, staring directly into each other’s eyes.

“Are we done here?” Illumi broke the silence first, directing his inquiry to Kikyo.

“Hm, I believe so...”

“Okay.” Was all the elder ushered before he took the hand Killua loosely held and led him out the hall.

“Huh—what?” The young assassin tried to keep up with the pace, not sure what the other was planning. Kalluto watched as they headed out in silence. “What— why are we going back to your room?” Illumi opened and locked the door close. Then suddenly he embraced the younger from the front, lifting him on to his toes due to the height difference.

“Kiru~.”

“You—what’s wrong with you? Don't tell me you came all this way just to do this?” The teen lifted a puzzled brow.

“... then should I do more?” The raven haired asked innocently.

“Do you want me run away again?” Killua deadpanned. Illumi only continued to rest his chin on the younger’s shoulder. Meanwhile the silverette’s face was close to buried in the other’s neck, taking in the soft oriental cologne scent masking his own scent. _'He’s so weird. Doing these kinda gestures all the time. More importantly, how did they have such an impact on him?’_ He always knew Illumi was touchy towards him, but he was beginning to melt into these touches—like he enjoyed being held like this. ‘ _That’s nonsense, he wasn't a kid anymore. Then why the heck would he want someone to hold him?’_

Then the teen felt cool lips press on his neck startling him once, but not saying anything. He followed the movements of the pair of lips against his skin as they pursed, then protruded and pressed again. Those motions repeated themselves numerous times as the elder moved up and down his neck. Killua bunched his shoulders up, reflexively trying to hide his sensitive neck region as the ravenette moved under his jawline.

“Aniki…cut it out…” The teen pleaded, not willing to expose his sensitive area. “Nah!” He immediately slammed his mouth shut when he recognized such an embarrassing voice escape him. “You—”

Illumi scoffed. “Kiru is so cute—I really want to eat you.”

“Don’t even try—if you eat me, I’m going to haunt you. Now, let go…that’s enough.” Killua attempted to free himself from the locked embrace.

“I don’t mind.” Illumi didn’t budge and kissed his lips instead.

“Mh—n” The younger’s head bobbed backwards while his elder brother chewed his lips. As this continued, he couldn’t help but tightly clench the back of Illumi’s clothing, desperately trying to hang on. His lower leg wobbled once, standing on end while being ravished like this wasn’t an easy thing to do. The silverette broke free and hid his face so he could regain his breaths, but his calm elder brother didn’t wait much longer before his lips met his again. The needle master probed his tongue at the corner of the other’s mouth, searching for an easy opening. “Ani—ss—” Before the teen knew it, he felt the back of his head bump the floor and Illumi was still kissing him, moving down to his collar. The ceiling was now above him, directly in his view as he barely managed to open his eyes into thin slits. All he could think of though was how sweaty he was beginning to feel. There was almost visible heat radiating off his body—it was crazy, and this feeling…

“It feels good doesn’t it? Are you enjoying it that much Kiru?” Illumi’s soft tone hummed when he lay there unreluctantly.

 _‘Yeah…it does feel good…wait is he brain washing me?_ ’ Killua sulked for a moment but concluded instantly, that wasn’t the case. “Ahm…” The younger quietly shuddered when he felt cold fingers graze his chest, undoing his buttons and feeling inside. “Stop…cold…”

“Sorry,” Illumi pecked his cheek. “Kiru’s the one burning up too much right now.”

The raven haired happened to slide his hand in between the younger’s legs causing a dangerous reaction. The younger snapped his eyes open and jerked his whole body once from that intimate contact, even if it was indirect. It legitimately felt like an electrical signal sprinted to every sensual part of his body.

“W-wha…” The silverette was blushing and he realized Illumi didn’t remove his hand, instead very lightly stroked the area. Killua shuddered further, almost fearful how willingly his body was beginning to submit. He automatically reached to impede the elder’s hand, however much possible that was in his position. “A-aniki, where are you _touching_?” His voice was less aggressive than it normally was.

“Does it not feel good?” Illumi spoke tenderly in his ear, pressing the bulge over the younger’s dress pants. The teen’s breath hitched again, hands faltering in their grip. “Then…do you want me to stop?” The elder tested.

Killua’s gut disagreed with that. They hadn’t done anything yet, he knew that. However, at the same time he felt so far into this hot mess that his body didn’t dare want to stop like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One, Milluki has glasses, BUT he only wears them when he’s focusing on the computer. That’s an insignificant detail of this story that I’ve created (since we are 2 years beyond the anime)—nonetheless just wanted to point that out.  
> Two, I’m terrible for ending it there. It’s inevitable, though it gives you something to fantasize about, ne? Okay, not working.


	26. Mysteries

The raven haired happened to slide his hand in between the younger’s legs causing a dangerous reaction. The younger snapped his eyes open and jerked his whole body once from that intimate contact, even if it was indirect. It legitimately felt like an electrical signal had sprinted to every sensual part of his body.

“W-wha…” The silverette was blushing and he realized Illumi didn’t remove his hand, instead very lightly stroked the area. Killua shuddered further, almost fearful how willingly his body was beginning to submit. He automatically reached out to impede the elder’s hand—however much possible that was in his position. “A-aniki, where are you _touching_?” His voice was less aggressive than it normally was.

“Does it not feel good?” Illumi spoke tenderly in his ear, pressing the bulge over the younger’s dress pants. The teen’s breath hitched again, hands faltering in their grip. “Then…do you want me to stop?” The elder tested.

Killua’s gut disagreed with that. They hadn’t done anything yet, he knew that. However, at the same time he didn’t dare want to stop like this. 

Illumi took the liberty to keep rubbing over the new-found sensitive area, evoking the younger to clamp his legs together once. Killua continued to experience this overwhelming desire in his neither regions, with his stomach fluttering, blood rushing and heart beat darting. He had seen some rated R stuff in the past, in fact even forced Gon to watch some adult movies with him back in the hotel once when they were kids but this…this ecstasy was nothing like those lustful attractions.

At one point he noticed Illumi lifting his relatively narrow hips and bringing them at his lap while he kneeled on the floor. The teen’s legs were now automatically straddling each side of the other’s waist, the elder’s hands still on the other’s bony hips. ‘ _Wai-t, was he…—_ ’ Impulsively, the raven haired grinded that segment of Killua—that he held in his hands—with himself. The silverette gaped, completely speechless and wide eyed as he smacked both his hands over his mouth. His brain lagged on processing all this despite his eyes feeding the info directly. The temperature that encompassed them was way above the roof now and he could trace the beads of sweat dripping from his back. Additionally, his pants were becoming so tight that they were just another unbearable burden adding on to this cascade of events. 

“A-aniki…” Killua’s breath fastened and he reached for his pants button or zipper or anything that would relieve his suffocation.

“What is it, Kiru?” Illumi’s words sounded even softer than usual as his hand coated the youngers’ over his clothes. “Just tell me, and I’ll do it for you.”

“Mhmm…” The teen hesitated. _‘This was so damn embarrassing! He’d curse Illumi forever after this! How was he supposed to just say it?? Wait, say what?_ ’ “It’s hurtin’…here.” Killua moaned, trying to wrestle the pants open already. He was lucid enough to hear a soft chuckle escape the elder’s lips.

“Kiru is so innocent.” Illumi pecked one of his burning cheeks. “It’s unbearably cute.” Immediately after his elder brother ripped his dress pants open, pulling them a tad down also and kissing Killua’s bulging member over his white underwear. The silverette’s heart pounded in his ears.

“No—what the—don’t kis—”

“Mn? And why not?” Illumi teased him, sucking over the fabric gently now.

“Hyeh—! _Stop_! It’s dirty! Are you out of—ma—!” The teen shivered at almost every small movement the other made. It was like Illumi was in complete control of every sound he created, every sensation that burned in him and every way his body twisted—all upon his will. And Killua hated that. Illumi already ruled over him his whole life, (or half), the last thing he needed was to be manipulated by him further. The teen’s introspection was snapped when his hips jerked again, bringing his attention back to the raven haired.

“Nothing of Kiru could possibly be dirty.” The elder simply claimed and resumed with his endearments.

However, time stopped, along with everything else in the room. ‘ _Huh_?’ The younger hazily thought. ‘ _What’s …going on again…_ ’ And that’s when it happened—

Killua snapped his eyes open, sitting up on what appeared to be his bed. ‘ _What!? What was that about!_ ’ His entire face was now the color of a strawberry and he clutched his stomach extremely tightly. ‘ _Ugh… I can still feel nerves knotting in my gut…What’s gotten into me? Why the heck was I thinking about that?’_ He wasn’t punishing himself until he realized his legs were rather sticky upon motion. The teen lifted the covers and peeked in. ‘ _This day was off to a very awkward start already. And all, because of Illumi._ ’ 

**Flashback:**

Illumi stroked the sensitive area between the teen’s legs and earned an instant reaction.

“Aniki—where are you touching??”

‘ _Oh, did I just ignite an unknown side to Kiru?_ ’ Illumi amused in his head. “Does it not feel good? Do you want me to stop?”

Killua’s body had to disagree with that as it slowly fed off the pleasure it was receiving. The teen moaned at the motions traced by the other’s long fingers, causing the butterflies in his stomach to rise higher and higher until—

Knock. Knock. Both froze for a split moment. For Killua, it was out of dread and sheer shame, however when he glanced to see the elder’s expression—he saw nothing of the like. For Illumi, it was simply a distraction that made him look up and which may have ruined the moment.

The teen urged himself to sit up and hissed. “ _Get it_.” He pointed to the door and gathered himself. Illumi didn’t so much as change his expression as he obliged and stood up, reaching for the door. The silverette took the opportunity to sprint to the bathroom.

“Yes?” He vaguely heard the elder answer to the door while he shut the bathroom one and bumped his back against it. The younger let out a deep breath in efforts to calm his sky-rocketing heartbeat. ‘ _What. The. Hell. What the hell were they planning to do, had they not been interrupted? Even more so—_ ’ Killua gazed down at the tenseness in his pants, looking straight at his premature erection. He felt utterly ashamed of himself, flushing a shade of pink. This was one of the only times Killua Zoldyck felt close to shameful. ‘ _He was enjoying it_.’ The revelation hit him with a pang. ‘ _Shit_. _Enjoying it? With Illumi? His psycho-obsessive brother?_ ’ Pressing his hands over his crotch, he begged it to go away. ‘ _This wasn’t the time and place for this. Dammit, who knew Illumi could be so impulsive?_ ’

“Kalluto, what’s up?” Illumi attended to their announced guest.

“Dad said you’d accompany me on my next mission. I want to leave immediately since the ceremony is over.” His youngest brother stated in a slow monotone voice.

“Ah, is that right? Okay, sure.” Illumi hardly gave the idea much thought but if he was helping a family member, he didn’t need to waste time debating. “I’ll meet you in the lobby then?”

“Hn” The preteen acquiesced. “…is Killua-nii also here?”

“Kiru? He just went to the bathroom. Did you need to relay a message to him too?”

Kalluto shook his head before turning out. Illumi closed the door and walked back inside the room, just in time to meet the silverette come out from the bathroom. Without looking up, the teen zoomed past him. “I’m heading out first.”

“Alright.” The ravenette watched calmly as his figure walked out the door.

 **End of Flashback**. 

It had been a day since then and for some lucky reason, he hadn’t run into the elder. Unfortunately for him, it couldn’t stay that way for long, he brooded as he peeked behind the hallway corner. ‘ _Why do I have to be the one to feel awkward, when it wasn’t even my fault?_ ’ Sigh. ‘ _Well …it’s not the first time he did something embarrassing, but this time was totally beyond the limits—and that freakin’ dream just made it worse!’_

_“I love you.”_

_‘Man, this was still all so weird! Hearing that from Illumi—that heartless sometimes evil and manipulating brother of his—was still mind blowing_.’ 

"Is there something we should be aiming at?" A voice from above snatched his attention. Killua raised his chin to find another head, peering from the corner of the hall in the same manner he was.

“Wha?! A-aniki?!” The younger stumbled and fell back, landing on the floor. “What are _you_ _doing_?”

“Joining you?”

“ _Hah_? Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you joining me? You don't even know what I’m doing.” Kiru frowned.

“I was going to find out.” The younger flashed him a puzzled look. “Anyhow, did you just wake up? Have you eaten?”

“Huh, no...” _'Well this wasn't as bad as he expected_.' "I didn't even brush yet—you?"

“It's a little too early for me to eat.” 

The silverette stole a glance at the closest clock he could find. “It's 7 AM.”

“I’m aware.” 

“...when did you last eat...?”

“Hm, I believe it was...5 PM yesterday…?”

“What the heck?” His own guts collapsed when they heard that. "Eat something—" Subsequently, the teen practically shoved him all the way to the dining table from behind. In the meantime, Killua brushed his teeth and joined him. "I'm curious when did you sleep then?"

Illumi pondered on that inquiry. "Two to six."

Killua made another face. ‘ _We’re all well trained, but this guy is totally out of this world. Yet he seems to do just fine. –Am I really that concerned?_ ' He began chewing his own food.

Moments later the elder’s communicator produced a buzz, turning both of their attention towards it. A text message, Illumi noted.

“Apparently, we have an unannounced guest.” The raven haired mouthed, eyes still on his device. Kiru raised his brows, not entirely following. He watched Illumi suddenly stand up from his seat and walk towards the living room. Left in confusion, the teen decided to tag along too.

“Oh, hi Rebecca! What brings you here?” Kikyo’s loud jovial voice was heard from the living room.

“Hey~ how's it going?” The redhead waved, until her eyes automatically fell upon Illumi and Killua who joined the space as well. "Illumi! There you are~. Let's hang out." Killua’s jaw dropped in response.

‘ _How could she act so familiar—with Illumi no less!_ ' The silverette had to give it to her.

“Sorry?” Meanwhile, Illumi furrowed his eye brows.

“I just got a day off in what seems like a million ‘o years. And ~ I couldn't think of anythin’ else.” Rebecca stretched out every word she spoke with a sing-song like manner. “So, what do ya say?"

“Please leave.” The raven haired was ready to turn away.

“Whoa whoa, hold on man—!" She quickly ran over to him, obstructing his path. "Worry not, I didn't come empty handed." That said, the girl revealed a few shuriken-like blades from her small messenger bag. "Heavy alloy metal with a _ton_ of weight—but also highly magnetic." Illumi cocked a brow, speculating as to where all this was going. "I was just wondering...between you and me... who'd shot down the most ‘o these…"

Illumi didn’t answer right away which probably meant he was considering the whole challenge. "...Hn, no thanks I'd rather spend time with Kiru."

The red head forced a crooked smile. "Oh, come on, your baby brother isn't going anywhere.” She uttered reassuringly. “Really, If I knew, I woulda brought that kid along."

“Yes, why didn't you? I’m sure she would have enjoyed spending time with Kiru or Kalluto, in the least." Their mother imposed in a friendly way. 

"I just like traveling solo,” Their guest shrugged a shoulder. “It's painstaking to carry baggage around." Killua cringed, a sick feeling taking over his stomach for a split second. ‘ _She was almost no different than his family—no, worse—at least their family treated family_ like _family_.’ He thought.

"Anyhow, I'm sure you lot have a huge wall here that can generate a magnetic field—the fun thing is, we stand exactly against that wall and have these—” She waved the triangular blades in the air again “—aimed at us. It'll be fun~. _Or_ do ya want me to continue believing that I'm more agile than ya."

“I think that sounds like a fun challenge, Illu. Go ahead, you have nothing for today anyways, don't you?" Kikyo made one last suggestion before wishing them luck and leaving.

“It’s okay, just go. I’d join you guys too but I’m not in the mood to start horsing yet.” The silverette casually spoke up with his arms behind his head.

Illumi observed him briefly before ruffling his head. “Whatever you say. Later than.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Killua was glad to get the hand off his hair as he watched Rebecca turn away with his brother. ‘ _Hm? It almost seemed like she was staring at me_.’ Oh well, the younger let it slide and pondered on how to spend the rest of this day.

* * *

‘ _Freakin’ boring_ ~.’ Killua mentally whined, blandly scooping strawberry ice cream into his mouth. ‘ _Why was this almost every single time he was at home?’_ At this rate the only thing he could amuse himself with was gaining a few pounds by eating.

‘ _I know! Let’s see what Gon’s up to!’_ The younger’s head perked up instantly. ‘ _Those jerks didn’t even come to my little event—been a long while since I saw ‘im especially_.’ 

First things, first: Killua dashed to his room to fetch his Beatle phone. Though, that task was a bit more arduous than he would have thought. “Dammit, where is it? I can’t seem to locate it anywhere.” The teen flipped every inanimate object in his room nearly twice. ‘ _What the…did someone take it??_ ’ The inquiry spun in his mind while he stood in the heap of a trashed room. ‘ _But who?! Why the heck would they want my mobile!_ ’

 _‘Illumi?_ ’ Was the first name that rang in his head. The silverette shook his head. ‘ _Given his history, that’s tremendously possible—but if he had wanted to investigate my phone, he would’ve done that ages ago._ ’ He refuted the idea. ‘ _Kalluto?_ ’ Was the next person that came to mind, however Killua couldn’t link a single instance why the preteen would want anything to do with him. “Urgh!” This was becoming _very_ frustrating, if not already. ‘ _There goes my day off_.’ Rolling his eyes, the teen gave one last look at his room before sprinting out.

“Mom!” Killua demanded as soon as he barged into his mother’s chambers. “Do you know where my Beatle is? This big, round and black.” He ushered with his hand.

“Hm, oh! The one with the little ‘antennas’ on the top?” Kikyo conveyed with a hint of hope.

“Yes! Where?!”

“Sorry honey, haven’t seen it.” And that hope was crudely crushed on the spot. The younger let out a loud painful groan.

“Forget it.” With that, he resorted to searching some other corner of the manor.

* * *

“I’m positive I had it last night so…” Killua halted in his tracks as if he was just struck by lightning. “Wait a sec! Why don’t I just get Illumi to call me on it! Darn it—” smacking his palm mercilessly on his forehead “—why didn’t I think of that sooner?!” Currently the teen was in the lawn and hence dashed back into the house, straight to the basement.

‘ _It’s been two and a half hours—are they still at it?_ ’ He mused as he made his way down to one of the rooms, peering his gaze in each one until he found the pair. Then again, they also had two basements, so this ought to be another fun search.

“Aniki~!” Killua called out as he approached the end of the first basement. Nothing. Nothing, but the dead silence. Letting out a defeated sigh, he wasted no time in moving downstairs. Once down, he heard voices echoing the entire floor. The teen paced towards them and saw both adults exit a metal door.

“You guys _just_ finished?” Killua appalled.

“Wehoo~, that—was some challenge—I’m actually breathless.” The redhead panted, wiping off a stream of sweat right below her chin and ignoring the teen completely.

“Kiru? What’s up? Did you decide to join?” Illumi on the other hand, gave his brother immediate attention.

“What, no—of course not. I need your phone.” Illumi raised a questioning look. “I can’t find mine so I need you to track it.”

“Is that so,” Illumi reached to his back pocket but paused. “Ah, I think I left mine in my room.”

“Okay, great.” There was a ton of sarcasm icing the younger’s tone.

“You seem distressed.” And Illumi’s stating-the-obvious only made him feel worse.

“Just hurry up.” Killua grunted and stomped out, the two elders following.

Illumi and KIllua headed upstairs while Rebecca detoured into the kitchen for a cold drink. The first room closest to the stairs was undoubtedly Illumi’s, who unlocked the door and stepped in. “I’ll call you.” He notified, saving the younger the need to enter. The silverette nodded and trotted towards his own room instead.

The moment he entered, a buzzing sound filled the room, causing the teen to whip his head back and forth. “It’s right there.” Illumi’s sharp voice radiated from behind him as Killua also found the source of the vibrations. There, right on his night stand—away from the mountain of mess he had created earlier—sat his Beatle.

“What?! No way!” Killua leaped towards the device and hoisted it. “I checked my whole room twice!”

“…I can see...” The raven haired allowed his eyes to wander the average space.

“I mean it—I did.”

“I’m in no way disagreeing with you, Kiru.” Illumi assured he was sincere. “Well, congratulations on finding it, I’m going downstairs now.”

As the door shut, the teen stared down at his phone. _‘…Swell, now I forgot why I needed it in the first place._ ’ 


	27. Hunting

“Let’s go hunting!” The redhead suddenly showed up at their doorstep again. Both Illumi and Killua just stared at her like she was out of her goddamn mind.

“Well, have fun.” The younger teen automatically turned on his heels. She was all after Illumi, he was just going to have to accept that and play along, i.e. go find something else to amuse him while he was at home.

The elder noticed Kiru walk away and unconditionally claimed. “Looks like I’m out too then.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down fellas, look I came prepared today.” Rebecca dropped her huge camping bag on the floor, unzipping it and pulling out her little sister from the back of her neck like a life size doll. “Ta da!”

“What the — did you just pull that out of your bag?!”

“Mh! You bet. So, whaddaya say? We have the whole gang. Come on~, it’ll be fun. Unless you’d rather spend your day cooped up in this manor on this _boring_ secluded mountain.”

The silverette couldn’t help but think she had a point. “What are we hunting?” At that inquiry, the redhead sneered, seeing she was winning her way in. She did have a way with words after all.

“Mountain lizards!”

“What? Those dinosaur sized things?”

The elder girl smiled once again. “Exhilarating isn’t it? We should split up into teams, see who could catch more.”

“…fine, I suppose this won’t be totally boring.” Killua finally admitted, scratching his cheek. He was subtly looking forward to it all of a sudden. Though, it would’ve been fun if Gon and the others were here too. _‘Ah! He remembered now! That time when he was searching for his phone, he wanted to ask Gon out. Oh well, he’ll just have to remember to do that after this little trip_.’ 

“Are you sure about this?” Illumi intervened.

“Sure, why not?” the silverette faced him. “Or don’t tell me you’ve already lost faith in winning. Think I can knock down more than you?”

The ravenette only gazed his way expressionlessly without blinking until he ruffled his hair. “It’s good to be confident Kiru, but not too confident.” Killua could pick up the amusement in his tone.

“Then, it’s settled, come on get ready~” Rebecca broke their small moment and clapped her hands. In the next ten minutes they were all dressed up and ready for a hike.

* * *

“Where was the destination again?” Illumi asked while trotting behind their redhead leader.

“Kusagaoi Hill.” She answered without looking back. “Just follow me, we’re almost there.”

The younger teens silently followed behind the elders. Killua glanced at the younger sister, Jesse, who lifelessly walked by his side. “Don’t you talk?” Honestly the question had just blurted itself before he had a chance to fully ponder it. The violet haired girl directed her large hollow eyes at him with a small amount of surprise as if she wasn’t expecting him to talk to her.

“…not when its unnecessary.” She casually averted her eyes. “You haven’t spoken either.”

‘ _Fair enough_.’ Killua faced forward, hoping this boring stride would come to end already. 

“Made it!” A loud shriek from the front was heard and they all figured it was Rebecca. Her large backpack shifted as she swerved around to face the team. Frankly, she was the only one carrying a bag in the first place. “From here out, do exercise caution because this hill is a breeding ground for all _kinds_ of beasts. Our targets will be rather higher up along the hill due to the climate.”

“Let’s just go already!” The silverette cut off, running ahead of them and crossing the ‘Welcome to Kusagaoi Hill’ sign.

Naturally, Illumi was the second to step up and cross the wooden sign after him, also adding: “I guess Killua and I will be a team then.”

“Huh?! Hey, wait—that’s not what I was thinkin…sigh.” Rebecca rolled her eyes and stopped talking since it didn’t seem like the other was listening. “Jeez, whatever—fine. We better win then.” She glared at her younger sister before following in their footsteps.

Jessie stood there for an extra minute or two processing the situation. “…Just great.” She exhaled at last, not too excited about the team arrangements either.

* * *

“Two— Down!” Killua called out as he retrieved his metallic yoyo.

“I would congratulate you but…” The redhead lifted and dumped a mountain lizard on to her pile. “That’s four down here.”

The silverette immediately whipped his head in Illumi’s direction –his brother better had more, considering they _were_ a team and all.

“Seven.” The elder calmly enunciated.

‘ _Sweet_!’ The teen mentally cheered.

“Nine.” Another voice spoke up. They all turned to Jessie who had the largest stack.

‘ _Darn it, she’s just like Illumi—the silent killer_.’ Kiru clicked his tongue and instantly aimed for more lizards.

“Aniki we need more!”

“Say no more.” The needle master pulled out six bobbed needles from in between the cracks of his fingers on both hands –three each— and aimed them into the air. Exactly a minute later, six lizards collapsed on to the ground in different places around them. “That’s fifteen in total.” He heard his younger brother cackle once. 

‘ _Damn, was he always this reliable?_ ’ The silverette beamed, hoping over to his side. He still had a funny time accepting they were on the ‘same team.’

“Ahem, ya were saying?” Rebecca sliced the throats of two more of their target beasts. “I call that a tie.”

‘ _This is getting serious_.’ Jessie felt a drop of sweat on her forehead.

“We’re not done ye—eh?” Killua jumped on to a high tree branch until he felt vibrations of a mountain lizard running his way. The creature was rabid and charged forward snapping the tree into two. The younger teen instantaneously jumped off to the side Rebecca was at, the tree splitting them from the other two (Illumi and Jessie). The lizard lashed his tail towards the girl and young teen again, causing them to leap backwards even further—except there was no ‘back further’ to leap to. Killua found himself floating outside the umbrella of the trees into midair and even in a descending motion.

“No way, he fell just like that? Kids.” Rebecca sighed and didn’t have much of an option but to jump after him from the tree tip she was balanced on. After all, if anything happened to Illumi’s precious little brother, she might have to answer to him.

‘ _Eh_?’ All Kiru could see above him was the clear blue sky and gradually shrinking trees on the edge of that hill. _‘Che, I’m falling_.’ The teen redistributed his weight so that he could whirl himself around and grab on to a rocky edge. When he finally grabbed on to a twig poking out from the rocks, he looked back up from where he fell, seeming miles away. ‘ _Hill? More like a mountain_.’ 

“Yo kiddo! Impressed you’re not tumbling, but don’t stop yet—there’s ground just beneath.” A certain redhead pointed while sliding down the bumpy edge in a skiing motion.

“What the?” Killua followed her trail and noticed more tree heads below him not too far down. He spontaneously released his grip on the branch and skated down as well. After deflecting all the tree branches, he landed on the ground and glimpsed about. ‘ _Wait… don’t tell me, they just—_ ’

“Yup, looks like we’ve split up.” The elder girl voiced his speculation.

“Urgh…” The younger didn’t realize he had expressed his feelings on the matter out loud. _‘Of all the people, why her?_ ’ 

“Well, there’s plenty of beasts down here too—we could have our own little match.” She turned to him, hands on her hips, with a grin plastered on her face.

‘ _Yup, just what he was afraid of. Sigh, he simply wasn’t interested in that_.’ Killua stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked ahead. “We still have to contact them somehow, I’m not getting any signals, so might as well just go find them instead.” ‘ _Should he use his Godspeed ability to get to the top again?_ ’ he wondered but decided it wasn’t worth it.

“Eh, no fun~” She trotted behind, keeping an eye on him. They walked amid the trees for a couple of minutes in silence, the only sounds coming from the crunching of small twigs and dead leaves on the ground. Yet even that amount of sound eventually attracted a hairy creature five times their size, which ambushed them from one of the bushes. “No sweat! I got this for ya!” The redhead swiftly launched a knife towards the beast but failed to calculate an abandoned wire tied across trees, that deflected the knife straight in the silverette’s direction instead. “Oops—”

The silverette gawked, now responsible for dodging two things instead of one. Albeit, he wasn’t the least bit stressed about it and focused on the weapon first, moving his arms in snake like motions creating a tornado of air to divert the knife back towards its original target.

“Not bad~” The elder girl cheered. Killua only scoffed at that, it was her fault he had to take care of that in the first place.

* * *

“Why don’t we take a break?” Rebecca suggested after they hiked for two hours, encountering numerous things along the way. “We might only be half way to the top, but it’s not a bad idea, ne?” She halted and took a seat on a boulder, taking her bag off as well.

“Seriously? Do we need to?” Killua wasn’t at all fatigued by their journey, more like bored out of his mind.

“Teh, we don’t _need_ to, but don’t you _want_ to, kid?”

“Stop calling me that.”

She ignored him and unzipped her back, pulling out a few snacks. “Want one?” 

‘ _Can’t trust anyone._ ’

The redhead ripped the wrapper of one of the granola bars and bit a chunk off. “It’s pretty good. Ya sure?”

‘ _This is stupid. Should I just go home?_ ’ He thought before a granola bar came flying his way—catching it automatically.

“Just take it, already. Now ya know why I call ya a kid.”

“Why do you care?” Killua raised a skeptical brow. She must have some ulterior motive.

“Hm? Of course, I wanna look good in front of Illu-kun.” She deadpanned. The silverette felt a weight fall over him. ‘ _Duh…shoulda figured…ah whatever_.’ He accepted the snack and took a seat as well. “But hey, wasn’ that fun? I got to see all the moves of the new Zoldyck’s Head, first hand.” She smirked.

‘ _Fun for one of them_.’ Kiru thought. ‘ _Okay maybe the slaying part and competition wasn’t so bad…In the end they tied didn’t they—che. If they had a little more time, Illumi and himself would’ve totally kicked ass.’_ The teen inwardly grinned before stealing a glimpse at her. She was pretty strong herself, half the time the silverette felt as if she was holding back. ‘ _Maybe she ain’t that bad…?_ ’

The teen’s vision abruptly went black at that moment. “What?!” He was startled but recognized a pair of hands over his eyes. Not only that but those hands were slender and cooler than the temperature of the rest his face. It couldn’t be…

“Oh Illu-kun! What a surprise!” Apparently, Rebecca gave the culprit away and ruined the ‘surprise’ for Illumi. Shooting her a dejected frown, the raven haired stood up from behind the teen and came to the front.

“What are you two doing?” Illumi questioned.

“Nothin’, just takin’ a break.” The redhead smiled.

“How’d you find us? I noticed there weren’t any signals here to communicate…” The silverette rechecked his beatle phone to see if the device had picked up any signals. None.

“…I have my ways.” Illumi responded after collecting his thoughts and ruffled the teen’s wavy hair.

‘ _Suspicious…_ ’ The younger inevitably thought. ‘ _And he’s sure doing that a lot…_ ’ He noted the gesture—not minding it one bit. For once, it was the one thing that felt ‘normal.’ 

“And I just followed him.” Jessie was standing besides Illumi. Killua could’ve swore he did not see her there two minutes ago.

“Right…” Kiru slowly nodded. “Are we done?”

“It’s about time. I was getting tired of playing along.” His elder brother exhaled and started walking down the path.

“Me too.” The violet haired girl trailed after.

“Well, that’s that.” The younger teen snorted and dug his hands in his pockets again.

“H-huh?! Already? Guys? Sighhh…” The redhead was forced to wear her bag again and depart with them.

* * *

The sibling pairs came to a point where they had to split ways because their manors were located on different mountains. They waved a quick goodbye before carrying on back home. Rebecca looked back once over her shoulder at the silverette but soon faced forward again seeing her younger sister was waiting for her.

As the brothers walked silently up Kukuroo Mountain, there was something bothering the younger. It was obviously regarding Illumi, except he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly troubled him and why he was doubtful. Irritated, the teen tousled his hair with both his hands until something pricked his finger. “Ow…what…?” Kiru slowly pinched out the thin pointy object from his hair. It was a needle. What were the odds of getting a needle stuck in his hair?

“ _Aniki_!” The silverette screamed accusingly.

The elder looked at him, nonchalantly uttering, “Oh, looks like I’ve been found out.”

“I thought we were over this?!”

“But it helped didn’t it?” Illumi halted and took the younger’s hand in his, bringing it close to his face. Killua hadn’t noticed that there was a drop of blood oozing from the needle prick on that hand. He watched the elder lick the small punctured wound and gaze back at him.

“But s-still…” Killua couldn’t explain why he was faltering under the other’s gaze. “You didn’t have permission…”

“If I asked, would you have let me?” The raven haired still held on to the hand.

“No!”

“Exactly.” 

“Grr,” The teen yanked his hand away. “Stop trying to control me all the time!” With that, he marched forward past the gates of their manor.

“…that’s control?” Illumi innocently raised a puzzled brow.

* * *

‘ _That Illumi, never understands anything—just how many times are we gonna argue about the same thing??_ ’ The silverette walked with a grimace stuck to his face. ‘ _Huh_?’ He caught sight of a teen with spiky black hair sitting on the grass not too far from a rice field. Killua smirked and smacked the boy from behind.

“He—ah! Kirua?!" Gon immediately rotated himself to greet his old friend, a wide smile erupting on his face.

‘ _Right, today he agreed to hang out with Gon, so he was gonna push everything else aside and chill.’_

“Yo? Missed me?” Killua unconditionally took the spot besides him. “Did you get any stronger?”

“Haha I don’t know about that. Did you just make it?”

“Apparently. I had to sneak out.”

“Eh? You still have to do that? Oh! But didn’t you just succeed the position as the new head or something?”

“Mh, but I’m not the new head yet, am I? Illumi still thinks he can dictate me.” The teen spouted.

“Kirua, I know you mentioned in your texts that it would be easier to go along with it but…it worries me sometimes… are you really gonna carry on this assassin business?” Gon asked hesitantly.

The silverette had to ponder on that question, in order to express his true feelings on the matter. “No. The truth is, I don’t want to assassinate anymore. It’s stupid and too easy—and immoral if you wanna see it that way. But being in charge is different. I can do whatever I want and the first thing I’m gonna do is destroy this name.”

“W-what?”

“I mean this line, of course. Though… it’d probably take a while. I’ll have to wait until dad and grandpa are dead—unless I don’t kill them off myself first.”

“H-hey, that’s a little extreme isn’t it?” The brunette was ready to restrain the teen any minute now.

“I know~, I was half joking. You haven’t changed at all!” Killua chuckled.

“It’s not like you’ve changed much either.”

“So, what’s up? Did you run into Kurapika or Leorio at all? I haven’t.”

“Well, it’s been a while since I saw them too, but when I did, they seemed pretty okay—even pretty close, to be honest."

The silverette raised his brows. "What do you mean close?"

“Dunno, but it just felt like they had a special air around them. I thought it was nice. Hehe."

“You’re not making any sense.” Kiru stated bluntly.

“Scratch that—so, what do you wanna do?” Gon asked eagerly.

“I don’t know…I just snuck out, what do you wanna do?” Both peered at each other with the same idle expression before breaking into a laugh. 

The two ended up spending the entire time chatting away and catching up instead of doing anything crazy until, that is, they were suddenly struck by a spear a foot away from them. The teens jumped back and put on their defensive stances. “Where did that come from?” The brunette pulled the spear out from the ground and examined it.

“That’s what I wanna know.” 


	28. Killua’s the Target

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers: from Hunter x Hunter 2011 Episode 89 & 94.

“Where did that come from??”

“That’s what I want to know.” Killua voiced as he looked in the direction the arrow came from. Moments later, a few muscular men surrounded and charged towards them. After assessing the situation, dodging the attacks and landing a few of their own, Gon realized what they were after.

“It’s clear they're after you." The brunette mouthed as he shielded his friend.

“Ah great. What did I do now?” The silverette rolled his eyes as he dug his knee into another man’s stomach. The other two stood up again and punched Gon to the side. “Gon!”

The assassin scowled as he leaped towards the other, blocking and twisting one of the man’s arm in the process. “They’re strong…” the teen was strategizing his next move until all the men collapsed on their own. “Eh?” He stared at them dumbfounded. That’s when a blond girl with a high pony tail propped out from the forest trees directly behind them, while she held out a glowing card. Both teens turned their attention towards her.

“So, it looks like you boys still get in trouble—when will you grow up?” The all too familiar face mocked, as she put away her spell card.

“Bisky!” Gon exclaimed enthusiastically.

“No way.” Killua deadpanned.

“The one and only.” Bisky grinned.

“What are you doing here? How did you find us?” The brunette automatically interrogated.

“Ahem. Is that it? Is that how you greet an old friend? Come ‘ere first!” She took the courtesy to strangle them both in a hug, one on each arm. The boys were much taller now, so they were more or less forced to arch their heads down at that. 

“Once a hag, always a hag.” There was only one person who would throw that comment. As she released them, she whacked the silverette on the head. “The heck was that for?!”

She simply shrugged to that. "Women's intuition."

“My ass.” Killua spat. 

“So, what was that about?” The blond asked.

This time Gon was the one to shrug. “They were after Kirua.”

Bisky turned her gaze to the Zoldyck. “Should've figured.” Having said that, she still felt as if there was a significant bit of information that was missing from her knowledge. 

“I bet you’ll be targeted a lot now, since you did get announced as the successor to the Zoldycks—the only family famous for being assassins.” Gon joked.

“ _What_?! Who got crowned _what_? Killua, what's the meaning of this? Wait—what are you doing with your family in the first place!?” Bisky began flailing her arms up and down animatedly. “You accepted to take over after your dad? I thought you loathed the assassination work line."

Killua sighed. "Chill. It's not as easy to give up as it sounds. Plus, Illumi’s still on my case and he wouldn't have backed down until one of us died.” There was truth in that. “I would eventually have to pick up where I left off anyways, so better the less-troublesome way. As long as I can see my friends whenever.” He smiled at the end of that.

The blond displayed a face evident that she wasn’t following his logic. “And Gon you’re okay with this?”

“Of course I don't agree, but I trust in Kirua.” The answer seemed so simple to him. Bisky crossed her arms against her chest, still somewhat against it. She liked the kids and had come to care a lot about them. This was…Well what right did she have, anyway? She nodded her head at that until a name flashed in her mind from Killua’s earlier answer. “Wait, this Illumi you mentioned…is he by any chance your teacher? Instilling in you that bad habit of running away all the time."

“Hn? Mhm.” The silverette quietly agreed, a quick replay of all the events during his battle with Rammot spinning in his head, especially when he jabbed the needle out. 

“Heh, I don’t believe it. Is he still madly obsessed with you?” Bisky snorted.

“W-what?” Kiru wasn’t expecting that one bit and held back a faint blush.

Meanwhile Gon only stared at the two puzzled until he gaped. "No, Bisky you’re wrong! His brother is—”

“Wait—hold it right there. Say that again.” The girl instantly held up a hand, cutting off the brunette when she heard ‘brother.’ “Did you say brother? Illumi, is your brother?” One of her eye was twitching as she processed that new found knowledge.

“So? Why are _you_ acting like that?” The assassin ushered, noting her unexplainable behavior.

“Uh…no…it’s just…” She flashbacked to the time the two had parted ways from her and her resolution on Killua’s fighting style at the time:

_‘Killua’s overly cautious fighting style can only come from one place, it seems to be the product of a smothering kind of love. A love that’s abnormal, obsessive and distorted. In the end, it becomes a burden, smothering him under its own weight. It’s a curse that’ll take an enormous amount of effort to break.’_

_But_ that _coming from his brother…and now he was living with them…him…_ “Seriously though Killua, is that really okay?”

“What the heck are you going on about? Gon, I think the hag finally lost her mind. Appearances can’t hide your mental age forever, I guess.” Killua grimaced and turned to Gon.

“Urgh, stop calling me that you brat. Ah, whatever, nothing here is normal anymore. I wish you all the luck then.” With that she began walking away. “See you boys around. Call me, we could all go on a date.”

The brunette laughed while Killua made a face that read ‘yeah right, never happening.’ “She just doesn’t wanna admit how hot we’ve grown up to be, heh.” The silverette sneered. 

“Hahaha, well, I guess…At least you definitely look like you’re from another world.” The assassin couldn’t hold back a tiny blush at his friend’s honest remark.

“Yeah right~.” He bluffed before cocking his face away. “Anyways, I think I should head back before chaos unleashes again. You should also scram before those guys wake up.” The silverette pointed to their offenders that were still knocked out cold on the ground. The brunette nodded swiftly in agreement.

* * *

“Dad wants to see you in his chambers.” Kalluto was playing messenger, apparently.

‘ _Hn? I wonder what he wants_.’ The teen thought as he observed the other retreat. It had hardly been an hour since he creeped back into the house. The younger knocked on the door and waltzed in, baffled to find Illumi in there as well, standing across from where his father was seated. ‘ _Okay, this had to be serious then_.’ 

Illumi glimpsed at the teen, acknowledging his presence and waiting for him to join them. “So, in terms of the recent attack that was directed at Kiru…” the elder began.

The silverette involuntarily gawked. ‘What _?! How the hell did he know about that?? Impossible…This guy ...just how much of an eye does he have on me_?’ This felt exactly like the old times.

“Is there anyone you'd suspect Kiru?” An even voice burst his thinking bubble.

“H-huh?”

“Are you not paying attention?” Their dad intimidated.

“Uh, no sorry, I am…”

“I asked if you suspected or recognized any one?”

“No, I didn’t. They were random men...a bit strong maybe.” The younger paused. “But it doesn't have to because I succeeded the Zoldyck’s position. I mean, I had plenty of enemies back in the day—it could be any one who’s bored...”

“But the timing is too right.” Silva added.

“I agree. If it was anyone, they would've already ambushed you in the past.” The raven haired crossed his arms. 

“Of course, you're a huge target for everyone. I had already anticipated that. However, to take action so soon—perhaps not that.” The current head rested his face on his knuckles. “Well either way, Killua refrain from going out on your own from now on. Isn’t that why you were an easy target today?”

“Apparently, he sneaked out.” The silverette twitched at those words from Illumi.

“Ri…ght.” Silva’s expression told them he was yet processing that and it was taking a while. “Grow up, son.” The younger inwardly glared at his elder brother. “Illumi I'll leave the rest to you.”

“Understood. Excuse us.” Both brothers exited the room. Illlumi then shifted his eyes to Killua.

“ _What_?” The teen questioned with an edge of attitude as he noticed the other narrow his hollow eyes half way, looking a tad troubled.

The next thing Kiru knew, he was in the elder’s room, flopped onto the bed and only inches away from the other’s face.

“Really Kiru? I didn't think you still had it in you?” Illumi glowered down on him, pillaring his arms on both sides of the boy’s head. 

“W-what? Let go—”

“Do you still have to sneak out?” The needle master tilted his head gracefully yet closer. “You could’ve just asked, no?”

“Why should I? Even if I asked you would've said—”

“ _No_.” 

“Exactly!” The teen propped his head and shoulders up with the help of his elbows. “Wait, what's this—payback?” It didn’t matter what it was anymore as Illumi slipped a cold hand under the teen’s shirt. “Eh!?” Killua wasn’t planning to be toyed by his elder brother and reached for the hand that was planted on his flat stomach.

“I’m curious. Why did you even sneak out in the first place?”

“Heh, why are you asking? Weren’t you watching me the entire time?” Killua snorted.

The elder frowned. “Kiru, as much as I would love to, I don’t have that much time you know. I don’t know what happened.”

‘ _Does he really not_?’ The silverette still held his doubts. “Then I’m not telling you.” Ah, it felt good to bend Illumi to his will sometimes. Or so, he mused. Illumi’s scowl deepened by the virtue of his eyebrows.

“Alright.” The raven haired calmly let out.

“Hn?”

“I suppose I’ll just make you say it.” Again, Illumi nonchalantly stated while shrugging a shoulder. “Kiru, is so spoiled.”

“Hah?!” The younger gaped. Did his gut just churn? Somehow, this wasn’t going down the road he wanted it to…

The elder pulled the other’s shirt up and bent down all the way such that his face was on his stomach, biting it. Killua automatically flinched at that. “H-hey—!” However, the raven haired chose to ignore any unnecessary sounds and bruised another square inch of his skin with his teeth. “Aniki—cut it out—ou!”

The younger retracted himself when he sensed the other suck a small spot above his stomach. ‘ _What the hell…?_ ’ That wasn’t the only thing that came to his attention. In truth, the teen wanted to call himself out for being a little too sensitive in this moment as well _. ‘Really, what was Illumi thinking_? _How was this going to get any information out of him?’_ He shuddered when fingers pinched one of his nipples. Killua blushed almost immediately and attempted to sit up. “Where are you touching?!"

Illumi didn't bother answering and instead kissed the one his hand wasn’t attached to. They were so small and cute, the elder couldn’t help but admire. While the raven haired sucked on them gently, they perked up rather quickly, provoking him to close his teeth on them as well. Kiru gasped. "Hyau! O-oi…stop…nh!" the teen’s head hit the pillows as his legs became restless—the entire lower half of his body for that matter. Illumi nibbled on the swollen flesh around the teen’s erect nipples, savoring every bit of it.

“Even after all this time, your skin feels the same Kiru.” Illumi muttered his thought out loud.

“Shut up—and stop already…” ‘ _Shit I feel weird_. _Why is my stomach doing flips?_ ’ The silverette couldn’t focus on one single thing any more. Too many parts of his body were aching, itching, burning and tingling. And he didn’t even consider all the blood that was rushing to his neither regions yet.

“What’s wrong? Giving up already?”

“… hah… I said shut up.” Killua exhaled a hot breath. Funny, when did he start sweating? Illumi playfully kissed the center his chest once more before deciding to move down. His younger brother only stared after him with bafflement and wonder as to what the elder was planning to execute next. ‘ _This all felt pretty familiar…like the time they were in the hotel…this same urging, nerve-filled sensation…_ ’ During his hazy introspections, Illumi pulled down his shorts and took him in his mouth. Killua winced and looked at him with wide bulging eyes. “W-w-what?? Are you craz—ah!” Yup, the notion was all too familiar—all those butterflies that were growing in quantity in the pits of his stomach were returning. The teen shuddered violently, closing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth as his elder brother’s tongue played with him however it liked. ‘ _But, shit why did it feel so good? Talk about adult pleasure…?’_ He was going to hate himself for this. 

“A-anik-ki—” The younger helplessly uttered, not even knowing why or what he was seeking.

“Ready to tell me yet?”

“…eh? Ack.” ‘ _Damn him, he had completely forgotten the whole point of this scheme. It was to make him spill. Damn Illumi… he dared exploit him like this_.' It was truly costing the teen's pride to be like this.

“Well?” The ravenette had momentarily removed his mouth from the younger’s twitching member and closed his thumb on the tip of it. Killua jerked forward.

"W-what…"

“What were you doing that you needed to sidle out of the house, hm?" He questioned again, casually wiping some of the silverette’s fluids from his lips. Meanwhile the said silverette felt like his stomach was about to burst with all the weird knots in it.

"…err, Go-meetin…G-gon…" Illumi raised his eyebrows in surprise at that. He hadn’t heard that name in quite a while.

"All that trouble just to see him?"

Kiru nodded. "S-so?...it'd been a whil…hah—ah." 

“Mh…really?” Now the elder was teasing him.

“Ugh, a-aniki—please!” The younger was at his limit and took the liberty to rub his thighs together to grant his body some relief. Illumi unconditionally adored the sight. He was in too deep. The Kiru begging and at his mercy was the cutest Kiru he liked after all.

“Please what, my angel?”

Killua only glared at him with glistening cobalt blue eyes. “I hate you—”

“Now let’s not go that far.” His elder brother instantly removed his thumb from the tip of the teen’s erection and massaged him. The reaction from Kiru was almost instant as well as he impulsively came into the other’s hand. The silverette lay on his back, awe-struck, panting silently and trying to process the post-ejaculation feeling in his head. However, just when the younger presumed it was all over, he was barely able to make out a thin long finger sliding down from his testes to his hole. Illumi glided his index finger along the closed orifice before prodding and inserting.

“Wh-what the hell is that—?” The teen pushed his upper body back up again to witness what on earth his brother was up to now. He finally recognized the unfathomable: the raven-haired worming a finger in his butt. Today had to be a dream. 

“Hn? It doesn’t feel good?” Illumi’s tone of voice would suggest he sounded a tad disappointed.

“Of course not! Take it out—!” The younger was abruptly cut off when a wave of shiver ran through his body.

“Oh, found it.” The elder counted that as a success. As if on cue, he continued to wriggle that internal spot more.

“Hah, ah, sto—w-wai—auh!” The teen was never aware he could even feel like this—like the previous episode wasn’t enough to take in.

 _Beeb. Beep. Beeeep_. Illumi snapped out of it when he felt his phone buzzling in his pocket. Emotionlessly and without shifting much, he used his other hand to pull it out. He glanced at the screen for a second before opening it. "Hai?" Killua bored at him with an unbelievable expression when his elder brother's finger moved inside him during the time he was on the phone. The teen intuitively clasped his hands over his mouth and glared at the elder to stop except the other wasn't looking at him. Instead, the silverette reached out for the bigger hand and gripped it.

"Sto-opp…" He hissed. ‘ _God this was so humiliating_ ,’ his eyes were tearing already.

“Alright, I can retrieve that today. Hai, thank you." Illumi closed the phone, glowering at it a minute longer. "…timing is my personal nemesis after all."

“You!” The teen cried out loud.

“Me…?”

“Ughhh! _Annoying_! _Super_ irritating! I’ll remember this!” The younger threw a few punches his way. Killua’s red face seemed more apparent against his bright white hair, and Illumi noticed that ages ago.

“Sorry, I have a small request from a client. It appears I’ll need to step out for a bit.”

“ _Good_.” Kiru pouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem. Um, so… huh, what? I didn’t warn you? Whoops. Sorry, Illumi’s unpredictable. Actually, I don’t even know if he was thinking of that from the start. He would probably have been his touchy self but then Kiru kinda triggered him lol. `XD – not that he was very angry or anything—he used his teasing to his advantage, that’s for sure haha. Ah, boy why do I feel like I’ll get “PXRVXRT” in the comments below. Oh! And I just had to include that word-for-word dialogue of Bisky from the anime –I freakin’ love it!! Like Killumi is cannon or something lol-was totally hinting that. XDD


	29. Killua's the Target 2

_‘Uh…’_ Killua stole a glance at his legs. "Great you’ve dirtied them, now they’re all sticky ‘n wet. I can't go out like this…” He muttered the last part.

“I can clean that for you.” Illumi nonchalantly responded, putting his phone away. The teen only raised a brow, curious to see what that would look like. But then again it was all his fault, so it was only right that he wiped him clean too. _‘Ah, making Illumi do his dirty work was just such a satisfying feeling._ ’

However, he automatically gawked and faltered in his resolve when he saw Illumi bend down between his legs and lick his inner thigh. The silverette’s entire face steamed into a beet red and immediately began chanting: "No! No! stop!" Pushing his brother away by the shoulder, he claimed “There’s _no way_ you’re doing that!" 

‘ _How can he even do something so embarrassing…?!'_

“Fine~.” The elder stated in a bored tone, taking in the other’s defensive posture. “Hang on then, I’ll get a wet clothe.”

“Why not pick the normal way to _begin_ _with_ , genius?” Killu called out from behind while Illumi disappeared into the bathroom. “Geez.” ‘ _He gets under my skin so much, so fast_.’ Why was that?

"Do you want me to—" The teen snatched the damp piece of clothe before the other could even finish his question. 

“I can do it!” Illumi shrugged and went on his way. ‘ _Well this was kinda embarrassing too…_ ’ “I’ll still need a shower….”

* * *

“Oh, are you going on a mission?” Kikyo asked when her eldest son walked into the living room all prepared.

“No just a small job. Though it might take at least twenty-four hours. By the way, have you seen Kiru?”

“Hm, should be in the latter rooms of the mansion. Did you need something?”

“No. Just wanted to say something before I left.” He responded before turning about. It didn’t take him long to spot the teen lounging on the couch on one of their backside walled-off balcony with a manga in his hand and a lollipop in his mouth.

“Mn? You’re still here?” Killua popped the thing out his mouth and looked up for a brief second.

“No, I’m leaving. I just wanted to _remind_ you _not_ to sneak out of the house for whatever reason. Recall you’re still a target.”

“Che.” The silverette rolled his eyes and stuffed the candy back in his mouth. ‘ _That’s what he came to say…’_ “I got it, I got it.” His eyes shifted back to the book until a long pale hand pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and caught his attention again. “Hey—”

“I mean it, Kiru.”

“Okay! And I heard you!” The younger pushed himself up.

“Good.” Illumi half smiled and quickly stole a peck from his lips before shoving the lollipop back in. “Well I’ll see you around then.” Kiru made a shooing motion behind his back. He decided to lay back down, soon receiving a text message on his phone with an unknown number.

_Gon: Hey killua its Gon_. Killua eyed the message.

_Me: Oh hey? Whas up with this number?_

_Gon: haha I just lost my phone for a bit, so Im using this._

_Me: oh…_

_Gon: hey u wanna hang out like last time?_ The teen thought about it.

_Me: Sounds harmless...but cant right now. I’m under house arrest with specific orders NOT to go out._

_Gon: ah that sucks. Well cant be helped then._

_End chat._

Somewhere in a dark room, a computer screen lit with a list of text. Oddly enough, a young silverette’s photo was right at the foot of that computer too.

“Looks like I’ve finally managed to collect all of this kiddo’s abilities. Aye, I still can’t tell what’s so special about this one. What was Silva thinking crowning him? He really thinks this kid will carry the Zoldyck name?” The voice then directed an inquiry to someone supposedly standing in the shadows. “How is the summoning working out? Have you called him out yet?”

"…first attempt failed." A low whisper from the back answered.

“Hah! Useless.” The leader snorted with mockery. “Oh well, its whatever. I think I have most of the info anyways. We'll just call him out for the final event then. Heh. Looking forward to it ~" Silence was the only response to that.

* * *

Killua had finished his little warm up, soaked in a nice long bath, had a huge meal and finally ran out of things to do. Hence, he considered texting Gon.

‘ _I wonder if he found his phone…should I text his old number or the new one...?’_ The assassin ended up opening up the old number.

_Me: Hey._

_Gon: hi?_

_Me: oh so u found yr phone?_

_Gon: huh? What do u mean?_

_Me: didn’t u say u lost it._

_Gon: um…I don’t think I ever remember saying anything like that._

_Me: hah? U just said it yesterday afternoon that u lost it._

_Gon: Killu…I think ur mistaken. I didn’t even talk to u yesterday. Hm…oh right, I was helping my aunt cook fish that afternoon._

Killua blinked. ‘ _What? But that was clearly…’_ He dragged out a long sigh _. ‘Some one was messing with him! Gon wouldn’t lie but why?’_

_‘Wanna hang out?’_

‘ _So, they wanted to bring him out! I can’t believe it—it was a damn trap. Man. This guy was gonna get it—whoever it was.’_ Without a second thought, he instantly called the number from yesterday but received no response. Tsk. Of course. ‘ _Should he tell Illumi about this?... or maybe later.'_ Perhaps he could have Milluki trace the number.

"Hey Milluki! I need a favor." The teen stormed into his elder brother’s room.

Milluki looked up from the lenses of his glasses. " _You_ need a favor? From _me_? Do you realize how much that’s going to cost you?”

The silverette scrunched his facial features. He had a point. As much as he wanted to trace the number, he didn’t know if it was worth being in debt to Milluki. After all, the guy hated him.

“Ugh, screw you.” Killua turned around with the same feet he walked in with.

The brunette smiled back at him. “You’re welcome.” The teen slammed the door close.

‘ _Geez, why was he like that?’_ It wouldn’t be easy asking Kalluto either, he already had an unspoken issue with him. One that always seemed to exist yet Killu never figured out what about. While he was deep in thought, he made way to the living room when a voice suddenly grabbed his attention.

"Kirrua!"

"Eh?" Killua swung his head around, not believing the voice he had just heard. It was Alluka! With her stood Tsubone and her niece. "A-Alluka?" The next thing he knew, he was pounced by the other girl.

“Hey! Did you miss me?!"

“You bet! Wow, you even got a little taller.” The teen gestured with his hand. Turning to Tsubone, “You guys look well too."

“Nice to see ya, as do you.” The old butler replied.

“So whats up?”

“We just came to say hi! Though I wanna stay over. But Tsubone won’t let me…” Alluka pouted at the last part.

“Why not?"

“She has a doctor’s appointment later today." Amane answered instead.

“Oh, pfft—well too bad. It’s okay Alluka, you can stay over any other time.” She finally loosened her hold over his neck and whipped her head around. "Is the mean older nii-san still here?"

It took Killua a moment to figure who exactly she was talking about because he could likely name three. "Oh, you mean Illumi-nii? He went out."

“Alright, it’s time we should get going. I hope you enjoyed the detour Alluka-sama. Come now. See you again Killua-chan.” Tsubone gently nudged the girl from behind. “Oh, and before I forget, congratulations on succeeding the position.”

The younger scoffed, not knowing how to truly respond to a congrats such as that. All of it never felt real, like a part of him never wanted to move on to the top seat of the Zoldycks. Was he gonna feel like this for the rest of his life? Bitter-successful? “Ja, thanks. See ya.”

* * *

The next morning was quiet and dead as one would expect at the tip of a high ranging mountain top. Killua’s window was open but an odd vibe was engulfing him from somewhere else. The teen was at the edge of waking up anyhow, so he slowly cracked his eyes open to see nothing but big black hollow circles. When Killua registered that in his head, he impulsively jerked back and sat up on his bed against the wall.

“What’s wrong with you? _Aniki_!?” The kid exclaimed. ‘ _Darn it why does this always happen to me? Huh, hang on…’_ “You’re not…”

“Hey.” An unexpected guest, Jess, greeted.

“Why are _you_ here?? And in my _room_?!”

“I let her in.” Kalluto answered from the doorway, surprising the teen. “Apparently, she wanted to talk to you but your sleepy head wasn’t up.”

“You…” Killua narrowed his eyes harmlessly. _'Don’t I have the right to sleep in my own home?'_

“Anyway, follow me.”

“Hah? I just woke up!”

“That’s fine.” She reached out and began dragging him by the hand. The other younger sibling simply returned to whatever was more interesting to him. Meanwhile, Illumi still wasn’t back and his parents were out attending a meeting. The girl brought Killu outside, past the Kukuroo Mountain gates until he finally broke free.

“Where the heck are we going?” The teen let out with haste.

“Oh…it was supposed to be a surprise.”

“I ain’t going if it’s a surprise.” He crossed his arms, tone frustrated with all this. “So, count me out, will ya?”

“Ok…we were going to hold a small party for you.”

“We?”

“Rebecca and myself, of course.”

“What for?” Wasn’t this getting interesting, now? Though the silverette could still do without the trouble.

“Nothing, just …a little celebration.” She averted her eyes for a brief second. “Come on, please… or else you know how my sister gets…”

“…ugh…fine!” The teen eventually gave up. The last thing he wanted to deal with was a nagging Rebecca.

* * *

“Really, this is it?” The said ‘party’ was literally a laid-back backyard grill and beer session with defeaning music. Right, and some fruit punch for the two minors in the house. However, the site was new to Kiru, it definitely wasn’t their manor and neither was it the girls’. _‘Rebecca must have rented the place or something.’_ The backyard was on higher ground, almost like a balcony of a castle and was huge.

“Heyo~ it’s Kiru! The man! How does it feel!” The redhead entered from the interior doors and wrapped an arm over his shoulders.

The teen shrugged a shoulder. “Like any other drink outside, thanks...?” It could’ve been his imagination, but she seemed more jovial than usual. Her eyes were upturned and brighter as if they were looking unwaveringly at their target and had grasped it. Frankly, it was giving him the creeps.

“Come on then, ‘av a drink~”

“A party?” Both were alarmed at the new voice that interjected from the distance. As they turned around, they saw the one and only Illumi step into scene from the outer end (from nowhere basically). 

“Aniki? –ack!” Realization immediately struck the teen upon seeing the other. ‘ _Crap—busted! I totally forgot he told me not to leave!_ ’

“Yo~ Illumi…! Well… what a surprise… this party was for Killua only, but then again, I suppose it wouldn’t be his party if you weren’t in it. Come have a drink~” The raven haired casually approached them, taking Rebecca up on her offer and passing his younger brother without a glance.

Killua looked back at him, whispering, “Um, hey…look, I didn’t sneak out or anything…”

The elder gazed down at him with a serious face, causing the silverette to swallow hard once. ‘ _He’s mad._ ’ “I know.” He mouthed at last with a short smirk that Kiru wasn’t anticipating. “I saw Jessie drag you out, right when I was coming back.”

“Oh. Right…”

“But Kiru, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be easily dragged like that.” His elder brother stated as a matter of fact and ruffled his hair once before grabbing a drink.

“Oh, would you look at that. It looks like my useless little sister forgot to bring out the ale. I'll go get it. You boys enjoy.” The redhead waved as she trotted back into the house. Meanwhile, Jess looked at her with a subtle scowl.

Clearly, that was a lie. _CRASH_. Once inside Rebecca smashed a bottle in her hand. _'What the fuck is he doing here? Dammit he has a serious problem.'_ She was absolutely furious.

“You look furious.” A voice that belonged to her younger sister, blurted. The redhead grimaced at the taunt, not thinking twice about smashing another bottle from the pile right at the other’s head. Jesse only stood on the spot speechless and wide eyed. She didn’t even notice the blood oozing across her face from the corner of her forehead until it dripped on to the floor.

“Like I need you to say that.” The elder vented and took a deep breath. “Anyhow, that felt better. Know your place sissie. Well, I’ll be going now, wouldn’t want to keep our guests waiting too long, after all the main event is about to happen. Wash up and come out too. You don’t want them to see you like that.” She uttered one last command.

The violet haired girl stood there face lowered, and expression covered by the shadows.

“I can do this. I can do anything.” Rebecca chanted to herself as she sneaked up from behind the boys and plastered her usual wide grin on her face. She wrapped her arms behind the elder tightly, trapping him. “Illumi~ dance with me!”

“…”

“Come on~ what’s a party without a dance? We should enjoy ourselves. Killu can dance with my sister.” She pointed out.

Killua turned his head and found Jess standing beside her, countenance unreadable. Somehow, she seemed tense. When she finally looked up, her eyes were full of guilt and despair. It was rendering the teen uneasy. "What’s your problem?" He posed when the two elders left. The violette slowly stepped closer to him, taking his hand in both of hers. “W-what?” ‘ _She doesn’t really think I’m gonna dance with her right?_ ’ He thought puzzled but then noticed that she was drawing something with her finger on the palm of his hand. “Huh…?” She was scribing something.

_‘It's a trap.’_


	30. Killua's the Target 3

_‘It’s a trap.’_

Killua scowled in confusion. _‘A trap? Which part? Wasn’t this a party for them? Well, if anything, his odds were better with Illumi here.’_ This was the one time he was grateful for Illumi being the stalker he was. In the meantime, he probably ought to play along. The silverette took the girl’s hand in his and walked them to the center of the yard, a couple feet away from Illumi and Rebecca. Jesse looked back at him with her guard raised, almost like she was expecting an attack anytime soon.

On the other hand, Rebecca had her arms tightly and securely wrapped around the raven haired from behind. “You just can’t help yerself— ” Illumi may have loosened his guard for a split second around her and that’s when he felt a sharp object pierce his back. He didn’t register the pain until he saw the tip of a shiny metal knife come out from the front of his chest. ‘ _when did she—?_ ’ He was truly impressed; it wasn’t everyday someone grazed him. “—can you?”

However, before the raven haired could utter a word he gagged on a warm liquid that filled his mouth until it poured out. Killua happened to turn his way and froze at the sight. It looked like a scene from a movie—fake and two-dimensional, except it wasn’t fake. His brain short circuited, it refused to process a thirteen-inch knife stabbed into Illumi and blood spilling from his mouth. In all honesty, he’d never even seen the color of the other’s blood. That sort of stuff just never happened—at least not to Illumi, he was invincible. So…so what the hell was his eyes showing him?

“Phew, that was a lot better than I thought. Now at least with the overly overprotective brother down, that makes my job a ton easier.” The truth was, even Rebecca was on edge ever since Illumi had showed up, and she was trying her hardest to keep her bloodlust hidden until she striked. “Geez Illumi I thought you were more resilient than that—but I’m not complaining!” The redhead hooted. “You were just an eyesore anyway.” She pulled the knife out, blood splattering all over and trailing off the metal blade. Illumi may have been physically damaged but his brain was wide awake and ready to attack, except his body won in this case and dropped him to his knees.

‘ _Seriously? Rebecca? Of all people_?’

Killua was finally beginning to accept the predicament before him and as if on impulse screamed out. “ANIKI!!”

His elder brother coughed up more blood, evident that he was having a hard time sitting up. _‘Shit what the hell was he just standing there for! He had to go over there—his brother had just been stabbed—Goddammit!_ ’ The teen cursed and ran towards him like his life depended on it.

“Huh? Pfffft. So, you two did have a loving brotherly relationship? Ridiculous, and here I thought it was always the older one acting desperate.” Killua’s blood boiled with rage as he glared at her. ‘ _He was going to kill her!’_ He thought with a tear caught in his eye, which he couldn’t decide whether it was from the fury or pain.

“Rebecca! Your dead!!” Then suddenly the teen’s eyes flashed to stone—cold as ice or even colder with nothing but a murderous intent. ‘ _How dare she_.’

The redhead only smiled. “Now.” Upon her command, a few prisoners leaped over the fence of the balcony, while two broke from the higher floors’ windows and landed in their party.

“Che. Try doing better than that.” Killua didn’t think twice before he maneuvered his fingers into one dagger and stabbed the first bulky man in front of him. Albeit, it didn’t go through. "Tsk—ouw!" The teen held his hand and flexed it back to normal. They were wearing metal underneath.

“Sorry, hun, already know that move.”

“Bitch!” ‘ _All this time…all this time, she had them believe she was after Illumi, all clingy and lovey, but in reality, she was interested in getting close to me—just to eliminate me. Fuck. There was a reason why he never opened up to people_.’ He was so angry.

The teen decided to fight the men one on one. At this point he didn’t need his nen, but he might soon. He finally exuded his nen but to a limited extent because he hadn’t recharged.

“Boring, get it done already. Do I have to do everything?” Killua charged straight at her, past the men. After all, he was only interested in fighting her.

Meanwhile Jesse quietly approached Illumi, who could only watch in despair. She held the elder up a bit and convinced him to take a pill. Illumi recognized it as a vasoconstrictor—no ordinary one though—it would constrict his venous system and immediately slow the bleeding down. That way at least he wasn’t going to die from blood loss. Though in truth, Illumi never imagined he would die, his expression was still rather calm. Jesse had also called for an ambulance while she was sneaking about.

Rebecca effortlessly dodged the first hit, however Killua was far from stopping, he would keep throwing punches like there was no tomorrow. The redhead finally stopped smiling, taking the younger a little more seriously now. In fact, she moved from defense to offense and swung her knives around too. Killua activated his nen more powerfully this time, he was at lightning speed and caught the other off guard. The silverette half smirked, he couldn’t have been happier to have refrained from using his nen on a daily basis. So far this was the only ability Rebecca wasn’t aware of. Now he could use it to his advantage. With his speed, he swiped the long knife away and before she could see what was coming, kicked her in the face, sending her back a hundred feet.

“Well, well, well, I’ll give your little brain some credit. You did a great job hiding that from me even after I thought I had observed all your powers.”

“Just stop talking.” The teen demanded, dashing forward with a punch, but the girl crossed her arms in front of her as a shield. “Or it doesn’t matter, ‘cause I’ll shut you up anyway.” His voice was still cold.

While the two were fighting and created a world of their own, the prisoners resolved to attacking Jesse and Illumi instead. Jesse didn’t waste time and decapitated both of their heads in one go. ‘ _When were the others going to come?_ ’

Rebecca and Killua were almost in par with each other, no one could set foot in their world anymore with all the amounts of nen floating around. There came a point where Killua knocked her down and aimed at her throat but being the skilled fighter Rebecca was, she kicked him away. The silverette leaped back at that and just as she was prepared to charge forward again, something struck her from behind. Killua was certain he had heard an electric buzzer. The girl collapsed on to the floor with a torn expression, instantly paralyzed.

“How’s that? A taste of your own medicine.” Jesse simply uttered from behind.

“Y-yoou…?! Are y-ou fuckin’ ou-ut of yo-uur mind?!” The redhead was barely able to carry out the motor movement of her mouth because even a bolt like that was beyond her level of tolerance. Killua’s shoulders relaxed a bit upon seeing that.

“Good fighting!” The teen heard a voice call out and turned to see Gon, Kurapika and Leorio holding down the rest of the men.

“G-guys?? How the hell?”

“I called them.” The violet haired answered. “I did hack your phone a while back. I may have read some messages here and there...”

“The freak?! Ah! Aniki!” The teen would deal with her later and ran to his brother. His face paled once again when he saw the other laying on the floor, eyes slightly ajar. “Aniki! How are you feeling? Hang in there, okay!”

“Huh, he was sitting up just a minute ago.” Leorio remarked.

“Did you call the ambulance??”

Jesse nodded. “They’re here.” The ambulance men came rushing and laid the older teen on a stretcher. While they took him into the van and injected multiple fluids including an oxygen mask to stabilize him, Killua and the rest of the gang jumped in as well. All excluding Jesse who claimed that she wanted to take care of the mess they created. “I’ll meet you in the hospital.”

Killua nodded and closed the ambulance car door. ‘ _Shit…suddenly the situation was dawning over him now._ Not _just the fact that Illumi was injured—which was in itself new —but the fact that he might actually die.._.’

 _‘All this time he spent hating his brother, bitter with him, playing with his feelings, there was even a time he thought he wouldn’t care if Illumi was to disappear—especially after all the dangerous stunts the other had pulled.’_ But in this moment, he came to a huge realization. All those feelings were dissipating and even after all that, he would never wish death on his brother. Sure, Illumi wasn’t perfect—

“ _Kiru, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be easily dragged like that_.” — but he _was_ insightful.

* * *

Jesse stopped by the hospital and found the gang in the waiting space right outside the surgery room. “How is he…?”

“Still in surgery.” Gon responded for Killua, who stood immovable against the window frame of the operating room while the others sat on the bench.

“I see.” She said, eyes on Killua until she walked up to him. “I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

“Shut up!” The teen shouted without facing her, startling the others. “Forgiving you isn’t gonna bring my brother back!” _‘Dammit why was he always in this pathetic, helpless position. Just like when Gon nearly died…_ ’

Leorio and Kurapika glanced at each other, amazed to see Killua respond like this towards Illumi. Blood is still blood, isn’t it?

“Right. Of course, it won’t.” Jesse took a step back. “I’m still sorry. And sorry for stealing your phone that time.” She was referring to the time Killua couldn’t locate his beatle but happened to find it in his room. ‘ _Maybe now wasn’t the time.’_ She thought. ‘ _Damn her sister. From the beginning that one only wanted destruction. Normally, people would take one look at her and misjudge her for being cold, lifeless and evil. When in reality her sister, the one always smiling away beside them was the evil one_.’ The violet haired silently stood against the wall.

* * *

“Okay this isn’t working. How about I get some coffee?” Leorio finally stood up from the hospital bench. “Killua, come with me, a walk is what you need—besides you can’t see anything from a blinded window anyway.” 

“Don’t tell me what I need.” Kiru snarled.

“I tried. Is simple coffee good for everyone?” Gon nodded. “You wanna come instead, little girl?”

Jesse obliged and followed him out. 

Leo came back quick and held a tray of four, while Jesse was already sipping on her iced coffee as she tailed behind him. Gon picked out a regular coffee and noticed one lone latte on their tray. “Thanks. Huh? Did you get the latte for yourself?”

“Hn? No, that’s for Kurapika.” Leorio aimed the tray in front of the blond who smiled and took the latte.

“Thanks.”

“Oh.” Gon mouthed. He didn't recall Kurapika saying he wanted a latte.

In the end, Leorio took the tray to Killua who shook his head and muttered a, “Not in the mood.”

“Kirua…” Gon let out in concern.

“Maybe later.”

Leorio sighed. “Whatever you say.”

* * *

Leorio cracked an eye open _. ‘Uh, he must have fallen asleep_.’ That’s when he realized his phone was buzzing in his pocket which must have been the reason he woke up. He glanced at the time. It had been ten hours since they came to the hospital. While he was at it, he also noticed a message on his screen from his workplace, asking if he could come to the hospital and lend a hand. ‘ _Well he could…’_ He glanced around and recognized that Gon had fallen asleep too, Jessie was missing and Killua was sitting on the other corner of the bench, staring into space. Finally, he noted Kurapika was sleeping beside him while leaning on his arm. He scoffed before tapping his blond lover’s shoulder.

“Hm?” The blond teen straightened himself and rubbed an eye.

“Sorry to wake you but I have to leave.”

“Huh? Where?”

“Looks like the staff needs another hand.”

“Oh,” Kurapika let out, stealing a glance at the clock in the hall. 12 AM. “Right _now_?”

“Apparently, must be busy tonight.” The older brunette stood up and stretched. “Gon’s still asleep, hey Killua! I have to leave now but hang in there, yeah.” He called out from where he was standing. “Don’t forget this is your psycho brother we're talking about—even death couldn’t kill him. You know he's as resistant to death as Hisoka is.” With that he went over and landed a hand on the younger teen’s shoulder. “Update me if anything happens, okay? I’ll come back as soon as my shift ends.”

Killua didn’t respond with anything but was listening and appreciated it. The brunette walked back to Kurapika. “Are you staying, or do you want me to drop you off?”

“Mh, I think I’ll stay.” The blond decided. “I’ll see you after your shift ends then.”

Leorio nodded and patted his arm before leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets just take a minute to breathe. Whoa, okay, what just happened. Well…it’s a little nice to see Killua so concerned for a change…right? Lol, okay sorry if this felt a little OOC that Illumi got injured becoz he is invincible and all but hey, no one can escape death, right? Not that I’m saying he will, but Rebecca’s also from an equivalent super powerful assassin family so an injury from her could be a thing. All prayers to Illumi, though I trust him, I don’t think he needs it—prayers for Killua instead XD, he really needs it.


	31. Illumi's Back

Killua hadn’t slept a wink, while the rest of his team was snoozing away. The time was 1 AM.

‘ _How much longer were they going to take?_ ’ As if on cue, a surgeon stepped out of the room and the silverette was the first to hop from the bench to approach him. “So?! How is he?!” The teen’s voice was filled with urgency. His attempt to ask a simple inquiry ended up waking up the others as well.

“You are Killua Zoldyck, the patient’s brother, am I correct?”

“Yeah!”

“Very fortunately we were able to restrict the bleeding and stich him up. The wound has been stabilized but the fact that it was a serious injury—in other words, the knife had been stabbed through his chest and this pierced one of his lungs, causing fluid to leak into the pleura, which is an envelope outside the lungs.”

“So, what does that mean?” Killua interjected before he could finish explaining.

“Normally we don’t want any kind of liquid or air in the pleura since it can compress the lungs and impede air flow. The surgeons inside are performing the thoracentesis as we speak which will remove the excess fluid. However, we’d like to give your brother time to fully heal. Therefore, we are deciding to put him in a medically-induced coma for 72 hours.”

“A coma?”

“That’s right. It will quicken his recovery and prevent any brain damage while we monitor his vitals and administer IV medications.”

“Che. I get it...” Killua backed down a notch. _'Well it’s fine…as long as he’s still alive and out of danger._ ’

“Thank you.” Gon added what the other forgot. The doctor nodded and walked back into the operating room to see how the surgery was going. The spiky haired teen patted the silverette’s shoulder once in consolation.

“That’s good news, right Killua? Illumi will be up and about in 3 days. I’ll text Leorio, though he’ll probably still be working.” Kurapika took out his phone.

“Yeah… haaah…” The assassin heaved a long loud sigh and could fall backwards from the emotional stress, but somehow held himself together. “Dammit, Illumi…” ‘ _He was so much trouble, always_.’ The teen couldn’t tell which of them was the older one, sometimes. Illumi was always demanding his attention, always causing trouble for him, always stressing him out and then getting back at him like this.

* * *

Killua sat on his house roof top, forced out of the hospital but with no where to go. Imagining two days, spent sitting like this almost felt dreadful and forever. But he didn’t have anything else to do. Gon was visiting his dad, while Kurapika and Leorio had other plans and per usual there was nothing too exciting going on at his house. At least while he was here all alone, he had time to think and he picked up on a common theme. He was always bored if Illumi wasn’t around. Whether it was bickering, loving, or training, the other always made his days go by.

**Flashbacks**

_“I won’t always be there to watch you Kiru." Illumi softly reasoned. Killua had his head low, eyes pointed to the ground and slowly surrendering to the other's argument. "So, am I off the hook?"_

_"Just this one time." The kid averted his eyes, embarrassed to admit._

_"Kiru is so cute."_

_"Be quiet!" The younger ended up exclaiming, a faint blush washing over his cheeks._

_"Eh? Where did you learn such naughty words?"_

_"S-sorry, I didn’t mean to...I was just..."_

_"It doesn’t matter now." Illumi barely said and wrapped the kid into a tight embrace. "Welcome back." Yes, this gesture elicited such a calming sensation, he didn’t realize how empty he felt this past year without it._

_"I'm home." Kiru appreciated the warm feeling he was receiving. "By the way, your hair's a lot longer now." Killua commented._

_"So are yours." Illumi petted the overgrown white fluff of hair on the small head._

* * *

_“It’s fine Kiru, I won’t let anything get in your way or cause you harm, trust me.” Illumi arrogantly promised, not a single word wavering on his tongue._

* * *

_“You can take as long as you want, it’s not like I’m going to miss you or anything.” He partially lied. The kid himself didn’t understand why he was particularly acting spoiled._

_“…” Illumi didn’t have an immediate comeback to those supposedly harsh words. “Kiru.” The silverette waited for the elder to continue, eyes averted to another side as they stepped closer and closer to the main gates. “Kiru...” The raven haired uttered again._

_“What?” Irritated, Killua whipped himself in Illumi’s direction but was caught off guard by a pair of lips on him. The elder bent all the way down to sandwich the kid’s head in his palms and kissed him. The younger lost the control to close his eyes even once during that time, not sure how to react or even the reason behind doing such a thing at a random time like this._

_“But I’m going to miss you.” Illumi reassured as he parted away a few inches, eyelids downturned to a fraction._

_“…I don’t get you at all…” Kiru murmured as he averted his face, hiding a faint blush while the elder stood straight again._

* * *

_“of course my cutest brother is important to me more than anything…”_

**End of Flashbacks**

It may have been a little late, but he realized how much he actually _loved_ his elder brother. He was his family after all. Perhaps even more than that—their relationship was far from normal. It all beginning to make sense. The time he felt jealousy towards Hisoka…

Even during all the times he wanted to get away, he found that Illumi was always there. He had been the only person in his life—for as long as he could remember—that he spent the most time with—if not all his time. In honesty, it was as if there was no life without Illumi; the teen wouldn’t know what to do the next day. Illumi had engraved such a deep presence in his life that everything revolved around their relationship. Gon and the others felt so recent suddenly when he recalled the old times. Moreover, they were just his friends, he couldn’t live with them forever—and he wasn’t interested in anyone else. No one felt worth it.

* * *

Killua walked down the hospital hall towards Illumi’s room the third day with a bag of fresh clothing when he heard commotion coming from the same direction. ‘ _Huh?_ ’

“Mr. Illumi! Please hold still, you’re still connected to all the IV needles—that’s very dangerous! You are in no shape to be standing up like this—”

“Sigh. If you don’t clear my path, I won’t have a choice but to kill you all.” The elder was still dressed in hospital robes but managed to pull out a few pins oozing nen. The head doctor faltered back as well as the two who were attempting to restrain the other. In the spur of the moment, the room door swung open and a silver haired teen stood at the frame.

“Kiru…” Illumi shunned the rest of the world out and took slow strides forward.

“Aniki, wh—umff” the teen was tackled by the other, who embraced him in a bear hug. The younger’s heart skipped a beat as he stood shocked. He gradually raised his hands and placed them on the other’s back.

**Ten minutes later:**

“O-okay already! _Let go_ —!” The teen was going to pass out from the lack of air if the other’s hug lasted any longer. “Geez!” Yes, the silverette was ecstatic to see his brother but this was going too far.

* * *

“As I was saying earlier, it is very important for you to rest for the next week. I would like you to schedule a follow up appointment in a week.”

Killua could barely focus on what the doctor was saying, past his embarrassment. Why, you ask? What more than embarrassment could he feel being a grown fourteen-year-old teenager sitting in his elder brother’s lap in the presence of two doctors in the room. Meanwhile, nothing fazed Illumi as he stared at the doctor.

Illumi nodded in understanding and patiently waited for the doctors to exit the room to prepare his discharge papers.

“You have no shame.” The silverette murmured.

“I don’t care.” Illumi squeezed the other from behind before ultimately swinging him around in his lap so the teen was facing him. Killua was shook as he stared into the other’s hollow orbs. “I never believed in death for a second, but do you know what I was thinking the entire time?” Killua curiously listened, with no guesses. “I thought that I couldn’t possibly die before having Kiru.”

The silverette blushed. He was amazed at himself that he didn’t slap the elder then and there—which was saying something. “W-What nonsense… is that really what you were thinking about while lying on your death bed…?”

“You bet.” The answer was too solid that it was annoying.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Kiru, I missed you to death…” Illumi dug his face in the small pale neck of the other. Killua sucked a sharp breath in. Dammit, his stomach was acting up, doing flips and whatnot. It was weird but he felt…nervous. The younger could hardly answer to that before Illumi smacked his lips on to his. Illumi didn’t hesitate or waste time in probing his tongue in and tasting the other’s insides. Killua flinched, the other’s mouth tasted dry and bland like the hospital around them. “Mhnn…ha—m” Illumi wasn’t cutting him any slack. He wasn’t joking when he said he wanted it badly.

Killua twitched again when the flesh on his back felt a cool hand trail in and upward, lifting his shirt. “Uh—mh-wait, aniki?? Are you nuts?” He swung his face away, and gently shoved the other away.

“Why?” Illumi negligibly frowned.

“What do you mean why?? We’re in a freakin’ hospital and you’re still recoverin—”

“I’ve recovered.”

“ _No_. You _haven’t_. You only feel that way ‘cause you were in a damn coma for three days.”

“Is Kiru hurt?”

“No, I’m not—”

“Then, I’ll check.”

“Wha—uwa—” the teen yelped as Illumi flopped his back on the bed and pulled his shirt all the way up with both his hands. He saw diffuse blue bruises here and there that were close to healing. The elder kissed each and every one of them before Killua couldn’t stand anymore without getting excited.

The younger shoved him back with his foot this time. “S-stop it already… can we please just get out of here first??”

“…” Illumi gave it a thought. “Alright.”

“…” Even though, his elder brother admitted that, he had yet to release the teen from his iron grip of a hug. Killua let out a dreadful sigh. Yup, his brother was back. ‘ _Welcome back, aniki.’_

* * *

Illumi entered his father’s chambers and Killua followed suite. He personally couldn’t understand why the raven haired couldn’t wait some other time to request a meeting with their dad.

“Ah, Illumi, good to see you’re doing well.” Silva looked up from his big chair and smirked. “Killua’s here too.”

“Hey dad.”

“It was nothing.” Illumi claimed standing up straight. Firstly, Illumi elaborated on all the significant events that had occurred.

“The Bauers’?” Silva repeated with astonishment.

“That’s correct, it seems their target was Killua all along. However, I’m uncertain if that was the entire family’s intention.” Illumi explained. “We only ever saw Rebecca executing this.”

“Jesse was involved but switched sides last minute and actually helped us out big time.”

“I see…” Silva gave it some thought. “Either way, this is no different than a declaration of war—whether the Heads were involved or not. Unless, that is, they come seeking an apology from us and take responsibility for their actions.”

“Right—”

“Okay! Glad that’s resolved then—dad, I’ll come back if you want to discuss things further, but the doctors told this guy to take it easy. So, if you’ll excuse us—” Killua interjected and pushed Illumi from behind.

“Kiru, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, yeah, why don’t you just listen to someone else for once.” The younger led the other out the door. Their dad stifled an obvious chuckle.

“Very well then, we’ll talk about the restrictions later.” Was the last thing their dad said.

‘ _Restrictions? On who? You don’t think…on me?_ ’ Kiru couldn’t help but muse. 

“Since when did Kiru embrace acting normal? Surely, you can’t treat me like a normal injured patient.” Illumi’s words cut off his thought bubble.

“So, why can’t I? You almost died, should I remind you. So, I don’t care what you say, but you’re going to stay put, okay?” Illumi didn’t respond. “Hey, I said, do you understand? Do I have your word? Aniki?”

‘ _Ah, Kiru was a teenager, but he was acting too irresistible_.’ “Yes…” The word left the elder’s mouth on its own when he saw the other’s adorable pout.

“Hmp, good. Now don’t go back on it. Alright, we’re at your room. Sit on the bed and I’ll tell the butlers to fix you something.”

“But I’m not hungry.”

“It’ll just be a small meal then— _geez_. Everything’s so complicated when it’s with you.” The silverette huffed and turned towards the stairs. On the other hand, it seemed Illumi didn’t have much of a choice. He didn’t have any missions or work piled up either.

* * *

“Hey, I can’t find your meds—” Killua opened Illumi’s door to find Kalluto sitting with a chair pulled up against the bed and Illumi crossed legs on the bed. “Ah.”

“I’ve already given them to him.” Their youngest brother answered.

“Oh, right, okay.” The teen awkwardly stood there. He was debating to leave or join them, but Kalluto, that one, always felt unwelcoming.

“Killua-nii, either step out or come in. You’re standing in the doorway and all the bright light’s coming in.” Kalluto snapped.

Killua frowned. “I’ll come back later then.” He was right, Kalluto had some sort of problem with him. It was almost always present—even if they hardly ever exchanged any dialogues between them. Question was: what?

* * *

Killua knocked and poked his head into his aniki’s room.

“Kiru,” Illumi was by himself, with his needles spread out on the bed.

“So that kid’s gone?” The younger casually entered, keeping the door slightly ajar to allow some light in. “What’s wrong with his attitude all the time?”

“Who, Kalluto? He’s a good kid.” The ravenette claimed, sliding his needles into one pile and off the bed.

“Hn, to you maybe…” The silverette crossed his arms before glancing at the drawn curtains. “It’s so dark in here, why not just draw the curtains back…” He stepped towards the window, but an arm caught his waist and pulled him across the elder’s lap, seating him sideways. “ _Hey_.”

“Leave them. Aren’t you here to nurse me?” Illumi nuzzled into the other’s neck.

“I thought you said you were a hundred percent healed.” Killua squirmed as he felt ticklish.

“Yes, but I obeyed Kiru this time and _stayed put_. Don’t I get a reward?”

“Like what…” Illumi only stared back at him, eyes saying ‘you already know the answer.’ Killua held his breath and resorted to cupping the other’s face with his small hands. He stretched his neck and pecked the elder’s forehead. “Happy?” The teen fought a blush. The ravenette blinked once, then twice before he faced away, trembling. ‘ _Kiru is soo cute(!!)_ ’ “ _What_?!”

“Kiru, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know what you were thinking, and that’s not happening.”

“Too bad.” Illumi didn’t sound remorseful at all. He would just take it by force in the end anyway. That said, the elder swiped his younger brother’s chin towards him and snatched his lips. Killua was startled at first but ultimately closed his eyes and allowed his brother to suck and nibble on his upper lip. Illumi’s tongue knocked on his teeth demanding an entrance which the teen couldn’t resist much longer. He gasped as Illumi’s tongue smothered the insides of his mouth, from his palate to his jaws, under and over his tongue and back at his lips.

The sileverette gawked for air as he couldn’t stop the saliva from pouring out of his mouth. His? Maybe it was Illumi’s? He had no idea. Killua forcefully swallowed the excess as he gripped the clothing on the other’s shoulders. “Amhn…” His tongue followed the movements of the elder’s and felt it graze past the molars of the other’s mouth multiple times. ‘ _He was getting better at this. But that wasn’t what was bothering him. It was the fact that it felt so good.’_ He didn’t understand. They had kissed multiple times but what was different about this one? They both wanted it, but the underlying emotions were different as well… The teen couldn’t pinpoint what exactly, but he knew in his heart this moment felt much more special, and almost made their souls connect in a way he couldn’t describe.

Killua broke away as he panted for air. He didn’t want to break away and neither did his brother, as the elder pulled him back, licking his lower lip. “Humh—nn—an-aniki—wai—n”

_Knock. Knock._

The silverette felt the world around him freeze. He panicked for a split second as he unconsciously hid half of his face in the other’s shoulder.

“Illumi-sama, Kikyo-sama sent these flowers for you.” One of the butlers opened the door and nonchalantly stated.

“Give her my thanks. You can leave them outside the door. I don’t like plants in my room.”

“Yes sir,” The butler obliged and left just like that.

“Hm…” Illumi appeared to be in thought. The younger stared at him with curiosity. “It seems we need a place without distractions.”

“Hah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The theory is that Kalluto wants Killua’s attention (in the anime/manga), but here and to me it makes more sense if he wants Illumi’s attention. Illumi does seem like someone Kallu could look up to, they’re also similar in many ways. Anyway, that’s for another time but yay, Illumi’s back—missed you bro~ (for half a chapter haha). Some improvement here, Killua’s finally more or less recognized his feelings too…


	32. HBD Killua

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killua's birthday is July 7th.

“Hm, what else does a recovering person need...?” Killua was rummaging through the fridge and pre-made meals for something that might be beneficial to his older brother. 

“What are you looking for?” A calm even voice inquired from behind.

“I don’t know... something nutritious maybe…?” The silverette subconsciously processed the voice in his head and stopped for a moment to turn around. “Huh? What are _you_ doing here?” The teen didn’t sound too pleased when he saw it was Illumi himself.

“This is the kitchen Kiru.”

“I know _that_ , but why are you out of bed??”

The elder gave him a disappointed look. “Kiru, I told you already, I don’t need recovering. I'm not like your friends.”

“I can see that.” Killua was well aware Illumi didn’t need to be treated like a normal injured patient but he was enjoying acting like the adult instead and taking care of his brother. It wasn’t everyday he had an opportunity like that—to act like a normal family. “ _Fine_... Then just listen to me for one more day.” ‘ _But then again, his brother wasn’t one to take commands and peacefully stay put._ ’

“...are you scheming something?”

“I'm not you.” The younger deadpanned.

“Fair enough. Alright brother Kiru what do I do then?” Illumi surprisingly obliged.

‘ _Whoa he’s seriously going to listen?’_ “Back to your room them.” Killua suddenly felt high and mighty.

“What am I, grounded? I've grown tired of sitting there for 29 hours now. Let's go to Kiru’s room.”

“Okay, okay. Just find a bed anywhere. I'll bring some water and fruits.”

The raven haired wanted to make another sour face but stifled himself. Except for the fact that his expression remained stone cold which gave it away anyway. Killua was indeed enjoying this. While the other left, he gathered the food and went upstairs.

Opening the door to his room, he found Illumi sitting cross-legged on his bed, flipping through a comic. “I brought it—what are you reading?”

“I just found it on the floor. Hmp, Kiru can be such a child sometimes.”

The teen felt slightly offended by that. “Anyone can read books—don’t judge just because you don’t.” He sulked as he set the tray down. “What did you even do in your teens?” The question flowed out automatically in all curiosity.

“Kill people?”

“...” ‘ _Who was he kidding?_ ’ Killua regretted asking. “...that's it?”

“Mh...pretty much? Or strategize ways to incorporate nen in my battles. Or train you when I returned, I guess.”

“Geez, but didn’t you ever fool around, even once?”

“Those kinds of thoughts never occurred to me—so no. I was also the heir before you came along.” Illumi briefly explained.

‘ _And the eldest, not to mention.’_ The younger finished the thought. And here he thought his life was boring. “Then, want me to introduce you to some heroes?” The silverette energetically jumped on to the bed right in front of the other. Illumi made a puzzled look causing Killua to take the comic from his hands and skipped back to page 1. He got comfortable and began pointing and elaborating each character and their story line. Meanwhile, Illumi quietly listened and studied every feature of Kiru’s face as it stretched and turned.

* * *

“So, with his ability he has to destroy the twenty layers of rock…” The teen continued to explain while Illumi rested his chin on the other’s shoulder staring down at whereever he was pointing, his own hands locked on the teen’s stomach.

It almost felt like their positions were reversed. In the past, Illumi would be the one telling stories about his missions while Kiru starry-eyed listened.

“Wow Kiru, it's no wonder you can’t pay attention during training. Your mind is completely occupied by fiction.” The elder finally let out.

“Hey, that’s not why—I just told you all of this, don’t you find it the least bit cool?”

“Mh...” Illumi had the ability to kill a number of things but he didn’t have the heart to kill the teen’s enthusiasm. “Whatever Kiru says.” He ended with that. “Let's talk about something else. For instance, am I healed now?”

The silverette surrendered. “... fine, you are.” He huffed and sank his back a little further into the elder.

“Then is about time to do _this_ —?” Illumi impulsively dug his hands into the younger’s shirt all the way up to his warm chest. Killua shuddered at the cold invading hands and leaned forward in opposition.

“No— _hey_ —” The boy resisted. The raven-haired bended forward after him, following the contour of the other’s body. “ _Stop_! That tickles!” Since it was practically impossible for Illumi to grope anything in their current position, he resorted to tickling the other instead—which was equally satisfying to watch Kiru laugh like an innocent child again. That expression took him back to the old days. “Aniki! Aniki! S-st~op it…!”

His elder brother side smiled and secretly kissed the other’s nape. “Make me~” He played.

“Yeah right!”

“I'll stop if you kiss me.”

“No!”

“Fine then.”

“Get your hands out!”

“Then say I'm the best.”

“You’re the worst!” Illumi’s eyebrow twitched and his hands caught sight of a nipple which he intentionally pinched. 

“He-hey—where are you _touching_?” The younger’s voice broke. That’s when the elder partly twisted it in his fingers.

“Ah!” The teen twitched. “Illu-nii! Okay, okay—un—you’re the best!”

“Am I now?” The raven haired leaned into the other’s ear.

“Yes—as weird as you are! Now _stop_ already!”

Illumi eventually gave in, releasing his hands. “Very well~. I'll let you go just this time.” Killua fell forward on the bed.

“Oh yeah, how generous of you. Ow...”

“Do I hear sarcasm?” His elder brother pulled both his cheeks.

“Ow no—” Illumi was a handful.

* * *

“Happy Birthday Killu!” His mom screamed at him first thing in the morning.

“My ears…” Killua was wide awake now. To think, coming to the kitchen for a glass of water would have been so dangerous…

“My baby’s fifteen years old!”

“Okay I get it already. What’s so special about being fifteen anyway? It’s only half of thirty.” The teen uttered under his breath when his mom walked away. 

Illumi stood near the stairs and shrugged a shoulder. “I think it’s cool. I met Kiru when I was fifteen.” Killua’s brain short-circuited for a split second before he found a slight blush creeping over his cheeks.

 _“Hah? So what? What’s so great about that?” The younger averted his eyes_ —was the reaction Illumi was expecting but blinked in surprise when a hand silently pinched his sleeve instead. He glanced down to see his younger brother’s hand right above the clothing of his wrist and head low.

“S-so...”

The elder grabbed the hand and brought it to his lips. “Kiru is so adorable.”

“O-okay, don’t say it out loud.” Illumi held back a smirk.

“So, what will the birthday boy be wearing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mother arranged a party for you.”

“What?! No way!”

“Hm? I thought you’d be ecstatic about the idea...”

“Psh, not after all the awesome parties we’ve had so far. I have no more trust anymore.” Killua crossed his arms against his chest. He was beginning to get a little traumatized from the idea of parties now. 

“Don’t worry, it’ll only be a small in-house party.”

“...Who’s coming?”

“...Would you like to invite your old teammates?”

“You mean Gon and the others? Hell yeah!” The silverette perked up and took out his device to shoot the others a text.

* * *

“Just as a reminder Killua, you are not to leave this house until the matter with the Bauer’s is settled.” Silva reminded.

Killua huffed a breath. ‘ _Right, that._ ’

“Don’t worry, Mr. Zoldyk! We’ll look after him!” Gon cheerfully volunteered. 

“Geez I don’t need that.” The teen rolled his eyes. He turned his head away in search for anything more interesting than this. His eyes widened when he saw a red-haired joker, who caught his stare and began approaching him.

“What’s he doing here this time?!” Killua insolently pointed out.

“Don’t worry I come bearing gifts.” Hisoka raised a hand, while his other hand held a glass of wine.

“Don’t tell me Illumi invited you again??”

“No, this time I came on my own accord.”

“…how do you know it was my birthday...?” The younger gave him a skeptical look. Hisoka simply continued to grin. “Unfortunately for you, Illumi talks about noting but his beloved baby brother non-stop.”

“Urk…” The teen faltered. He immediately rotated his body towards Illumi who was a couple feet away from him. “Thanks a lot!” He sarcastically yelled out. His elder brother only passed him a puzzled look.

“But still, aren’t I too old to be having a party? This is pretty boring.” Killua walked back to Gon who had shifted his position. 

“You can never be too old to have parties!”

“Very helpful Gon.”

“Come on don't you love all the deserts, why are you holding back suddenly?” The brunette showed the small bag of chocolates he had picked up from one of the tables.

“Ahem, who said I was holding back, I'm saving them for later and trying to hold my title—m” The young assassin was abruptly cut off when a handful of frosting was whipped across his cheek. Killua gasped, as well as some of the maids who saw that. 

When the brunette remembered they were at Kilua’s house, he instantly felt bashful. “Oops.” 

“You cheeky little brat— _fine_ no holding back now. You asked for this—!” Killua didn’t act any different and in fact gave up on holding up his image. The silverette got a hand full of cake and raised his arm to launch it but a larger hand trapped his wrist.

“No Kiru, act appropriately.” The teen looked up to see his older brother. “You’re the face of the Zoldyks now.” He gently reminded, but was glaring coldly towards Gon, from what the brunette could tell.

“Hah, fine~” The younger gave in with a pout.

“You've ruined your hands now, come with me.” The raven haired dragged the other to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. “Ah, you’ve ruined your face too.”

“It's just a bit of cake...” Illumi lifted the teen’s chin up and licked his cheek. Killua more or less saw that coming but was still a bit dazzled by the gesture. He stood still while the other licked his cheek, feeling a sense of deja-vu overcome him. ‘ _Wow, had it really been eleven years already?_ ’

“H-hey its fine, I'll just wash it.” The fluttering feeling in his stomach was returning and mixing with pleasant notions from the past. 

“Takes you back doesn't it?” Killua wasn’t expecting the elder to recollect the same memory. “Though I don't have to kneel on the floor anymore.” The younger internally blushed. Illumi took the other’s hand in his and licked that off as well. When he was finished, his expression looked troubled and unsatisfied. “Too sweet...blood was probably better...”

“You’re the one who volunteered.” Killua deadpanned.

Illumi stared at him in thought. “There is a way to neutralize it.”

“Eh?” With that he watched the elder arch forward as he automatically bent backward hitting the basin, the other’s lips landing on his. Illumi instinctively placed a hand on the younger’s lower back as he stuck his tongue inside, both of them feeling the remnant greasy texture of the frosting. “Mh...nh...”

**Extra** :

Happy Birthday Killua~ ^^ (What they look like in current time, according to me):

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Image can be found at: https://www.deviantart.com/zerocooldemon/art/Killumi-809538236


	33. HBD Killua 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself for some—ahem—intimacy. Remember, incest, wanna back out? Now’s the chance.

Killua wasn’t allowed to break away from the kiss until he was practically out of oxygen. As the younger panted with a string of saliva, Illumi had his forehead glued to the other’s.

The ravenette’s breathing was also a bit out of sync while he stared down at the teen and commented, “Too cute...”

Resolving those words, Killua pushed the elder away. ‘ _Now he was suddenly annoyed_.’ “Stop treating me like a kid already—don’t you think that’s enough. I turn fifteen today!” 

Illumi wasn’t anticipating that and stared at him with his usual expressionless face. That’s when he abruptly yanked the teen’s face up, straight towards him. “...Do you want me to treat you like an adult?”

‘ _What the...he scared me for a sec there...’_ “What kinda question is that, of course I do...”

“...You won’t regret it?”

“No...?”

The elder smiled ever so slightly. “Alright, then wait for me after the party.” He pecked the teen’s spiky head and opened the bathroom door.

“Eh?” Killua only felt the spot he kissed with a hidden blush, while wondering what on earth the other was up to.

* * *

One moment the teen was saying goodbye to his friends and the next moment he was being led by his elder brother into a five-star hotel. Illumi dragged him all the way to their ‘booked’ room and didn’t release his hand until the very moment they entered. 

“Uh, what’s going on again—eh!” Kiru found himself being hoisted by Illumi himself and gently thrown on the large master bed, hovering over him with his hair raining down like a silky black curtain.

“This is the only place we won’t be disturbed.” Illumi was already positioned in between his legs, leaning most of his weight on the bed, with his face at Killua’s chest level.

It took the silverette a split second to put two and two together until he finally did. ‘ _Ah_.’ “Wa-wait…” The teen couldn’t help but blush at the realization. ‘ _Crap, he needed time to be mentally ready—Illumi_ _can’t just throw a ball like that_.’ Illumi kissed the back of his hand, before his lips moved to his knuckles and then his fingers. The younger shuddered at the affection. “Is this really okay...?”

“Why not? I’ve been waiting forever for this. I want Kiru.” The elder placed a chaste kiss on his younger brother’s palm now.

“I-I know that…but I mean…we’re…still brothers…”

“So?”

“ _Sigh_.”

“I love Kiru. Does Kiru love me?”

“…yeah, I do…but...”

“Then that’s all that matters. Well—” Illumi looked up into space while he formulated the rest of that sentence. “—even if Kiru didn’t love me, I’d still do this eventually.”

“Hey! Be a little more respectful here!”

“My apologies.”

‘ _Geez his older brother sometimes. Well, whatever, his family wasn’t the most normal to begin with. And apparently, he wasn’t much either if his mind could even think for a second that this was okay—to do such a thing with his older brother_... _but then again, he really wouldn’t want this with anyone else.._.’

“Kiru,” Illumi grasped the other’s attention fully as he kissed his ear. “Don’t think. Just look at me.” The elder continued to plant kisses down his cheek all the way to his chin.

“O-okay...then what do you want me to do...?” Killua surrendered to the all the gentle kisses.

“Nothing. Let me worship Kiru today.”

“Eh...mh—” The teen thought that was a weird way of putting it but didn’t resist the kisses on his neck. “Ah! Ow...” He flinched when the other bit him but instantly licked the area down. Illumi removed the teen’s vest, unbuttoned his white dress shirt and removed his pants all in one go, tossing everything aside. Killua inevitably turned a shade darker being fully exposed like that but that didn’t seem to bother Illumi as he licked the younger’s chest. “Ah, wait, I think I was sweating...”

“It’s okay, I’ll take anything from Kiru.”

“Really you...”

The raven haired then nibbled on one of the teen’s small nipples. It was rather too small to be sucked on, but he let his tongue flick it and play with it. Killua clenched his jaw. ‘ _Crap...if he keeps doing stuff like that then...I won’t be able to hide it...’_ the teen attempted to squeeze his thighs together to hide his growing erection. 

“Hn? What’s wrong Kiru...” The elder posed until he saw what Kiru was trying so desperately to hide. Illumi scoffed. “No need to be embarrassed Kiru. It’s beautiful.” He automatically lay off the younger’s chest and sat up, pulling the other’s legs apart and lifting them higher so everything was in view. “With this, I’ve seen everything now, haven’t I? Kiru is so adorable.”

Killua couldn’t even understand what expression to make anymore, and so he resorted to covering his face with his hands instead. “St-stop—what nonsense are you—ughhh!” He would _never_ be this embarrassed in his life. A part of him still wondered how he let Illumi get away with all this. The raven haired held the other’s waist up as he took Killua’s length in his mouth, licking and sucking on it. The back of the silverette’s head buried itself deeper into the soft pillows as he was extremely sensitive to every action Illumi’s tongue carried out. “Ahn...oh—an-aniki...ha!”

The elder didn’t stop until Kiru became restless and practically began begging him to time out before he spilled himself. Killua panted as he hazily watched Illumi wipe his lips. The elder didn’t stop there and kept the younger’s butt lifted in air, to moisten his unprepared hole.

“N-no—you idiot—that’s dirty, don’t...lick...”

“It’s not.” Illumi only managed to say, impatiently probing the hole and listening blissfully to Killua’s moans. After a while, just to make it less painful and more complete for his brother, he reached under the pillow and grabbed hold of two different lube tubes and some condoms. He had especially ordered two different types since he knew it would be Kiru’s first time. He first poured the lavender scented gel on to his fingers and slowly added one finger which slipped in quite easily.

“Uhn...em...aniki...my back...”

‘ _Ah, it must be uncomfortable to hold this position for long..._ ’ Illumi mused. So, he decided to turn the other around. “Sorry about that Kiru, this should be more comfortable.”

“Mh...” The younger didn’t agree nor disagree but one thing he knew for sure was that this position on his stomach with his butt raised was much more humiliating.

* * *

“Ah—er—hng! H-how much longer are you going to...” Killua felt as if he was laying there for ages now, face buried in the pillow while his brother continued to thrust his long fingers in. The teen felt as if he would come from the fingers alone at this rate, if he hadn’t already.

“I’m preparing Kiru. See it’s taking four fingers in.”

“Ha-ah—I, I get it...un...”

“Are you ready?” Illumi finally pulled the fingers out. He took the chance to remove his shirt as well—which was all sweaty by now anyhow—and unzipped his pants.

“Mhn...” Killua honestly wasn’t sure of the answer, but he was able to put some trust in his older brother. There were plenty of instances the teen lost trust in Illumi but he always seemed to come back to him. That was just Illumi for you, he had his twisted way of doing things but in the end, he always had one goal: to protect and cherish him. Only him.

Killua snapped back to reality when Illumi lay him on his side. “ **Only you, Kiru**.” The elder stroked the younger’s hair off his forehead so he could see the teary expression better. “I only want to do this with you. I only want you.”

Killua looked into his eyes and realized something. ‘ _He said_ you _, not Kiru_.’ Illumi lifted the condom and brought it to the younger’s teeth.

“Bite this Kiru.” Killua obliged. He felt too intoxicated to protest against anything at this point. The elder leaned forward and bit the other corner of the condom package. “Hold tightly,” He ordered before cleanly ripping it open with a head motion. “Good boy.” He took the condom away and wore it over his throbbing erection. Personally, he’d prefer to do it without, but he’ll cut Killua some slack.

Illumi lifted one of the younger’s pale legs and positioned himself towards his insides. “Breathe Kiru.” He instructed as he impatiently yet very carefully inserted himself in. The teen jerked and felt something much bigger than the other’s fingers but thanks to all the ‘preparing’ Illumi did, it didn’t feel excruciatingly painful. “You’re doing great Kiru, breathe with me and relax.” Illumi kissed him once more, thrusting a little deeper each time. The teen felt his stomach flip as he ejaculated again.

“Illu-nii—ah! Arg! Feels weird—!” Killua’s smaller body rocked with the other as he kissed back. The raven haired then began planting kisses all over him again as he was being squeezed by the younger. His elder brother pecked his forehead, over his eyes, his tears, the bridge of his nose, the tip of his nose, his cheeks, his chin, his Adam’s apple, his pounding heart, his packs, his knees, and finally he took both of the smaller hands in his and kissed them together. He split the hands apart from his view to catch a glimpse of the teen’s flustered face, which was beat red fully attending him and eyes dripping with innocence.

“Kiru is the most beautiful person I’ll ever see.” Illumi meant it with all sincerity and even during moments like this the younger couldn’t understand how the other maintained such an expressionless face. Albeit that wasn’t entirely true because on close inspection, one could see a faint blush on the elder’s pale cheeks and his hot breath proved how much he was enjoying it too. He gripped both the silverette’s elbows and thrusted once more. Killua’s back arched as he felt the other move. 

Even though it was Killua’s first time, Illumi didn’t back down from doing it multiple times that night.

* * *

The next morning—no afternoon, when the teen managed to open his eyes, he noticed the elder gripping him tightly in his sleep. ‘ _Ugh...’_ The younger felt sore just from merely attempting to sit up, which was impossible anyhow with the way Illumi was clinging to him. The teen sighed instead, recalling the events from last night. ‘ _What a night..._ ’ He was completely mind blown. All of a sudden, he was doubting his brother. ‘ _Who knew behind such a hollow face, he could be such a...Anyhow what time was it?_ ’ The sun was well beaming behind the closed curtains, so it had to be at least early in the afternoon.

“Finally awake?” He heard a familiar voice speak from behind him.

“Eh—you were awake?”

“Yeah, for a long while now.”

“What the—then why didn’t you say anything? Geez.”

“But Kiru was asleep.” Illumi innocently answered.

“Forget it.” There was a pause. Killua’s mind felt blank as he searched for things to say. He couldn’t find any of his usual out-smarting remarks. He was suddenly seeing Illumi in a different light...he felt so much weaker and vulnerable against his brother now...

“Are you hungry?” The elder’s words broke his awkwardness as they caressed the younger’s stomach.

“Huh...uh, yeah kind of I guess...” ‘ _Now that he thought about it, he was indeed famished_.’ “But how did you know?”

“Hmph. Isn’t it obvious? Kiru always eats first thing in the morning, and especially since we were so busy last night.”

“Urk...” The teen couldn’t stop himself from blushing and turning his face away. ‘ _Thank God Illumi was behind him_.’

“Should I order room service?”

“Yes...” Illumi finally released his iron grip on him and reached for the hotel phone. While the other spoke on the phone, the silverette gently slapped his cheeks. ‘ _Calm down dammit! Nothing changed from yesterday_. _He’s still the same person_.’ 

“They’ll be up in fifteen minutes. How about a shower?”

“Oh okay, yeah, good idea.” Killua managed to calm down automatically as the other behaved like his normal self. “My freakin’ body is sore though.”

“My bad. Come, I’ll carry Kiru then.” Illumi extended his arms.

“Eh—no that’s oka—.” However, before he could finish, the elder was already gathering him in his arms and carrying him bridal style to the bathroom. He placed the younger inside the tub and turned the warm water on. “Soak well.” The elder ruffled the younger’s hair as he sat in as well. Killua’s heart couldn’t help but skip a beat at that. _‘Geez, he’s being so gentle, it felt wrong_.’ That’s when he recalled something from last night.

 _Only you, Kiru._ Silent warmth spread through the younger’s bones as he recalled that. ‘ _It wasn’t such a bad feeling.’_

* * *

They were dressed in their robes as they sat by the small table for two in their room, right across from the window.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot, what gift did you get me?” Killua asked while stuffing his face with pancakes.

“... can’t I give myself as a gift?”

The teen almost choked. “Huh?! No! ‘Cause you’re already—ah, I mean, we're family, plus…you’ve already long dedicated yourself to me so that doesn't count plus we already did that too...”

“I was joking Kiru. I do have something for you.” The teen eagerly stared at him, waiting for the elder to present it anytime soon. Illumi glanced around the room. “…”

“Well?” The curiosity was practically killing him.

“Oops. I may have forgot to bring it with me.” Kiru’s shoulders dropped.

“Are you serious?! Unbelievable. Oh well, when we get home then I guess.”

“My bad.” Illumi nonchalantly ushered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like we just crossed some boundaries here that we can’t ever go back on… let that moment of guilt sink in… our sins are stacking… Well on that note—congrats! Finally! These two have been connected spiritually and physically—hahaha. (Btw, the age of consent federally in japan is 13, but then again, we’re in HunterxHunter world so…yah?) Aw man, all the blood, sweat and tears to get to this point, I never thought I’d see the day lol. I remember starting this fanfic and fantasizing about this point in time VERY briefly but at the same time thinking I’d never make it anytime soon ‘cause there was so much past and backstory to cover. No kidding it took time alright (me and my freakin’ career choice). Can’t believe we’re really here. After all, the entire point of this fandom and this fic is to make them from brothers to “lovers” right, –or both! Hope you enjoyed~


	34. Illumi's Service

“Ready Kiru?” Illumi asked as he stood by the hotel door waiting to take his younger brother home.

“I know, I’m coming.” Killua followed after him. After the recent attacks, and the fact that Killua was now the officially announced as the successor of the Zoldycks, he needed security full time. The Zolydycks were more than confident in his skills, but they were concerned he was still far too young and lacked the experience his potential opponents had. This would probably be his last time being outside the manor on his own. Not that he was alone, since Illumi was with him—which was probably why he was granted this small stay in the first place.

* * *

“Welcome back Kil! Did you enjoy your little vacation?” Kikyo greeted them dutifully.

“Vacation...? That was only one day!”

“But was the hotel nice? I heard it has everything!”

“Uh...yeah...” Killua glanced at Illumi, wondering how much exactly did their family know? “Wait, now that I think about it, was dad and grandfather okay with that?”

“Of course they weren’t!” The silverette’s shoulders slumped, hearing that. ‘ _Great, was he in trouble. That’s not fair, Illumi should be in reprimanded too._ ’ “But Illumi was able to convince them, so it’s all good!” Killua perked up at that. His brother persuaded them for him? For his birthday?

“Kiru, you wanted your present right? Come upstairs.” Illumi interjected and stepped forward towards the staircase. The teen silently followed, chest still feeling warmer than usual. ‘ _Only Illumi would be able to pull that off._ ’

“What is it?” The younger impatiently asked as they entered the elder’s bedroom.

“Technically, there isn’t anything I could give you that you can’t acquire yourself...” Illumi drawled out with that expressionless face of his. “So, I bought something simple.”

“I’m okay with simple.” Killua just wanted to know what the goddamn thing was already—the suspense was killing him! He watched as Illumi finally took something metallic out of his drawer and handed it to him. “A...portable charger?” The teen studied the razor blue metallic rod.

“Mh.” The elder nodded. “Your nen can transform anything, correct? You’ve frequently used electricity so I thought this would come in handy for when you didn’t have any useful aura around.”

 _‘Wow, it was mindful_.’ Killua didn’t hate the gift at all and thought it was pretty considerate. It was like a reservoir full of energy, the teen noted as he felt the aura inside the object. 

“Does Kiru like it?”

“Mhm.” Killua hummed. He was still admiring the present when Illumi’s cold hands outlined his face, bringing him closer. “ _What_??”

“Where’s my appreciation?” The raven haired lips were inches away from Kiru’s before the younger pushed him away with an arm.

“Ugh, you’re obsessed!” The teen protested turning away, but that didn’t faze the elder at all, who wrapped his arms around him from behind.

“I am.”

“Normal people say thank you, so thanks, and take that—ou!” The silverette was trapped in his iron grip and felt Illumi bite the base of his neck.

“Not satisfied. I want Kiru.” Illumi’s phrasing rendered a blush across the younger’s cheeks.

“You just had me last night, my body still freakin’ hurts.” Killua growled.

“Then let me service Kiru.”

“What?!”

“Massage Kiru.” Illumi clarified.

“No, let go~” As tempting as the offer was, Killua knew better to be making deals with the devil.

“Okay~” The elder did that exact opposite of what Kiru demanded, as he hoisted him up and lay him on his bed. 

“Oi! Are you listening—damn aniki!” Who was he kidding? He was well aware Illumi wasn’t hearing him. The raven haired flipped him on his stomach and hovered over him on his knees. The elder called one of the butlers first, ordering a bottle of chamomile oil, and to make it urgent. In no time, the butlers returned with his request, closing the door behind them. “You’re annoying.” Killua wasn’t a fan of being defeated like this, even if Illumi himself was going to bow down and service him. It was still a bit irritating to his pride.

“Come on, Kiru, let me~” Illumi innocently pleaded, yanking off the teen’s pants and underwear in one go.

“H-hey!”

“It’s this part that sore, right? How else am I going to massage the oil if you’re dressed?” Illumi caressed his palm on his lower back.

“Y-yeah, but you didn’t have to take them all off...” Killua rolled his eyes, fighting a blush.

“I want to do it properly for my Kiru.” The raven haired said as he folded the youngers shirt up to his shoulder blades to clear the entire area. Illumi marveled at the sight before him, unable to hold back and plant a chaste kiss on Killua’s small butt before biting it as it bulged when he lay flat on the bed.

“Aniki!” Killua instantly turned a shade darker at that. “I thought you were massaging!?”

“But Kiru is so irresistible.” There was no such thing as remorse in the other’s tone.

“I knew this was useless—” the younger attempted to sit up but his brother grabbed his lithe waist.

“Okay, Kiru. I promise I’ll only massage.” Kiru eyed him warily but was gently pushed back down.

“Hmph.” Killua arrogantly rested his chin back on his wrists as he lay peacefully on the bed, waiting to be spoiled. “Better do it properly, it’s your fault in the first place.”

“Hai.” Illumi responded, poring some of the amber colored oil on his hands. Killua internally smiled, he could get used to ordering Illumi around like this. He could hear Illumi’s palms rubbing together before he felt the warmth of the oil on his skin as his brother rubbed it up and down his spine.

 _‘Haah~ this actually felt quite relaxing_.’ The silverette resorted to closing his eyes and enjoying the peace. Illumi worked around his lower back and sides for a bit, gradually trailing down and massaging the skin around his butt as well. “Hmn...” Killua inevitably let out when he felt large hands right under the curve of his buttocks, on his thighs. “You...don’t have to go there...”

“It’s fine. If I’m doing it then I should do it properly, right?” Illumi fondly told as he rubbed his hips some more and moved to his hamstrings.

‘ _It was embarrassing...but it felt really good..._ ’ The younger admitted mentally, eyes still closed and savoring the sensations. 

“Kiru, raise yourself for a bit.” Illumi guided the other to raise his hips and use the support of his knees.

“L-like this...?” Killua absent-mindedly followed, feeling the position to be quite awkward and a tad familiar.

“Yup, that’s good.” The raven decided to massage the teen’s quadriceps with both hands, one leg at a time. The teen felt butterflies swarming in his stomach. He was only getting a massage, but why was he feeling lewd...? He didn’t want to believe it but he could sense other types of emotions building in his lower regions. It didn’t help at all when Illumi rubbed a finger around his hole, that was red from last night. “Let me do the front now.”

At this point, Killua felt under the elder’s spell as his body was rotated and he lay on his back. “W-wait...I think that’s enough...”

“Not yet. Why? Are you feeling something else?” Illumi nailed it, even if Killua wasn’t fully hard yet. The teen remained silent and Illumi simply continued. He poured more oil on his hands and kneaded the other’s ribs, down to his stomach and the front of his hips.

‘ _That‘s enough... I’m going to feel it more..._ ’ Killua felt like mouthing. He glanced at Illumi who appeared so concentrated and perhaps in a good mood?

“You’re squirming a lot Kiru.”

“D-don’t talk...okay that’s enough—” The younger surrendered to himself and pushed the elder back. He grabbed his shorts and hastily ran out the room straight into the bathroom that was across the door, slamming the door shut. _‘Shit. That was gonna turn out to be so embarrassing, had he stayed..._ ’ He thought hard, feeling his neither regions growing, and face flushed. His mind couldn’t help replaying the scenes of that night over and over as Illumi touched him like that. ‘ _How stupid._ ’ Though he was extremely glad he evaded the scene because he wasn’t going to allow Illumi toy with him again or be led by the flow. Albeit, knowing Illumi, a part of him was amazed he was even able to escape.

A soft knock on the door behind him made him jump. “Kiru? You okay?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine—what the hell, don’t just follow me.”

“Are you sure? You’re not feeling it? I can help.” Illumi tempted.

“Shut up! And leave! How old do you think I am? I don’t need your help in the damn bathroom.”

“That’s a shame.” The ravenette’s voice sounded a tad disappointed. Killua shook his head at his brother’s obsessive compulsions. The teen waited a few minutes, a certain gut feeling not leaving him.

“You’re still there, aren’t you?” The younger deadpanned.

“Okay, I’m leaving.” Was the last thing Illumi said before actually leaving, or so Killua hoped.

* * *

Since the silverette had limited—more like no access to the outside world, and his missions were on hold, he had a training session with his grandfather instead. Zeno’s idea, not his. The teen returned to the living room after a few hours of straight sparring, feeling exhausted as he flexed his shoulders. While passing, the teen spotted his older brother standing by the couch just finishing a call? That didn’t matter to Killua as he voluntarily stepped towards him and threw his weight on him before the other could say a thing. The younger’s face was buried in the elder’s rigid stomach while Illumi simply stood there trying to read his intentions.

Killua nudged him further, almost in attempts to push him down or backwards on the couch but the ravenette continued to stand fixed in place cluelessly. “Darn it bro, just fall back already!” The teen had to make the verbal order or Illumi would never pick up on the social cue.

“Um, okay?” A confused Illumi obliged as he let himself tumble back with the younger laying right on top of him.

“I’m tired~” Killua whined.

“Okay.” The teen inwardly enjoyed Illumi patting his head unconditionally upon that. Meanwhile, Killua shifted his face, such that he was now staring at the elder, who was looking past him somewhere at his spiky locks. 

“Get a room already.” The pair heard Milluki’s vexed tone of voice as he momentarily visited the living room.

“You jealous?” Killua badgered intentionally.

“ _Please_.” The other rolled his eyes and left the space after picking up whatever he was there for. After their middle brother left, Illumi also sat himself up and held the teen’s shoulders.

“Take a nap, Kiru.” The raven haired insisted as he kissed the younger behind the ear.

“Uh, okay... but where are you going?”

“Father, and then business.”

“What business?” 

“Nothing that concerns you.” Illumi ruffled his hair, leaving it at that. Except Killua didn’t accept that answer as he stared back at him with a pout.

“Liar! Since when did you ever talk to dad about something else? I bet a hundred percent it’s something about me.”

“True, but not this time, Kiru. Later.” Illumi expressionlessly said as he stood up.

“ _Annoying_.” The younger muttered under his breath. Illumi usually didn’t need to hide anything, but he hated it when the elder acted all mysterious because that would only mean no good. Unless they really were only going to talk about ‘business.’ ‘ _Whatever, I’m going to my room._ ’ The silverette decided.

* * *

Killua was laying on his bed for the most part, fatigued but not exactly able to fall asleep. Hands locked behind his head, the teen listlessly stared at the ceiling until the door opened and his eldest brother walked in.

“What happened to knocking?” The teen asked, hiding his amusement.

“Oh, I thought you would be asleep.” Illumi responded without any regrets and sat on the bed edge.

“That doesn’t really make me feel better.”

“Did you sleep?”

“No.” With that, Killua sat up as well, allowing Illumi to cup the side of his face and bring him in for a kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the chapter being shorter. Bear with me, guys. Thanks~


	35. Forgotten Traumas

Illumi hungrily pressed his lips on to the teen’s, always making it seem like it was the first time for them. The elder never got tired of their intimate contacts. Meanwhile, Killua didn’t hate kissing, it was benign, clean (most of the times) and short but savoring. However, there were times when his passion couldn’t come close to Illumi’s such as right now where his brother was sucking the life out of him.

“Ani-aniki—mh!”

“Kiru.” The ravenette barely muttered as he parted for air which he didn’t even need. 

“ _Enough_.” Kiru grabbed the other’s face with a single hand over his mouth, pushing it away. “Can this not be the only thing you think about? Seriously. Don’t you know how to spend time like normal people?”

“Normal? Isn’t a bit too late for that.” Illumi licked the other’s hand without any hesitation as he watched the silverette draw it away with a grimace.

“Fair, but can’t you at least try? I still consider myself pretty close to normal...”

“Hn.” The elder scooted closer and wrapped his arms around the teen’s waist, resting his face on his shoulder.

“Not listening.” The teen was more than used to it by now and no longer felt an ounce of irritation. “Whatever.”

* * *

_Me: What’s up?_

_Gon: uh..._

_Me: wut?_

_Gon: nothing, our gas heater just stopped working..._

_Me: bt its not that cold_

_Gon: i mean this is the one we use for cooking sometimes_

_Me: u use a heater as a stove... O_ o_

_Gon: yeah, u just plug the pipes to the stove and can use the gas for cooking._

_Me: . - ._

_Me: anyways, so what’s wrong with it again?_

_Gon: no clue...i’m not very techie_

_Me: want me to come over? I’m not doin anything anyway_

_Gon: sure!_

_End Chat._

Killua smiled at his device and was sure the other teen was smiling as well. ‘ _Alright, lets get some fresh air._ ’ He hopped up from the couch in one of the guest rooms and went to the foyer to grab his sneakers.

“Where are you going?” A stern voice spoke from behind him, leaning against the wall. Killua held back a startled look as he knelt on the floor. _‘He must have been in the living room.’_

“I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Where?”

“Out, duh.”

“Out _where_ , kiru?” Illumi’s expression hadn’t changed but his tone was harsher.

“Why are you asking?”

“Why aren’t you answering?”

“Because. I don’t want you tailing me. That’s probably what you’re planning right now aren’t you?” Illumi didn’t deny it at first.

“No, I won’t. I assure you, ‘cause you won’t be going anywhere.”

“Not this again. back off okay? I’m going.” The silverette faced his back towards him as he tied his shoelaces. The elder stared at him before quietly glancing away and then back. “Anyway, I’m of—whoa!” Killua found himself levitating upside down as his older brother picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. “Let go! Illumi!” 

“Kiru, you know you’re not allowed to leave the house on your own accord.” Illumi stated as a matter-of-fact.

“Ughhhh, then you wanna come with me? No, I take that back. I’ll take one of the guards with me.”

“No.” His brother flatly answered as he carried him past the living room.

“What you actually wanna come then? And put me down!”

“No, as in you’re not going anywhere.”

The younger heaved a loud sigh. “I’m not arguing about this. Dad’s already taking care of the Bauer’s and I can handle anyone else that comes my way.”

“I think you’re mistaken Kiru, I wasn’t asking.” 

“Dammit! Put me down _right now_! Don’t think you can win like this! Illumi!”

“You can shout all you want Kiru. Kiru’s voice is music to my ears anyway.”

“Sick! Annoying! Lemme go!” The teen threw hard punches on the other’s solid shoulders which hardly even provoked a flinch from the other. “Where are you taking me?!” Killua urgently inquired as they kept descending down the steps towards the basements.

“What the hell aniki?!” He cried out when Illumi dumped him on the floor of one of the sound proof rooms. The silverette glimpsed around warily. And not just any of the soundproof rooms. It was the one he once trained—or should he say was tortured in, with electric bolts.

“Seems familiar?” Illumi’s even voice asked as he crossed his arms.

“You suck.” Killua’s brain already invaded with bits and pieces of the traumatizing memory, rendering a shiver down his spine. The ravenette didn’t take any of the teen’s insults to heart as he reached for a rope. He came from behind and tied his younger brother’s arms and ankles. “Have you lost your mind!? Why are you tying me up!?”

“Isn’t it obvious? We both know full well that Kiru won’t simply sit still after making a decision. But I won’t let you endanger yourself.”

The teen clicked his tongue loudly. He had a point. It was either this, or he sneaks out from right under their noses. He glared at the elder who calmly stared him down. A good five minutes dragged on in the midst of their staring contest. “Stop staring at me! So how long do you plan to keep me here? Hm?” He shifted.

“As long as it takes.”

“Admit it, you’re probably just using this as an excuse to lock me up here forever!” Killua spat with venom. Illumi gave him no response but his countenance was eagerly agreeing unbeknownst to himself. The younger groaned at that.

Finally, the elder kneeled towards him and slipped his hands under the teen’s shirt evoking a shudder. “what...”

“You said to stop staring.” So Illumi resorted to kissing the younger’s pale skin instead. Killua squirmed as his wrists were still tied behind his back while his older brother pecked at his chest.

“No...not fair...” But the elder blatantly ignored his protests. The teen fidgeted and attempted to kick the other, pushing him away. The silverette ended up falling to his side, ultimately on his stomach as he squirmed about. However, that didn’t stop the elder who simply began worshipping the soft skin on Killua’s lower back instead. 

Meanwhile, the silverette’s stomach churned as he faced the solid white wall in front of him. He was sensing a growing sense of deja vu. This room... this position... ugh, he felt like he was reliving that moment. The teen could already perceive the electricity on his skin again, the skin on his arms contracting on their own. He wouldn’t have imagined the memories were so painful or unsettling considering how far he’d come.

“Don’t... aniki...” Killua was panting hard and barely able to keep his breath in a steady rhythm. Illumi caught on the distress and changed his position immediately, sitting him up again and wrapping his arms around his head.

“Kiru.” The ravenette combed the other’s hair with his fingers to give him peace of mind. Killua didn’t respond and only nuzzled against the other’s chest.

“Take me out of here.”

“...fine.”

* * *

Killua never ended up going to Gon’s and texted him an apology. As revenge the silverette sneaked into Illumi’s room instead. He stood in the middle of the dark space, glancing around for anything worth disrupting but couldn’t find something valuable. The elder’s drawers were locked and there was no such treasure under the bed.

Though, his eyes would soon travel to the small door embedded in the far left of Illumi’s walls. He remembered seeing that old door multiple times, most of the time not paying attention to it, but the chains and huge lock on it always stood out to him. Illumi also always avoided talking about it, which was now piquing his interest gravely. Killua took the audacity to break the century old lock like nothing and peered into the other side of the door like he owned the place. Illumi was wrapped up in a meeting with father, so that gave him plenty of time to explore. The other side was pitch black for the most part, the only light coming in, being the one from the ravenette’s room.

He was surprised to find a cemented staircase leading down in the abyss. How many basements could one manor have? _Geez_. And here he was thinking it would be a safe or storage space especially since he had to bend down to get through the door and the first few steps. The teen kept the door open and soon noticed a candle stand on the wall to his left. The stairs had no railing whatsoever on the other side so he had been using the wall as support. The teen immediately lit the candle up and used it to guide him the rest of the way down. It was spacious, and he no longer needed to arch forward, but it was also so eerie, cold and dead silent.

As he climbed down, he glanced at the base of the place, which was a circular space, not small but not huge. He’d estimate about 20 feet all around. There was a broken cage on the ground, with a couple of bones decomposing, some pieces of metal, darts, a needle, and was that dried blood?

“What the...” Killua was appalled to say the least. What was this place? From the looks of it, he would presume it was a training place for... Illumi? But why create a separate dungeon like this when they had two basements, multiple rooms with equipment and state of the art training facilities. When exactly did Illumi train here... It was in Illumi’s room, so it had to be his, right? Killua continued to gaze around like some tourist even if there wasn’t much to see—literally. The place had a chilly air to it that made the teen stay on guard even though it had no windows or vents.

“Kiru?” The voice made him jump out of his socks. He turned his head up to register Illumi poking his head through the small wooden door. Killua had no sense of time down there but he must have been gawking for a long time if Illumi was finished already.

“Aniki...” ‘ _Aw crap! Busted!_ _No, wait this was supposed to be revenge.’_ “I don’t regret opening it. You never talk anyway so I took the courtesy to...”

“I don’t care Kiru. Come up, dinner is ready.” Illumi said surprisingly calmly, not fazed by the younger’s intrusion. However, the elder’s biggest mistake would be entering the long-forgotten place. He stepped down the stairs as the silverette climbed upwards and met him halfway. “Careful.” The ravenette ushered, gaze inevitably falling on the rest of the space. Some subconscious part of him twisted uncomfortably inside but as usual he pushed back any whelming emotion. There was also a new profound ringing in his ears, that felt very familiar yet foreign.

By the time he made it up the stairs to his room, the needle master was silently bombarded with segments of forgotten memories and impending nausea. Unknown to Killua, Illumi’s features were now contorted for a change, almost as if he was fighting some inner conflict without even fighting it.

“Yo?” The silverette caught his attention when he stopped dead at the foot of the cryptic door. Illumi turned to him with a troubled unreadable expression at first but his eyes soon grew unrealistically wide as he stared straight at Kiru. “Um, you okay— _ack_!?” The teen never processed the hand that was on his throat in an instant, choking him violently as it raised him off three feet off the ground. “Kagh!—aa...aniki?!” Killua gripped and punched the other’s wrist attempting to loosen his grip, mind utterly bewildered at this psychotic episode. “ _Aniki_! Snap, _hah_ , out of _it_!!” The teen screamed at the top of his lungs, conscious now floating under Illumi’s death grip. He couldn’t get to him, not when the elder’s eyes looked stone cold, lifeless and completely hypnotized.

“ _Illu-chan!!”_ Their mother ran into the room along with Milluki right behind her, pulling the two apart.

“Niisama, what are you doing?” Even Milluki was alarmed at the elder’s absurd unrelenting behavior. Killua held his throat, bruises forming as he stood in his mother’s protective embrace. Meanwhile Milluki clutched Illumi by the arm and shook him back to reality. The raven haired blinked, taking the scene before him, and slowly recalling his actions. There was cold sweat forming on his forehead and his eyes bulged once more as he processed what he had almost accomplished.

Illumi unconsciously took a step forward when he saw his brother in a coughing fit but his mother shielded the younger.

“Maybe you should clear your head.” Milluki harmlessly advised. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but perhaps you could do some fresh air.” Illumi listlessly obliged against his will, but for Killua’s sake.

“Aw, don’t hate your brother Kil.” Kikyo rubbed the teen’s back.

“ _I know_.” The silverette’s replied on edge. In truth he wasn’t angry at his brother at all. He was a thousand percent sure there was a reason behind that. ‘ _That wasn’t Illumi...’_ Because usually Illumi’s eyes were hollow, but that time they were lost, dead, not even present in the moment. 

* * *

That next morning Illumi waited outside Kiru’s door, very hesitant to simply waltz right in like he normally did. The silverette walked out and was stunned to see the elder strictly standing there.

“Is it safe around you now?” The younger teen joked, planting his hands on his hips. At the same time, the raven haired noticed the other wearing a turtleneck, that covered the bruises from yesterday.

“Kiru...” Illumi sounded like a wounded animal, his voice low and Killua imagined that would be the closest the other would feel to remorse. “Will Kiru forgive me? I would never intentionally harm you—let alone kill you...”

“...I know.” The silverette scoffed with confidence. “Don’t worry about it. Apology unwillingly accepted for the first time.” He crossed his arms. “I know there’s no way in the world you could execute that. But... _what happened_?” Illumi averted his eyes in thought or to conjure a rational explanation. “You have to admit that’s bizarre even if for you.”

“Hm...” The elder probed his own mind, recalling traces of what had happened as well as the emotions that fed into it. He would need to explore the own dark space known as his mind before he was able to map out anything for Kiru... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re entering the last arc of this series: Illumi’s arc (i.e. his past and stuff.) something I’d been looking forward to for a LONG time. Since, let’s be real, we haven’t seen a lot or any of that in the anime and stuff (kinda similar to how we haven’t seen much of Kiru’s but he’s still a main character so we know stuff).   
> So, anyhow, i’m guessing the question is how many chapters are left? Um.......... maybe like 3... (becoz! This was kind of the end-all for this fic to make it whole/complete; plus, I haven’t thought past this arc. So unless that changes, we’re nearing the end guys—it’s been a ride. While, I do have a few ideas of where to take this, I’ll speak about those near the end, I promise. Too exhausted right now and done with life lol.   
> Take care guys


	36. Illumi's Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Illumi's Saga~  
> (I am so freakin’ excited for this, been wanting to write this up ever since I started the fic. It’s not long but I wanted Illumi’s life to have a monologue for a chapter or two, you know.)

Illumi stood in silence for what felt like a whole century, not even blinking once—looking like a freshly polished mannequin. “Just forget it.” The elder finally closed his eyes and ushered.

“ _Huh_?” Killua didn’t know why he was surprised but he was. “Hey wait, aren't you going to tell me what happened at all? What was that place exactly?” Illumi turned on his heels. “Aniki!”

“This has nothing to do with you. It’s the past.”

“And the past makes you who you are today. It’ll at least explain to me why you act the way you do, if nothing else.” The teen snorted, tailing him down the hall. His elder brother said nothing. “You know you’re not going to get rid of me? Fine, I can’t change it, but don’t you think you still owe me an explanation, for, I don’t know, _strangling_ me and almost killing me?”

“Killua!” Illumi’s voice stormed in his ears as the other turned around with eyes full of ice and bloodlust. At that moment, two things struck Killua like a ton of bricks. One, Illumi raised his voice—actually raised his voice, at him for the first time. Two, he used his full name. It honestly felt foreign hearing Illumi utter his full name. However, that alone, added so much weight to this situation. The younger failed to realize when he had stopped dead in his tracks and stared astonishingly at his older brother.

Though it didn’t take Illumi long to realize his shortcoming as he took the initiative, stepping forward first. Kiru couldn’t budge a single muscle, so resorted to dropping his gaze instead with a hint of shame. He felt a large hand over rest softly over his head, rendering him to look up and witness Illumi’s usual carefree expression. 

“Do you want donuts or something Kiru?” The ravenette sounded no different than his usual self.

“Huh? Why?” Killua dared to ask.

“Mh...because Kiru looks like he could use some.” The elder tilted his head to a side.

“Sure, why not...” Killua’s mind was still attempting to catch up and act normal. Despite his answer, the teen’s voice was anything but delighted or eager.

“...And... because it’s going to be a very long story if you want to hear it.” That last part Illumi cunningly added had Killua’s head whipping up in surprise but he refused to make a comment. Illumi took a silent breath and began to walk on before a hand pulled him back.

“Wait, aniki...” There was hesitation. “Kiss me...” The silverette lowly murmured. He was so glad Illumi wasn’t mad at him or hated him. Love was strangely powerful. Just a brief thought of the one you loved hating you was enough to crush your soul.

The ravenette obliged with pleasure as he planted both hands right below the teen’s jawline and smacked his lips. Killua’s hands found the elder’s wrists as he kissed back. Illumi’s tongue stroked the other’s lips once before he removed his face and grabbed hold of Killua’s fingers, pecking his knuckles all the way to his tips.

“I love you, Kiru.” The elder breathed out, like his life depended on that statement.

“I know.” Killua forced a smile and allowed his elder brother to gracefully lift him up from his thighs, straddling his larger body. Illumi brought them to a guest room, and took a seat on the couch, leaning back, while the slimmer body he was holding automatically fell on to his lap. 

* * *

Illumi couldn’t recall when it all began. He simply knew the notion was always there. There was always something that he had to be cautious of, something unfortunate to look forward to and something to work towards.

Even as a young boy, the ravenette saw himself sitting for every meal with a towel on one side of his plate and a pill bottle on the other. The food was like poison. That was the fastest connection he ever made. It wasn’t a coincidence that every time he would end up feeling sick to his stomach—if not worse—that those objects would be in close proximity. The towel was in case he made a mess and the pill bottle was to be taken after as an antidote, should the effects become unbearable. It made no sense to him, but he had accepted that part of reality and soon forgot to question _why_.

He could clearly remember all the times he simply opted to skip the meal instead. He was young, perhaps four or five, and going out wasn’t much of an option. He barely knew the world past their mountains. To him, that vast backyard, hills and mansion was his entire world. Alone, with a million butlers, two parents and a grandparent. Yet, he still felt alone and puny in his world.

Other times, he learned to stick a spoon in his mouth, to evoke a gag and puke all the contents out of his stomach. More recently, he tried to drink ample water before and after to quickly digest and wash it out of his stomach. His skin was already a beautiful pale white against his pitch-black locks but with time, he only looked paler.

* * *

“Illumi, you are the heir to the Zoldyk’s family. I won’t have anything less than your full potential.” Silva reminded as he stood face to face with him. Illumi lifted himself off the ground. Five years old and the world had so many expectations of him. He had long learned the ways of his family and spent his days thinking nothing more than inheriting his father’s kingdom. To kill. He had to kill. He _must_ kill. A punch knocked him out of his introspections and sent him flying five feet away. The younger landed hard on his butt, internally debating which blow hurt harder.

“ _Focus_. Illumi.” His father commanded. His father, who was practically god to him—perfect and almighty. Whose love and recognition meant everything in the world to him from early on.

“Sorry father.” Illumi was trained to raise up immediately, and tactfully charge back, which he did. Not surprisingly, the kid’s attacked was dodged and Silva threw another punch. This time however, Illumi leaped off the ground, small feet landing onto the silverette’s arm instead as they ran forward and kicked him in the face. Albeit, with his other hand, Silva grabbed the kick by the small ankle and threw the younger back on the ground. The child grunted. Somedays it felt as if he was fighting a never-ending battle. He should be ecstatic that Silva and Kikyo themselves would devote their time to training him personally, but he was starting to feel differently.

“You are holding back, Illumi.”

“...I’m not. I promise.” The ravenette quivered.

“Have you been lifting weights?”

“Yes.”

“Then you should have more force in those punches.”

“I’m sorry.” Illumi didn’t know why he was apologizing, but at the moment he could only think of appeasing and keeping his gaze low.

“This is going nowhere. I want you to double the weights. Furthermore, do you see all those trees out there?” The elder pointed past them to the mini forest that resided on their mountain, in their territory. “Chop them all down with your bare punches.” Illumi followed in the direction of his finger and his eyes bulged. “Then we’ll continue this.” He made himself clear.

The child swallowed hard. “Yes, father.” 

* * *

His days went by fast but felt dreadfully long in the moment. Every time he would look down at his skin, all he saw were scars and callouses. It frightened him somedays more than others and he would steal packs of bandage wraps to wrap his arms and legs entirely.

Illumi lay stone still on his bed, not getting a wink of sleep. He may have dozed off here and there, but he did not feel well rested or in peace of mind at all. _Stress_. That’s what he was feeling and loads of it, before he even knew the definition of the word. Physical and mental stress. But whatever his family did, the way they spent their lives was normal to him. Or so he thought. He didn’t watch TV, he didn’t have any books besides textbooks. He had no idea what normal truly was.

_And when he would grow up to learn it, it would be too late._

Illumi decided he couldn’t lay flat on his bed, staring wordlessly at the bleak ceiling anymore. He drew his curtains back and stared out at the grassy greens and blues. He wouldn’t mind eating grass and berries over his home food. ‘ _Why didn’t he do just that?_ ’

The child rushed down the stairs to the front door until a high-pitched voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Illu-chan!! You’re just in time! I knew you would be up early—gosh my boy is such a hard worker! So, I had the butlers make breakfast for you!” Kikyo cheered.

‘ _No_ ,’ Illumi internally thought and his stomach couldn’t agree more. “Um...”

“Come, come! What are you just standing there for! Come sit and eat.”

“Mother, I ... I’m not very hungry...” the ravenette lied, guilt hitting him like an arrow to his chest at the same time.

“Nonsense! Honey you didn’t even eat last night! Oh dear, is the food not to your liking? Tell the maids and they can change it.”

‘ _How could he tell them it felt like a death sentence to his stomach every time and made him feel sick afterwards?_ ’ Illumi’s eyebrows curled at his dilemma. “It feels wrong.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It gives me stomach aches and I have to throw up constantly. Later, I develop a fever or feel numb in certain parts of my body.” Illumi explained his symptoms. Kikyo only stared at him with no expression before hooting and waving it off.

“Oh honey! You’re so cute, it’s meant to make you feel like that! Because it’s poisoned!”

“Poisoned?” the child croaked.

“Yes, of course! But don’t worry, you’ll stop feeling like that once you get used to it. You’re young so your body will create an immunity quite fast, just be patient with it.”

That’s when the realization dawned over him. ‘ _His own family was poisoning him_.’ “Immunity?”

“Yup, it’s when you won’t feel it anymore.”

‘ _You mean when I’m dead?_ ’ He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Now, come on, training has already begun the moment you open your eyes. Think of this as your training as well, of course. Come Illu-chan, eat.” She grinned, holding out a plate.

Illumi had the choice to run to the garden and skip the meal, after all the door was so close. But something in his cells, dragged his feet hopelessly forward and towards the subtle command.

* * *

Forget going outside, he couldn’t even move from his spot on the floor. He groaned as he held his stomach. That damn poison...he better build an immunity fast. Moreover, his limbs were still killing him from punching and kicking all those darned trees down. How much longer would this need to go on for them to be satisfied with him? Or ... even _happy_ with him?

Then suddenly a loud crash scared the living daylights out of him. He looked up to see his door spontaneously collapse from his hinges. ‘ _What the...?_ ’ The teen was now arching his back up from the floor to study it. Then another thud from behind him and a painting fell from its place on the wall. Next the legs of his bed crashed. The atrocious sounds only got louder and louder as it seemed like everything around him was crashing for no apparent reason. The worse part was when the floor was giving away.

‘ _No_.’ Illumi feared as he saw a crack form itself not far from him. There was no stopping it and by the time he abruptly stood up, he was already descending downwards. His body panicked as it sensed itself free falling downward into darkness.

That’s when all his muscles contracted all at once and Illumi panted loudly to find himself on his room floor safe and sound. The door was back to normal, along with everything else that looked untouched. There were no cracks on the floor and no signs of an earthquake. The ravenette’s heart was still beating a hundred beats per minute but he attempted to calm himself down.

It wasn’t a dream because he never fell asleep. He knew exactly what it was. It was a vivid hallucination. He got those from time to time and now could finally attribute as to why. The poisons had that effect sometimes. The kid brushed the sweaty bangs of hair off his face as he forced himself up. With nothing better to do, he took down the few paintings he had, from his walls and threw them outside. He didn’t need those anyway and it made him feel a little lighter. His last order of business was drinking a glass of water and going downstairs to the basement. There was _one_ place he unintentionally enjoyed—just a bit.

* * *

Illumi silently walked down to the basement—at the time there was only one underground basement, not two. He found the room with the bullseye charts and picked up a bunch of darts in his hands. There was something he found satisfying about aiming at his target with utmost focus and then striking it right on point. It was the only feeling of victory he tasted, and it was a great distraction also. The child continued throwing darts at the chart, a skill he mastered quite quickly, as nearly all of them landed in the center circle. 

No one called Illumi a slow learner. He was a genius in his studies and adept at whatever he set his mind to. Unlike Killua who always looked for ways to evade his books and training, Illumi complied with everything head on.

However, he would soon lose his sanity ‘cause of that too...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *just staring at the screen, fingers locked* ...That’s my Illumi. *inhales*   
> Lol, anyways, I hope you guys were getting the sense that Illumi wasn’t entirely emotionless from the get-go. In real time, he’s similar to Kalluto, so one would think he was always like that as a child too,(i.e. like Kalluto). But no, I’m making him normal-ish as a child and then you’ll have what we have now. Of course, he isn’t grinning like a cute idiot like Killua—he’s more reserved and thoughtful, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings. Just think of him as the quiet obedient type of kid.   
> By the way, anyone else feel that sometimes: free falling right before going to sleep then you’re jerked back to consciousness?  
> Lastly, I know the chapter was a lil short, sorry, I have a full day tomorrow (literally from 6 am to 8 pm to whenever I fall asleep), so I need to sleep soon. And maybe study something real quick coz i was binging during the day ughhhhh. FML.   
> Ok, I’m out, stay safe guys. All the luck.


	37. Young Illumi 2

“I knew it, they’re absolutely insane! Even worse back then than now—And I thought having my meals poisoned a few times was downright psychotic but they—”

“Kiru, the story isn’t over yet. I think.”

“Sorry, go on. But it just makes me so mad...” Illumi only ruffled the white fluff of hair before continuing.

“It’s history, there’s no point getting angry. It means nothing to me anymore.”

“ _What_? How the hell do you just let them do whatever they want and then move on?” Killua demanded.

The ravenette thought for a second. “Like us?” The silverette blinked once, realization hitting him. He had a fair point.

“Fine, but still...”

“They’re family Kiru. They know what’s best for you.”

“Ugh, you’re still brainwashed.” Illumi only raised a questioning brow to that statement, not following. “Whatever, just continue. I wanna know what happens next.”

* * *

Illumi woke up one day, finding himself in a well-rounded cage. He was about seven years old and had mastered many skills at this point. He had also successfully completed two short missions which may have been professionally easy but anything than that mentally. 

The child studied his surroundings, it was dark—or dim, if one considered a single lit candle to be of any real illumination. The space was small yet big enough to comfortably live in. The lair outside his cage was for the most part empty, walls and floor made from the same dreary concrete. Before he internally panicked, he noticed some food outside the cage, buns of bread on the ground to be more specific.

‘ _Had he been abducted?_ ’ The child inevitably thought, looking around for a door or a window but all he saw was darkness and a poorly lit stairway against one of the walls. The ravenette first felt the bars of the cage in his hands before attempting to twist or turn them. The small door of the cage was locked and no amount of kicks or punches managed to budge that thing.

* * *

It was hours and hours or maybe even a whole day after that he began to feel the need to replenish himself. He stared at the buns in front of him. His captor still hadn’t made an appearance.

‘ _But how was that even possible? For him to be kidnapped. He was still wearing the same zipped up hoodie and loose pants that he had been wearing earlier at home. Last place he recalled was taking a nap in one of the guest rooms..._ ’ Illumi’s eyes widened briefly. ‘ _Wait. No, it couldn’t be... was this another test...?’_

A growl from the child’s stomach pushed that thought for later as he reached with all his might to grab hold of the piece of bread. He sighed when he failed to grasp it with his bare hands. Instead, the younger curtly pulled out a dart from his pocket. It was just the right length for the kid to jab into the bun while he extended his arm from in between the cage bars. Illumi scoffed when he was successful and gingerly brought his only food source in the cage, chewing on it.

It was only after he took the first bite that he stopped to consider the chances of it being poisoned—especially if his family had anything to do with this. Steadily and troublesomely he swallowed the bolus down, waiting for a reaction. To his surprise the food was harmless, for once. It was only a shame he had the chance to enjoy the pleasure of eating, but it had to be in a cave like this. Then again, he was no stranger to darkness.

* * *

Illumi lost track of time. He was keeping up with it nicely initially but now he had difficulty gauging if he had been stuck for six hours or six days. It couldn’t have been six days though, right? If anything, at least now he was very certain his family was behind all this—and honestly, he wasn’t all that surprised. He had now eaten three out of the five buns there, grateful for his small appetite and years of experience with skipping meals. Though, he had to swing his hoodie at one point to retrieve the further ones. The candle was also halfway done, and Illumi wondered how much longer he would sit there before an idea struck him or something collapsed on to him for that matter. He also just needed a break from all the attempts to break the bars. It seemed like the metal was bending...negligibly. The ravenette tried to dig through the ground too but that skill still required perfection.

But since he _was_ already stuck, he could use this time to catch up with his life. Alone, with himself and with his thoughts, with no real rush to get out or train or meet expectations. Illumi considered himself to be doing very well with his training and living up to their standards. After all, he’d do anything to make his parents proud. Albeit, it seemed as if he was still lacking because his father had yet to say ‘good work’ or ‘I’m proud.’ A part of him believed he’d never live up to that. The child sighed and lay on his side on the cold hard ground but winced in pain recalling their training from earlier and the bruise that was forming there. He was more than happy to change sides.

* * *

Illumi couldn’t sleep, but that wasn’t his intention anyway.

 _“They left you here to die.”_ A foreign voice spoke loud and clear but at the same time harbored a ghastly vibe to it. Illumi sat up and looked around. Was the voice in his head?

“You’re not good enough. You’re clearly not as strong as Silva or Kikyo.” The child-like voice said again.

No. The ravenette denied in his head. 

_“It’s true.”_

No.

_“Why else hasn’t anyone checked on you yet? It’s been ages.”_

Shut up. They’re busy.

_“But they’re not.”_

Back off.

_“Why do you resist? Accept it already. Your emotions are only a burden, they’re only getting in your way when you keep questioning everything like that.”_

My emotions... Illumi repeated as he recognized a pale white figure standing on the other side of the cage, looking like an albino mirror image of himself. White instead black hair, paler skin, similar clothes and big round red eyes. ‘ _He couldn’t be real_ ,’ Illumi kept telling himself, ‘ _it was a hallucination_.’ It must be. Sometimes the poison did that, but at the same time the voice sounded so real.

 _“Fear, frustration, confusion, devotion, regret...”_ The outsider continued.

The ravenette admitted that did about sum everything he felt almost every day. The fear of not making it alive, the frustration of not living up to his father, the confusion of his life and path he was on, the devotion he had to his parents and family, and finally the regret...the regret of killing... No, but he had to kill, he was ready to kill, he _would_ kill. It’s what he had been training for his whole life.

_“You’re lying to yourself.”_

I’m not. Leave me alone.

“ _Illumi_. _You’re going to die.”_

Illumi growled, tearing his gaze away, a little too late to realize how agitating the voice was becoming. The kid covered his ears. “Shut up!” The ravenette yelled out loud this time.

 _“YoU’rE gOing To diE.”_ Suddenly it felt like more than one voice, or maybe it was the echo. He couldn’t tell and couldn’t care less. He just had to get out before his sanity paid the price.

_“You’Re DyiNg.”_

Stop...

_“YOu’rE nEver goiNg tO Be pErfecT. You’Re neVer goIng To bE LovEd...”_

_‘That’s it._ ’ Illumi’s eyes snapped open. He pulled out a sharp needle into his hands in no time and let his bloodlust take over him, impulsively swinging his arm towards the boy who was so much closer now. With the restraints of the cage bars, he only managed to scratch the boy’s arm, crimson blood dripping to the floor. Illumi didn’t care, his eyes were as hard as stone and he saw nothing but red. Without much of a thought, the kid twisted his own wrist, in order to slide it past the more narrower bars that flanked the lock. He pushed past the pain while he tried his best to pick the lock with his needle. Working tediously and dejecting the sharp agonizing pain in his nerves soon evoked an expressionless, almost numb expression on the ravenette’s features. He continued to work his way with shaky unstable fingers as he ignored the other boy’s whimpers. There was blood oozing from his own hand too now with all the pressure, but he managed to twist open the lock and push the door down with his foot.

Illumi fell forward with the door and caught his breath. He was out. Finally! No, that shouldn’t have taken him this long—father was going to be disappointed. The ravenette clenched his jaw, vanquishing the pout. Perhaps he should admit that he’ll never be perfect, not as perfect as Silva, but he was going to be the strongest and still succeed the Zoldyk name.

The candle that had been his only company until recently was out of light at last but by this point his eyes were more than dark adapted now. He recalled a stairway towards the far right and felt his way there until his foot bumped into the first step. The kid also noticed how the other ghastly boy was nowhere to be found either—like he was complaining. He would’ve killed him if he kept talking anyway.

The younger began climbing and noticed a small door, tugging on it immediately but it felt stuck in place.

“ _HahA yoU’re nOt goiNg to mAke it oUt. Stay with me, we’re both lonely!_ ” The voice was back, and Illumi’s first instinct was to throw himself off the flight of stairs. That wouldn’t have been too difficult seeing as the stairs had no railing to them at all. However... he was too young to go through with that.

He groaned and dared himself to look towards the voice. His adversary was still standing on the ground, thankfully not climbing up after him, but Illumi had reached the end of his tolerance scale. He was ready to throw all these insecurities, burdens and emotions behind him once and for all. The child didn’t hesitate for long and flung his needle one last time, striking right at the shadow’s head.

The ravenette may have regretted his actions for a split second when he saw the signs of dread on the other kid’s face. Hence, Illumi shut his eyes and ran for the door. _‘I killed him. No,_ _he’s not real_.’ Illumi chanted. _‘But I killed him. Wait, this isn’t ri... what is right? Nothing is right or wrong. Mom said everything’s okay_.’ The kid could practically feel the darkness from the underground lair preparing to suck him in again, so he charged at the door handle one more time, screaming as he pulled it open with all his might. The door flung open and he nearly fell backwards if he had let go. The ravenette scrambled into the blinding light. He was going to get out of this dark hell even if there was fire on the light side. The kid collapsed onto his knees on the other side, taking a couple long minutes for his eyes to adjust to the bright light before he recognized the space as his own room.

 _‘What...’_ he looked behind him wondering if that was a bad dream, but the door was still there, open, with nothing but abysmal darkness past it. Illumi’s eyes went wide and he slammed it shut. His first order of business was to lock that permanently, and second was to move out of this room. After all, he was curious to know how he’d be able to sleep knowing that door was right there.

 _‘Ow..._ ’ And then when he had the chance, he needed to get his wrist in a brace. Yeah, he made sure to do all that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha I always wanted to mess with the font/letters at one point—operation successful. But I really wish I could turn this into a manga/Doujinshi... that’s one of my dreams for this story lol. Seeing expressions are so much different than reading them. And also coz I just love mangas and comics. Anyhow, while writing this it felt like quite a long chapter but apparently its not. -_- My bad... but this just seems like such a great place to close it. See you guys soon hopefully and stay safe.


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